Can you really move on? Warning boob shot!

Howdy Dearest Blog reader!

WHAT THE HECK AM I THINKING WITH THAT TITLE?!?

Mr. Awesome and I had a discussion on memories of our youth. We talked about our attributes, so I asked... What would you change on me? YES! I opened that box, can of worms, gates or what-have-you.



He said a perky set would be nice. But of course, not required. He added he wishes certain parts could also be back where they belong. Sorry to be so graphic.

It got me thinking.

These girls have a mothering history:

4 children were nurtured and rested upon them when they were hungry, scared and when they just needed a hug.

On a sour note:

They were pinched hard

Squeezed tirelessly

Smacked

Bitten until they bleed. I swear my nipples would just fall off a few times

They have been pulled until I lost my breath

My girls may not be pretty anymore. They may not be as at attention as they once were but they stand as a reminder that I was able to have them to mother my children and withstand sometimes brutal experiences.

Sometimes scars aren't visible. Sometimes the wounded recess of our brains still fire up with sad memories. Even though, I have clearly moved on, I still have moments from the past that gives me pause. Now, I had thought about this above picture before posting it. I talked to Mr. Awesome several days after our conversation. He back peddled and advised that he wasn't saying I needed to get an enhancement done or anything and that I was just perfect to him.

I told him of my thoughts and that I was thinking of doing a nude picture of me and my breasts. Without batting an eye, he said, "Whatever you want Babe and thank you for asking my opinion first."

So, after about 5 or 6 pictures in various poses, it felt WAY TOO pornish to me. I could even imagine the funky music in my head. UGH! This isn't going to work and I flopped on the bed after putting the girls back in their containment unit. For giggle I took a picture of me laying down and standing up. I showed them to Mr. Awesome and we agreed on this one. I hope not to offend.

The memories from those times are not as intense as they were when I first left my abuser. So, please believe me when I say they will eventually wane and ebb away. It takes time for the freshness of your emotions and the past to go away.

It also takes work! Putting your past away on a shelf is not the best way to get through the pain. Doing so, can spill into your relationships with your family, friends and any new relationships you seek out.

What kind of work do you need to do?

Talk to someone that you trust about your past (Counseling or Therapy) If you kids also consider counseling. My Dear Friend, Lydia, whom I have a previous blog post- See here: Someone I think you should know- Lydia about has been an Angel to lean on. Especially since a lot of our experiences are similar.




Journal/Blog

Dive into hobbies or pick up new ones

Exercise

Meditate

Pray/Find a place of worship

Find a new job

Go back to school

Volunteer

Dance even if someone is looking

Laugh- Put on a Comedienne or funny movie

Binge Netflix

Get a massage

Garden

Take care of YOU!

So, if you see other blogs or books about how the Author is fine and moved on. I am sure they still have to work on shaking the past. It doesn't just go away when you leave out the door. Your ex can be like a bad penny.

Moving on also means:

Change your cell number or get a Tracfone and don't give your ex the number!
Instead, let your ex talk to a friend or family member you trust to relay messages if it's an emergency.

Get rid of your computer or tablet or at least make sure your GPS location is not on. The same goes with your phone. Your ex could very well put tracking programs on your devices.

Change passwords on everything.

Make sure you don't list your whereabouts on social media. Don't make it easy for your ex to find you.

Don't ever be alone with your ex! This is important! Use friends/family or law enforcement for visitations.

Go home different ways. Learn to be situational aware.

Take a self defense course.

Remember you are worthy of love.

When you look at the smiles on my blog, please know that everything is still not peaches and cream. As it is my ex is still cyber stalking me. He still talks to others about me. I'm sure he still carries a torch for me, even though he is married to another.

Gaslighters/Narcissists, don't give up easily. You see, you are like a toy that was misplaced and he/she wants to find you again. In many cases, your ex may still try to harm you even 5+ years later.

What do you do? Can you ever have normalcy? Will there ever be a time when your ex's name doesn't come up in any conversation?

Yes and yes.

Protect yourself Dear One. But don't guard your heart so tightly that you chase real love away.

In closing, remember:

Trust your gut.

Have patience.

Educate yourself with the legal in's and out's of your separation/custody/state laws.

Believe in yourself.

And most of all remember- I believe in you!

Big hugs,
Mel


PS: My book is done! I have asked a dear friend to do a cover photo for me and I am hoping to have it available for sale on Amazon before the year ends. I'm anxious to get it out there. Not really excited, does that make sense?

More news to come about this and more in the next few weeks!

PPS: If you are helping someone trapped in an abusive relationship and don't know quite how to handle it, please call National Domestic Violence Hotline (800)799-7233.
Be patient with your loved one! They maybe terrified of leaving.

How I met the love of my life

I finished my book and hope to have it finalized before the end of the year! 

I've had a wonderful support team help in proofing it and can't thank them enough. They did offer a suggestion...

How in the world did Mr. Awesome (Terry) come into the picture?

I hadn't gave that much thought, until they mentioned it. 

Well! We met via the antique shop I managed with my ex. Terry came in for consignment,with his Sister one evening as I was getting ready to close. His Sister explained that he needed to downsize his home. 

His plan was to sell everything and travel the States. He was also waiting for a job offer to come through. This position was with the government and had already taken a number of months to submit paperwork and an impressive background check.

He liked the shop well enough and decided to allow me to sell his stuff. 

