What Does "After Trauma" look like?

 

After you step outside of your toxic relationship you may feel that magically you are fine and you just might. But, there are those that have symptoms as listed below. I'll admit that I was one of those people that thought I was fine and didn't realize that I was living in such a high state of alert all the time that when I finally let it sink in it seemed like my body just decided to fall apart. 

I think of an air-filled balloon that hasn't been tied. Once released and you let go you float around all over the room until it's deflated. That was me! So this is what "after" trauma can look like:

💥 You may feel tired

💥Your brain may feel a bit scattered or foggy

💥You may feel cautious when trusting people

💥Intense emotional times may make you feel edgy

💥 There is the possibility of nightmares/night terrors

💥You may get caught up in a cycle of drama

💥 Emotions can be high

💥 You may feel numb

💥 You may feel alone

So, what can you do to combat these feelings? 

💗Start a healing path

💗Talk with a counselor/therapist or a trusted friend

💗 Using journaling

💗 Listening to uplifting music

💗 Exercise

💗 Getting outdoors

💗 Gardening

💗Learning a hobby

💗 Adopting a pet

💗 Finding faith 

It isn't an easy path and takes time so please be gentle with yourself. Your healing journey can look entirely different than mine or someone else you know. Try to do something daily. This may mean you make your bed, brush your teeth, or even take a shower! 

If you need to talk don't hesitate to message me privately. If you are in an escalated situation please reach out to your local law enforcement, or reach out to The Hotline. If you need a safe place to stay contact Domestic Shelters.

Stay safe & BIG HUGS,

Mel

Are you living in “Victim mode”?

Victim mode or Victim mentality can happen to anyone.

It's where you feel victimized by the actions of others or you may feel or behave as if the world is against you. Perhaps things are challenging in your life and you feel like nothing ever goes right and if you can't prove it you may feel the circumstances are unfair. Even when things are going right you find fault or things wrong.

Life presents challenges in life. No one is without fault, loss, or circumstances that they have no control over.

It's alright to feel sorry for what you can not control. Such as abuse, mourning a loss, victim of a crime, losing your job, your relationship. Start to examine if you feel that things are happening to you. Living as a victim can stop you from moving forward. Victimhood can stop you from taking action and responsibility for your life. You may continually feel powerless. No one chooses to be victimized. But how you respond afterward is crucial.

If you are living in this mode you may feel that you:

Have a right to complain about your situation.

Feel that you need attention or that others should feel sorry for you.

You find it difficult to find happiness in life.

No one should criticize you or upset you because of what you experienced. You may avoid taking a leap of faith into a new job or relationship.

You can live your life on a repeat of the incident or the circumstances that brought you to this point of victimhood.

You overthink situations or over-complicate situations so they become drama.

People may feel guilty for not helping you.

When meeting people you may overshare your own story.

You keep yourself so busy that you don't have time to deal with your past in order to heal.

People close to you may unknowingly be creating a situation of co-dependency. The victim may lash out at anyone trying to help the victim and the victim defends their behavior.

Much of this is unintentional.

Victimhood can also be handed down from generation to generation. Perhaps you saw this behavior from a family member or you had a codependent relationship with someone. Victim mode could have been a way to survive for you.

So what can you do?

The first step is to recognize that this can be an issue.

Stop blaming others and accept responsibility to create your own happiness.

Start taking note of negative thoughts or behaviors throughout your day. This includes where you feel jealous about others, complain or judge others.

Journal your actions and thoughts as you begin to recognize negative patterns.

Use gratitude to remind yourself of the blessings you do have in your life.

Start to create positive routines and habits.

Find forgiveness for yourself and others. Let go of the past. You can't change it! Learn the lesson even if it was heartbreaking and take baby steps to heal from that wound.

Let go of the anger you have towards yourself or others.

Where are you dependent on others? Can you pay it forward or start taking steps to lessen that dependency. That may look like looking for a job, learning to budget, finding counseling, or learning how to drive.

Try affirmations and mirror work- make this a habit you can do as you are getting ready for your day. Building your confidence to believe in yourself is beneficial towards healing!

Remember you are the Captain of the ship of your life. You have the power to steer clear of obstacles or to get to your destination.

If you fall back into victim mode, recognize it, get back up, and dust yourself off.

Remember tomorrow is another day.

BIG HUGS,

Mel