I will not be silenced

Over 10 years ago there was a "me" that many of you would not recognize if you saw her. That lady was unsure of herself, felt depressed, suicidal and losing hope. Celebrating my recent "Survivalversary" was a HUGE milestone for me and my girls! 

Catch the video here-10-year Survivalversary! To step out of my comfort zone a little more, I have been reaching out to Podcasters, Bloggers, and other social media news outlets to share my story. 

I was honored by a local Facebook group to be interviewed. When it posted I received more "Shares" than any of my other posts! I was humbled by the victims, Survivors, and several parents of victims that reached out to me after reading that article. Not only that but a person from my past began to post some nasty and opposite comments. I never saw them but the kind fellow that ran the page did. He was threatened with legal action and took the post down. 

So, what's a Survivor to do? She remembers that she copied and pasted most of the article to her Instagram account! Here is a bit of what caused the ruckus:

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Me & Lt. Dan the Wonder Goat

“He likes the dark side; not the human side,” Melinda says, talking about her ex-husband. “I suffered every kind of abuse – verbal, physical, sexual.” Melinda is a survivor of domestic abuse and now shares her story, writes, and helps other victims of abuse. She is also a super cheerful, welcoming, warm person. “My husband was charming, smart and friendly, and a psychopath – like Ted Bundy. He told me that if I ever left him, he had chosen a spot to bury my body.” It took Melinda 18 years to leave him. “He didn’t just threaten me, but also the children and my family. He called me horrible names, hit me, beat me, told me I was worthless and said the world would be a better place if I walked in front of a bus… And at times I thought about doing just that.” 

Now, Melinda is happily married to Terry and lives in Newton County, Indiana. “Terry is Mr. Awesome,” she says, beaming. “Every day is great.” One of the challenges Melinda faced in deciding to leave her ex-husband were feelings of shame. “I worried what people would think, especially after staying with him for so long.” Once she did leave, she found, "Everyone was very supportive." After talking with Melinda for a while, she told me, “The abuse started before I got married, It began with my stepfather when I was four. My mother never knew... It was hard to tell her.” You can read Melinda's blog, "Hope when there was none"

Not to be deterred I am continuing to share anywhere I can so others know they are not alone and to bring light onto a dark subject. There can be healing! It takes time, patience, and a conscious choice to want to shake off the negative armor that has been holding onto you for so long. Breaking the patterns of abuse in your life from a partner, friend, parent, co-worker or family member is done in small stages. Find what healing modality works for you! What worked for me may not work for you.

Consider:

Journal- I can't tell you how eye-opening and wonderful this healing tool was for me. There were many tear soaked pages but this was my favorite and most effective healer for me.

Counseling/Therapy/Holistic healing

Medication- If you have medical issues or mental health challenges

Grounding- Or just getting outside for 5 minutes or more a day

Music- Put on some positive tunes and dance/sing

Buy yourself some flowers/something special

Learn a new hobby/career

Create a Bucket List- see mine here My Bucket List

Make a Vision board make a list of your dreams/goals

Go break or throw something- Dishes/Furniture/Rocks- make sure it is in a safe place and yours! There is something freeing about thinking about a situation or your ex and doing this. A friend shared that there is a place in our area where you pay $30 to blow off steam by breaking things!

Gun range/lessons/paintball

Self-defense/martial arts class

Support group in your area/online- These can get pretty heavy and you may need to step away from them from time to time. 

Call a friend or support person

Read a good book- Choose a self-help/inspirational book

Play a game/watch a video/TV- Something uplifting

Positive Affirmations

Mirror work

Arts n' Crafts

Play instrument

Meditate

If you have children that were exposed to abuse, even if they didn't see the abuse, kids are smart they probably heard you and could feel the tension. Get them involved in your healing! They need this too!

These are a few things you can do for yourself/kids. There are oodles more and if you have questions or would like more ideas please drop me a line. Before I go here is a shameless plug:

Purchase "Call me Master- A memoir of escaping abuse" and "Rising from the Ashes- Awakening the beauty of life after abuse" here Amazon.

