I will not be silenced

Over 10 years ago there was a "me" that many of you would not recognize if you saw her. That lady was unsure of herself, felt depressed, suicidal and losing hope. Celebrating my recent "Survivalversary" was a HUGE milestone for me and my girls! 

Catch the video here-10-year Survivalversary! To step out of my comfort zone a little more, I have been reaching out to Podcasters, Bloggers, and other social media news outlets to share my story. 

I was honored by a local Facebook group to be interviewed. When it posted I received more "Shares" than any of my other posts! I was humbled by the victims, Survivors, and several parents of victims that reached out to me after reading that article. Not only that but a person from my past began to post some nasty and opposite comments. I never saw them but the kind fellow that ran the page did. He was threatened with legal action and took the post down. 

So, what's a Survivor to do? She remembers that she copied and pasted most of the article to her Instagram account! Here is a bit of what caused the ruckus:

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Me & Lt. Dan the Wonder Goat

“He likes the dark side; not the human side,” Melinda says, talking about her ex-husband. “I suffered every kind of abuse – verbal, physical, sexual.” Melinda is a survivor of domestic abuse and now shares her story, writes, and helps other victims of abuse. She is also a super cheerful, welcoming, warm person. “My husband was charming, smart and friendly, and a psychopath – like Ted Bundy. He told me that if I ever left him, he had chosen a spot to bury my body.” It took Melinda 18 years to leave him. “He didn’t just threaten me, but also the children and my family. He called me horrible names, hit me, beat me, told me I was worthless and said the world would be a better place if I walked in front of a bus… And at times I thought about doing just that.” 

Now, Melinda is happily married to Terry and lives in Newton County, Indiana. “Terry is Mr. Awesome,” she says, beaming. “Every day is great.” One of the challenges Melinda faced in deciding to leave her ex-husband were feelings of shame. “I worried what people would think, especially after staying with him for so long.” Once she did leave, she found, "Everyone was very supportive." After talking with Melinda for a while, she told me, “The abuse started before I got married, It began with my stepfather when I was four. My mother never knew... It was hard to tell her.” You can read Melinda's blog, "Hope when there was none"

Not to be deterred I am continuing to share anywhere I can so others know they are not alone and to bring light onto a dark subject. There can be healing! It takes time, patience, and a conscious choice to want to shake off the negative armor that has been holding onto you for so long. Breaking the patterns of abuse in your life from a partner, friend, parent, co-worker or family member is done in small stages. Find what healing modality works for you! What worked for me may not work for you.

Consider:

Journal- I can't tell you how eye-opening and wonderful this healing tool was for me. There were many tear soaked pages but this was my favorite and most effective healer for me.

Counseling/Therapy/Holistic healing

Medication- If you have medical issues or mental health challenges

Grounding- Or just getting outside for 5 minutes or more a day

Music- Put on some positive tunes and dance/sing

Buy yourself some flowers/something special

Learn a new hobby/career

Create a Bucket List- see mine here My Bucket List

Make a Vision board make a list of your dreams/goals

Go break or throw something- Dishes/Furniture/Rocks- make sure it is in a safe place and yours! There is something freeing about thinking about a situation or your ex and doing this. A friend shared that there is a place in our area where you pay $30 to blow off steam by breaking things!

Gun range/lessons/paintball

Self-defense/martial arts class

Support group in your area/online- These can get pretty heavy and you may need to step away from them from time to time. 

Call a friend or support person

Read a good book- Choose a self-help/inspirational book

Play a game/watch a video/TV- Something uplifting

Positive Affirmations

Mirror work

Arts n' Crafts

Play instrument

Meditate

If you have children that were exposed to abuse, even if they didn't see the abuse, kids are smart they probably heard you and could feel the tension. Get them involved in your healing! They need this too!

These are a few things you can do for yourself/kids. There are oodles more and if you have questions or would like more ideas please drop me a line. Before I go here is a shameless plug:

Purchase "Call me Master- A memoir of escaping abuse" and "Rising from the Ashes- Awakening the beauty of life after abuse" here Amazon.

