Using the "Grey Rock Method" to deal with a toxic person

So what is the Grey Rock Method? 

It was first mentioned by a blogger named Skylar who wrote an article on 180rule.com. In 2009 after leaving a relationship she poured out her story to a stranger. After she shared he told her that he was a malignant narcissist. He then told her what he did to his girlfriend when he experienced something similar. The idea is that your responses are as exciting as a dull rock. This doesn't attract attention and blends in with your surroundings.

With a toxic person, you are a shiny trinket to them. Like a cat playing with a Christmas, they enjoy batting around those ornaments. With the abuser, you are that ornament! They want what you have. Your tears, your reactions, screams, or when you throw things this gives your abuser fuel. Don't give them what they want that is your energy. They crave your reactions. In a sense, they are addicted to drama and you may notice it seems like an endless cycle of problems or issues with people or make otherwise simple situations escalate into something big.

With the Grey Rock method, you become that rock. You channel boring, non-nonchalant, or canned responses. Now, this may not be a long-term fix for you or your situation.

When possible go “No contact” keep a paper trail, do your correspondence in writing instead of face-to-face. Having a history or documentation of your situation is important.

It may be practical to go no contact. If you have to have contact because children together, or you have a job where there is a toxic person or holiday gatherings with toxic family members try using this method. Let's dive in!

When you do this method you are in going to use responses that are not engaging. You will keep your end of the conversation to being brief and a matter of fact, using a simple- Yes, No, Meh!, Eh?!

Use little to no emotion when responding. Maybe they ask how your weekend went, you can reply, “It was fine”, or if they ask

Don't feed their drama! This can be addictive to them but to you as well!

Don't give out personal details about your life or things going on with you.

Keep it as impersonal as possible.

Keep busy during these interactions. Don't stop what you are doing!

Step back and observe the behavior of your abuser rather than let them push your buttons.

Put emotional distance between you and this person. It can be hard especially if you have deep feelings.

Don't tell the person this is what you are doing.

You may want to pace yourself so they don't catch on Remember this is temporary.

If this is between friends, family, or workplace consider finding an exit strategy that may include physically leaving the situation, holiday gathering, or the relationship.

In a sense, you are manipulating the situation and disconnecting yourself as well as those emotions that you may need to deal with to start healing.

Focusing less on the drama from your relationship and more on yourself so you can learn your triggers and more about your wants and needs.

Avoid bringing up the past! Bringing up past wounds can spark an argument. Don't take the bait!

What is the Yellow Rock Method?

You are using the Grey Rock method but adding; Please, Thank you! Or “Hello!

This person is going to paint you in a bad light. Let it go! Shrug and walk away.

The ultimate answer for this is to leave. This may require lots of thought prayer and planning. If you need help with don't hesitate to message me privately. Know you are not alone on this journey. I'm cheering you on!

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse. Here I will share my story and also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

The Survivors Cafe on Facebook is a private community for women- https://www.facebook.com/groups/724081331311924

Find help and info here- https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/

National Suicide Prevention- Lifeline-800-273-8255

Sending you lots of love and BIG HUGS! Mel

Did I mention I started a podcast?! I did! Find this here-

Hope when there was none Podcast

Tips on sharing your trauma story

If you are thinking of sharing your story publically, let me tell you that I'm proud of you! It's brave to step out of your comfort zone by sharing. This is a time of allowing your vulnerability to come out for one or more persons to hear and that's AWESOME! So how can you get started?

I started by blogging. I shared posts on social media on my page and soon after I received messages from friends that were supportive and much to my surprise a handful admitted they were or had been in an abusive relationship. There were also those that shared someone close to them who was going through a tough time and would I talk with them?

I admit to being a wee bit nervous about talking with others. It's one thing to give advice in the beginning. I argued with God, "How can I talk to others when I'm falling apart?!" I didn't feel like I had it all together or all the answers to help someone else. I considered waiting to talk with people until I was healed or maybe even licensed as something. I didn't feel qualified there is a saying that God doesn't call the qualified He qualifies the called. I needed to get over myself and my ego to realize that this was BIGGER than me.

After I published my story I started to do the leg work of marketing myself, reaching out to local libraries, coffee shops, podcasts, and newspapers to share my story. I was blessed to have several organizations and personalities to reach out to me. I encourage you to decide how big you want to go when you share.

*Do you wish to tell a few trusted friends or get on TV or radio?

*What places that are local can you share?