OR

I do offer my books free in PDF form for victims and Survivors. If you do honor me with a purchase of my books, 100% of the proceeds of "Call me Master" goes back into my local community group 

Heart to Heart Outreach has an AMAZING team of gals that creates baskets of toiletries, kitchen and bath items for Survivors to start over. If you are interested in the PDF version please message me privately. I do also have these available for my group members- Hope when there was none Group which is a closed group focusing on self-love and healing. Stay safe! Feel free to message me if you have any questions or just want to connect with me. 

BIG HUGS,

Mel

Tired of being tired Pt 2

Can I totally melt down yet?

After my previous post I received my Western blot testing...

I'm positive for Lyme Disease. I had the results last Saturday and I have to say I felt elated and even gave a pretty excited posting on FB. Not that I am happy with the thought of how devastating this diagnosis can be, but because I narrowed down the root cause of my health issues after many years.

I would like to say that it's still my ex's fault but it's not. More than likely it was a tick, spider, mite or mosquito with Lyme. I can recall 3 instances when I received something funky. I never found a tick on my person. They appeared as a mosquito bite and the next subsequent days they looked like a nasty bug bite. I did go to the ER for the first one but was told it was more than likely a spider bite and if I worsened to have me return to the ER. Well, it itched and looked nasty for about a week and went away.

Not thinking anything of it, fast forward to the last few years and lots of aches and pains later, here I am.

Now what? I'm reading all I can on Lyme's and have a few dear Friends that are Lyme Warriors that have given me some great info for this journey. Terry and I went to the office that provided the test results for protocol. I will be on antibiotics for 6 months. WHEW!

Lesson learned to be persistent with medical professionals if something is not right. I did also return for a more through test on my Thyroid and will complete my Adrenal testing as well and should have the results next month on that.

I ended up going back to work on the 9th of this month. I felt terrible on Monday, excellent on Tuesday and Wednesday was a horrible day! I could barely walk into the building, I shuffled in, kind of like Tim Conway does as the Old Man, except not as funny. I couldn't open up the door to the office and started crying while waiting for co-worker that took pity on my I believe to open the door.
I walked to my desk just crying, I couldn't take off my coat, I couldn't take my Quart jar (holds my water) out of my bag, my Supervisor helped me sit down. I didn't have the strength to pull and push my chair to sit down. It took me 20 mins to log into my computer. I couldn't get my fingers to work! I was so flustered and upset.

Part of me was upset because Terry didn't think I could make 3 days and here I was on the third day sitting at my desk blubbering like a baby. Terry had been staying in the area so I texted him to pick me up. I was hoping I could start again on Thursday but there was no change. Thursday night I chatted with Terry and a few good friends that encouraged me to do what felt right, my health comes first!

I felt like a failure. I was disappointed at myself. My Warrior spirit felt like it's weaning. I still believe God is with me, just like so many other low or concerning times in my life.I'm not throwing in the towel, just venting.

Of course, I also do not have the Lyme Disease that makes you lose weight. SIGH! Just making light of this, no seriousness intended.  It has messed with my Thyroid so I have the reverse. Though with watching what I eat, see my previous post-Tired of being tired Pt 1.

I think about so many others that are struggling with worse health issues and count my blessings. Since I'm not working I have to figure out how to creatively make ends meet.

Anyone interested in a Survivor of abuse, turned health activist, Antique/vintage dealer, Doula, Reflexologist, herbalist and hobby farmer? Happy to telecommute!

This journey has taught me to appreciate everyday! My past and where I am now is so much better. I have a sense of peace, the normalcy I yearned for, though there is still some sort of drama here and there that is unrelated. And on a positive note I now have a growing collection of walking sticks and canes to help me with my balance issues on rough days!

Please see my previous post labels: Safety plan, Leaving your abuser, Positive Affirmations, Gaslighter or maybe you want to know more about my journey, see About me. My journey started the moment I left my ex.

I know God is in control! Even when everything seems like it is spinning out of hand. The Lord knows every hair on your head, where you have been and where you are going. If you need to talk, need to pray or want to find out more about the Lord, please feel free to email me, leave me a comment or find me as "Melinda Campos Kunst" on FB.

On side note, I found the nerve to color my hair PINK!

My Hubby cut it SHORT so I can wear it as a "Faux hawk"! I loved it! It lasted about a week before I decided I was ready to go back to my normal color.