OR

I do offer my books free in PDF form for victims and Survivors. If you do honor me with a purchase of my books, 100% of the proceeds of "Call me Master" goes back into my local community group 

Heart to Heart Outreach has an AMAZING team of gals that creates baskets of toiletries, kitchen and bath items for Survivors to start over. If you are interested in the PDF version please message me privately. I do also have these available for my group members- Hope when there was none Group which is a closed group focusing on self-love and healing. Stay safe! Feel free to message me if you have any questions or just want to connect with me. 

BIG HUGS,

Mel

This is what my ex did NOW! You will be surprised!

What did he do now?! It's not what you think! First some background:

My eldest Daughter, Jess, has been having issues with outstanding medical bills. WAY BACK, my ex, Will, was ordered to keep health insurance on the girls.

It has been hit or misses with the payments by the insurance company. I'm in the hole for thousands. Now that she is on her own the billing is now hers. She has had medical issues for years. (This goes deeper but for the sake of your time I won't get into that)

After a wild goose chase, she finally sorted some of the mess out and found out that bills and insurance paperwork filtered back to Will! Rather than forward the information to us he kept it. Sending a message through our Son, Nathan to ask her to contact Will to talk to him about the bills. 

She was upset about having to do so and called asking if I would contact Will for his help. Reluctantly, I was going to when by chance he called my cell! 

I KNOW! RIGHT?! 

We talked civilly and I verified the needed information for him to submit to the insurance company. I didn't grill him about why he didn't send the info to us. We were cordial to one another. I told you it's not what you think!

Jess excitedly phoned yesterday to say that her bills were paid! Well, how about that?! He does have his moments. As do most. Oh, he made a few snarky remarks but rather than fire back I let it go and just said thank you we appreciate it. Now, that's all I'm going to say about that except, "Thank you, Jesus!". 

I was honored to be asked to be part of Dimensions of Intersections! 

The mission of Dimensions of Intersections, Inc. is to "Plant SEEDS of Hope" with victims and survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and child abuse; and any individual who is in any way affected by mental illness with the hope of providing adequate Support, Education, Empathy, Empowerment and Diversity ("SEEDS") to those seeking our love, care and respect. Please check the organization at the link above. There are many wonderful changes that have been going on for the upcoming months!

Off topic, kinda... We are opening an Airbnb/Farmstay in Spring 2020. Our plans to have a healing sanctuary are still planned. I'm toying with possibly becoming incorporated for that venture. My heart is to help others that desperately need empowerment to get back on track. Check our page God's Breath Farm for updates on this and the sanctuary plans.  

Once you leave an abusive situation there is a "De-programming" time period. This doesn't happen overnight. You may not even realize that your reactions, flashbacks, or anxieties are tied together. Addressing triggers, positive behavior changes, building healthy boundaries, and counseling if necessary is essential to ease back into a "normal life". 

I have one more speaking engagement next week and I am super excited about and have two appearances planned for 2019 but plan to add as many as possible next year. 

I put out a few messages on social media in hopes of having some help finding groups and organizations to speak with. I won't give up hope to keep sharing my story of surviving abuse or the other topics I speak about. 

Have you checked the "Searching for the light" stories from victims and Survivors of abuse? Please do!

If you haven't picked up a copy of my book at local libraries in my part of Indiana (Lowell, Brook, Lake Village, or Demotte) they can be purchased online at Amazon. If you don't find them in your area please request the title! Also, right now I have a "Giveaway!" going on at Hope when there was none FB page


"Like this page" Giveaway!
Between 11/26 to 12/10, "Like 👍", "Share", and "Tag" a friend to my page, Hope when there was none be entered to win a copy of my books, "Call me Master" and "Rising from the Ashes"! The more friends you tag the more entries you are given the greater your chances of winning a copy! 

I started Hope when there was none Group! I'm pretty excited about that. It is a closed group for other victims and Survivors to safely share. I plan on asking other advocates for guest posts and interviews! I may make it a secret group come January but I'm still kicking that around. 

