Saturday, November 17, 2018

Searching for the light- Stories from victims of abuse- Jennifer


Jennifer 

Jennifer was a thriving 14-year-old. She was just learning how to spread her wings. No longer a child in middle school, her high school years seemed exciting. Her home life was wonderful. Sure, there were the usual kid antics-breaking curfews, using all her minutes talking with friends, and staying up until the wee hours of the morning. Her parents had no complaints she was a good kid.

She bounded through the first few months of well enough. It was tough, trying to figure out where her classes were. The homework was crazy and she went out for different activities. She loved sports; her family encouraged her to sign up for everything she could handle.

Jennifer was making friends with everyone even the older teens gravitated towards her infectious smile and positive attitude. She was becoming one of the most popular students in school.

Her personality attracted Tom.

Tom was the dark bad boy that the other girls liked. Word was that he was trouble. He had been in trouble with the police for starting fights with others and once for threats to his father.

He begins to “bump into” Jennifer during passing periods and activities. He starts to show up in her classes for a few minutes before or afterward. He makes tries to get her to smile. Tom makes a point to come to her sporting practices and events. All to get her to notice him.

Jennifer noticed right away. She feels uneasy about the attention. Sharing with her friends about Tom’s visits, they tell her she is lucky to have the hottest guy in school after her! She brushes off her feelings. She agrees that perhaps they are right she figures she is reading too much into it.

A few weeks later she is riding home from school on her bike, she pedals past a parked car that doesn’t look familiar and as she passes by, she notices the driver is Tom.

He shouts a greeting to her and starts the car towards her. That past uneasy feeling comes back with a vengeance. She makes sure to put distance between the two of them. He calls to her to come to the car that he would like her to see something. She hesitates, shakes her head telling him she is late for dinner and has to go in.

She wonders how did he find out where she lived?

He smiles and says that he won’t bite and adds that he found someone’s pet baby rabbit would she like to see? He holds up a cardboard box for her to see. Feeling silly, she says sure. Tom invites her in the car and there in the box is a wee rabbit. Again, she feels ridiculous for feeling weird to him.

He must be a nice guy if he has a baby rabbit. They talk briefly and she asks how he knew where she lived. He tells her that one of her friends told him. He admitted that he would like to take her out on a date. Jennifer stammers a quick no.

She tells him her father is strict and doesn’t want her dating. He knows it’s a lie but doesn’t say a word. She reminds him dinner is waiting and quickly leaves the car. He asks if she wants the rabbit but she answers with a curt no, grabs her bike, and disappears into the garage.

As soon as she gets inside, she calls her friends to find out which one gave him her home information. No one confesses but tells her that it is so cool that he likes her. She doesn’t have the same feeling. Inside an alarm is going off.

Over the weeks to come, Tom begins to bring her flowers, offers to carry her books and even to drive her home from school after practices and activities. He slowly gains her confidence. A friendship blossoms.

She introduces him to her family. There is a lukewarm response. Her sister, Lisa, confesses that she is not comfortable around Tom. She is surprised they have gotten so close and tells her to be careful. Lisa has heard the rumors about Tom. She has concerns that she shares with her parents.

Soon after Jennifer’s parents forbade her to see Tom. This act feeds that teen rebellion streak and she defies them. She begins to sneak out in the middle of the night to see Tom. He waits down the road from her home for her to come out.

Soon Jennifer is skipping school to hang out with Tom. Her grades are slipping, she stops going to practice, and is withdrawing from her friends. Family and friends notice the light is gone from her eyes and that awesome smile isn’t anywhere to be seen. She looks withdrawn, appears skittish, and her clothing choices change from bright and colorful to darker colors. Usually, a snappy dresser all of these things are totally out of character.

In school, Tom and Jennifer are inseparable. No matter where Jennifer is, there is Tom. He hovers and seems protective of her. When her loved ones try to intervene Jennifer pushes them away, argues that Tom is the only one that understands her.