*Are there organizations that you can speak to?

*What podcasts or blogs do you like to ask if you can be interviewed as a guest?

*Look for FB groups that specialize in your area and ask the page owner/admin if you can share by a post, video, or interview.

*Or maybe you wish to share with loved ones close to you that had no idea about your secret, or what you experienced. Don't be surprised if those close to you don't support or believe you. This happens! Prepare yourself for questions or even a backlash. Some people aren't ready to hear the truth.

*If you are sharing as an interview or speaker ask how much time do you have to speak?

*If this is as a podcast or "Live" video interview ask what platform are they using and will there be a dry run prior to the meeting so you can make sure there are no technical difficulties or maybe they are using something that you don't have downloaded and you don't want to keep a host waiting while you do so!

*Will there be questions or a script the host will ask you if so can you know what they will be asking in advance? This can help you prepare and give you an idea of how deep they wish to go. You may not feel comfortable in the direction the interview is heading.

*Give yourself a break! Do something for you to relax afterward no matter how you choose to share. This can bring out a range of emotions that you thought you had healed or it may trigger a panic attack. Go for a walk, meditate, talk to a friend, ground yourself, watch or read something funny, cry/scream/yell if you need to.

Remember this, be gentle with yourself. Schedule your storytelling a week or two apart sharing can be taxing on you. Afterward, you could feel on top of the world or like you have been hit by a truck. No matter how you choose to share this is a beautiful gift you are giving someone and yourself.

If you have any questions about this or anything else don't hesitate to message me privately. 

Stay safe!
Mel

Nightmares & Narcissists

Will the dreams and nightmares about my ex stop?!

You left your abuser and now your dreaming about him/her. It may feel like you are still being held captive. When do they stop? Why does it feel like I'm obsessed or have separation anxiety from this person?

The duration of dreaming about your ex can depend on how long you are away from this person. Take the amount of time you were with this person and divide it in half. This will be the “magic” number that will be the amount of time you notice you have made progress on your healing journey.

You are probably frustrated by this. I know I was! How can you break free from these? It can be challenging to start reprogramming your mind to see your bad dreams as a tool to heal and change this into a good thing instead. You can do it!

Know that you are safe! This person can't hurt you anymore. You may feel victimized all over again subconsciously. Stop giving this person space in your mind. The feelings of being unworthy, that your useless, everything is your fault, etc... You may go through nightmare spurts. One day you have them and then the next day you don't!
Dreaming allows us to face our abusers head-on. We can safely explore situations we went through as scary as they may have been for you.

If you sit down and think about why you are having these dreams you may be surprised. It could be you were randomly talking about this toxic person earlier in the day with someone. You could have heard a song, saw an item, went past their house, had a message from them, are you up against a deadline, or something else that reminded you subconsciously.

While you are sleeping your brain may be trying to help you or tell you something by replaying a memory or situation.

How can you start to flip the switch?

1) What unresolved hurts do you have? Those bottled up memories can trigger a bad dream. Getting things down on paper or sharing these with a counselor/therapist/friend can be very helpful!

2) Change the voice of your abuser. Replaying these experiences can be terrifying for you but let's pretend you're watching a movie of a memory between you and that person who hurt you. Change the voice to that person. Make it a cartoon voice or really high and squeaky. Kind of like a chipmunk. Does it make you giggle a little? Going forward every time you think of this person I want you to remember this cartoon voice even in real life. This can help you start to see this person in a different perspective. Most of the talk coming from their mouths is ridiculous. Even if they are trying to bring you down I want you to remember this voice.

3) Before you go to bed begin a practice of watching or reading something positive. Don't binge The Walking Dead, watch the news, or consider putting down your phone. Feed your mind something good. If you have to watch a show make it light-hearted. America's funniest home videos, funny animal videos, listen to the Bible on YouTube, find positive affirmations or Bible verses, or record your own to play as you fall asleep. Color, go for a walk or listen to soothing music. Find a hobby that you enjoy to get this person out of your head. Fill your mind with positives and things that make you happy and if you don't know what makes you happy now is a great time to learn.

All of this does take time. I encourage you to give yourself this time to get to know you. To better understand your reactions to a certain situation and how you can reprogram yourself to react in a way that shows you aren't going to be a victim any longer.

Stay safe!
BIG HUGS,
Mel

Part 2 Tips for coping with loneliness after a toxic relationship

I'm back to share some other ideas for beating loneliness. 

