Showing posts with label teen abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teen abuse. Show all posts

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Searching for the light- Stories from victims of abuse- Jennifer


Jennifer 

Jennifer was a thriving 14-year-old. She was just learning how to spread her wings. No longer a child in middle school, her high school years seemed exciting. Her home life was wonderful. Sure, there were the usual kid antics-breaking curfews, using all her minutes talking with friends, and staying up until the wee hours of the morning. Her parents had no complaints she was a good kid.

She bounded through the first few months of well enough. It was tough, trying to figure out where her classes were. The homework was crazy and she went out for different activities. She loved sports; her family encouraged her to sign up for everything she could handle.

Jennifer was making friends with everyone even the older teens gravitated towards her infectious smile and positive attitude. She was becoming one of the most popular students in school.

Her personality attracted Tom.

Tom was the dark bad boy that the other girls liked. Word was that he was trouble. He had been in trouble with the police for starting fights with others and once for threats to his father.

He begins to “bump into” Jennifer during passing periods and activities. He starts to show up in her classes for a few minutes before or afterward. He makes tries to get her to smile. Tom makes a point to come to her sporting practices and events. All to get her to notice him.

Jennifer noticed right away. She feels uneasy about the attention. Sharing with her friends about Tom’s visits, they tell her she is lucky to have the hottest guy in school after her! She brushes off her feelings. She agrees that perhaps they are right she figures she is reading too much into it.

A few weeks later she is riding home from school on her bike, she pedals past a parked car that doesn’t look familiar and as she passes by, she notices the driver is Tom.

He shouts a greeting to her and starts the car towards her. That past uneasy feeling comes back with a vengeance. She makes sure to put distance between the two of them. He calls to her to come to the car that he would like her to see something. She hesitates, shakes her head telling him she is late for dinner and has to go in.

She wonders how did he find out where she lived?

He smiles and says that he won’t bite and adds that he found someone’s pet baby rabbit would she like to see? He holds up a cardboard box for her to see. Feeling silly, she says sure. Tom invites her in the car and there in the box is a wee rabbit. Again, she feels ridiculous for feeling weird to him.

He must be a nice guy if he has a baby rabbit. They talk briefly and she asks how he knew where she lived. He tells her that one of her friends told him. He admitted that he would like to take her out on a date. Jennifer stammers a quick no.

She tells him her father is strict and doesn’t want her dating. He knows it’s a lie but doesn’t say a word. She reminds him dinner is waiting and quickly leaves the car. He asks if she wants the rabbit but she answers with a curt no, grabs her bike, and disappears into the garage.

As soon as she gets inside, she calls her friends to find out which one gave him her home information. No one confesses but tells her that it is so cool that he likes her. She doesn’t have the same feeling. Inside an alarm is going off.

Over the weeks to come, Tom begins to bring her flowers, offers to carry her books and even to drive her home from school after practices and activities. He slowly gains her confidence. A friendship blossoms.

She introduces him to her family. There is a lukewarm response. Her sister, Lisa, confesses that she is not comfortable around Tom. She is surprised they have gotten so close and tells her to be careful. Lisa has heard the rumors about Tom. She has concerns that she shares with her parents.

Soon after Jennifer’s parents forbade her to see Tom. This act feeds that teen rebellion streak and she defies them. She begins to sneak out in the middle of the night to see Tom. He waits down the road from her home for her to come out.

Soon Jennifer is skipping school to hang out with Tom. Her grades are slipping, she stops going to practice, and is withdrawing from her friends. Family and friends notice the light is gone from her eyes and that awesome smile isn’t anywhere to be seen. She looks withdrawn, appears skittish, and her clothing choices change from bright and colorful to darker colors. Usually, a snappy dresser all of these things are totally out of character.

In school, Tom and Jennifer are inseparable. No matter where Jennifer is, there is Tom. He hovers and seems protective of her. When her loved ones try to intervene Jennifer pushes them away, argues that Tom is the only one that understands her.

Within the course of six short months, Jennifer is not the same person she was. She confided in one of her friends, Marie that Tom scared her. He had forced himself on her on more than one occasion. He didn’t want her to talk to any of her family or friends. He tells her that she needs to rely on him and him alone. Jennifer admits that he is suffocating her. She can’t go anywhere without him. He is always there. She goes on to say that, she has tried to break it off with Tom but he threatens to kill himself or her family members.