I had received more then a handful of comments of "Why did you do that?!" and raised more than a few eyebrows at church. Two things:

1) I always wanted pink hair, even before it was popular to do funky colors with your hair.

2) It felt empowering to cut and color my hair how "I" wanted it to be. Terry was fine with the color as long as I was happy with it, he would be happy.With my ex even my hair had to be looking perfect. He hated short hair! It's so super easy to deal with especially right now, when I am lucky if I feel like getting dressed everyday.Strange enough, I felt very empowered by my rockin spunky new look!  I'll be growing out my lovely locks so I can actually do some neato hair styles I found on Pinterest. YES, you will find me on there! One of my vices to get lost on!

I pray that your path finds you with much joy, happiness, safety and love. The path is slow, rocky and sometimes seems like too much, but it's worth it in the end. Don't give up! I'm rooting for you! I'll follow up with more info on my health journey as it comes!

God bless and BIG hugs!
Mel

I left now what?!

So you maybe thinking, "I took a leap and now what Mel?"

The path you are going on is going to be hard. There will be tears, screaming, and total shaking of your head at times. You may not believe how the legal system is treating you and you could feel like the one at fault. Though the process stinks from time to time, if you follow the rules, listen to your attorney or authorities you can make it through this.

Ever hear the statement- "CYA! Cover Your Ass!" Sorry to be blunt. Everything you can do to leave a paper trail, legally the better!

I encourage your to learn as much as you can about the laws for your location. This is not very interesting information but arming yourself about the In's and Out's of the legal system can help you immensely! A judge can see you as more professional which is something that can work to your advantage.

If you have any engagement with an attorney, police or Judge, try to remain calm. Don't give out too much information, such as, they are not going to care if you were running a marathon wearing pink lipstick or if you were trying to read a book. They want to know just the facts of what the matter is.

Keep a journal of any incidents of threatening texts/emails/voice mails/visits. These can be used as evidence of a poor behavior. Hold onto this information for as long as your case is going through and maybe even a year or two after that.

Ditch anything that your ex could possibly have bugged if possible or go through the item with a fine toothed comb. Spy ware, GPS, or a Lo-jack sort of system is just a small bit of technology your abuser can use to hunt you down or further harm you.

If you are leaving the area where you reside to get to safety I encourage you to find out what laws may make you come back or charge you with jail time. Again, sometimes the legal system can make you the bad guy. Stories are splashed on the news of victims jailed because they fled with children into a different state line.

Get a new bank account, change your passwords online, screen your calls and friends on social media. Don't answer the phone for your abuser or call back right away unless it is a "REAL" emergency! One of the happiest moments after leaving my ex, was that I wasn't at his beck and call anymore and I didn't have to answer his call or messages right away. I could wait a day or longer if I really needed to reply at all! There was a point where I informed him to only contact me if emergency otherwise email me. Soon after I was able to get a Order of Protection due to harassment and went through my attorney and a family member for emergencies. I got to tell you how nice this was/is!

Make sure you let a trusted family member or friend know your whereabouts! Make sure you are situationally aware of your surroundings. Trust your guts! Also if there is a visitation please make sure you do the visitation in a public setting or depending on the situation (if violent or disruption issues)ask to have visitations to be hosted at a specialized setting set by the court. These facilities are considered supervised and will have security for you and your family. There is a time limit given for families to visit. Ask your legal professional about this! Also consider asking for a GAL-Guardian ad Litem to assist if needed in children if they are distressed about past or with current situation with your ex. A GAL is an advocate for your child/ren and will help your child work through the issues with your ex.

Now, you maybe thinking, you have heard all this from me before. DUH! Well, sometimes we need reminding. This crazy roller coaster can make you loopy and frustrated! I'm here to let you know that I understand the madness of what you are going through.

If you haven't already done so and need a place to go to stay, call local shelters for help on counseling, legal services, or housing. Especially if you need a place to stay for yourself and children. You may need to tuck your pride aside and just call. These homes are guarded, secure and the folks that work or volunteer here are trained and professional. When I first left my ex in 2007, we were treated with kindness, compassion as well as with clothing and toiletries! That first time all we had was the clothes on our back! There are single women that go here to. Now for males with violent situations this is harder to find but there are services you can utilize as well. Please call your local shelter to inquire.