Within the course of six short months, Jennifer is not the same person she was. She confided in one of her friends, Marie that Tom scared her. He had forced himself on her on more than one occasion. He didn’t want her to talk to any of her family or friends. He tells her that she needs to rely on him and him alone. Jennifer admits that he is suffocating her. She can’t go anywhere without him. He is always there. She goes on to say that, she has tried to break it off with Tom but he threatens to kill himself or her family members.

He cries and says no one understands him the way she does. Jennifer says that he has hit her on more than once. She is fearful that he may do worse but can’t figure out how to go away. She scared to tell her family because of what they might think of her. Feeling as though she can’t go on any longer she tells Marie to keep this to herself.

Jennifer becomes cryptic and tells her friend that she loves her and to stay in touch with her family. Though Marie suggests that she tell her family, anyway Jennifer disagrees. She is too fearful of what Tom may do to them. Tom made it clear no one would believe her especially since her recent behavior. The two friend’s part the conversation was so unnerved Marie that she confesses to her mom what transpired. Thankfully, her mom calls Jennifer’s parents to break the news.

Jennifer’s parents are livid and deeply concerned for her welfare. This information sends a shock wave to her parents who scramble to find Jennifer.
She doesn’t answer repeated text messages or calls. They try to not jump to conclusions. They begin to call her friends to see if anyone has spotted her. They find that she was in school that day but no one saw her leave the school grounds. Her friends share observations of the couple none of the details paint a pretty picture.

Within hours, her parents reach Tom’s parents tell them that they have not seen either nor did know they were couple Tom never brought her to the home to meet her. They go on to say that, Tom has been deeply troubled for most of his childhood. He has been in and out of the counselors offices since he was a kindergartner. Tom was on medication for Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Depression, and several other mental health issues. They were having a hard time parenting him recently a discussion of military school was to his attention.

Both parents make the decision to call the police. Friends, family, and the community become involved to search for the couple. At this point, four hours have passed with no clues to where they could be. A call comes through to Tom’s parents. They are informed that the couple is found. A deep exhale goes through the room along with a few happy shouts.

There is a long pause from the detective. He advises everyone that there is a fatality and one child is injured. Collective excitement comes from everyone. Both sets of parents start asking questions.

Where were they found?
What happened?
Who was killed?
Who was injured?
Did the police know what was going on?

The news is grim. It appears that Jennifer was killed on the scene. Tom rushed to the hospital with a gunshot wound.

A hush rushes over both parents. The detective separates the parents. Tom’s are taken to the hospital. At the hospital, Tom shows no sign of life. Jennifer’s parents will have the grim task of viewing their daughter’s body at the morgue.

The facts later spill out that Tom had taken picked up Jennifer. Tom had threatened her to harm her parents if she didn’t. Not wanting to run she went with Tom.
The rest is pieced together. Jennifer had the video feature turned on her cell phone while she was with Tom. She hid the phone in her pocket. There is no video and at times muffled conversation with bits and pieces that can be understood.

They argue through much of the incident. There is a point where Tom stops the car and Jennifer gets out. It is uncertain whether she gets out willingly or on her own accord. Jennifer found several feet away from the vehicle with a gunshot to the head. Tom found in the driver’s seat with a self-inflicted wound.

A journal entry found in Jennifer’s room is frightening and devastating to her parents. She shares her fear over Tom. She believes he will hurt her family or herself. A friend advises her to tell her parents but she feels she will put them in harm’s way.

On social media, Tom’s pages show erratic statements about his love for Jennifer. There are also grim statements that no one noticed that he made a cryptic goodbye.

The families and friends are left with questions, deep grief, regret, and anger.

*I am not an Attorney or Counselor, please seek out a licensed individual for more information and help. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination, given with permission, or used in a fictitious manner. And any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental .*


Feel free to comment below and I urge you to share this story or any posts you have found helpful on my blog. If you need help please don't hesitate to message me privately, follow my pages on social media or if you are local let's connect and grab a cuppa coffee or tea or just to talk.

I can be reached at blessmeplz@gmail.com
https://facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone
www.instagram.com/melindakunst

BIG HUGS,
Mel

Friday, November 16, 2018

Searching for the light- Stories from victims of abuse- Martha


Martha


A co-worker suggested I talk with to her friend, Martha. Martha is an older woman and her best friend. She has been in an abusive relationship for years but hasn’t left yet.

