tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71401640041872152932024-02-07T12:38:33.488-06:00Hope when there was nonehopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.comBlogger319125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-16765945507970852062022-04-09T12:04:00.004-05:002022-04-09T12:04:35.511-05:00I have a podcast!<p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0Bz7C6PQ7dALOOdIRNLNI4a3ao1T5Nmm6nfBBIGJVgF6s-qO-vpAyEnIYT3QkWfjJWsPMVmBiwceEdShTVuL6PeH7jRk2SLcwROUiScZ9A9w2Q4NtYnykFf9T6jEjjvaYzmH61_cFT-FuaYB9KKc30ZsvOhRYg3esazmCvX2wnNw1X_gIxYQcePw5/s1080/Vintage%20Podcast%20-%20Instagram%20Post%20(1).png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0Bz7C6PQ7dALOOdIRNLNI4a3ao1T5Nmm6nfBBIGJVgF6s-qO-vpAyEnIYT3QkWfjJWsPMVmBiwceEdShTVuL6PeH7jRk2SLcwROUiScZ9A9w2Q4NtYnykFf9T6jEjjvaYzmH61_cFT-FuaYB9KKc30ZsvOhRYg3esazmCvX2wnNw1X_gIxYQcePw5/s320/Vintage%20Podcast%20-%20Instagram%20Post%20(1).png" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"></span></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">I'm still here! It looks like it's been a hot minute since I've shared. Life has been crazy! My daughter Jess was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer in December and had to have it removed last month. There were a lot of up's and down's with this of course! </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">I've my own health issues that I'm digging into right now but I realized that I haven't dusted off my beloved blog in forever! If I didn't share this in the last blog post here I am now...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">I started a podcast last July (I know that was almost a year ago!). I posted episode #221 today! Yes, you heard that right I have over 221 episode's! I've been blessed with having many speakers, presenters, and Survivors of various emotional traumas come on to be interviewed! </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">I was invited back to St. Jude House to share my story this month! I'll be heading back monthly to share and also to incorporate a healing tool from Vision Boards, to talking about finding a job, to self-love, and more! That I'm able to give back is so important to me. I have said it before and I'm saying it again... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">This life is so surreal to me. To think that I was at a point of suicide, depression and also unsure if I was going to see the age of 40 back in 2009. I had little hope and my faith was waning that I would make it out safely. I was haunted by the images of victims of those lives taken away by someone that supposedly loved them. (Stacy Peterson and unrelated Laci Peterson)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">My own self-doubt crept in that I would be able to make it on my own. Fast forward to the present where I am safe, living comfortably surrounded with those that love and support me. It wasn't easy to get here. Honestly, there were a lot of times when I wanted to give up, give in, and throw in the towel. I'm glad I didn't and I'm sharing to let you know that you aren't alone! If you need to talk or a remind that you will get through this I'm letting you know that you will! </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRdvb7cv68LmXpVMeqPX3iD6xKmwxka34pYTBpar3zix-kw57mwyrUpXO7ec3wYxGs2NzNlAI0zBukOq_4GDgofit1_OXDsumkQv-CQFhpqDVF7MlHTwQ2_aMUjtVdZy_SqCnqmL_WeBSNRmnANqvaUQAYPkW7adxkQhCuVBvFVSDOkTWDolu7JhzI/s1211/191918808_10225687911882192_3654442740392648925_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1211" data-original-width="1157" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRdvb7cv68LmXpVMeqPX3iD6xKmwxka34pYTBpar3zix-kw57mwyrUpXO7ec3wYxGs2NzNlAI0zBukOq_4GDgofit1_OXDsumkQv-CQFhpqDVF7MlHTwQ2_aMUjtVdZy_SqCnqmL_WeBSNRmnANqvaUQAYPkW7adxkQhCuVBvFVSDOkTWDolu7JhzI/w191-h200/191918808_10225687911882192_3654442740392648925_n.jpg" width="191" /></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">There is <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/724081331311924" target="_blank">The Survivors Cafe</a> that is a small group of victims/Survivors of different emotional traumas that share, inspire, and empower one another. These ladies are AMAZING and my own recovery has been amplified by the support given! </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505;">So more about the podcast! Could you please share it with someone that needs a dash of hope, to know they are not alone, or to find empowerment?</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505;">Hope when there was none can be found on most major platforms! Please do me a few favors could you rate (5</span><span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; display: inline-flex; height: 16px; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle; width: 16px;"><img alt="⭐️" height="16" referrerpolicy="origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/tb4/1/16/2b50.png" style="border: 0px;" width="16" /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505;">). "Subscribe", "Follow", and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. These steps help my rankings so I'm able to reach more listeners and grow.