Reach out to support groups in your local area- shelters or church groups. These don't necessarily need to be related to abuse recovery. If you can't get out to do so find a group virtually!

What are hobbies that you enjoyed in the past? What are things you like to do or have always wanted to do? What were you not allowed to do in the past?

Can you have a pet at your new residence? Pets can give you unconditional love, fill a void when you feel lonely, and be a good companion!

Have you thought about writing your story? Now is a good time to write that story, write a letter to that toxic person, or at least get past experiences on paper for legal purposes but also to help you heal. What have you been holding onto? What are your fears? List the good, the bad, and ugly. Don't judge yourself. Just write! If you are typing this out I know it's tempting to hit the delete button but don't! I encourage you to handwrite your thoughts. 

If you don't wish to keep these writings down burn them! Burning these can be very therapeutic. Burn this letter in a fire-safe vessel or in a safe place.

Remember your past, those negative emotions/thoughts of sadness, bitterness, anger, fear no longer serve you. Whatever is deep within you let it come out. Any feelings that bubble up during this time allow them to come. Acknowledge them and let them go. You can read this letter aloud or say a prayer releasing the past, the energy, or the situation. Don't keep the ashes allow them to go into the garden or the garbage (after they have cooled down!). Ask God to heal this situation and to bring light out of the darkness. You can repeat this whenever you feel the need.

Anytime you feel stressed out or panicky bring yourself to the present. This is your new beginning.

When things are going wrong- Shift! Trade those negative vibe thoughts with positive thoughts. Easier said than it's done but taking your power back can make you feel wonderful. Ditching the past is setting you free. It's freeing to cut that experience or person away from you.

Put the brakes on the news (even social media), negative or sad movies/songs. Watch or listen to positive and empowering things.

Will everything is rainbows and glitter? No, it may be a challenge but keep going up that hill. I know you can do it!

Part 1 Tips to cope with being alone after a toxic relationship

It has been ages since I've posted! I'm sorry! I haven't forgotten about you! I have jumped into vlogging and haven't come by here in a while. I have a bunch of things that I will be sharing over the next few weeks or so to catch up! You can find the video here- facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone.

A tough topic for many victims and Survivors is loneliness. 

First off, it is very brave of you to stay alone right now! I'm proud of you! This is a time of being on an emotional roller coaster filled with drama. You may feel like tapping out or giving up. Please don't! Consider talking to a counselor or therapist. This can be a dark time and talking with a professional or trusted 3^rd party can help.

One of the most common experience among victims and Survivors of a toxic relationship is feeling lonely. Personally, I can totally understand! This is a critical time when many jump back into the relationship or start a new relationship before addressing the junk from the past.

It isn't uncommon for this new super loving person to end up being abusive as well leaving you feeling like you are a failure in love or all you attract are losers, no one will ever want me or you may wonder what's wrong with, “ME?!”

If you miss your abuser you are not a weirdo. Even if this person caused you physical pain you loved this person. There were some good times and comfort. You may have been with this person for months, years, or decades, and know that it's okay to grieve. There is no shame in longing for this person back. You knew what to expect, it's familiar and in some ways not as scary as starting over.

After you leave you may notice different physical symptoms- Anxiety, depression, mood swings, nightmares, bedwetting, panic attacks, insomnia, and more. These are probably not “new” symptoms you may have not given these things much thought before. You may not have had a chance to really “feel” your own emotions. You may have had to hide these or brushed them off. Now they seem like flashing lights going haywire. Signs PTSD after a toxic relationship happens often!

Remember, we are no longer living in the past. The past now part of our memories and you are safe. That trauma is no longer happening to you. You are free even if you don't feel like you are.

Right now is the time for growth!

Being alone gives you space and time to rediscover or get to know yourself. Learning to reprogram your mindset, past hurts, figuring out likes, dislikes, dreams, and goals.

I know you may not feel like doing this and honestly, I have no clue about what you experienced. I can tell you that giving yourself the gift of time to begin a new journey will be healing for you.

Start creating boundaries, journaling, create a ritual for you such as rising early to read your Bible, pray, exercise, or creating a positive routine. Do something that gives you a positive feeling. This can be for 5 minutes, a half-hour, or longer! Don't hesitate to find time throughout the day to do something to recharge your spirit. 

What is something that you have done to help you on your healing journey? I'll be back tomorrow with more suggestions. Stay safe!

BIG HUGS!

