A little about me

Saturday, March 9, 2019

I will not be silenced

Over 10 years ago there was a "me" that many of you would not recognize if you saw her. That lady was unsure of herself, felt depressed, suicidal and losing hope. Celebrating my recent "Survivalversary" was a HUGE milestone for me and my girls! 

Catch the video here-10-year Survivalversary! To step out of my comfort zone a little more, I have been reaching out to Podcasters, Bloggers, and other social media news outlets to share my story. 

I was honored by a local Facebook group to be interviewed. When it posted I received more "Shares" than any of my other posts! I was humbled by the victims, Survivors, and several parents of victims that reached out to me after reading that article. Not only that but a person from my past began to post some nasty and opposite comments. I never saw them but the kind fellow that ran the page did. He was threatened with legal action and took the post down. 

So, what's a Survivor to do? She remembers that she copied and pasted most of the article to her Instagram account! Here is a bit of what caused the ruckus:

****************************************************************
Me & Lt. Dan the Wonder Goat
“He likes the dark side; not the human side,” Melinda says, talking about her ex-husband. “I suffered every kind of abuse – verbal, physical, sexual.” Melinda is a survivor of domestic abuse and now shares her story, writes, and helps other victims of abuse. She is also a super cheerful, welcoming, warm person. “My husband was charming, smart and friendly, and a psychopath – like Ted Bundy. He told me that if I ever left him, he had chosen a spot to bury my body.” It took Melinda 18 years to leave him. “He didn’t just threaten me, but also the children and my family. He called me horrible names, hit me, beat me, told me I was worthless and said the world would be a better place if I walked in front of a bus… And at times I thought about doing just that.” 

Now, Melinda is happily married to Terry and lives in Newton County, Indiana. “Terry is Mr. Awesome,” she says, beaming. “Every day is great.” One of the challenges Melinda faced in deciding to leave her ex-husband were feelings of shame. “I worried what people would think, especially after staying with him for so long.” Once she did leave, she found, "Everyone was very supportive." After talking with Melinda for a while, she told me, “The abuse started before I got married, It began with my stepfather when I was four. My mother never knew... It was hard to tell her.” You can read Melinda's blog, "Hope when there was none"

Not to be deterred I am continuing to share anywhere I can so others know they are not alone and to bring light onto a dark subject. There can be healing! It takes time, patience, and a conscious choice to want to shake off the negative armor that has been holding onto you for so long. Breaking the patterns of abuse in your life from a partner, friend, parent, co-worker or family member is done in small stages. Find what healing modality works for you! What worked for me may not work for you.

Consider:


Journal- I can't tell you how eye-opening and wonderful this healing tool was for me. There were many tear soaked pages but this was my favorite and most effective healer for me.

Counseling/Therapy/Holistic healing

Medication- If you have medical issues or mental health challenges

Grounding- Or just getting outside for 5 minutes or more a day

Music- Put on some positive tunes and dance/sing

Buy yourself some flowers/something special

Learn a new hobby/career

Create a Bucket List- see mine here My Bucket List

Make a Vision board make a list of your dreams/goals

Go break or throw something- Dishes/Furniture/Rocks- make sure it is in a safe place and yours! There is something freeing about thinking about a situation or your ex and doing this. A friend shared that there is a place in our area where you pay $30 to blow off steam by breaking things!

Gun range/lessons/paintball

Self-defense/martial arts class

Support group in your area/online- These can get pretty heavy and you may need to step away from them from time to time. 

Call a friend or support person

Read a good book- Choose a self-help/inspirational book

Play a game/watch a video/TV- Something uplifting

Positive Affirmations

Mirror work

Arts n' Crafts

Play instrument

Meditate


If you have children that were exposed to abuse, even if they didn't see the abuse, kids are smart they probably heard you and could feel the tension. Get them involved in your healing! They need this too!