He cries and says no one understands him the way she does. Jennifer says that he has hit her on more than once. She is fearful that he may do worse but can’t figure out how to go away. She scared to tell her family because of what they might think of her. Feeling as though she can’t go on any longer she tells Marie to keep this to herself.

Jennifer becomes cryptic and tells her friend that she loves her and to stay in touch with her family. Though Marie suggests that she tell her family, anyway Jennifer disagrees. She is too fearful of what Tom may do to them. Tom made it clear no one would believe her especially since her recent behavior. The two friend’s part the conversation was so unnerved Marie that she confesses to her mom what transpired. Thankfully, her mom calls Jennifer’s parents to break the news.

Jennifer’s parents are livid and deeply concerned for her welfare. This information sends a shock wave to her parents who scramble to find Jennifer.
She doesn’t answer repeated text messages or calls. They try to not jump to conclusions. They begin to call her friends to see if anyone has spotted her. They find that she was in school that day but no one saw her leave the school grounds. Her friends share observations of the couple none of the details paint a pretty picture.

Within hours, her parents reach Tom’s parents tell them that they have not seen either nor did know they were couple Tom never brought her to the home to meet her. They go on to say that, Tom has been deeply troubled for most of his childhood. He has been in and out of the counselors offices since he was a kindergartner. Tom was on medication for Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Depression, and several other mental health issues. They were having a hard time parenting him recently a discussion of military school was to his attention.

Both parents make the decision to call the police. Friends, family, and the community become involved to search for the couple. At this point, four hours have passed with no clues to where they could be. A call comes through to Tom’s parents. They are informed that the couple is found. A deep exhale goes through the room along with a few happy shouts.

There is a long pause from the detective. He advises everyone that there is a fatality and one child is injured. Collective excitement comes from everyone. Both sets of parents start asking questions.

Where were they found?
What happened?
Who was killed?
Who was injured?
Did the police know what was going on?

The news is grim. It appears that Jennifer was killed on the scene. Tom rushed to the hospital with a gunshot wound.

A hush rushes over both parents. The detective separates the parents. Tom’s are taken to the hospital. At the hospital, Tom shows no sign of life. Jennifer’s parents will have the grim task of viewing their daughter’s body at the morgue.

The facts later spill out that Tom had taken picked up Jennifer. Tom had threatened her to harm her parents if she didn’t. Not wanting to run she went with Tom.
The rest is pieced together. Jennifer had the video feature turned on her cell phone while she was with Tom. She hid the phone in her pocket. There is no video and at times muffled conversation with bits and pieces that can be understood.

They argue through much of the incident. There is a point where Tom stops the car and Jennifer gets out. It is uncertain whether she gets out willingly or on her own accord. Jennifer found several feet away from the vehicle with a gunshot to the head. Tom found in the driver’s seat with a self-inflicted wound.

A journal entry found in Jennifer’s room is frightening and devastating to her parents. She shares her fear over Tom. She believes he will hurt her family or herself. A friend advises her to tell her parents but she feels she will put them in harm’s way.

On social media, Tom’s pages show erratic statements about his love for Jennifer. There are also grim statements that no one noticed that he made a cryptic goodbye.

The families and friends are left with questions, deep grief, regret, and anger.

*I am not an Attorney or Counselor, please seek out a licensed individual for more information and help. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination, given with permission, or used in a fictitious manner. And any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental .*


Feel free to comment below and I urge you to share this story or any posts you have found helpful on my blog. If you need help please don't hesitate to message me privately, follow my pages on social media or if you are local let's connect and grab a cuppa coffee or tea or just to talk.

I can be reached at blessmeplz@gmail.com
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BIG HUGS,
Mel

Monday, October 1, 2012

Beating your children...

First thing first, October is Domestic Abuse Awareness month! No one is immune to the effects of this devastating time.

Abuse does not discriminate. It can strike Men, Women, Old, Young, Black, White, Catholic, Baptist, Wealthy... you get the picture.

Whatever the excuse is that the victims use to rationalize or minimize the abuse, no one deserves it! There is nothing "You did" to "Make" the person do it to you! Despite, the constant reminders you may get from your abuser. It's not you! Triggers to cause your abuser to flip his/her lid can be substance related, money, mental/emotional or maybe there is no reason.


Of course these are excuses used to harm you! So, he/she only does this to you, right?