</span></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href=" https://anchor.fm/melinda-j-kunst" target="_blank">AnchorFM</a><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /><a href="https://www.breaker.audio/hope-when-there-was-none" target="_blank">Breaker</a><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /><a href="https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy9lNmExOGQ4L3BvZGNhc3QvcnNz?fbclid=IwAR3-UpHj9Q2nwOoCZZQNMFryU6eOckPQGnTUNYEJMqTN8rQSku0_hm8O2-w" target="_blank">Google Podcasts</a><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hope-when-there-was-none/id1569599507" target="_blank">Apple Podcast</a><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /><a href="https://pca.st/1rgsddx7" target="_blank">Pocket Casts</a><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /><a href="https://radiopublic.com/hope-when-there-was-none-WejA3L" target="_blank"> RadioPublic</a><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /><a href="https://open.spotify.com/show/0cp63ncYh8dr9ZuKcLi2Ar" target="_blank">Spotify</a><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /><a href="https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-hope-when-there-was-none-83037031/" target="_blank">iheartradio</a><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505;" /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Stay safe!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Mel</span></p><br /><br /><p><br /></p>hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-79207949986471610122021-11-12T19:38:00.001-06:002021-11-12T19:38:06.969-06:00Safety Planning For The Holidays <p><br /> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilLXhMzLztINnpVxaI9GgvpPC7HdwIzJqslSIAA8-QB9XfIW3ln6yRde49tkMwh9cNJFYkAerFJ5fPuSuQz6URqxAP7UzvbWZKhli85f0cQT706hd07V-nasxgPt6ROadAwHGsnZPaKiE/s1200/D145_114_048_1200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilLXhMzLztINnpVxaI9GgvpPC7HdwIzJqslSIAA8-QB9XfIW3ln6yRde49tkMwh9cNJFYkAerFJ5fPuSuQz6URqxAP7UzvbWZKhli85f0cQT706hd07V-nasxgPt6ROadAwHGsnZPaKiE/s320/D145_114_048_1200.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><p></p><p><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">The
holidays can be a volatile time for a victim. This time of the year
can be a cause for financial hardship, employment issues, and more.
How can you keep yourself safe or help a loved one in an abusive
situation?</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If
you are a family member or friend with someone in an abusive situation
it can be hard to watch the roller coaster of emotions watching from
the outside. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Consider checking in with your loved one may be
difficult as the abuser tries to maintain control of the victim as
much as they can. They may monitor calls, texts, emails, and so on try
to figure out a plan for contacting when it's safe for the victim. Think about having a code word (safe word) between the two of you in case they need
you to come over, contact the police, or need to leave.</span></li></ul><div><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">If
the victim is traveling with the abuser ask for an itinerary of how
they will be traveling and where they will stay if traveling
overnight.</span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Consider
giving or keeping a stash of money for an emergency if she needs to
leave right away. This can be used for a car ride or for an overnight
hotel stay. </span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Check
out what available shelters are nearby if she needs to escape right
away or if it's safe to offer to let her stay with you. Time
limits should also be discussed this may seem harsh but the victim
can overstay her welcome or become dependent on you instead of
finding her path to healing.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuVsozBtu2CEXrnjIhiAe21jonXAqYD0OvpuR3F5-EbSnawK8rd3SYa45CGMsbqi58Hdm1Oe98X3DRjGeBVnChaPTmE8wzURzx2M4ImFraY3mrZqJHNS0RWGe4OpJqOIeafE9UKnWyxVw/s369/8235147.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="369" data-original-width="369" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuVsozBtu2CEXrnjIhiAe21jonXAqYD0OvpuR3F5-EbSnawK8rd3SYa45CGMsbqi58Hdm1Oe98X3DRjGeBVnChaPTmE8wzURzx2M4ImFraY3mrZqJHNS0RWGe4OpJqOIeafE9UKnWyxVw/s320/8235147.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Know
the emergency numbers for whatever area she is traveling to. </span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Be
on standby if needed and also take a friend or support person with
you. Domestic violence is just that violent and bystanders or good
Samaritans can be harmed especially if they are alone in the situation.
Calling law enforcement is the best suggestion for keeping all of you
safe.</span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Offer
to babysit. Chances are she will have appointments she needs to keep.