These are a few things you can do for yourself/kids. There are oodles more and if you have questions or would like more ideas please drop me a line. Before I go here is a shameless plug:

Purchase "Call me Master- A memoir of escaping abuse" and "Rising from the Ashes- Awakening the beauty of life after abuse" here Amazon.

OR

I do offer my books free in PDF form for victims and Survivors. If you do honor me with a purchase of my books, 100% of the proceeds of "Call me Master" goes back into my local community group 

Heart to Heart Outreach has an AMAZING team of gals that creates baskets of toiletries, kitchen and bath items for Survivors to start over. If you are interested in the PDF version please message me privately. I do also have these available for my group members- Hope when there was none Group which is a closed group focusing on self-love and healing. Stay safe! Feel free to message me if you have any questions or just want to connect with me. 

BIG HUGS,

Mel

Monday, January 14, 2019

I was married to a Psychopath and lived to tell about it

Taken March 2009
I wandered around a small pond on a beautiful sunny afternoon. I should be soaking up the beauty in that Spring day in May of 2007. Instead, I was walking back to my car after crying buckets. I was feeling sorry for myself and add in a dash of guilt for leaving my then 15-year marriage. 

I ran away from my husband, going to the nearest shelter. Now there were questions ran through my head, was I being irrational? 

Maybe I imagined things were wrong in my relationship or it wasn't as bad as I thought. Perhaps the Ladies at the women's shelter didn't know what they were talking about (Yes, I really pondered that one)I questioned every memory, the fights, the promises that he would change, and where do I go from here?

About that time my cell chirped, I about jumped to the sky. My nerves were shot, every little sound and person that came near me scared me. I wasn't expecting calls nor did I want to talk to anyone.

I looked at the caller id and saw that it was from the hospital where "he" was. He had been admitted the day before for observation for attempting suicide after I hadn't returned home. 

Despite my best judgment, I answered. 

The voice on the other line was female. She introduced herself as one of the doctors evaluating "him" and wanted to reach out to provide me with an update of current findings that she found particular. 

She went on to describe the many DSM-IV (Diagnostic and
See Difference between Sociopath and Psychopath
Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 4th edition). He fit in the category for Depression, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, and more. 

My mind was spinning. I had no words. I was not sure how to feel. When she asked if I was still on the line, I stuttered that I was but was digesting all of this news. With that, she asked if I was okay and advised she had even more concerns. I nodded as if she could see me. She went on to ask if I knew who Ted Bundy was. Biography- Ted Bundy

I didn't understand. I asked said yes but what does that have to do with anything. I was puzzled and caught off guard by her question and saying of course. 

Her next comment floored me and threw me for a loop. "Melinda, this is between me and you but his obsession and fixation with you are not healthy. You need to stay away from him. What also causes my concern is his Psychopath tendencies. I compare him to Ted Bundy. He is charming, smart, and seems friendly."


My throat felt tight. I couldn't say anything. My mind was reeling! I forgot to breathe. She was going on and on but her voice became fuzzy. I couldn't comprehend more. It seemed unbelievable the news frightened me while at the same time I felt relieved. It wasn't in my head! I was experiencing situations that were due to him. 

Did I stay gone? No! I went back. I was won by pleading from his Mom. She said that he was sick and needed help to get better she had promises of change now that he was prescribed medication. Two months later I left for a second time after he moved in a sisterwife. You heard me right! And I do not blame his Mom at all, she believed his promises too. 

I know you're shaking your head. That situation was also crazy and weird. As quickly as it happened she left. I realized my mistake of coming back that second time and began planning to leave for good. Believe or not I had hit rock bottom. I was suicidal with a twisted thought I wouldn't survive another year if I stayed. I was torn do I take my own life or do I just let him?

I left for good in February of 2009. 

I am ashamed to admit for well over two decades I was raped, suffered other sexual, verbal, emotional/mental, financial, and physical abuse. I allowed myself to not only be treated in such a way but to continue to stay on. Believe it or not, I felt sorry for my abuser! I believed him when I was told I would be ruined if I ever left him. That I would only be good for something if I was on my knees and I would never make it without him. 