Now is the time to reclaim yourself! Get back your life! Kick any bad habits! Learn to love yourself and find you again!

You may feel devastated or confused about what the next day is going to bring for to you. I have to let you know that thinking about my future is what drove me to starting again. Knowing I can do what comes my way and that the good Lord is my driving force is what helps me!

After a few days or weeks after leaving you and your child/ren could experience, nightmares, panic attacks, anxieties, medical conditions out of the blue, irrational behavior, mood swings, school work can suffer and depression to name a few things. 

Wait? What?! These may even manifest months or years later. Be mindful to journal or keep a calendar of these challenges and share with your advocate/legal professional/counselor.

Speaking of Counseling. I found counselling didn't work for me, as I found myself feeling worse or more stressed out than when I arrived, this may not be the norm but I did see at least 5 different counselors/therapists. I didn't do well on anti-depressants as they made me eat alot and suicidal. So where did that leave me?

I am on a journey to find what works for me and my children and you have to find what works for you and I am not condoning modern medicine or therapy or shaking my finger at you as this is your journey, find what works for you! This road has led me to:

Reading my Bible

Blogging

Journal

Going to a drumming circle

Using essential oils- Feeling therapy- a shameless plug for YL Oils, I am a distributor

Smudging my home, myself and family

Creating a Bucket List

Positive affirmations

Meditation- This is something that is hard for me to focus as my mind is going 50 miles a minute!
Recently Yoga- Now I wish I look this graceful. I actually don't bend well, and teeter over like a Weeble (showing my age)

I also do things I have always enjoyed: Garage/Yard sales, crafting, antiquing, public speaking engagements-Most are craft/Reflexology/Antique related. I have also learned how to raise chickens, ducks, guinea fowl, rabbits and bees! 

I even went to school again for Medical Assisting- I have the degree but have yet- 4 years later to find a job in that profession (GRRFACE!) I still have the student loan to pay back go figure! These are just a few things that are helping me to find "ME". Sounds strange doesn't it? 

Like, what? were you lost? 

Yes I was for a very long time. I lost my moxie, spunk and zest for life. I lived my life but didn't really live it. I got by. Like a zombie. I got used to just surviving the moment. Not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, not wanting to cause or start an argument, rolling over when things get tough. Not finding my voice when I am in an uncomfortable situation or just agreeing with something or someone when I really don't want to.  

All of these things take time to learn and do. It isn't happening over night. If I could have asked God to take it all away, I wouldn't. The experiences have made me stronger. Now as for forgiveness for what my abuser did to me, I forgave him awhile back, but with the molesting of my daughter, that I am having a hard time with.  I am being honest about that. I go back and forth about this, knowing Biblical I need to forgive, I'm just not ready yet. 

I hope these have helped you! Thanks for listening to me ramble on.

Also please refer to my other blog posts on similar topics. 

Stay safe and God bless!

Mel

"I don't want to be alone."

"What if I never find love?"
"What if I never find someone to never hurt me again?"
"I don't want to be alone"
"I'm damaged goods and no one will ever want me"
"How come I keep attracting such losers?"

Sound familiar?

I've said those words. I've thought those thoughts. I have been there. I have been in a crowded room feeling more lonely then ever.
It's a tough situation. Especially when your heart is feeling like it is twisted and torn apart.

Perhaps your thinking, "Seriously, Melinda!? I'm so not thinking about anyone right now!" Maybe not, but there may come a time when you get a hankering for a companion.

So thoughts on this?

How about a pet! A fish, four legged critter or something that slithers! Animals are very grounding, loving and can just melt away much the tension from a love lost or abusive situation. A plus is a cat or dog can make an excellent alarm system for you if things are hairy with an ex.

"How can I ever trust a man/woman again!?"

Baby steps! Healing needs to be a priority! Your mind, body and spirit can be off kilter, making you feel moody, depressed and unsure of yourself.

I felt very unworthy, ugly and just plain unlovable for over a year later after finally leaving my ex. No matter what my family and friends did to try to give me kind compliments and boosting me, I didn't believe any of it. Looking in the mirror was something I rarely did for long periods of time. Feeling ashamed to look myself in the eye.