When I had the chance to talk with her she gave me the history of the marriage. Martha and her husband, Mike, had both been married previously to others they have five grown children together from the other marriages.

Martha’s first husband passed away from heart issues, they had been married for twenty-two years. She says they were happy for all of those years. They very rarely had a disagreement. Feeling very lonely, she took advice from friends and went out with an old high school flame. It ended amicably once they both went separate ways for college.

They got along very well. As they began to date, she learned that he was an alcoholic. Close family and friends knew. His first marriage ended due to his drinking issues.

The romance was a whirlwind despite the elephant in the room. He treated her like a queen. He showered her with love, gifts, and claimed her children as his own. His own children had since wandered away and seemed to avoid Mike. Martha felt crushed by the rejection and thought Mike should be as well. He blew her off and said it was because his ex-wife filled their heads when they were young with negative statements about him.

Undaunted, Martha felt that she was capable of helping him to stop his habit. Therefore, she set her heart on helping him the best she could. Before long, Mike began to push her away. Telling her to stop babying him, he was a grown man and didn’t need anyone to mother over him. He felt he had his drinking in control.

As the years passed, the sprinkle kept losing its shine on their relationship. Friends stopped coming by and the only ones that came over seemed to be taken advantage of Mike. He was influential in the business circle and those that came around only wanted money or a favor. Mike didn’t see it that way. He felt that he was the King of the community.

A year into the marriage Martha had reached out to his ex-wife, Sara. She wanted to forge a relationship with Mike’s children and to find out for herself if this woman was as evil as he claimed.

She learned the marriage broke up due to his continued drinking. The children formed their own opinion of Mike. They saw him in a cycle of drunken stupors, rages, and deep depression.
They grew tired of watching the train wreck, which was their father. Sara admitted she too was constantly worried about if he was even going to walk in the door or the police would show up with the news that he had died in a car accident. She said he never hit her or the kids but could be very mean-spirited. Finally, enough was enough and she kicked him out.

The relationship between the women grew and they ended up being best friends. Martha was able to call Sara any time she felt like things were rough. Sara was a wonderful comfort.

Mike’s drinking was out of control. He was becoming late for work or he wouldn’t go in at all. Martha was using tough love and not buying any alcohol so he began drinking mouthwash or whatever he could find in the house.

Finding that a lost cause she reaches out to a local AA group for answers and she shares what she has learned with Mike. He has no interest since he advises her that he doesn’t have a drinking problem. It’s all in her mind a few beers after work does not make him an alcoholic. Martha shares that he drinks two cases of beer a day and sometimes stops at the bar for a drink before heading home.

Intimacy has been gone for seven years. He refuses to touch her due to her weight. Mike says that she has let go of herself and he is not attracted anymore.

He was as Sara said, mean-spirited. Calling Martha names, telling her she was useless, fat, and that he wished she would die. Hurt by these names and his occasional rage where he would break things or throw things in the house. In those rare moments, Mike would apologize to her and tell her it wouldn’t happen again. He would say that he would try harder to stop and beg her not to leave him. He didn’t want to be lonely again.

Martha’s confidence that she could help him wavered greatly. After a decade past, her own children were gone from the nest and she was lonely. They wouldn’t come over to visit. They both had grandchildren but had a hard time seeing them due to Mike. Mike had forbidden her to see that at all but in defiance, she would, Martha would sneak over to see them alone.

She would make up excuses, such as, she had to run to the store, or friends from work were taking her out. Martha knew how upset he would be if he learned the truth.

This didn’t last long. Someone posted a picture on social media of Martha and her newest grandbaby. Mike saw this and was livid. He came home early from work after seeing that, stormed in the door; Martha had just gotten home from that fateful visit.

Once in the door, he started throwing things at her, a glass caught her in the back as she turned away. Mike was telling her that she was disobedient, didn’t he tell her not to see the kids! He screamed obscenities at her, grabbed her purse and took her keys. He ranted that she would never be able to leave the house and he walked out the door and sped away.