During the time I stayed with him I was threatened to have my life, the lives of my children and loved ones taken. This threat followed after I left. I was physically stalked and cyberstalked. I was the target of a "Hit". 

Stories he generated to new friends and anyone that would listen painted me out to be the abuser. Even turning away my eldest Son against me. He went on to say I made up stories that he molested our eldest Daughter after she shared this heartbreaking information with me many years later. He told others that I was loose and possibly on drugs.

Yes, I stayed and believed his promises. I made choices that I thought would help our relationship. I made choices that I thought would help me break free without guilt. 

Should I have listened to my guts early on and just left? Yes. Should I have left sooner. Yes. Would I have saved myself decades of sadness? Yes. Is there still shame? Yes. Is there regrets? You betcha! 

What is done is done. I can't take back any of my own actions or how I handled situations. But, when I left that last time I saved my Daughters lives by leaving. I took back my life, dignity, and respect. 

This is a bit of my story. Can you relate? Now don't compare your story to mine. Just because you didn't experience the range of abuse that I had, don't think that maybe your situation isn't "that bad". Love Bug, abuse is abuse no matter how you try to make excuses for it. 

Dear One if any of this resonant with you and you want to talk privately, please message me here or on my Facebook page- Hope when there was none.

If you are in an emergency situation contact the police! Don't hesitate or wait until it is too late!

Here are some other great organizations that can help you-
Safe Horizon
National Domestic Violence Hotline

RAINN

I am proud to be part of Dimensions of Intersections, Inc. Please visit to find out happenings more as this grows over the next year. Visit my page Hope when there was none page for tips and inspiration.

I do have a closed support group on Facebook is for women of any age who are victims/Survivors of Abuse for healing and self-care.  Please message me privately here or on the Hope when there was none page to join. 

Please stay safe! Know you are not alone and that you are not to blame!



BIG HUGS!
Mel

P.S.- Can you help me by sharing this and commenting? My goal is to reach anyone that is not sure if they want to leave. I would really appreciate it!

*Find my books, "Call me Master" and "Rising from the Ashes" here- Amazon and visit my Facebook Author page for upcoming book releases, events or to book a speaking engagement here-Author page



Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Tips for leaving your abuser

Hello Love Bug! Let me tell you how proud of you that I am! You are taking the first step just by reading this information. At this stage, it can be scary for you! The fear of leaving, possible repercussions if he/she finds you, how are you going to live, or now what questions may be running through your mind. 

This is going to be a LONG post. I will be creating a video that you can find later this afternoon here- Hope when there was none

Before you drop the bombshell think about:
* Is this relationship worth saving? Now hear me out! Is it that your partner is violent or upsetting when he/she is drinking/using drugs? Are they a bully and don't realize it? Have you gone through counseling to resolve the issue? I hate for relationships to end of course abuse is unacceptable. These are factors to consider. My first thought is to leave but for some, they wish to see if they can make it work. Remember this, you can not make this person your project to "fix". They have free will. If you/friends/family have pointed out the negative behavior and they don't wish to change there is your answer.

* Leaving while your partner isn't home or going to be gone for a long time.

* Alerting work/school about your situation.

* Gather important papers. If you are concerned your partner will notice these are gone make copies of the original and leave the copies! 

Here are ideas:
Marriage/Birth certificates 
Social Security cards
Bills- Student loans, Credit cards, medical
Financial records
Medical records/shot records
Diplomas
Passports 
Pay stubs
Income tax records
Mortgage/Rent contract
Business contacts/info 
Have an old school paper type of phone book with contacts- Note an emergency contact!
Car registration/Insurance
Medical insurance cards
Investment info/401k
Old protective orders- this shows there were past problems
Photos
Bankruptcy discharges
Any other legal info- lawsuits, tickets, summons, immigration paperwork/green cards, custody papers
Journals
History of the violence- include pictures and note the dates

Make a plan to send these to a P.O. Box that your partner does not know about or give to a trusted friend/family member.