I hated that woman in the mirror. She was a coward, stupid and a waste of flesh. She was someone that allowed a monster harm her children and herself. Digging out of the darkness and into the light was a challenge. The smile that was plastered on my face for so long was forced, painted on and not genuine. A friend encouraged me to look at myself in the mirror, telling myself as I looked myself in the eye that I loved myself, that I was beautiful and worthy to be loved. This took time! I couldn't do it at first, half chuckling and feeling foolish. That was hard, but why?

I left my abuser! Why didn't I feel better? Why didn't I feel better about me?

I can be my own worst enemy.

I begun to pour over self help books, positive affirmations, making myself vision boards, creating goals and wishes for me. Eating better, exercising more and finding out what I wanted in life for me and my kids.

Over the past few years I have been in and out of counselors offices. My favorite counselor, Kim, excused herself from our case due to threats and fear of my ex. This sadden me and the girls, since we all loved her. She was like a old friend that we could tell anything too and left the visit with dried tears but yet comforted. After that I never found that feeling again, also after leaving my last counseling session, I felt worse then when I went in!

What's a girl to do? I began to do meditation, started to journal and blogging again. I started to find things I always wanted to learn and do. Enter a reawakening of my spiritual journey! I thirsted for the living water that I only found in my Bible and church (a great KJV Bible believing church!). On this journey I have found healing of my spirit and self and met a bunch of wonderful people in the mean time.

I created a Bucket List, as suggested, by my then boyfriend, Terry. He suggested to think of as many big, outlandish or small things that tickle my fancy. View my Labels for my previous post for my list!

I have to admit that I am very blessed to have found someone that is supportive, loving and caring so quickly after leaving my abuser. I wasn't looking for love at that time. I really wanted to run off in the woods with my kids and become a homesteader living off the land. I did get part of that! I didn't bargain for love, but have thanked God for him.

Trust your instincts if you begin your journey on healing. Keep yourself safe and if you have kids or furbabies, see how they interact with the new person you let in. BUT, do so with an open mind. Even though you really like this person, most kids and dogs can be an excellent judge of a person!

In a nutshell, you don't have to be alone, but you do need to be safe, take it slow and be open to other friends and loved one's when you do let someone into your life again. You will get there, believe me but it takes time. Don't rush it!

God bless and big hugs!
Mel

Got lists?

 

 

The first few days after leaving my abuser, I was so distraught and unsure how to proceed. I had no money, my family was kind to offer refuge. But I had no job. No plans and not a clue where to proceed further.

 

Though I had planned my escape, but neglected to think further about my future. I only focused on breaking free. When I finally settled down after a few weeks I knew I needed to start again and reinvent myself for a new beginning.

I pulled out a notebook and started writing lists! Lists of things to do in the present, things to do in the future and things that needed to be done immediately.

I also made a list of goals, dreams and things I wanted to achieve. I know I have my Bucket List on here and that was right around the time I started my other lists.  All of these lists are different for everyone. As no one has the same path, goal or dreams.

I knew I needed to work on important situations; eg., the safety of my children and me! So a Order of Protection was #1 on that list! I had information about local law enforcement, shelter information, began to research how to represent myself legally and what firm grounds did I have to keep my kids. I needed to look for a job in order to have some sort of income and listed friends and family that may or did know someone hiring.

I had a list of things I needed to supply our new apartment that my sister kindly helped decorate and fill a bit. I didn't have dishes, or a coffee pot or groceries. The kids needed supplies for school since I abruptly pulled them out of school.

I moved on to future needful things that were not necessary but a bit of a pipe dream. A new home, car, safety and even for the possibility to live off the grid someone in the woods, as I didn't want another relationship for a long time (Boy! God has a great sense of humor, as my current husband and I began to dating, I was blindsided by that!)

I created my Bucket List with Terry's urging, and I listed things I always wanted to do, see and learn. My lists changed as I grew and became more confident. I felt progress as I scratched off things and sometimes those lists felt very overwhelming!

I created a vision board to reflect wishes for a new life. And over viewing that board 5 years later, much of those things did happen!

Start off small! As this can be too overwhelming, especially if you are already stressed out due to leaving your ex.