Martha surveys the damage done around the house and to her. She sank down in her kitchen and cried.

The next day she shares with a co-worker her situation that fills me in with brief information. After chatting with her, she announces that she will not leave him. She can endure this. She is in her 60’s and has no other prospects. She is in poor health and is in love with Mike. We discuss options for housing. The house is in Mike’s name and she doesn’t want to kick him out. She has a job so that is one worry off the shelf. Martha

She feels lost.
She feels lonely.
She stays.

We chat together every couple of months. Martha admits she wants to leave but just can’t. All I can do is reminding her she is a wonderful woman that deserves happiness. We talk about tools she can use to boost her self-esteem, and she has since found a small circle of friends that have similar family issues. This helps her keep her sanity.

She doubts she will ever leave Mike and longs for a different life.

*I am not an Attorney or Counselor, please seek out a licensed individual for more information and help. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination, given with permission, or used in a fictitious manner. And any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental .*


Feel free to comment below and I urge you to share this story or any posts you have found helpful on my blog. If you need help please don't hesitate to message me privately, follow my pages on social media or if you are local let's connect and grab a cuppa coffee or tea or just to talk.

I can be reached at blessmeplz@gmail.com
https://facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone
www.instagram.com/melindakunst

BIG HUGS and much LOVE,
Mel

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Searching for the light- Stories from victims of abuse-Michael


Michael


Michael was unsure who to talk to about the abuse. While looking up information on abuse he stumbled on my blog. He shared a bit of his story with me. I receive messages from victims around the world every now and then.

Michael stands out for one reason. He is male. I had to wrap my head around his story. It is not often or at all that a victim is a man. The stats on male victims of abuse are high. It goes under reported due to many feeling that they would be ridiculed by others even law enforcement if it is brought to light.

He met Stephanie during college. It was love at first sight. Both were studying to become attorneys. They were inseparable, shared a love of the same interests. Friends and families on each side figured after the bar that they would be married. Michael and Stephanie had the beginning of a fairy tale life.

Both passed the test and became prominent attorneys specializing in different types of law but supportive of one another. As soon as he could, Michael popped the question of marriage. They married a year later. Everything was perfect!

Michael states that he and Stephanie were perfect and happy. It was too good to be true.

Two months after the wedding Stephanie announced she was pregnant. Michael was ecstatic. Stephanie was not so thrilled. They hadn’t discussed children prior to getting married and Michael didn’t give it a thought until the day Stephanie learned she was pregnant. She began to become distant. She pulled away from family and made comments to Michael that they should have aborted the baby. He became worried she may harm herself or the baby that he confronted her.

She told him it was hormones talking and she was nervous. He let it go. Stephanie continued to act oddly so much that friends and family mentioned it. This was out of character for her.

At a prenatal visit, Michael talked to the doctor privately about the situation. The doctor just advised him that her hormones are high and he shouldn’t be worried in a few brief months things would settle down.

The months leading up to the big day were not without incident. At home, Stephanie would verbally put Michael down. Soon afterwards, she would push him and would throw things at him. She seemed always in a rage. He would rub her feet and her back. He answered her every whim but nothing he could do was ever good enough for her.

The day her water broke Stephanie refused to let him take her to the hospital. She demands to have someone else to take her instead. Michael. At this point, he is beside himself. He feels as though he is losing his mind. He hasn’t told anyone else about what was going on. He hoped that thing would calm down after the birth.
 
The birth went smoothly. Stephanie made it clear that she didn’t want Michael to comfort her. Stephanie’s family attended and her mom remarked that perhaps she was in discomfort not to worry.

They had a baby boy! There were tears of joy all around. Stephanie gave Michael a squeeze on his hand and pulled him down to kiss her. This gave him a positive outlook for the future.

Once at home Michael doted on his wife and son. He was a proud papa and was able to have a family leave of absence for up six weeks. This was to be a time for all of them to bond.