* Set up a new email address or make sure you change your passwords (change to an affirmation! Iamstrong, Iamenough)See my video here- Using Affirmation passwords.

* Open a bank account prior to leaving if you can. Personally, I squirreled away $25.00 over many months to open one before I left my abuser. I had the statements going to my new address at my sister's house. Now, you can have them come electronically so your abuser won't know.

* If you have a place to go, start taking things to your new digs. These are things that will go unnoticed, such as seasonal clothing, mementos, toys/games for the kids, extra food, bedding/towels, anything that you can think of that won't be missed. 

Let's say it's "Leave time", here are some things to consider, now this should not be taken lightly and I would also suggest that you reach out to law enforcement and/or a Women's shelter for tips, suggestions, and other resources. 

1) How will your partner react to the news? Will there be physical harm if you leave? Or will you be asking your partner to leave? You may consider leaving by a police escort. This means you leave ASAP! No dilly-dallying to grab a toaster, the TV, or photos. These are just things, what is important is you and your children (or furbabies).

2) This kinda goes with #1. Are there weapons in the house? VERY IMPORTANT! If your partner has a gun and you suspect he/she may use it please make sure you tell the police or hide the darn thing from him/her. Which may tick your partner off too! Or make sure you are not fighting in the area where a weapon can be easily grabbed.

3) Know your space! Don't get pushed into a corner, room with no windows, or without an exit! Curling up into a tight ball may seem like a cowards way but protecting your head with your arms/hands and other vital organs can be important if need be. Also, don't wear long necklaces or scarves this can be used to strangle you!

4) Make sure your kids are in a safe place. This may mean that you don't go where they are hiding. If you do run to them this may bring the violence to them! Teach your child 911, the address, and your names. 

5) Keep your phone on you or by you and turned on! Make sure it is charged. 

6) Know your neighbors or ask your family for help. Some folks don't want to get involved and that is okay but if you are able to ask if they hear anything, see a visual cue (maybe you can turn a certain light of), or create a safe word to use in the event of danger. 

7) Back into your parking spot. Keep it fueled. Have a set of extra keys hidden in there somewhere. There are magnetic key holders! Put in a spot that won't be obvious. 

8) Have a "Go bag" ready. This will have a 3 day supply of clothes, toiletries, extra meds, a bit of food, and cash. Read more about this here- Personal survival kit/Survival kit

9) Consider having a friend or family member stay with you while you break the news. I highly advise instead to leave when your partner is not home. This all sounds like cloak and dagger type of stuff because it is! I'm not going to lie to you! 

10) You may not want to tell the kids until the day you are leaving. I would consider the age and maturity of your child. 

This can serve 2 things: 
* They won't spill the beans beforehand. 
* They won't be upset or act awkward before you leave. 
* Are you having behavior issues with your child? They may be exhibiting habits from your abuser! It is not uncommon nor is it uncommon for a child to threaten to "tell on you! 

This is a BIG event your their life! They may feel sympathy for your abuser. If they are older you will want to give them a choice. Now, before you flip me off, listen. This child may end up being turned against you or already is. The danger may not be worth you taking him/her with. I know it sounds terrible! Trust me, I have been in your shoes! 

11) You/kids may have to talk to police, attorneys, GAL's, or social workers about your story. You may feel like a victim all over again. Your partner may spin the table and make "you" the instigator. This can be traumatic for you/kids. There could be symptoms of PTSD, Stockholm Syndrome, Learning disabilities, other health issues related to the abuse that could escalate during this time. Counseling can help! See a licensed professional. 

I know this is a LOT to digest. Planning in advance has its advantages. The disadvantage is staying longer. Waiting for the right time. You may not have a choice and have to go. In either case please be careful! You may also think that the abuse you are going through "Is not that bad". Or that it's only he/she says bad things and doesn't hit you. Perhaps it is that you have no control over your finances. Maybe they use mind games. 