Dropping off food, gift certificates, or making a meal for them, ask if
they need you to pick something up for them or run errands they may
be nervous to do. </span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If
you are a victim much of what I covered also applies but adding a bit
more information.</span></span></span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Keep your important numbers on speed dial-close family/friends,
911, or co-workers.</span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Have
a safe word or a short phrase that you can use with someone that you trust. If something goes sideways and you need help right away this is a good way to ask for help without giving your abuser a heads up that this is what you are doing.</span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Use
a safety app such as Aspire App to help alert your support team. Find this in your favorite App store.</span></span></span></li></ul><div><br /></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Keep
your phone charged and within reach.</span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Make
sure to keep money on hand just in case you need to leave in a hurry.</span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Do
you have a family member that you are close to that can spend the
holidays with you or attend the same family function with you in case
the situation becomes scary.</span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Try
to minimize your time alone with your abuser. Try to keep space in
between you and not to get backed into a room with no escape or
get backed into a corner. Know your exits. Stay away from the
bathroom if possible. Many bathrooms are not always designed to have a
window or they may have small windows making it hard or impossible to
escape.</span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If
you are going to a holiday gathering find out in advance if there
will be alcohol, sports/gaming, or substances available during the
visit.</span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sharing
your situation with a neighbor can be hard. They may already know
that your relationship is volatile and want to stay out of it. But,
if this person is someone you trust and they seem concerned about
your welfare ask if they can do a wellness check or if you have a
special bulb that's lit up in emergencies they can call for help
without coming to your door and putting themselves in harm's way.</span></span></span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><ul><li><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If
you are meeting your abuser for a visitation exchange contact a
friend to go with you. If you can not find a friend, make sure this
is done either in the daylight or in a public well-lit area. Contact
your local police department and give them the "Cliff note"
version of your situation and ask if they can meet for the exchange.
They are happy to assist with this and will give you instructions on
how to handle the situation.</span></span></span></li></ul><div><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Consider talking with a shelter about your situation. They may be able to put together a safety plan for you in case you need to leave right away. They also may have other resources for you to use in planning. Stay safe and know you are not alone! Check out these websites:</span></div><div><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><p></p><div><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">National Domestic Violence Hotline- https://www.thehotline.org/ </span></div><div><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div><br /></div><div>Safe Horizon- https://www.safehorizon.org/</div><div><br /></div><div>https://www.domesticshelters.org/ </div><div><br /></div><div>https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help </div><div><br /></div><div>https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations</div><div><br /></div><div>Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/</div><div><br /></div></span></div><p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><div><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;">See today's video-based from this post here:</span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-T71YKwZtsA" width="320" youtube-src-id="-T71YKwZtsA"></iframe></div><br /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-15318698345734921632021-10-30T20:25:00.003-05:002021-10-30T20:25:19.519-05:00Why Does She Stay?!<p><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">One comment I see and hear often is, "Why Does She Stay?!" or "I would have left after the first punch!"</span></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">There are very private reasons a victim stays in an abusive relationship. It could be as simple as not being able to be free because the abuse is happening to you as a child under 18. But, nothing about abuse can be viewed as simple. Abuse is evil, has devastating long-lasting effects, and can repeat in future relationships. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Now I say, "She" in this video below but abuse can happen to anyone. It doesn't discriminate! No matter your age, sex, religious background, socio-economic make-up abuse can be found throughout our planet. </span></p><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> There are many personal reasons a victim stays and these include in random order:</span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">1) Fear- Of change or fear of the abuser</span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">2) Guilty- Maybe she didn't try hard enough to work on the relationship</span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">3) Lack of resources- No job, car, money, or even a lack of support</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Find out more here- <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/HUdLENb30Xc" width="320" youtube-src-id="HUdLENb30Xc"></iframe></div><br /></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto"><br /></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto">Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse. Here I will share my story and also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.