Sadly, Stephanie diagnosed with Post-partum Depression. She became more distant; she believed Michael loved the baby more then her. Stephanie refused to have anything to do with the baby. She also started to push Michael around again. Name calling soon followed.

He recalls that it was getting so bad that he was thinking of leaving her and taking the baby with him. Her erratic behavior was becoming so extreme that he worked from home often and family had to intercede.

Michael had called around to shelters in his area to see if he could be a guest until he figured things out. He was turned away and was told to reach out to a local YMCA to see if they could help. It was suggested that he should file a police report if he felt they were in danger. The woman at the shelter advised that he was experiencing abuse but she was sorry they could not help. They could serve women only.

Since she was diagnosed with Post-partum, he felt perhaps there was some sort of medication she could turn to or counseling. In the past, Stephanie had blown off suggestions to let the doctor know of her mental health.

Michael made the decision to call the police for information but he was not taken seriously by local law enforcement. He felt as if he was grasping at straws and unsure what to do next is when he reached out to me.

We discussed options of counseling and Michael felt that it was a hopeless cause to do so. His felt that his only option was for them to separate or divorce. Another thought he had was to stay married and to try to keep himself and the baby safe.

He promised to keep in touch but like so many others, I never heard from him again. I pray they are out of harms way living safely.

It can be a bit frustrating to want to help or hear what is going on once a person reaches out to me. Many times, we exchange a handful of message or calls and then nothing. I keep these people in prayer and hope they are okay.


*I am not an Attorney or Counselor, please seek out a licensed individual for more information and help. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination, given with permission, or used in a fictitious manner. And any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental .*

Feel free to comment below and I urge you to share this story or any posts you have found helpful on my blog. If you need help please don't hesitate to message me privately, follow my pages on social media or if you are local let's connect and grab a cuppa coffee or tea or just to talk.

I can be reached at blessmeplz@gmail.com
https://facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone
www.instagram.com/melindakunst

Have I told you lately that I love you and think your awesome? Well, I do!

BIG HUGS,
Mel

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Searching for the light- Stories from victims of abuse- Amy

Amy

Amy is an adorable pixie-like lady approached me after seeing our group in Psychology class reenact a bit of my story of domestic violence.

She comforted me that I made a good decision about leaving. Quietly she whispered that many years ago she too had suffered by the hands of her then-boyfriend, Martin.

Their relationship began well enough. Amy explained that she had a string of relationships that seemed to go nowhere those past partners had no job or was into the drug culture. She didn’t want to be lonely so whatever person came her way was fine to her. It beat being alone.

Martin was a little different. He had previously been in a serious relationship but he said his ex-was psycho complaining that she never let him see his kid and just kept taking his money weekly.

She never felt any type of hostility. He gave her flowers, took her out, had a good job as a construction worker, and seemed like a good guy. After a month, she felt good enough to let him meet her family. Amy thought the visit was going well and pulled her Mom aside to ask what she thought. Her Mom and sisters confided that something was off about him. They weren’t certain what it was but it was unsettling.

Amy felt hurt. She thought this time would be different and wanted to share her excitement with the ones close to her. The rest of the visit was strained. Martin had appeared uncomfortable the entire time. They bid goodnight and left.

In the car, Martin was perturbed about the incident and said they won’t do that again. She agreed that the visit was different but softened that next time they would visit with just her parents. Martin brought the car to a halt telling her there was to be no further contact with “those people”.

Confused she asked what he meant. He yelled obscenities at her and roughly pushed her door open. Unbuckling her from the seat, he shoved her out while yelling to walk home.

This was the beginning of many such situations. He had attacked her on more than one occasion. She said he promised he wouldn’t do it again but after he would drink, they would argue. One thing would lead to another and he would violently assault her physically or sexually.

Each time the situation worsened. She was unsure if she would make it through another beating. Amy shared that she had since left this situation and felt that she needed to share her story with me. She describes how alone and isolated she felt during this time. Though time has passed, the emotional wounds are sore.

She went on to say that, Martin had come home one evening after hanging out with friends at a bar until late after she had gone to bed hours before. As the relationship went on, she learned he was a functioning alcoholic.