Now, I was still married to my ex and my mind was not on filling my empty heart with another. Though Terry had dreamy eyes (He still does!)

I advised my ex that we had a new guy coming in. I was immediately peppered with questions about Terry's appearance. If I thought he was good looking and the like.

I managed to sell quite a bit of Terry's items in just a few months and he made a wee bit over a grand in just a little time. 

Terry and his brother had went out to celebrate after receiving his first consignment. He gave me a phone call to thank me for all my help. I, so happened to be out with my Son down the street from our home for karate lessons when the call came. 

We chatted briefly. I felt flushed and anxious as I knew Will would possibly check my calls when I arrived back. 

Sure enough he checked my cell and began to interrogate me about who it was. Why did he call? Was I screwing around with him? And so on. This went on for several hours. I adamantly was not having an affair with Terry or anyone else.

Will finally let it go for the night. 

The next day I was called by Will about 4 times an hour, throughout the day to grill me if Terry had shown up. He made a few threatening remarks and of course I was a mess the whole day.

Terry and his brother happen to show up with more goodies to consign. He asked how I was and for some reason the flood gates opened and I just started crying. 

I apologized about not being professional and losing it. He gently told me "No worries". I left them to finish unloading, so I could compose myself. 

I was embarrassed! I didn't intend to breakdown, much less in front of a stranger. Terry finished and came up to the desk. He apologized if his call got me in hot water and said if I ever decided to leave the guy to give him a call. He would be happy to buy me a celebratory drink. 

I thanked him and that was it. I didn't give the exchange any further thought. I would be lying if I didn't want to just rush off with this guy. He seemed so easy going and he made me laugh every time we chatted. 

When Will came to the shop and Terry was around or if he would see him coming into the shop, he would make me go upstairs. We kept stock and other random things up there that was not open to the public. He would call me down when Terry left. 

A few times I heard Terry ask for me, but Will would say I was busy. Will would later mockingly say "Your boyfriend stopped by. Why does he ask for you Mel? Is that because your seeing him?" 

Several months after leaving Will, I had finally decided to call my dearest Friend, Darlene. She had been a good source of solace, friendship and sounding board. I trust her with my life. I mean that! She's my 2nd Momma.

So, we talked about getting together for a evening. I did call Terry for giggles and another friend. Terry was surprised to hear from me, as well as to the news that I was no longer with Will. He promised he would buy me that drink to celebrate. 

Subject change. I've mentioned that I advise against taking up the party lifestyle, drinking and so on. I only do this because of little experience, as small of a window that it was. Do as I say, not as I do! 

Back to the story!

I met Darlene, having 1 Captain and Morgan. My Sister got me hooked on them. I am a light weight! I don't drink a lot. Too much hurts my stomach. So, I am lucky if I get 3 down. Also, I have found through some research my Lyme Disease does affect the body. There I go again, back to the story again.

So, I'm several sheets to the wind after 1 drink. Terry shows up and he converses with Darlene about my state. 

By the way, I am a cheerful person and this amplifies when I've had a few. I sing, dance and laugh a lot (without drinking) figure in drinking. OH BOY! I've been told I'm a blast. Mind you, this is after a drink or 2.

He advises Darlene he will get me some coffee and food in my belly. She leaves me hesitantly but I recall he giving me a hug and telling me to call her the next day if I remember.

Terry took me down the road to a restaurant. I unloaded again! I didn't leave anything out. I told him about the abuse, the swinging, affairs Will had, our cooties (HSV2- Herpes Simplex 2), and my thoughts about running away to a commune or somewhere in the woods to go off-grid. Believe it or not that guy didn't run away screaming. 

I felt relieved. I sobered up pretty well. We talked for hours. We parted ways, but before doing so, he asked me to text him so he knew I made it home okay.  

I texted him and he asked if it would be okay if he could maybe chat with me again or if I would consider going out on a real date sometime. I said sure. I didn't want to sound too eager. The madness of Will was still a huge part of my life at this time. Jumping into a relationship wasn't something I wasn't sure I wanted to do. But, I admit, I really liked Terry.

He called me the next day! He asked if I would go on a day trip with him. It would be a surprise.

We met early in the morning for breakfast. Then we went to go Antiquing! He didn't think I got a chance to do so since I was at the shop about 7 days a week. 

Afterwards we had lunch at a cute little greasy spoon. He said he had another surprise trip in mind. 

I mentioned to him during my drunken rant that of things and placed I hadn't seen or done. One of the places I mentioned was a Casino. So, he took me to Four Winds Casino. It was about a 40 minute drive. He gave me money to play. I lost it quickly. 

Our day lasted from 8:00 am til 10:30ish. I didn't want to it to end! I had a great time. 

He called me for another date and we were Peas in the pod since then! 

Terry became my rock for me when I wavered. He has gallantly helped me through some knee knocking situations during tough times. 

He's wiped my tears, been a big protector of us, made sense of what seemed like insanity. Most importantly, loved my children, even when it was tough to do so. Even now, 8 years later, my heart still skips a beat when I see him. I love him more everyday. 

I'm grateful the Lord opened my heart to love again. It could have been a different situation if I found another like my ex, as so many victims find. 

So, dearest Blog reader, I hope hearing this helps. I pray it aspires your to believe in a "Happily ever after..." It is attainable to find your Mr./Ms. Awesome. Don't give up!

Remember, I BELIEVE IN YOU!

Big hugs!
Mel