Mel

Small steps to healing after an abusive relationship

After you leave an abuser there is a time of growth if you put in the work. You will see signs of abuse from others around you. Toxic people will seem to come out of the walls. What is happening is an awakening in you! This is a good thing! Now it won't happen overnight. Part of figuring it all out is digging deep within and learning how to fight fair, how to handle difficult people, healing yourself and children. 

Now there are some victims/Survivors that never seem to break free of the cycle and they end up repeating the mistakes they made in previous relationships. This can get passed down to the next generation. Or there can be bitterness and brokeness that never heals causing the victim/Survivor to have an attitude of "Nothing ever goes right or I always choose losers or even that they will never find anyone that will treat them right."

The wonderful news is that it doesn't have to be that way! Making tiny changes in your life daily can make a HUGE impact going forward. You can do this without breaking the bank! I promise! How?

Search out podcasts, blogs, online groups, books (visit your local library to take out books or request books! Visit second-hand stores, or yard sales for discounted books), and videos (Hit YouTube Baby!)that deal with abuse but don't stop there! Sometimes these can get pretty heavy so take a break from those. There could be triggers in various posts or what you see or hear just may continue to open your wounded heart. So, step back and listen/read motivational posts or memoirs. 

Shake it up with watching something funny. I love watching older comedies that I don't have to worry about the content being too edgy (bad words or sexual scenes). You can find me catching I love Lucy, The Carol Burnette Show, Golden Girls, Fresh Prince, Friends, and there are more.  

Turn on the radio and dance! If you have littles, have them busta move with you!

Grab some paper and pen and start journaling. A recent guest on my podcast, Dyanne Kelley shared that setting the timer for as little as 5 minutes can help you learn much about yourself. Find that here-Dyanne Kelley of Soulfire Woman. 

Get outside kick off your shoes and ground yourself! As little as 15 minutes a day you can recharge your body! This can help with anxiety, health challenges, and can be a mood booster. 

Find your tribe! Kick those naysayers to the curb. This may mean you disconnect with long-time "friends" or family members. Connect with local support groups or online groups to make positive connections. 

Pick up a new hobby or dust off an old one!

Get out and travel! Just grab the kids/furbaby, and hit the road. Even if it's just an hour away. Sometimes a change of scenery can work wonders. Hitting the beach or lake can be rejuvenating as well. 

These are all simple steps you can take back your life. As time goes on (finances too!)consider going to counseling, volunteering at a shelter to share your story, joining motivational/empowerment workshops or retreats.

In other news, I have been busy with bringing experts and Survivors of abuse to you! You can find these on my YouTube channel, or the video section of Hope when there was none and Melinda Kunst. 

There is a mighty group of Survivors that I started a bit ago. It is closed and for women only to help with building up your spirit. Many are from various stages of recovery some are still trapped but planning on leaving others have made leaps and bounds with their healing journey. I invite you to join us here- Hope when there was none group

Whatever your journey, know that I am cheering you on! Stay safe and stay strong!

Love ya,

Mel

This is what my ex did NOW! You will be surprised!

What did he do now?! It's not what you think! First some background:

My eldest Daughter, Jess, has been having issues with outstanding medical bills. WAY BACK, my ex, Will, was ordered to keep health insurance on the girls.

It has been hit or misses with the payments by the insurance company. I'm in the hole for thousands. Now that she is on her own the billing is now hers. She has had medical issues for years. (This goes deeper but for the sake of your time I won't get into that)

After a wild goose chase, she finally sorted some of the mess out and found out that bills and insurance paperwork filtered back to Will! Rather than forward the information to us he kept it. Sending a message through our Son, Nathan to ask her to contact Will to talk to him about the bills. 

She was upset about having to do so and called asking if I would contact Will for his help. Reluctantly, I was going to when by chance he called my cell! 

I KNOW! RIGHT?! 

We talked civilly and I verified the needed information for him to submit to the insurance company. I didn't grill him about why he didn't send the info to us. We were cordial to one another. I told you it's not what you think!

Jess excitedly phoned yesterday to say that her bills were paid! Well, how about that?! He does have his moments. As do most. Oh, he made a few snarky remarks but rather than fire back I let it go and just said thank you we appreciate it. Now, that's all I'm going to say about that except, "Thank you, Jesus!". 

I was honored to be asked to be part of Dimensions of Intersections! 

