Guess who found my blog!

Great! I mean that sincerely! I have come a long way and am proud of my path thus far. I still have alot of work to do but for the most part YEEHAW!!

I have nothing to hide anymore. I can freely talk about my past without regret or worry. I even had to giggle at a email I received from him that he received from someone I mentioned a week ago in a forward he sent to me (I hope that makes sense!). He sent her a LONG letter about how he was abused by me! GIGGLE! It made me laugh!

Many abusers can not take responsibility for they're actions and when they speak to others they do make themselves to look better. Why would anyone want to be branded as an abuser? Heck of course I didn't want to be seen as a victim. I was ashamed for so long!

There is no glory about the experiences that we experienced.
There is no money to be made.
There is no success.
There are lives to be put back together.
There are trust issues.
There are self esteem issues.

I have witnesses to many of the events I tell about. I never asked for things that I experienced, despite STBX saying I did. I have people willing to go to court with me to stand up for my parenting and me as a person! I was very touched! I do not feel that is necessary but I am touched.

My wish for my Gaslighter is to move on. To leave me alone. To become a great Dad for our kids! To find a person that will make him happy. For years this was a big discussion with us. I always felt like I failed him and felt as though he wanted more then I could give. Of course I later found out that most of what I experienced was not uncommon among Abusers. And that I wasn't going nuts! He made me feel as though I was! He took bits of my self esteem little by little to make himself feel better.

I am ok, dusting myself off and making a new beginning for me, making one for us.