This is all abuse. It doesn't matter if you have a bruise or broken bone. What matters is if you are willing to stay in this relationship for the rest of your life. Are you ready to allow your kids to keep experiencing this? Will they repeat the pattern?

Don't be surprised if friends/family you thought were on your side back off or take your partner's side or "spy" for him/her. 

Lastly and most importantly, talk to your kids during this time. Let them know they are not to blame, none of this is their fault and that what is happening with your partner is not acceptable behavior and violence is not okay.

If you have any other questions or concerns please drop me a message privately here or my page Hope when there was none. I also have a private group for victims/Survivors if you are interested to let me know and I will add you. 

Check out my video for 72 hour safety tips after leaving an abusive relationship

I'm praying for you!

God bless and stay safe!
BIG HUGS,
Mel











Saturday, December 15, 2018

Why couldn't I have married Al Bundy instead of my abuser?

Okay! I didn't honestly wish that. But, hear me out, Al had his faults:

He drank but he didn't come home slap Peg or the kids around or call them names.

He was crude- He was off color and was skimming the creepy side of checking out women.

Made some really bad decisions- Despite this, he almost always came up on top in the end.

He was always dreaming of hooters- He still was faithful and came home to Peg.

He was a shoe salesman but he had a job.

He loved his family- There was a moral to the plot as campy as they were.

If there was a situation that didn't end well he made up with Peg and the kids.

I know that is not real life, but around the time of the Huxtable's (Pre-scandal) and Keaton's, this was about the time I wished I had a family and husband like those TV families. I would have settled for Al! Do you know what I mean? 

Al and the other TV husband's I could handle being married to. Living from day to day in the life I was at that time was scary! There was never a moment when we had bliss without an underlying thought of when is he going to fly off the handle? 

Oh, the list of 'Why did I not leave sooner" is as long as my arm. Reflecting back things had to end as they did. I feel I am at this pivotal point where I am honestly comfortable with that amazing woman in the mirror. She stepped out of faith and took a leap though she was scared and fearful. Letting go and trusting God while skeptical is not easy. This took a lot of thought! You would think this would be a no-brainer, but it was an inner fight with my spirit to say, "I'm gone!" Now, I can say that I do this not only for serving my God, but to be a voice for those that are forever silenced by abuse.  

If you are teetering, I get it! I've been there, got the t-shirt and the postcard. If you can make a plan to leave. Get in touch with your local shelter for tips and suggestions. Contact the police department for help, many departments have advocates that can help. Of course, there are times you just have to go ASAP! 

I started a Facebook group that want to talk connect with other Overcomers and victims. I'm changing the group settings to private. If you are interested message me privately on my page- Hope when there was none. I hope to add Ladies that are coaches, business mavens, or visionaries that can also share information with members. Not as a buy this program informercial but to help. I'm putting feelers out for this one. 

Is there a topic that you would like to see here? Let me know!

Wherever you are on your journey please stay safe, Dear One. I believe in you!

BIG HUGS,
Mel



*Have you ever wondered why I leave a picture of me? It's not a vanity thing. I leave a picture so you can put a face to abuse. I share it to remind you that I could be your neighbor, friend, or family member. I leave my picture because I'm alive to do so. I survived and want you to know that you can too!*

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

14 of the most super popular blog posts


I have been getting many new visitors which always leaves me with mixed feelings. I want to give you a shout and say, "Welcome! We hit 138,000 views and this blog post is #298! Please subscribe and thanks for stopping!" but I feel conflicted to break out the balloons. You see, many of you are here because you are seeking answers on how to deal with an abusive situation and not to look up the latest craft or recipe.

There were times when I wanted to throw in the towel and not blog anymore because of feeling that I couldn't help anyone that reads these posts. Heck, there were times I could barely help myself! How could I give words of wisdom to the many that have emailed me privately? 

