Green flags to be thankful for in a relationship

No relationship is perfect but there are some things to keep an eye out for when starting or thinking about a current relationship you are in this could be with an intimate partner, family member, friend, or co-worker.

1. This person takes responsibility for their own actions.

2. Support things you want to do or pursue.

3. Practice self-care.

4. Are reflective on their life or situations.

5. They have long-standing healthy friendships.

6. Empathy towards others.

7. You can be vulnerable around this person or they are vulnerable.

8. They are spiritual and don't mock your spirituality.

9. Self-sufficient- They can take care of themselves, appointments, and needs.

10. Communicate openly with no judgment.

11. Has hobbies and is encouraging for you to pursue your own or to join in with their interests.

12. Respects and honors your boundaries.

13. Are affectionate with you.

14. Takes interests in the thing you like to do.

15. Supportive and positive about you even when you aren't feeling that way.

16. Has a great sense of humor and can laugh at themselves. They don't put you down.

17. Can help out financially if they need to with no strings or without being asked.

18. A good listener and communicator.

19. Has fun!

20. Accepts your past without being critical.

21. Doesn't compare you to others.

22. Respects your need for alone time.

23. Allows and encourages you to have a career.

24. Respects your children.

25. Knows they aren't the center of the universe.

26. They are mature.

27. They have confidence in themselves without being cocky.

28. Fits in no matter what the situation or environment they are in.

29. Admit when they make mistakes.

30. Shares in chores or tasks around the house.

31. Enjoys quiet time and encourages you to do the same.

32. Willing to deal with the ups and downs in a relationship.

I hope these help you evaluate a questionable relationship you have or maybe even to evaluate "YOUR" behavior in relationships. If you or someone you know is in a toxic relationship there is hope and help. Message me privately for info on services in your area. I have a private FB group for women only that are victims/Survivors of abuse and it can be found here- Hope when there was none group.

Stay safe!

BIG HUGS!

Mel

"I don't want to be alone."

"What if I never find love?"
"What if I never find someone to never hurt me again?"
"I don't want to be alone"
"I'm damaged goods and no one will ever want me"
"How come I keep attracting such losers?"

Sound familiar?

I've said those words. I've thought those thoughts. I have been there. I have been in a crowded room feeling more lonely then ever.
It's a tough situation. Especially when your heart is feeling like it is twisted and torn apart.

Perhaps your thinking, "Seriously, Melinda!? I'm so not thinking about anyone right now!" Maybe not, but there may come a time when you get a hankering for a companion.

So thoughts on this?

How about a pet! A fish, four legged critter or something that slithers! Animals are very grounding, loving and can just melt away much the tension from a love lost or abusive situation. A plus is a cat or dog can make an excellent alarm system for you if things are hairy with an ex.

"How can I ever trust a man/woman again!?"

Baby steps! Healing needs to be a priority! Your mind, body and spirit can be off kilter, making you feel moody, depressed and unsure of yourself.

I felt very unworthy, ugly and just plain unlovable for over a year later after finally leaving my ex. No matter what my family and friends did to try to give me kind compliments and boosting me, I didn't believe any of it. Looking in the mirror was something I rarely did for long periods of time. Feeling ashamed to look myself in the eye.

I hated that woman in the mirror. She was a coward, stupid and a waste of flesh. She was someone that allowed a monster harm her children and herself. Digging out of the darkness and into the light was a challenge. The smile that was plastered on my face for so long was forced, painted on and not genuine. A friend encouraged me to look at myself in the mirror, telling myself as I looked myself in the eye that I loved myself, that I was beautiful and worthy to be loved. This took time! I couldn't do it at first, half chuckling and feeling foolish. That was hard, but why?

I left my abuser! Why didn't I feel better? Why didn't I feel better about me?

I can be my own worst enemy.

I begun to pour over self help books, positive affirmations, making myself vision boards, creating goals and wishes for me. Eating better, exercising more and finding out what I wanted in life for me and my kids.

Over the past few years I have been in and out of counselors offices. My favorite counselor, Kim, excused herself from our case due to threats and fear of my ex. This sadden me and the girls, since we all loved her. She was like a old friend that we could tell anything too and left the visit with dried tears but yet comforted. After that I never found that feeling again, also after leaving my last counseling session, I felt worse then when I went in!

What's a girl to do? I began to do meditation, started to journal and blogging again. I started to find things I always wanted to learn and do. Enter a reawakening of my spiritual journey! I thirsted for the living water that I only found in my Bible and church (a great KJV Bible believing church!). On this journey I have found healing of my spirit and self and met a bunch of wonderful people in the mean time.

I created a Bucket List, as suggested, by my then boyfriend, Terry. He suggested to think of as many big, outlandish or small things that tickle my fancy. View my Labels for my previous post for my list!

I have to admit that I am very blessed to have found someone that is supportive, loving and caring so quickly after leaving my abuser. I wasn't looking for love at that time. I really wanted to run off in the woods with my kids and become a homesteader living off the land. I did get part of that! I didn't bargain for love, but have thanked God for him.

Trust your instincts if you begin your journey on healing. Keep yourself safe and if you have kids or furbabies, see how they interact with the new person you let in. BUT, do so with an open mind. Even though you really like this person, most kids and dogs can be an excellent judge of a person!

In a nutshell, you don't have to be alone, but you do need to be safe, take it slow and be open to other friends and loved one's when you do let someone into your life again. You will get there, believe me but it takes time. Don't rush it!

God bless and big hugs!
Mel