The mission of Dimensions of Intersections, Inc. is to "Plant SEEDS of Hope" with victims and survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and child abuse; and any individual who is in any way affected by mental illness with the hope of providing adequate Support, Education, Empathy, Empowerment and Diversity ("SEEDS") to those seeking our love, care and respect. Please check the organization at the link above. There are many wonderful changes that have been going on for the upcoming months!

Off topic, kinda... We are opening an Airbnb/Farmstay in Spring 2020. Our plans to have a healing sanctuary are still planned. I'm toying with possibly becoming incorporated for that venture. My heart is to help others that desperately need empowerment to get back on track. Check our page God's Breath Farm for updates on this and the sanctuary plans.  

Once you leave an abusive situation there is a "De-programming" time period. This doesn't happen overnight. You may not even realize that your reactions, flashbacks, or anxieties are tied together. Addressing triggers, positive behavior changes, building healthy boundaries, and counseling if necessary is essential to ease back into a "normal life". 

I have one more speaking engagement next week and I am super excited about and have two appearances planned for 2019 but plan to add as many as possible next year. 

I put out a few messages on social media in hopes of having some help finding groups and organizations to speak with. I won't give up hope to keep sharing my story of surviving abuse or the other topics I speak about. 

Have you checked the "Searching for the light" stories from victims and Survivors of abuse? Please do!

If you haven't picked up a copy of my book at local libraries in my part of Indiana (Lowell, Brook, Lake Village, or Demotte) they can be purchased online at Amazon. If you don't find them in your area please request the title! Also, right now I have a "Giveaway!" going on at Hope when there was none FB page


"Like this page" Giveaway!
Between 11/26 to 12/10, "Like 👍", "Share", and "Tag" a friend to my page, Hope when there was none be entered to win a copy of my books, "Call me Master" and "Rising from the Ashes"! The more friends you tag the more entries you are given the greater your chances of winning a copy! 

I started Hope when there was none Group! I'm pretty excited about that. It is a closed group for other victims and Survivors to safely share. I plan on asking other advocates for guest posts and interviews! I may make it a secret group come January but I'm still kicking that around. 

 So, Dear One, whoever you are, know you are in my prayers. If you need to talk send me a message privately. I'll be happy to listen.

Stay safe!


BIG HUGS!
Mel

Tips to keep 'YOU" safe during the holidays

This time of the year is supposed to be joyous and happy but if you are a victim of abuse it can be a nightmare.

You may have heightened stressors as you potentially experience any of these:

Financial issues- lack of funds from overspending, job loss or layoff.

Getting together with family- While normally can be wonderful there could be pressures or conflict on top of dealing with your abuser.

Increased alcohol/drug use- It is not uncommon for usage of these to be more abundant.

Vacation- Your partner or loved one may be off for an extended time causing more heated exchanges.

What can you do?! 

1) Keep your phone charged at all times. Make sure you have trusted contacts on speed dial. This could be:

911 in the States for immediate assistance- Teach your children this number too! 

Family or Friend- These can help pull you out of a heated situation or act as a witness. Consider using a "Safe word" such as Gingerbread or Eggnog for a text or while you are on the phone. This can alert your person that you need help NOW.

Women's shelter

The Hotline - 1-800-799-7233   1-800-787-3224 (TTY) En Español

Safe Horizon -1-800-621-HOPE (4673)

NCADV - Resources page for National and International help

2) Along with the safe word tip, if you have a good relationship with your neighbor think about having a certain color light that can be lit when if you need assistance. If they feel comfortable they may ring the doorbell or knock to check. They could also call the police for you to do a wellness check.

3) Download a safety app such as - Circle of 6

4) If you are meeting your abuser for a visitation exchange contact a friend to go with you. If you can not find a friend, make sure this is done either in the daylight or in a public well lit area. Contact your local police department and give them the "Cliffnote" version of your situation and ask if they can meet for the exchange. They are happy to assist with this and will give you instructions on how to handle the situation. 

5) If you are still with your abuser make sure you have an escape plan. Don't back yourself into a corner or room without a window. 

6) Contact your local shelter for a Safety plan. You may not be leaving this second but empower yourself with knowledge of how to handle an escalated situation. 

Be safe! Know you are not alone in your struggle. If you need to talk feel free to message me privately. 

I started a closed group page for victims and Overcomers to share and encourage one another with respect. I will be changing this to a secret group at the beginning of the year.
Find it here to join- Hope when there was none group

Have I told you lately that I love you? 