</div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto">Find me here- <a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Flinktr.ee%2Fmelindakunst%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR2mDrrqxGPv_YToxZgjPR1Z34fhqxyIFORIKQKCJ6XUJJi2ch0-3DTm3U8&h=AT2yrw81QFu4hO4ZaPK5kwguNoUUhKEzMeHQbnrl71LTKq4wf9H6BrvxOUhsphPob-mRHljIM2uvhKFkYNnm0reOTa3F2Q3NkbH2pQdA_wcmHd68YW-8BmVWf1lLO6jtqnTP2Eaa5twHa6dDVA&__tn__=-UK-R&c[0]=AT3cSKx1wL056AeJJU5apuF5wjoZenrRU_yPym6DsHfJk5XRgcY8rYeusMmsDKJ05no30pKTW7PXz7lVrW_nM0QwiRwcLzSQ08_tfEQ19vzmqa2-jiFkqt_Sy-eWjJn2hyodABi4lXZqqFtwEVmJDX6P9saP78iBX7GJJJB-4yPrCsQI0GUA5FjN1y7WJnoebGZSkoMmM-AJJ94-" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://linktr.ee/melindakunst</a></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto">Find help and info here- </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto">National Domestic Violence Hotline- <a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thehotline.org%2F%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR2qCVM5Xtd6rzjut2cM3HKHQenN7YJUp505R8ZnaujjFv90IL5NSFOTUTo&h=AT1OoeqrCT96M7kC0xdIRsz--3R_z03Ik6uN0X_-HtkBNy56AiqEEeZyPpQxbSKyXGDRmRhEL0O_Db4UScW7MEi5XCOoY_FsgMTTkXrry9DdHE5uHPCS1PaLNwMduVkfJ9gVgKLnGNlbKadS5A&__tn__=-UK-R&c[0]=AT3cSKx1wL056AeJJU5apuF5wjoZenrRU_yPym6DsHfJk5XRgcY8rYeusMmsDKJ05no30pKTW7PXz7lVrW_nM0QwiRwcLzSQ08_tfEQ19vzmqa2-jiFkqt_Sy-eWjJn2hyodABi4lXZqqFtwEVmJDX6P9saP78iBX7GJJJB-4yPrCsQI0GUA5FjN1y7WJnoebGZSkoMmM-AJJ94-" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://www.thehotline.org/</a> </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto">Safe Horizon- <a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.safehorizon.org%2F%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR3iO1vbG_ZPVJzrgw_WA7JwJ3dPxAk2VpgwbHHzlnge2qMoiRHLE4E12i4&h=AT3zVnAbnEgUXw8r8s-eGfn9VOeD_rtx5MwyRGRq7JpalBVm3FUVDOfNGX3qO1nmtGTC02ns5YIkcdDU0r-xZ-NKvIPpKaS0fEX-6zHP7rPugUdKnVhyaLzwfaNcq4BueyZmm7OR4feyvvvrVA&__tn__=-UK-R&c[0]=AT3cSKx1wL056AeJJU5apuF5wjoZenrRU_yPym6DsHfJk5XRgcY8rYeusMmsDKJ05no30pKTW7PXz7lVrW_nM0QwiRwcLzSQ08_tfEQ19vzmqa2-jiFkqt_Sy-eWjJn2hyodABi4lXZqqFtwEVmJDX6P9saP78iBX7GJJJB-4yPrCsQI0GUA5FjN1y7WJnoebGZSkoMmM-AJJ94-" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://www.safehorizon.org/</a></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.domesticshelters.org%2F%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR04mCIquSjE0gw_e8ltl5-9dQ-gGg1WJu7u0rW3hM-iwTZ7xppaRXL8hR4&h=AT2sNO7rXEshvgkZr2WoTl_pLlhgB8fLq_8BMLcy-xDPVuI8zsBRXZISGHYe6T823E8XlipMAHhKQqZr9oVpV0-rvLjopyeg5b9eAQU-fz5O402h_IdrtVDnJZEXx8z1aE_vj-FE20GLC8C6Ag&__tn__=-UK-R&c[0]=AT3cSKx1wL056AeJJU5apuF5wjoZenrRU_yPym6DsHfJk5XRgcY8rYeusMmsDKJ05no30pKTW7PXz7lVrW_nM0QwiRwcLzSQ08_tfEQ19vzmqa2-jiFkqt_Sy-eWjJn2hyodABi4lXZqqFtwEVmJDX6P9saP78iBX7GJJJB-4yPrCsQI0GUA5FjN1y7WJnoebGZSkoMmM-AJJ94-" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://www.domesticshelters.org/</a> </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help?fbclid=IwAR304fABdTYGTLWeztuQeTu6hCtrnKUnVlAbLMbwrIiyuB0N7rAGX2OAL-I" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help</a> </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations?fbclid=IwAR0LQOP0efr97vLWnuTpi7ctuWD8j8ijcXobp6Egylb_G6z5LnqOj-nwoMw" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://www.domesticshelters.org/.../national-global...</a></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;"><div dir="auto">Sexual Assault Hotline- <a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rainn.org%2F%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR3NZ-1vhYdnerCake_ItjpqtN--OKlfriUqSUGGmndkgz9I6HhmD_y-Gec&h=AT0UPSv2xviIGEX4viDdYJGpb_J22EfLDDQdsFY4egNl0PZGxlMrbgDs9gFsj_kCmbOEh27yZ-K8vEuJNQUQ0Lk4R2Cn9dddEFNix8FnAZeYkcOnf7_FZF8--VEcX3hl-kGrcI1c_d4Z9gNBqA&__tn__=-UK-R&c[0]=AT3cSKx1wL056AeJJU5apuF5wjoZenrRU_yPym6DsHfJk5XRgcY8rYeusMmsDKJ05no30pKTW7PXz7lVrW_nM0QwiRwcLzSQ08_tfEQ19vzmqa2-jiFkqt_Sy-eWjJn2hyodABi4lXZqqFtwEVmJDX6P9saP78iBX7GJJJB-4yPrCsQI0GUA5FjN1y7WJnoebGZSkoMmM-AJJ94-" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://www.rainn.org/</a></div></div></span></div></div>Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-71046374986908013652021-10-30T20:08:00.002-05:002022-04-09T13:14:27.351-05:00What Is Abuse And What Does It Look Like?<p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9a2OSn1l-VeR0lGS_eWOLdLcosu5RTykUFPXyBrfGyduUsgG5dyVM7hVWwftNLq5dXdbFrHo-e_RuHRUzMEk2EMMVpqv1hb1UDHKmaqr8_VM6dt2iar2QNwlEakrVNXOr40oNgrj85d-81T56_CaSkJn4p_vgQvIJjX0RTT1xeE7JUDwy00usQKbb/s960/FB_IMG_1648827067319.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="958" data-original-width="960" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9a2OSn1l-VeR0lGS_eWOLdLcosu5RTykUFPXyBrfGyduUsgG5dyVM7hVWwftNLq5dXdbFrHo-e_RuHRUzMEk2EMMVpqv1hb1UDHKmaqr8_VM6dt2iar2QNwlEakrVNXOr40oNgrj85d-81T56_CaSkJn4p_vgQvIJjX0RTT1xeE7JUDwy00usQKbb/s320/FB_IMG_1648827067319.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;">Abuse is more than physical...