The days and weeks following leaving my ex, I swear I could have taken out stock in tissue. It seemed like every time I turned around my eyes were leaking. I cried so many tears I was surprised I had salt left in my tears. (Yes, that song by Martin Briley is now playing in my head for those of you that were around in the '80s do you remember the song?)

It wasn't until THIS YEAR that I embraced my "calling" or my "purpose". What is it? This! This blog, my books, going out to speak about my story, making videos and meeting people to hear they're stories. To give a hug or just listen. 

Now, you may be saying, "But, you have been doing this all along!" I had a hard time realizing that THIS is what I need to do. Seriously! If you look at some of my posts you may find me whining about not knowing what I should do with my life.

This is not just any blog, the book sales are not to make money, (I have given more books and royalties away than what I pocketed- not a brag!) or the speaking I have done is not just for fanfare. 

It's for my children. So they can learn that the relationship I was in with their father was not normal. That love doesn't have to physically or mentally hurt.

And there is YOU! Yes, you and those that are unsure if they should leave. It's for those that no longer can speak due to their lives being taken from domestic abuse. Know you are not alone Dear One. 

If you are unsure where to start on your journey take a peek at the most popular blog posts here-

Early warning signs of an abusive personality

Status hearing next week

Gaslight's- Sociopath mind games

Positive affirmations for you!

Violence is an EXCLUSIVE GROUP and CLUB!

Positive affirmations, a new Vision board, and 5 goals!

Positive affirmations for victims

The effects of Family violence with children

What to expect from a shelter

Advice from Survivors of abuse

Keeping yourself safe after you have left an abusive situation

Checklist for leaving an abuser

Girl! You need a safety plan!

Tips to keep YOU safe during the holidays

I hope this helps you on your journey! If you need to talk feel free to message me privately at blessmeplz@gmail.com.

I started a closed group page for victims and Overcomers to share and encourage one another with respect. I will be changing this to a secret group at the beginning of the year.
Find it here to join-Hope when there was none group
Check out my page here- Hope when there was none page



Have I told you lately that I love you? 

BIG HUGS!
Mel




Wednesday, November 28, 2018

This is what my ex did NOW! You will be surprised!

What did he do now?! It's not what you think! First some background:

My eldest Daughter, Jess, has been having issues with outstanding medical bills. WAY BACK, my ex, Will, was ordered to keep health insurance on the girls.

It has been hit or misses with the payments by the insurance company. I'm in the hole for thousands. Now that she is on her own the billing is now hers. She has had medical issues for years. (This goes deeper but for the sake of your time I won't get into that)

After a wild goose chase, she finally sorted some of the mess out and found out that bills and insurance paperwork filtered back to Will! Rather than forward the information to us he kept it. Sending a message through our Son, Nathan to ask her to contact Will to talk to him about the bills. 

She was upset about having to do so and called asking if I would contact Will for his help. Reluctantly, I was going to when by chance he called my cell! 

I KNOW! RIGHT?! 

We talked civilly and I verified the needed information for him to submit to the insurance company. I didn't grill him about why he didn't send the info to us. We were cordial to one another. I told you it's not what you think!

Jess excitedly phoned yesterday to say that her bills were paid! Well, how about that?! He does have his moments. As do most. Oh, he made a few snarky remarks but rather than fire back I let it go and just said thank you we appreciate it. Now, that's all I'm going to say about that except, "Thank you, Jesus!". 

I was honored to be asked to be part of Dimensions of Intersections

The mission of Dimensions of Intersections, Inc. is to "Plant SEEDS of Hope" with victims and survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and child abuse; and any individual who is in any way affected by mental illness with the hope of providing adequate Support, Education, Empathy, Empowerment and Diversity ("SEEDS") to those seeking our love, care and respect. Please check the organization at the link above. There are many wonderful changes that have been going on for the upcoming months!

Off topic, kinda... We are opening an Airbnb/Farmstay in Spring 2020. Our plans to have a healing sanctuary are still planned. I'm toying with possibly becoming incorporated for that venture. My heart is to help others that desperately need empowerment to get back on track. Check our page God's Breath Farm for updates on this and the sanctuary plans.  