What about your child(ren) or pet? Do you believe they are immune? Guess what! In many cases your abuser doesn't care. They may abuse your child privately or just be bold enough to do it in front of you. Perhaps making you participate! Headlines splashed across the world tells of horrific and tragic abuse of all sorts happening to children and animals by the hundreds.

In many cases both parents (Boy/Girl friend or Step parent) are charged with heinous crimes against the smallest victims that can't defend themselves. I've read many stories that point the finger at the other person that was abusive and they "Made them" act against the child or pet. Or there is some fear that they would be harmed so they let it happen.

I sit in awe, tears and a deep sadness that anyone would want to harm these little ones. That persons given a gift of life can take it savagely slowly over years or in a blink of an eye. For what?! The child won't stop crying? The bed is wet? The child is interrupting they're game or fun?

Countless couple's are wishing for a child of their own. And yet, we have dumpster babies and abused children that would flourish in a loving household.

There was a time when my Dad worked in a E. R. and he would tell me of stories about children brought in with cigarette burns, 2nd or 3rd degree burns on various parts of the body due to his/her parent and or molested. He was deeply effected by these children. And he didn't understand how someone could do something so heinous to a child.

I was abused as a young child by my Stepfather, Mark. He would beat on my Mom but as soon as she fought back he stopped. But he needed to redirect his anger somewhere else. So, while Mom was at work he turned to me... I didn't understand how in a split second we could be having a fun time and the next he was beating the crap out of me for no reason or for spilling milk.

Fast forward, I'm in an abusive situation with my ex-husband. I knew something was wrong each time I came in the house after I had been gone for awhile. The kids and my ex looked staged, stiff and tense. He had no qualms about going after the kids while I was home, which many times I would jump in or fight him to stop doing so.


The children would say there was no problems.
Dad was fine.
He was cool.

I knew in my heart it wasn't right. I know I can't take back that time. I know I am responsible in some part for staying. For believing my ex when he said I wouldn't be able to live without him. That I was worthless. That I would end up as a whore because no one would want me.  And no one would take care of me the way he did. (How warped is that?!) I'm slowly finding out how mean he was to the kids while I was out of the house or even in another room! I feel horrible about this!

I could tell you I slipped back into another bad abusive relationship. I could tell you I took up partying, drinking and a string of boyfriends. But I didn't. I was lucky! There are many women that get caught up in never changing they're circumstances. They are forever on a Merry-go-round of useless or abusive men that end up beating their kids.

I've already told my husband, Terry, that if he lays a hand on the kids we are over. Trust me, my 14 year old is a lot like her Dad, Rob and she can really push Terry's buttons!

Learning my new husband is not my ex is another experience. I have learn not to compare the two of them. They aren't anything alike! We are not without issues but there is no fear of him coming home. He doesn't stalk me. He doesn't call me dozens of time in the day. He doesn't accuse me of fooling around. He doesn't time me when I'm on errands. The list goes on and on...

If you know someone in an abusive situation or that might be, please support them, listen to them and get them help if they are ready.

If you can't leave for you please do it for your children! 

Let your child know about Teen stalking and abuse.

Educate!
Break the Silence!
Listen to your gut about a situation or person.

Stay safe!

BIG HUGS!
Mel

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The many faces of abuse

You maybe surprised at those that stand up when asked if they are abused, whether physically, emotionally, sexually and so on... Old, young , middle-age, teenager, White, Latin, Black,and so on. They are rich, poor and middle class. Your neighbor, your Grandparent, your aunt, uncle, cousin, your son/daughter or even you!

Stereotyping someone that is abused is just as bad as thinking all substance abusers look the same or come from the same backgrounds. Or all homeless persons are just mentally ill. No matter what the background, anyone can become in a situation that is not healthy. That woman down the street with 3 kids maybe smiling each time you see her but if you look closely she is hiding some scars or that elderly man seen on rare occassions seems like a grumpy person, but you don't know the kids are yelling or hitting him every chance they take and he steals time outdoors as though he were a child out after dark.

There is no typical background, race or age for abuse! Many can fall victim easily. Not all abusers are substance users, not all abusers are the same or follow the same pattern.

When you look closely at the sea of faces before you in a given day do you honestly know someone that is abused? Have you seen the signs and just put on blinders? Or perhaps you just tell yourself it's not my problem. I don't want to get involved...

You can break the silence! Lend a helping hand! If you need more information on how to help call The National Domestic Abuse Hotline-
1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7