 So, Dear One, whoever you are, know you are in my prayers. If you need to talk send me a message privately. I'll be happy to listen.

Stay safe!


BIG HUGS!
Mel

Why you should leave a paper trail

Hey there Love Bug! 

Are you curious why you should leave a paper trail? 

Here is some background on one quote I found recently. I have been picking brains of those that are on the public speaking circuit and professional speaker, (God bless her patience!) Emily was wonderful to share tips and The Speaker Lab podcast! This helped her get started with her business. Since I am so green and have knocking knee about being in front of a crowd I thought this was the best information and podcast I have found! 

Now here is the reason I bring this up. Grant the Public Speaker Ninja, was talking about contracts and he once heard that "A paper trail is a "safe trail". I liked that! 

Which brings me to the subject post! So what is kind of paper am I talking about and why is it so dang important?

When I first left my abuser I hadn't thought much of taking paperwork. It wasn't until that first experience did I realize the importance. 

What types of paper I am referring to is:

Previous years income tax filings

Pay stubs (If your partner is receiving funds under the table and there is some sort of documentation that is SUPER important.)

Medical cards/files/prescriptions

Marriage/Birth Certificates

Mortgage/Rent contract

Business contracts/info (If you own this on your own or with your abuser.)

Auto Registration

Auto insurance information

401k or other investment information

Credit card bills/other misc. bills

Student Loans

Children's school information

Photos- Of the abuse or just cherished photos

If you have all of this and any other relevant papers make copies. Concerned this will be noticed? 

Consider copying one at a time. Mail the copies to a trusted friend or relative. You may want to get a PO Box. A small box is pretty reasonable. I have found one as cheap as $40 for a year. These do vary! So check around your local area. 

Most of everything on this list will be asked for by the court or your attorney. 

Now for the unpleasant stuff. 

I am going to be upfront and honest with you. The first 24 to 48 hours after leaving an abuser can be the most volatile. Make sure you keep your phone off or block your abuser's number. It can be tempting to answer his/her calls or text messages. I beg you to please not do so! 

If by chance you forget to do those steps then please keep track of the messages (text and voicemails). Perhaps, this person figures out where you are staying and comes by. Call the police! That is first and foremost! For your safety and if you have children. 

File a police report. This may start to feel tedious and as though your abuser is just getting away with everything. It can be quite frustrating! Trust me, even if that order has been violated a bunch of times it's not in vain! If your state or city is pretty lax these incidents can build up a case against them. 

If you are worried they are running around talking about you. Saying your a terrible person/caretaker, or you are a drug user or that you have a stash. Let that person talk! That's all they can do right now and they are super frustrated. The police and legal authorities can see right through these instances. Trust me! 

Keep a journal of all of the contact with dates, times, and where these things occur. 

These can be used in the future as well. The trick in all of this is to remain calm. This can be hard when you are experiencing someone that is stalking you, showing up at your place, or threatening you or your children. Take reasonable safety measures to keep yourself safe. Here are some tips from a previous blog post- Keep yourself safe after you leave. 

You may end up with a HUGE file box with paperwork. That's fine! I had 2 legal paper boxes and 2 red rope files with information about everything going on. It seems ridiculous but this did a few things for me. 

It gave me something else to do besides cry and feeling hopeless. It empowered me to say, NEVER AGAIN! 

I encourage you to journal as well during this time. This can help you with noting the events right after they happen so they are fresh and can be shared with your attorney, GAL, Doctor, or advocate involved. 

I hope this helps you on your journey. I also hope this doesn't dissuade you from leaving. Leaving is the best thing I ever did for myself and the hardest thing I have ever done. I've mentioned it in the past. I hate to sound like a broken record. 

Do you need help right now? Please contact the police! They are happy to help before a situation takes a dire turn. If you don't feel that you are in immediate danger, please call the non-emergency number of the police station (Many times they can give you resources that can help) or contact your local shelter. There is also- The Hotline or NCADV. 