Hearing him shuffle in the door, she curled into a protective ball and awaited him coming to bed. She remembers he stank like stale cigarettes and beer. The smell was so strong that it nauseated her. She held her breath as he came into the room out of fear.

He grumbled under his breath and finally sank down beside her. She hoped he would just pass out.
Out of nowhere, he was on top of her. She thrashed and said to get off but he didn’t. He kept mumbling for her to shush and let him have what is his.

Scrambling from out under him, she managed to force him off of her and sprinted out of the bedroom. He caught her in the hall, grabbing her foot, causing Amy to fall into a side table.

She says the rest is fuzzy. She later learned he had sexually assaulted her while she was unconscious. This is a good thing because he then proceeds to drag Amy out of the house by her feet. She wakes up briefly notices a cool breeze and sees the night sky suddenly the feeling of intense pain throughout her body! She sees him wielding a tire iron. He is hitting her repeatedly.

Amy loses consciousness and awakens to the sound of sirens and flashing lights. She doesn’t know the person she sees kneeling over her. He is talking to her can't understand him because her ears are ringing loudly. Her mouth feels funny. Her head hurts. She tries to get up but she feels hands on her weighing her down. This panics her and she fights with all her might but a shot of pain sends her back into deep slumber.

The next time she wakes up, she finds herself in the hospital. She can only see through one eye. She reaches up to find the other bandaged. One arm is in a cast, her body hurts, and there are tubes, wires, bandages, and another cast on her right leg.

A nurse walked in and excitedly begins to fill Amy in the blank spaces from the day prior to the assault, a neighbor heard a woman screaming. After looking out the window, the neighbor sees Amy on the ground trying to protect her from Martin who is raining blows on her with that tire iron. The neighbor saw Amy trying to crawl away but Martin kept grabbing her legs to pull her back.

What the neighbor didn’t see was Martin twisting her leg so hard that something snapped at the knee. She didn’t see Martin kicking Amy in the head with such force that she would have issues with her right eye in the future.

This kind soul was on the phone with the police the moment she heard the scream that is forever be imprinted on her mind.

It had been over 10 years since that vicious beating, she underwent physical therapy and has had many other health issues related to past event. The police visited Amy in the hospital a day the event to advise her that Martin was picked up on the scene. He claimed he didn’t know what happened and that he blacked out not remembering any of the brutal acts. Martin sentenced to five years in jail but gets out after two for good behavior.

Amy moved away, changed her phone number, her looks, and has a new vehicle.

She adds that she has trust issues and even though time has passed since that night, she much happier alone. Amy sees a counselor, went back to school, and is now an advocate for victims of abuse. Amy also reconciled with her family and they are closer than before.

Part of healing for her was to thank the neighbor for saving her life and to reach out to Martin’s ex-wife, Lisa. Amy found out that Lisa was not this horrible person Martin described her as but rather Lisa was abused by Martin as well!

The courts had granted Lisa sole custody of their child and Martin hadn’t been paying any child support. Martin spent a few days in jail for assaulting Lisa but the charges were dropped for some unknown reason. She hadn’t seen or heard from him in years. She isn’t sure if he is alive.

Both Amy and Lisa endured something horrifying that bound them together in friendship. Neither woman never saw Martin again. Amy adds that she still has bad dreams and worries if he is doing this to another woman.

*I am not an Attorney or Counselor, please seek out a licensed individual for more information and help. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination, given with permission, or used in a fictitious manner. And any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental .*

Feel free to comment below and I urge you to share this story or any posts you have found helpful on my blog. If you need help please don't hesitate to message me privately, follow my pages on social media or if you are local let's connect and grab a cuppa coffee or tea or just to talk.

I can be reached at blessmeplz@gmail.com
https://facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone
www.instagram.com/melindakunst

BIG HUGS,
Mel

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Searching for the light- Stories from victims of abuse- Clarissa


Clarissa


I first met this beautiful warrior socially. We had children close in age. She is a bit older than I, married to a man that was very involved in the church. She was wise, sagey, and led a very public and influential life.