</span></span><p></p><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">It's more than just physical! Know you are not alone and if you need to find resources or help message me privately. I've been there and know how difficult it is to leave and to stay gone. I neglected to share that there is also Immigration abuse.</span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Abuse can be all about an abuse of power</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Substance abuse</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Cyber abuse</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Elder abuse</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Emotional abuse</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Mental abuse</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Sexual abuse</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Teen dating violence</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Financial abuse</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Verbal abuse</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Physical abuse</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Immigration abuse</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yYCr0bc-2xA" width="320" youtube-src-id="yYCr0bc-2xA"></iframe></div>Find the link to this video here-<a href="https://youtu.be/yYCr0bc-2xA" target="_blank">What does abuse look like?</a><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to <br />know how to help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse. Here I will share my story and also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.</span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Find me here- <a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://linktr.ee/melindakunst?fbclid=IwAR3FIlBno77dKEZq1XwkmNx10dNjDnonfamt0_TpKiKJ4gqSKtFSpQVea6Y" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://linktr.ee/melindakunst</a></span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Find help and info here- </span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">National Domestic Violence Hotline- <a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://www.thehotline.org/?fbclid=IwAR08MkS17mLn2bZLHKbIRtAfEpbKRussKwM8LJicuE1lQJ3PwMM7i6AOG7Q" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://www.thehotline.org/</a> </span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Safe Horizon- <a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://www.safehorizon.org/?fbclid=IwAR0f8iwb4YZlzpADoqvNc39WHcLFBk40z5Xh29-gtLDMmTwPInSLZ50ryhA" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://www.safehorizon.org/</a></span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.domesticshelters.org%2F%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR2xZfgbltgj2vRxMIenCk3-rA0cwDjKF8J6uBCQfX5iqchI3sHUDb4Z_Zo&h=AT2sNO7rXEshvgkZr2WoTl_pLlhgB8fLq_8BMLcy-xDPVuI8zsBRXZISGHYe6T823E8XlipMAHhKQqZr9oVpV0-rvLjopyeg5b9eAQU-fz5O402h_IdrtVDnJZEXx8z1aE_vj-FE20GLC8C6Ag&__tn__=-UK-R&c[0]=AT20-ozF_Z-naAU1mHIaf0w0cSL4DSU5vYAxUlTk5126RM5SoprDT96AX-VjPaRnXqr7SsUi3N_L0gnKOYLON7EFaJklQZuF6pT3r2UkXOUPKgudJmPO4Q9f_rtQGMaNyjMQX5FpvWbNu_Jlx_PVSj9N6gl0s92TqXOIP5G763K2Y7mhELe_8cdA-ztyyH001dkNBjtGfnMVK1k6" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://www.domesticshelters.org/</a> </span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help?fbclid=IwAR3yTdLsi9bDw1eieSABoAEZNwLyNLKbdpQM_mAUkKS6zPetlpTo1d15jIo" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help</a> </span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations?fbclid=IwAR2HHnjH1N5PVz6rk1lJgFX7nQPVvSxUtspRB5BMYt6JvS7jDfTNrqqocgU" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">https://www.domesticshelters.org/.../national-global...</span></a></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Sexual Assault Hotline- <a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl py34i1dx gpro0wi8" href="https://www.rainn.org/?fbclid=IwAR3FIlBno77dKEZq1XwkmNx10dNjDnonfamt0_TpKiKJ4gqSKtFSpQVea6Y" rel="nofollow noopener" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0" target="_blank">https://www.rainn.org/</a></span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhA0oAoB7W4I7mOok9FspCZfMJC8LSqXj31mc4fsicZLuidP7gp96WZgC3OOaxTYtlxEyCrtqWCJKmwVvejCe60SXD3dPlb4WOSHcAIzfiZNmar7h_dMgY3GMlVQn63ZX25UF_i9SD21GWTwiFnJQbz8HRTL01eCysNcNfgcK7pyYDmSJRBMnULOGi/s1130/FB_IMG_1637664200688.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1130" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhA0oAoB7W4I7mOok9FspCZfMJC8LSqXj31mc4fsicZLuidP7gp96WZgC3OOaxTYtlxEyCrtqWCJKmwVvejCe60SXD3dPlb4WOSHcAIzfiZNmar7h_dMgY3GMlVQn63ZX25UF_i9SD21GWTwiFnJQbz8HRTL01eCysNcNfgcK7pyYDmSJRBMnULOGi/s320/FB_IMG_1637664200688.jpg" width="306" /></a></div><br /><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Stay Safe!</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Mel</span></div></div>Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-49399723507878102692021-07-11T09:38:00.003-05:002021-07-11T09:38:59.494-05:00Giving Permission<p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today's </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a class="oajrlxb2 g5ia77u1 qu0x051f esr5mh6w e9989ue4 r7d6kgcz rq0escxv nhd2j8a9 nc684nl6 p7hjln8o kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x jb3vyjys rz4wbd8a qt6c0cv9 a8nywdso i1ao9s8h esuyzwwr f1sip0of lzcic4wl q66pz984 gpro0wi8 b1v8xokw" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/soulfulsunday?