Once you leave an abusive situation there is a "De-programming" time period. This doesn't happen overnight. You may not even realize that your reactions, flashbacks, or anxieties are tied together. Addressing triggers, positive behavior changes, building healthy boundaries, and counseling if necessary is essential to ease back into a "normal life". 

I have one more speaking engagement next week and I am super excited about and have two appearances planned for 2019 but plan to add as many as possible next year. 

I put out a few messages on social media in hopes of having some help finding groups and organizations to speak with. I won't give up hope to keep sharing my story of surviving abuse or the other topics I speak about. 

Have you checked the "Searching for the light" stories from victims and Survivors of abuse? Please do!

If you haven't picked up a copy of my book at local libraries in my part of Indiana (Lowell, Brook, Lake Village, or Demotte) they can be purchased online at Amazon. If you don't find them in your area please request the title! Also, right now I have a "Giveaway!" going on at Hope when there was none FB page


"Like this page" Giveaway!
Between 11/26 to 12/10, "Like 👍", "Share", and "Tag" a friend to my page, Hope when there was none be entered to win a copy of my books, "Call me Master" and "Rising from the Ashes"! The more friends you tag the more entries you are given the greater your chances of winning a copy! 

I started Hope when there was none Group! I'm pretty excited about that. It is a closed group for other victims and Survivors to safely share. I plan on asking other advocates for guest posts and interviews! I may make it a secret group come January but I'm still kicking that around. 

 So, Dear One, whoever you are, know you are in my prayers. If you need to talk send me a message privately. I'll be happy to listen.

Stay safe!


BIG HUGS!
Mel

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Tips to keep 'YOU" safe during the holidays

This time of the year is supposed to be joyous and happy but if you are a victim of abuse it can be a nightmare.

You may have heightened stressors as you potentially experience any of these:

Financial issues- lack of funds from overspending, job loss or layoff.

Getting together with family- While normally can be wonderful there could be pressures or conflict on top of dealing with your abuser.

Increased alcohol/drug use- It is not uncommon for usage of these to be more abundant.

Vacation- Your partner or loved one may be off for an extended time causing more heated exchanges.

What can you do?! 

1) Keep your phone charged at all times. Make sure you have trusted contacts on speed dial. This could be:

911 in the States for immediate assistance- Teach your children this number too! 

Family or Friend- These can help pull you out of a heated situation or act as a witness. Consider using a "Safe word" such as Gingerbread or Eggnog for a text or while you are on the phone. This can alert your person that you need help NOW.

Women's shelter

The Hotline - 1-800-799-7233   1-800-787-3224 (TTY) En Español

Safe Horizon -1-800-621-HOPE (4673)

NCADV - Resources page for National and International help

2) Along with the safe word tip, if you have a good relationship with your neighbor think about having a certain color light that can be lit when if you need assistance. If they feel comfortable they may ring the doorbell or knock to check. They could also call the police for you to do a wellness check.

3) Download a safety app such as - Circle of 6

4) If you are meeting your abuser for a visitation exchange contact a friend to go with you. If you can not find a friend, make sure this is done either in the daylight or in a public well lit area. Contact your local police department and give them the "Cliffnote" version of your situation and ask if they can meet for the exchange. They are happy to assist with this and will give you instructions on how to handle the situation. 

5) If you are still with your abuser make sure you have an escape plan. Don't back yourself into a corner or room without a window. 

6) Contact your local shelter for a Safety plan. You may not be leaving this second but empower yourself with knowledge of how to handle an escalated situation. 

Be safe! Know you are not alone in your struggle. If you need to talk feel free to message me privately. 

I started a closed group page for victims and Overcomers to share and encourage one another with respect. I will be changing this to a secret group at the beginning of the year.
Find it here to join- Hope when there was none group

Have I told you lately that I love you? 


BIG HUGS and stay safe!
Mel


P.S.- More news coming soon from my home front.