WHAT THE HECK AM I THINKING WITH THAT TITLE?!?
Mr. Awesome and I had a discussion on memories of our youth. We talked about our attributes, so I asked... What would you change on me? YES! I opened that box, can of worms, gates or what-have-you.
He said a perky set would be nice. But of course, not required. He added he wishes certain parts could also be back where they belong. Sorry to be so graphic.
It got me thinking.
These girls have a mothering history:
4 children were nurtured and rested upon them when they were hungry, scared and when they just needed a hug.
On a sour note:
They were pinched hard
Squeezed tirelessly
Smacked
Bitten until they bleed. I swear my nipples would just fall off a few times
They have been pulled until I lost my breath
My girls may not be pretty anymore. They may not be as at attention as they once were but they stand as a reminder that I was able to have them to mother my children and withstand sometimes brutal experiences.
Sometimes scars aren't visible. Sometimes the wounded recess of our brains still fire up with sad memories. Even though, I have clearly moved on, I still have moments from the past that gives me pause. Now, I had thought about this above picture before posting it. I talked to Mr. Awesome several days after our conversation. He back peddled and advised that he wasn't saying I needed to get an enhancement done or anything and that I was just perfect to him.
I told him of my thoughts and that I was thinking of doing a nude picture of me and my breasts. Without batting an eye, he said, "Whatever you want Babe and thank you for asking my opinion first."
So, after about 5 or 6 pictures in various poses, it felt WAY TOO pornish to me. I could even imagine the funky music in my head. UGH! This isn't going to work and I flopped on the bed after putting the girls back in their containment unit. For giggle I took a picture of me laying down and standing up. I showed them to Mr. Awesome and we agreed on this one. I hope not to offend.
The memories from those times are not as intense as they were when I first left my abuser. So, please believe me when I say they will eventually wane and ebb away. It takes time for the freshness of your emotions and the past to go away.
It also takes work! Putting your past away on a shelf is not the best way to get through the pain. Doing so, can spill into your relationships with your family, friends and any new relationships you seek out.
What kind of work do you need to do?Talk to someone that you trust about your past (Counseling or Therapy) If you kids also consider counseling. My Dear Friend, Lydia, whom I have a previous blog post- See here: Someone I think you should know- Lydia about has been an Angel to lean on. Especially since a lot of our experiences are similar.
Journal/Blog
Dive into hobbies or pick up new ones
Exercise
Meditate
Pray/Find a place of worship
Find a new job
Go back to school
Volunteer
Dance even if someone is looking
Laugh- Put on a Comedienne or funny movie
Binge Netflix
Get a massage
Garden
Take care of YOU!
So, if you see other blogs or books about how the Author is fine and moved on. I am sure they still have to work on shaking the past. It doesn't just go away when you leave out the door. Your ex can be like a bad penny.
Moving on also means:
Change your cell number or get a Tracfone and don't give your ex the number!
Instead, let your ex talk to a friend or family member you trust to relay messages if it's an emergency.
Get rid of your computer or tablet or at least make sure your GPS location is not on. The same goes with your phone. Your ex could very well put tracking programs on your devices.
Change passwords on everything.
Make sure you don't list your whereabouts on social media. Don't make it easy for your ex to find you.
Don't ever be alone with your ex! This is important! Use friends/family or law enforcement for visitations.
Go home different ways. Learn to be situational aware.
Take a self defense course.
Remember you are worthy of love.
When you look at the smiles on my blog, please know that everything is still not peaches and cream. As it is my ex is still cyber stalking me. He still talks to others about me. I'm sure he still carries a torch for me, even though he is married to another.
Gaslighters/Narcissists, don't give up easily. You see, you are like a toy that was misplaced and he/she wants to find you again. In many cases, your ex may still try to harm you even 5+ years later.
What do you do? Can you ever have normalcy? Will there ever be a time when your ex's name doesn't come up in any conversation?
Yes and yes.
Protect yourself Dear One. But don't guard your heart so tightly that you chase real love away.
In closing, remember:
Trust your gut.
Have patience.
Educate yourself with the legal in's and out's of your separation/custody/state laws.
Believe in yourself.
And most of all remember- I believe in you!
Big hugs,
Mel
PS: My book is done! I have asked a dear friend to do a cover photo for me and I am hoping to have it available for sale on Amazon before the year ends. I'm anxious to get it out there. Not really excited, does that make sense?
More news to come about this and more in the next few weeks!
PPS: If you are helping someone trapped in an abusive relationship and don't know quite how to handle it, please call National Domestic Violence Hotline (800)799-7233.
Be patient with your loved one! They maybe terrified of leaving.
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