__eep__=6&__gid__=724081331311924&__cft__[0]=AZUIsH8ybzM7wRDMK1lea5NWXMKw8XRXO97PK6duQcrlIwvBAvmnwf23D3OqBfTiNaBYv6ypgjLznsxkj5pLFRQ217btwApkKtJPejaZKb0wQYKZpd97Ga5R6XsdZshTXrnEyVOy4yVj50gbW04wqQpaE0IGhK2QajpxH05png_CJ3wCTHdj9-SETQbiEvfV_kZS1Wlk5PJLaAoou__d2pEH&__tn__=*NK-R" role="link" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: transparent; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; display: inline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-align: inherit; text-decoration-line: none; touch-action: manipulation;" tabindex="0">#SoulfulSunday</a></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; white-space: pre-wrap;"> is all about giving permission. For who and about what? For you! How many of you put others first? Are you a people pleaser? Don't feel are deserving? </span></span></p><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Learning to trust yourself, trusting your guts, and that you make wise decisions is part of learning how to give yourself permission. Make a list of things you want to do or of what you would like others to do for you! Slowly work through this list. Remember baby steps! </span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Here are a few examples of what you can give yourself permission for:</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Rest</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Love for yourself</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">To heal from your past</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">To trust yourself</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Establishing Boundaries</span></div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Consider asking a friend to join in this journey with you! Do you allow yourself to have permission to do things or do you struggle with doing so? Find the video from today's Soulful Sunday here- <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/videos/875443199738442" target="_blank">Give Permission</a></span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Coming soon!</span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">I am hosting a FREE 3-day Self-love challenge on Aug 1st, 2nd, and 3rd and it is open to anyone that would like to learn how to start caring for that face staring back at you in the mirror message me privately or comment below and I'll add you to the private group a day before the event. "Live" videos will be recorded so you don't miss anything. What supplies do you need? Pen, paper, and an open heart. Feel free to share! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtOtHsAcO3CxwPdAt5iKf4DqItx0vTie7FhuTZwjdAKwsq5ar-CnPwBJmDmg5PzuvC9m5O0DcuV0iRSgFfZizRJTjul5D-s9mi-Ta8jICDdJOhPKiFSyiUQMUnpzOs_MY9zGQRJdylHTw/s1080/Purple+and+Yellow+New+Podcast+Episode+Featured+Instagram+Post.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtOtHsAcO3CxwPdAt5iKf4DqItx0vTie7FhuTZwjdAKwsq5ar-CnPwBJmDmg5PzuvC9m5O0DcuV0iRSgFfZizRJTjul5D-s9mi-Ta8jICDdJOhPKiFSyiUQMUnpzOs_MY9zGQRJdylHTw/s320/Purple+and+Yellow+New+Podcast+Episode+Featured+Instagram+Post.png" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Did you know I have a Podcast? You can find it here: <a href="https://anchor.fm/melinda-j-kunst" target="_blank">Hope when there was none Podcast</a></span></div></div>Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-89759722023780511282021-06-22T09:07:00.005-05:002021-06-22T09:07:55.497-05:00Using the "Grey Rock Method" to deal with a toxic person<p><span style="background-color: white; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwfEDNfoqJY3yEX_KYavDUV_C22Cx3pWa5zJ-rVjEnTwpC7YoXjXFZDfza-KsiqrnStfroRC1V5_SfQ2hIT-QwWX0th4kOQbQnaBY54BxOCd64ssU3bVnz-SJ-2nge-cUCLZUfl01eOqU/s888/22h4ti.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="888" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwfEDNfoqJY3yEX_KYavDUV_C22Cx3pWa5zJ-rVjEnTwpC7YoXjXFZDfza-KsiqrnStfroRC1V5_SfQ2hIT-QwWX0th4kOQbQnaBY54BxOCd64ssU3bVnz-SJ-2nge-cUCLZUfl01eOqU/w200-h113/22h4ti.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">So what is the Grey Rock Method? </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">It was first mentioned by a blogger named Skylar who wrote an article on 180rule.com. In 2009 after leaving a relationship she poured out her story to a stranger. After she shared he told her that he was a malignant narcissist. He then told her what he did to his girlfriend when he experienced something similar. The idea is that your responses are as exciting as a dull rock. This doesn't attract attention and blends in with your surroundings.</span></div><p></p><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="cesr6-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="cesr6-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="cesr6-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">With a toxic person, you are a shiny trinket to them. Like a cat playing with a Christmas, they enjoy batting around those ornaments. With the abuser, you are that ornament! They want what you have. Your tears, your reactions, screams, or when you throw things this gives your abuser fuel. Don't give them what they want that is your energy. They crave your reactions. In a sense, they are addicted to drama and you may notice it seems like an endless cycle of problems or issues with people or make otherwise simple situations escalate into something big.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="an94j-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="an94j-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="an94j-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">With the Grey Rock method, you become that rock. You channel boring, non-nonchalant, or canned responses. Now, this may not be a long-term fix for you or your situation.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="2kojt-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="2kojt-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="2kojt-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">When possible go “No contact” keep a paper trail, do your correspondence in writing instead of face-to-face. Having a history or documentation of your situation is important.