Write 5 goals or things to do in immediately, present and future. If you don't get everything done on your list, don't stress out about it, move onto something else. Make a list of silly things that you have always wanted to do, you don't have to call it a Bucket list. Or make a Vision board! Cut out magazines with pictures or positive words that speak to you!

Give yourself a realistic time limit to get these done and again don't stress if they aren't done or you only check off a few things from your list. These things take time. Don't give up and stay strong!

God bless and BIG HUGS!
Mel

Happily ever after...

I went through with it. I confessed to Terry some of my fears. God love him! He gave me some time to think and offered to call everything off. I felt so silly. I hyperventilated the whole week prior.  The big day came and the big day was beautiful! We couldn't have asked for better weather! We had a quick ceremony at church and then everyone piled into their cars and traveled down to the homestead, to feast on yummy food brought by my family and friends.

I got my Final Decree in the mail. It was very emotional for me. I cried for a bit. Feeling relief, overwhelmed, joy. I remain cautious while out and about as well as at home. 

Remember, yes there can be a "Happily ever ..." after a DV relationship.

It starts with -

*Leaving a paper trail. Tell anyone you can about the abuse. File police reports and Orders of Protection!

*Making a Safety plan

*Leaving your abuser

*Ditching the ties with the Abuser and possibly his/her family. There are times when some families say they are your allies but as time progresses true colors come out or fear of your abuser get to them. They may become defensive or defend the abuser. Suddenly, your support from his/her side wavers and poof! You could become the bad guy! Leaving you to scratch your head...

*Learning to live again without CHAOS! My daughter was on the phone with a friend and she could hear the dad yelling at the mom. My daughter J, was sad for her friend. But happy that's not a part of our lives anymore!

*LOVING YOURSELF! That's a hard one, at least it was/is for me.

* Stop blaming YOURSELF! It's hard not silence the nagging little voice of your abuser that can pop up randomly.

*BREAK the PATTERN of the same type of love relationships. You meet Mr./Mrs. Wonderful at a bar and they seem to always be losers. HELLO! Or you seem to keep attracting the same type of bad personality? It happens to many women/men. Your not alone! I was asked to date on various occassions but something seemed off and not right. Glad I listened to my inner guts, because lo and behold BINGO Dr. Hyde comes out.

*Don't bed the first person that sweeps you off your feet. Take time to get to know the person. Don't be afraid to ask his/her friends and family about this person. Google them!

Now don't email me about the laws on this stuff, I'm no attorney. I found out one gentleman was deep into BD/SM (Not that I am knocking that, it's just not a thing I want to jump back into. Not my cup of tea) and he was asked to retire from the Police due to ties to several unsolved murders of prisoners and has had sexual assault charges brought against him by other female officers. THANK YOU GOOGLE!

If you still feel like he or she is too good to be true, hire a detective. Ask YOUR friends and family what they see or think. It helps to have another pair of eyes to see what you may "not" want to see. You can see Mr./Mrs. Wonderful through rose colored glasses. So be open to hear what they have to say!

*Change you! You are deserving of happiness and joy! Break any kind of habits that aren't good for you. (In my own opinion) Smoking, drugs, alcohol, anything that is illegal. Maybe partying all night. Dressing provocatively. I personally want a person to be attracted to me, not the clothes I'm wearing. I want their eyes to be fixed on mine not my breasts or my behind. You attract what you put out there. I'm more modest at my old age.

*Start your change by taking up a long forgotten hobby, Vision (Wish/Prayer) board or create a Bucket list of things you want to do (See previous posts). Whether it's losing weight, breaking out your glue gun, writing, singing, dancing or what have you. The world is still your oyster! Grab it!

*Think positive! Kick old thoughts to the curb. Challenge yourself to say something positive to yourself or those around you.  Remember if you have children (pets) that have endured abuse they need a boost too! Get them involved in making a positive change for the better. Remind children that the relationship you had with your abuser is not the "Norm". That there is better times. That they can do anything they put they're minds to! Remind them that Dad (or Boy/Girlfriend) or Mom's behavior is their's. They can break and make new positive patterns. They are capable of great things too!