Whichever you choose please know you are not alone. Many women and men are there to help you through your situation. If you aren't ready for that and need to talk confide in a close relative or friend and of course, please don't hesitate to send me a private message here, or blessmeplz@gmail.com or on my FB page- Hope when there was none. 

I am sharing awareness by setting up book signings, events, and speaking engagements. Here is where you can catch me next! Find my books here-Amazon

Would you do me a favor and recommend me to your church, school, or group? My mission is to inform, educate and empower by sharing my story. 

I hope you are safe and know that you are loved by me but by many others around you.

BIG HUGS,
Mel

Have I told you lately that I love you?

Hey Love Bug!

Have you wondered why I say, "Have I told you lately that I love you?" or thought to yourself, "Woman, you don't know me or my story! I'm a stranger and we have never met!"

Your right. I don't know you. I don't know your story. I don't know what has brought you to this page, but I can tell you that you probably haven't heard "I love you" by someone that means it. Now if you have kids or a loving partner or family member that's different. But, for so many people those wee words are nonexistent. Perhaps you just start sharing smiles or greetings throughout your day. 

Okay here is the "Woo-woo" part. I have been on a journey for much of my life and feel that sharing those words with everyone that I have met, have yet to meet, and beyond is special. Sending that positive energy throughout my tribe, my social media, and to the world is a wonderful thing to do!

You see the funny thing is you don't know who you are going to effect throughout your day. That smile, that hug, that "Good day!" or "I love you" can give such a warm feeling to someone. I know, it's happened to me! It's taken what could have been a crappy day and turned it around.

I feel so good doing it. Oh, it's not for kudos when I get to those pearly gates. I'm doing it because I enjoy seeing smiles from others.

You may be saying, "Good golly! What does this have to do with abuse?!"

It doesn't.

It makes you feel good. It's also a positive step that may take you out of your comfort zone. You may meet people this way that you may not have. It's not just a pay it forward thing. Showing compassion, love, or just a hug with someone that you know or don't goes a LONG way!

Speaking of "I love you" have you done your mirror work lately? Have you been able to say those three little words?

Now onto the news! I have so much to share! I have been doing book signings in my local area and have been overwhelmed (grateful, humbled, and honored) by the support, love, and opportunities that have opened up!

"Such as", you say?
I round up my final book signings tomorrow at Somethin's Brewin' Coffee Shop & Cafe at ReChic Unique Boutique in Demotte from 1:00 P.M. to 3:00 P.M.

I was interviewed for the Lowell Tribune! I have to ask when that will be out but I'm pretty excited!

I will be speaking to a lovely group of Gals from a bible study group I attend from time to time called Mon Ami- The Bridge Church- 615 West Clark St., Rensselaer, Indiana 47978, on July 9th.

Catch me on "The Bill and Kali Show" on July 11th, WVPL FM 103.1 out of Valpo at 11:00 P.M. I believe that will also be on Facebook.

There are two possible speaking engagements with local organizations.

I'll be taking part in a new podcast with a new Friend in the upcoming months.

July 30th I have a book signing at the super friendly Brook Library from 5:30 P.M. to 6:30 P.M.

I'll be showing others how to create vision boards with the super talented Gypsy Soul Retreat Ladies in September!

You can find me speaking to a MOPS meeting- TBA

GOOD GRAVY! I'm not complaining! These things have been on my affirmations, bucket list, (Speaking of which I really need to update the one I have on my blog!) and vision board.

Now, these aren't bragging. I am not one to boast or brag. I'm blown away!

What's more beautiful to me is the Survivors and victims that I have been able to talk to during my signings or those that have reached out after hearing about me from friends or family. That is what all of this is about!

To reach out to someone that is trapped or just getting out of a broken relationship. Letting them know they are not to blame for what happened. Reassuring them they made the right decision or are making the right decision about leaving.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I can't "make" a person leave an abusive partner. I can tell them what steps they should take and how to stay safe. It's frustrating to be on the outside of this broken person that can't leave for a variety of reason or perhaps can't stay away.

I can listen.

Be a shoulder.

Or just remind them they are loved.