From the outside, looking in they had it all. The big house, clothes, gadgets, whatnot’s, vacations, cars, Brad Sr., her husband had a terrific job, and money was no object. For years, I envied and loved the life she and her family led. Oh, I know it’s not good to covet but they had what I had wanted during a dark period. They had it all.

Years later that she confessed that the life they were, living was a lie. Her husband was abusing the children physically. He was especially harsh on his eldest son, Brad Jr. She had no idea why.
Her son had become distant and finally opened up to her about the physical abuse.

Confronting Brad Sr. about the situation, he promised he wouldn’t do it again. He explained to her that he was under pressure at work and took it out on Brad Jr. Not wanting to make excuses for this behavior, he offered to try harder, to walk away if he was having a difficult time controlling his temper. His final promise was that there were isolated incidents.

Over the course of the following weeks, he indeed held to his promise. Clarissa was thrilled to have healing for the relationship between father and son.

A month later, she found she had grabbed her husband’s phone instead of her own.

No big deal right?

She climbed in her van to rush to an appointment she was running late. The phone buzzed. A text message came on the screen. It was from a teen girl they knew from church. Not thinking anything of it, she opened the message. To her anger and sadness, it contained suggestive comments for her husband!

She was still reeling from the news between her Son and husband now this?! Slamming on the brakes she couldn’t think straight so she high tailed it home. Further searching on his phone and home computer showed inappropriate photos with this young lady. There were also pornography sites in his viewing history.

Feeling repulsed Clarissa was trying to figure out whom this man that she was married to for over twenty years was. She felt that she didn’t even know him anymore.

She thought about it he had been acting strangely for several months. Out of the blue Brad Sr. would be angry for no reason at all, staying at church or going off on church business at weird hours. He stopped kissing and touching her. When they did have intimate moments, he would make vicious comments about her body. These things were previously so out of character for him.

She felt as though the world was ending. Sure, they had issues off and on but nothing to this magnitude had prepared her for what was coming next. Clarissa shared that she didn’t leave her husband. She felt confident enough they could get through this with counseling from church and a therapist.

In a short time following the turn of events, she realized how much damage had happened prior to all of this coming to light. The amount of verbal and mental abuse she and the children had been experiencing had been high.

Through counseling, she learned the signs of abuse and Brad Sr. found coping skills to help him deal with high stress. Clarissa now had tools to use to boost her self-esteem that had taken a beating. They began to have date nights. They listened to one another when times were tough and how to communicate again.

At this time, they are still married. It hasn’t been easy. Clarissa still had lingering trust issues of course but they moved past this event to grow and found love for one another that was lost.

*I am not an Attorney or Counselor, please seek out a licensed individual for more information and help. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination, given with permission, or used in a fictitious manner. And any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental .

Feel free to comment below and I urge you to share this story or any posts you have found helpful on my blog. If you need help please don't hesitate to message me privately, follow my pages on social media or if you are local let's connect and grab a cuppa coffee or tea or just to talk.*

I can be reached at blessmeplz@gmail.com

https://facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

www.instagram.com/melindakunst

Stay safe!

BIG HUGS,

Mel


 

 

 

 


Monday, November 12, 2018

Searching for the light- Stories from victims of abuse- Jeanette


Jeanette


The outside air was hot and thick as the summer sun began to set turning the sky a brilliant shade of blue and pink. With no breeze to cool her off her clothes clung to her as the sweat dripped from her body as she walked down the desolate road towards anywhere. Her feet were raw. She winced as she walked on.

She tried to keep a quick pace to try to avoid detection. Wandering off the gravel would only make her journey longer.

She wondered how she got to this point. How did she lose herself and become this timid mouse afraid of every sound, loud noise, and bump in the night?

Without warning, she heard the squeal of tires behind her. The car came rushing towards her suddenly.

She panicked and began to run. A blast of a horn caused her to go headlong onto the gravel. As if time stood still the car rolled foot by her side where she lay bruised and bleeding on the ground.

The door opened a pair of scruffy work boots slowly came out of the door. She could hear a long sigh coming from him. She stifled a cry. The pain of her new injuries suddenly dulled as the man stood looking down at her.