All of these take time. They can happen with baby steps, courage, persistance and love. Oh, there will be bumps in the road. (Terry and I have issues but they are nothing compared to the relationship I had with my EX)

Talk to someone, a counselor, friend or family member. Please remember your not alone! There are others just like you suffering in silence. Break the chain! Stand up! Don't take anymore! (I am not encouraging anyone to take another life here)

Get away safely or call the police to keep your abuser away. Tell someone! Anyone! Write a blog! Keep your face in your blog so you keep a name with your face. That you are a person that doesn't want to end up splashed on the news as a statistic.

God bless and keep you Dear Blog reader!

Stay safe!

BIG HUGS!

Mel

My Bucket List

What have you always wanted to do or see? I was encouraged when Terry and I started dating to create a list of things I want to do! This is great to do for you! Dig deep, not necessarily expensive things to do, just random things that you can take off or add to.

When you leave your abuser may have a tendency to just sit and cry. Depression can set in. Get yourself to think about something other than your abuser. Do something for you or do something enjoyable with someone care about. Love life again!


Listen to some big band music, jazz or Irish band or Celtic music or classical- DONE

I want to see a civil war re-enactment- DONE

Go to Amish country

Stay at a Bed and Breakfast for the weekend

Looking at the architecture downtown or FLW's home

Ren Fest

Charity Ball or go somewhere so I can get dressed up and go and feel like a princess

Go to worlds longest garage sale

A concert maybe outdoors (free would be great)**** Took a small trip and heard

Go to an island or on a cruise was talking about it and it sounds lovely

Take a ride on a train to nowhere and see what's there. (Yes man)

Take vocal lessons

Learn to play piano-Update-2015 I bought a keyboard. Never got around to learning to play. I sold it.

Tubing on a calm stream

Air Zoo in MI

Find a field of flowers or tall grass to walk in-DONE

Go to see weird and funky sightseeing places along the road. Like the biggest ball of twine or Toy museum

Travel around the States

Buckley Homestead- Lowell, IN-Done 2014

Jerusalem 

Ireland

Australia

Backpacking through Europe- I wanted to do that when I was a kid

See a Round Barn

Dye part or all of my hair pink! I have wanted to do that since I was a teen and for some reason, this has stayed with me for years. Yea, I'm a goober!- I did this in November of this year! 2014

Learn Reflexology- Learning more and more each year and incorporating Energy work! If you are in NW Indiana drop me a line!- DONE!

See a movie by myself

Write a book about my life- Did this but need to edit and finally edit sometime soon. DONE- 2017 more books to come!

Talk to others (Schools/Women's groups) about Domestic Abuse- I did have a blurb on the internet and in the local paper about me and my story.-DOING this 

Learn to crochet/knit/tat- learning Crocheting! I can single Crochet and Double Crochet! I only know how to make blankets and scarves but it's a start.

Mission work! Our plan is to take our bus (we are converting into an RV!) and go around the US to help others where needed. Maybe an old farm established CSA, or help with disaster relief. We are SUPER close to doing this over the upcoming SUMMER 2016! WAHOO!!- God had other plans! I got sick, we found our "Forever home" and my first Grandbaby arrived!

Take more educational classes for various energy work

Create a successful self-sustaining farmstay/Airbnb where I can host gardening/healing seminars for victims/Survivors

Go to Grant Park and just look at the fountain- DONE!

Make Youtube videos to inspire others that are trapped in DV situations to let them know they are not alone. I want to put a voice with my mug!- DONE! 2016

Camping- DONE

Fishing- DONE

Canoeing- DONE

Snorkeling

Fancy dinner with a waiter, white table cloths and so on-DONE

Learn to play chess

Go on a picnic- DONE

Enrolled in a few classes- Still learning!

To go see a play, doesn't have to be a Broadway play or musical- DONE- My Sister and the theatre group is amazing at the South Suburban College in South Holland, IL

Dunes or Turkey Run, or Mt. Baldy-DONE

Bake Christmas cookies-Do and glad we don't have to do a ton of them. Now we are going sugar-free/gluten free so our menu is changing.

Hiking- PCT/Lewis & Clark/Appalachian Trail

Bike across the US for Domestic Abuse Awareness

Be DEBT FREE

Meet Motivational Speakers/Authors that inspired me