I hope whatever journey you are on that you are safe. If you are not please reach out to local authorities, www.thehotline.org, or shelter. Even if it's just for advice. I am happy to listen if you need to talk. Feel free to message me at blessmeplz@gmail.com or my Facebook group Hope when there was none.

I love you Dear One! I really do! I'm sending out prayers,warm fuzzies, and good vibes to you. Be brave, step out of your comfort zone and send a greeting to someone or remind your loved ones that you love them. Time is short not to.

BIG HUGS,
Mel

P.S.- There is more news! On my Lyme journey and an update about our little homestead at Godsbreath Farm. 

Rising from the Ashes has been published!

WAHOO! My second book is out... And my third book that has nothing to do with abuse. It's been awhile since I've blogged on any of my pages. It's not that things haven't been going on. Life has been busy. I've had some Lyme flare's that have knocked the wind out of my sails. I have several book signing coming up and I'm really excited! 

Find them here- Amazon I have shared my upcoming schedule of book signings on my FB page- Hope when there was none

Peanut (Alex) has graduated! The issue of her anxieties have been a sticky spot for her. She was so upset and panicky over the past few months. She is unsure what she wants to do with her life. She didn't apply to any colleges or for scholarships. And the thought of getting a job sends her into a tizzy. After the McDonald's fiasco last Summer I don't believe a job is an option right now.




China Doll (Jess) is doing wonderful! She is on new antidepressants and found out what medications she is allergic to. Going forward the experiences she will have medically should be a lot better. Changing her diet has helped as well. She has gone Vegan on her own. I'm proud of her! The baby is growing by leaps and bounds.


I feel very blessed. I'm in awe of this life I live. God has given me so much. It's more then I possibly imagined. Curious about what's happening at CasaMel's?  Check us out here-www.lordblessmeplz.blogspot.com

If you are in a relationship that gives you second thoughts. Please take a moment to think if this is how you want to live for the rest of your life. Will you live past this year? Can he/she change or are they willing to change? Leaving is scary. The path ahead can be rough. You may wonder if it's just easier to stay. 

Please don't give up. Giving up or giving in is easy. Having faith that everything is going to be alright is hard. It's not something you can readily see. If you have had tragedy in the past, it may have tarnished your relationship with the Lord. I am happy to chat with you about this or just listen to what's on your mind. Don't hesitate to message me privately.


I hope your weekend finds you safe and well.
Love you and BIG HUGS,
Mel 

Hope when there was none on FB!

I decided it was time to start a page on
Hope when there was none FB page

It's about darned time. I'm not sure why it took me so long to do it. You will find safety tips, inspirational quotes, sneak peeks at my upcoming projects and books.

I will still blog every now and again, but I feel it's time to branch out a bit more. I hope you visit me there.

My book sales have been steady and I am thrilled to say I was surprised. The support from my tribe and strangers has been touching. You can get the Ebook for $2.99 until 1/14/18 get it here- Call me Master Ebook

I hope the holidays have treated you well, Dear One.

I mentioned in previous blog posts that I wasn't really digging the holidays. In the past, holidays were not fun for us. Over the past few years they have been wonderful!

This year, I had injured my knee 2 weeks ago yesterday. My family had put the tree up on Christmas eve, Mr. Awesome did last minute shopping and wrapped all the gifts. Though I am still looking for a calendar that I purchased for my eldest Daughter. That leaves me scratching my head. I don't feel confident enough to climb the stairs to go look for it. I have gotten my kids calendars for he past 7 years now so they can use them for school planning and later job or appointment scheduling. They really have come to expect and love getting them.

I found out I have some tears in my knee. I don't have the results to know where or if surgery is in the future for me. I spoke with a nurse that couldn't tell me more then my next appointment will be on Feb 2nd!

I haven't done critter chores in 2 weeks and I do miss it. I caught a glimpse of the birds as Peanut was mucking out the coop and The Abbey (Duck house). It's been too cold for anyone to want to venture out. Everyone is safe and sound.

All is quiet on the homefront and I LOVE IT!