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="8anl8-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="8anl8-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="8anl8-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">It may be practical to go no contact. If you have to have contact because children together, or you have a job where there is a toxic person or holiday gatherings with toxic family members try using this method. Let's dive in!</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="718b5-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="718b5-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="718b5-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">When you do this method you are in going to use responses that are not engaging. You will keep your end of the conversation to being brief and a matter of fact, using a simple- Yes, No, Meh!, Eh?!</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="3q85f-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="3q85f-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="3q85f-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">Use little to no emotion when responding. Maybe they ask how your weekend went, you can reply, “It was fine”, or if they ask</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="6k9ru-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="6k9ru-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="6k9ru-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">Don't feed their drama! This can be addictive to them but to you as well!</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="5blce-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="5blce-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="5blce-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">Don't give out personal details about your life or things going on with you.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="af62h-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="af62h-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="af62h-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">Keep it as impersonal as possible.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="dtvt8-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="dtvt8-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="dtvt8-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">Keep busy during these interactions. Don't stop what you are doing!</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="cq1rr-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="cq1rr-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="cq1rr-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">Step back and observe the behavior of your abuser rather than let them push your buttons.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="7g3nq-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="7g3nq-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="7g3nq-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">Put emotional distance between you and this person. It can be hard especially if you have deep feelings.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="69k6j-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="69k6j-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="69k6j-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">Don't tell the person this is what you are doing.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="burol-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="burol-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="burol-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">You may want to pace yourself so they don't catch on Remember this is temporary.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="fvl5m-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="fvl5m-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="fvl5m-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">If this is between friends, family, or workplace consider finding an exit strategy that may include physically leaving the situation, holiday gathering, or the relationship.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="aspv1-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="aspv1-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="aspv1-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">In a sense, you are manipulating the situation and disconnecting yourself as well as those emotions that you may need to deal with to start healing.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="e1gh5-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="e1gh5-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="e1gh5-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">Focusing less on the drama from your relationship and more on yourself so you can learn your triggers and more about your wants and needs.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="1nr9a-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="1nr9a-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="1nr9a-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">Avoid bringing up the past! Bringing up past wounds can spark an argument. Don't take the bait!</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="ecpki-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="ecpki-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="ecpki-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">What is the Yellow Rock Method?