She couldn’t look at him.

Only hours, before they fought over why the checkbook didn’t balance to the penny she was under by a few dollars after pouring over the receipts and figures, he had pulled her by her hair throwing her out the back door, yelling obscenities, and threatening to bash her face in. He told her not to come back and slammed the door.

She had no shoes on.
She had no money.
She had no keys.
She had no phone.
She had on I.D.
She had nothing.

It didn’t take him long to come looking for her nor to find her. When she started to walk, she wove her way through fields and streets figuring he wouldn’t find her. Not that she had a plan in mind. She knew she needed to go away and not caring where she ended up. She was a shell of what she was.

Now here she is on the ground feeling weak, frightened, and nervous. She felt like she was going to throw up.

He nudged her side and told her to get in the car. He climbed back the driver’s seat and gunned the engine. Not wanting to hesitate she jumped to her feet and raced around the passenger side. She opened the door only to have him start moving the car as she scrambled in.

He laughed tearing down the road. He reached over and gently caressed her hair saying he was sorry. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him. Could she forgive him?

The above story isn’t my own. I just listen to the stories that are shared with me since I began sharing my own story of abuse. Jeanette's story is a similar memory of my own life. Sharing my difficulties allowed other brave victims and Survivors to share personal triumphs and tragedies. It gets hard to shake the stories from those I meet.

Over the next few days, you will find stories of hope, endurance, and strength. Fair warning some of the outcomes from these beautiful souls may not end as you thought or there is no final ending as of this moment.

I give no judgment of the decisions made. Each person follows a path that feels right for him or her. Remember the old saying, “You can not understand someone until you walk a mile in their shoes.”

*I am not an Attorney or Counselor, please seek out a licensed individual for more information and help. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination, given with permission, or used in a fictitious manner. And any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental .*
Feel free to comment below and I urge you to share this story or any posts you have found helpful on my blog. If you need help please don't hesitate to message me privately, follow my pages on social media or if you are local let's connect and grab a cuppa coffee or tea or just to talk.

I can be reached at blessmeplz@gmail.com
https://facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone
www.instagram.com/melindakunst

Stay safe!
BIG HUGS,
Mel

Monday, October 22, 2018

Looking back about leaving my abuser

10 years ago I was working in the antique shop that I ran with my then husband- Will. I loved being around the vendors, the antiques, and the customers! It was an amazing experience that had its up's and downs. I have always felt that working for someone else is just not for me, so this was a blessing.

People made comments about Will. He was seen as a bully, rude, and that he never left me alone. Some saw him as cunning, smart, and giving. 

I hated the end of the day. The end of the day signaled the time when I had to go home to be with him. Will had a job in construction so his moments with me at the shop were thankfully limited. The glimmering patch in that madness was my children being there.

At this time I was teetering back and forth about leaving him for the third time. We have been in this continuous cycle of me saying, "Let me go" and he would react with, "Oh no you won't!". There were threats of harm, threats of violence, threats of everything you can imagine just so I wouldn't leave. 

While leaving was scary to me. I would be without money, a home, and health insurance. That was terrifying! Even more so than staying, though I knew in my heart that things were coming to a head. If I stayed longer I would not live to see the end of the following year. 

After leaving those worries didn't go away. There was still danger after leaving him. It didn't make sense to me. I felt that leaving would make the crazy go away but it seemed to escalate, but not being in that situation allowed me to become stronger. It allowed me to open my heart to love someone again, where I told myself I would never let anyone in again. 

Fast forward to the present, I am a different person at that time. The person I am now is continually growing, learning, and healing. It has taken time to work through all of these. 

If you have just left your abuser please know you did the right thing! You will survive without him and he will go on without you. Working on yourself right now for your best. It is hard. There will be days where you will feel that it is just easier to go back. Staying out of this relationship is for your best. You can do this!


If you need to talk message me privately I'm happy to talk to you. 

Whatever your journey, I hope you stay safe. Have I told you lately that I love you?

BIG HUGS,
Mel