Wishing you a Happy New Year Dear One.

Stay safe!

BIG HUGS,
Mel

My ebook is out! Call me Master!

It's kind of surreal! After several years of remembering, scouring through old legal records, my journals, emails and other notes, it's out! WAHOO! The paperback version will be out soon. I am thinking to give copies to shelters and to churches. Find more about my book here: Author Central- Melinda Kunst

At the same time, it's bittersweet. The road that led to the book was paved with tears, pain and guilt. There I said it. I still have that Mommy guilt of staying so long. I suppose that is something that just won't go away. But, I do know that my children don't have to be a product of their past. They can fight past it and move on.

I can only do so much to facilitate any help for them. It's not like they are wee ones clinging around my legs, they are all technically adults. Right now, I feel relieved. Like a load is off my shoulders.

I'm marking this day that is also the Anniversary of Mr. Awesome and I with eating anything I feel like today. I started a 28 day cleanse but today feels like it is a good day to cheat. Pizza is coming later! I haven't heard anything from the attorney representing my ex. I'm taking that as a good sign. We are still watching the homestead just in case. Back to watching our surroundings as we go out. Something we did before but are more diligent.

I do have to say that over the past 6 months he has been paying child support. He is behind about $1, 300.00 or so, nothing near what he was in the past. But here is the caveat, 95% of child support needs to be up-to-date for any claims for taxes. I already spoke to his attorney and advised him that Will can claim our Daughter. My only concern is that my previous tax person said that he can only claim her if he had overnights and that was never granted by the courts (THANK GOODNESS!). Thus, he shouldn't be able to claim her for taxes. No worries, though. This is small potatoes compared to past concerns.

I fill my days with living in the moment. I get to stay home while Mr. Awesome goes to work that he

enjoys. We are thrilled he is not Mr. Crankypants anymore. He needed that adult interaction. He has become a weekend Warrior.

We homeschool Mini Man. Take care of our flock of Chickens, Ducks and now the Honey Bees are tucked in the for winter. I'm doing a self inflicted 28 day cleanse to help with my cooties, Lyme Disease and just because. And, I write. I'm about halfway through with book 2, "Rising from the Ashes". It's about what I did to help heal myself from PTSD and anxieties after leaving.

I cover a bit in my current book but this goes through a lot more other things that helped me on the road to healing.

I am also working on a 3rd book about our ride down the rabbit hole with Lyme Disease. I also dusted off my Vision Boards and have decided to show others what worked for me. I have a upcoming workshop in a local town and I'm pretty excited. I hope to do more of these, they are fun to do.

I sound busier than I really am. I tend to nap a lot. Just because I'm tired. But I have to tell you this life I have now is such a blessing! I still feel it is a dream.

I'm happy! I also had a wild hair to travel again, this time across the US by bicycle before or around the time I'm 50 (in a few years!). I thought about doing it as a Lyme ride but I think it's just going to be a happy I'm alive ride. My behind is hurting and it's only been a week since I started. We found a stationary bike on an ad that is a vintage Schwinn. I love it. Needs a better seat though. My behind is hurting a bit.

I free...

I love you Dear One, you have stuck with me through this amazing and at times terrifying ride. Thank you! And if you are still in an abusive relationship please know you are never alone in that loneliness. I have been there. It is not living. The tough part is making the decision to go. It's not easy. I promise you that. I also can say that your life will be so much better once your gone. You may not notice this until years later after the crazy of leaving your abuser. But, it does...

I love you! Stay safe!
BIG HUGS,
Mel

PS: We also celebrated 3 birthdays! My eldest Son, Nathan! I missed so many birthdays and though we weren't there physically, we did celebrate it with cake and sent pictures to him via FB.

Mr. Awesome celebrated the BIG 60! A week and a half later and then...

I was the Birthday Girl! I asked everyone to wear party hats, why not? I turned... GULP! 47! I'm can't tell you how wonderful it is that I am able to celebrate my birthday. There was a time I didn't think I would be able to.

Lots of love...

Mel