BIG HUGS and stay safe!
Mel


P.S.- More news coming soon from my home front. 

Why you should leave a paper trail

Hey there Love Bug! 

Are you curious why you should leave a paper trail? 

Here is some background on one quote I found recently. I have been picking brains of those that are on the public speaking circuit and professional speaker, (God bless her patience!) Emily was wonderful to share tips and The Speaker Lab podcast! This helped her get started with her business. Since I am so green and have knocking knee about being in front of a crowd I thought this was the best information and podcast I have found! 

Now here is the reason I bring this up. Grant the Public Speaker Ninja, was talking about contracts and he once heard that "A paper trail is a "safe trail". I liked that! 

Which brings me to the subject post! So what is kind of paper am I talking about and why is it so dang important?

When I first left my abuser I hadn't thought much of taking paperwork. It wasn't until that first experience did I realize the importance. 

What types of paper I am referring to is:

Previous years income tax filings

Pay stubs (If your partner is receiving funds under the table and there is some sort of documentation that is SUPER important.)

Medical cards/files/prescriptions

Marriage/Birth Certificates

Mortgage/Rent contract

Business contracts/info (If you own this on your own or with your abuser.)

Auto Registration

Auto insurance information

401k or other investment information

Credit card bills/other misc. bills

Student Loans

Children's school information

Photos- Of the abuse or just cherished photos

If you have all of this and any other relevant papers make copies. Concerned this will be noticed? 

Consider copying one at a time. Mail the copies to a trusted friend or relative. You may want to get a PO Box. A small box is pretty reasonable. I have found one as cheap as $40 for a year. These do vary! So check around your local area. 

Most of everything on this list will be asked for by the court or your attorney. 

Now for the unpleasant stuff. 

I am going to be upfront and honest with you. The first 24 to 48 hours after leaving an abuser can be the most volatile. Make sure you keep your phone off or block your abuser's number. It can be tempting to answer his/her calls or text messages. I beg you to please not do so! 

If by chance you forget to do those steps then please keep track of the messages (text and voicemails). Perhaps, this person figures out where you are staying and comes by. Call the police! That is first and foremost! For your safety and if you have children. 

File a police report. This may start to feel tedious and as though your abuser is just getting away with everything. It can be quite frustrating! Trust me, even if that order has been violated a bunch of times it's not in vain! If your state or city is pretty lax these incidents can build up a case against them. 

If you are worried they are running around talking about you. Saying your a terrible person/caretaker, or you are a drug user or that you have a stash. Let that person talk! That's all they can do right now and they are super frustrated. The police and legal authorities can see right through these instances. Trust me! 

Keep a journal of all of the contact with dates, times, and where these things occur. 

These can be used in the future as well. The trick in all of this is to remain calm. This can be hard when you are experiencing someone that is stalking you, showing up at your place, or threatening you or your children. Take reasonable safety measures to keep yourself safe. Here are some tips from a previous blog post- Keep yourself safe after you leave. 

You may end up with a HUGE file box with paperwork. That's fine! I had 2 legal paper boxes and 2 red rope files with information about everything going on. It seems ridiculous but this did a few things for me. 

It gave me something else to do besides cry and feeling hopeless. It empowered me to say, NEVER AGAIN! 

I encourage you to journal as well during this time. This can help you with noting the events right after they happen so they are fresh and can be shared with your attorney, GAL, Doctor, or advocate involved. 

I hope this helps you on your journey. I also hope this doesn't dissuade you from leaving. Leaving is the best thing I ever did for myself and the hardest thing I have ever done. I've mentioned it in the past. I hate to sound like a broken record. 

Do you need help right now? Please contact the police! They are happy to help before a situation takes a dire turn. If you don't feel that you are in immediate danger, please call the non-emergency number of the police station (Many times they can give you resources that can help) or contact your local shelter. There is also- The Hotline or NCADV. 

Whichever you choose please know you are not alone. Many women and men are there to help you through your situation. If you aren't ready for that and need to talk confide in a close relative or friend and of course, please don't hesitate to send me a private message here, or blessmeplz@gmail.com or on my FB page- Hope when there was none. 

I am sharing awareness by setting up book signings, events, and speaking engagements. Here is where you can catch me next! Find my books here-Amazon

Would you do me a favor and recommend me to your church, school, or group? My mission is to inform, educate and empower by sharing my story. 

I hope you are safe and know that you are loved by me but by many others around you.

BIG HUGS,
Mel