</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="eikl6-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="eikl6-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="eikl6-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">You are using the Grey Rock method but adding; Please, Thank you! Or “Hello!</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="cl8qb-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="cl8qb-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="cl8qb-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">This person is going to paint you in a bad light. Let it go! Shrug and walk away.</span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="8he6n-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; margin: 14px 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="8he6n-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span data-offset-key="8he6n-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">The ultimate answer for this is to leave. This may require lots of thought prayer and planning. If you need help with don't hesitate to message me privately. Know you are not alone on this journey. I'm cheering you on! </span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="8he6n-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span data-offset-key="8he6n-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaj2WnkUJJla3FtCQ4A8hQYLD_zKubdT9T6SYV5IRvbRMWwltoyzQvU_VLtG30qwO4_AnQF2Qyg-wnkxKmsIQVBXtCMjrzXoOxqGIcfo1QZ7vWVKceaA2qFxBlcAAskOv0BXoTJIXgApg/s225/205480740_10220085836438963_607063154256159106_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="224" data-original-width="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaj2WnkUJJla3FtCQ4A8hQYLD_zKubdT9T6SYV5IRvbRMWwltoyzQvU_VLtG30qwO4_AnQF2Qyg-wnkxKmsIQVBXtCMjrzXoOxqGIcfo1QZ7vWVKceaA2qFxBlcAAskOv0BXoTJIXgApg/s0/205480740_10220085836438963_607063154256159106_n.jpg" /></a></div><br /></span></span></div></div><div class="DK2WGA7X3rKos2v1AABBD _20x9t-BL2SDh7lOGEew66E" data-block="true" data-editor="2qqbo" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 14px 0px;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse. Here I will share my story and also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.</span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">
You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1</span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">
Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone</span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">
The Survivors Cafe on Facebook is a private community for women- https://www.facebook.com/groups/724081331311924</span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">
Find help and info here-
https://www.thehotline.org/</span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">
https://www.domesticshelters.org/</span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">
https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help</span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">
https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations</span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">
Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/ </span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>National Suicide Prevention- Lifeline-800-273-8255</span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Sending you lots of love and BIG HUGS! Mel</span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhlhJZIIhthaCHyPztckyDsG9F-2sJu-kdHv0kmdApfuCUvkypL1dlJbWBGwecb01A6okKlE2f9CKOjUnwRzBtGgBoxESFrdD1HB7uTyVJT0Sxr32lbb28JKeyy8XkgtoIa5yBwMzaonU/s1080/Purple+and+Yellow+New+Podcast+Episode+Featured+Instagram+Post+%25281%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhlhJZIIhthaCHyPztckyDsG9F-2sJu-kdHv0kmdApfuCUvkypL1dlJbWBGwecb01A6okKlE2f9CKOjUnwRzBtGgBoxESFrdD1HB7uTyVJT0Sxr32lbb28JKeyy8XkgtoIa5yBwMzaonU/s320/Purple+and+Yellow+New+Podcast+Episode+Featured+Instagram+Post+%25281%2529.png" /></a></div></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Did I mention I started a podcast?! I did! Find this here-</span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://anchor.fm/melinda-j-kunst/episodes/Using-the-Grey-and-Yellow-Rock-Method-to-deal-with-a-toxic-person-e1381ac" target="_blank">Hope when there was none Podcast</a></span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="a74f2-0-0" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /><span style="color: #292f36; font-family: Maax, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div></div>Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-50615957772707896492021-05-20T22:16:00.003-05:002021-05-20T22:24:41.781-05:00What is Trauma Bonding?<div class="separator"><br /></div><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6budiZ2msQG_pCto5pZyLrs_WxIA7FMuwf2ipWIt0SBkO7LaDusVNz9tZTahUPZt0YcjO2R9u49se2Jd9cwhdwmAQ_6YfAwTkyCEhi9oakSc7y8P4B47mNm3CM2SCxhTLwPGiz6tD4E8/s640/83427932_10220523984760483_1041192483066740736_n.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6budiZ2msQG_pCto5pZyLrs_WxIA7FMuwf2ipWIt0SBkO7LaDusVNz9tZTahUPZt0YcjO2R9u49se2Jd9cwhdwmAQ_6YfAwTkyCEhi9oakSc7y8P4B47mNm3CM2SCxhTLwPGiz6tD4E8/s320/83427932_10220523984760483_1041192483066740736_n.jpg" /></a></span></div><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">A victim may feel powerless to leave. They make you feel empathy for them. They may even feel they can't live without this person.</span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">This
can also be called, “Stockholm Syndrome” in an abusive
relationship. It can be formed quickly and last even after a
relationship has been severed. (Find the video for this here- <a href="https://www.facebook.com/142714656442671/videos/2563307180549284" target="_blank">What is Trauma Bonding?</a>)</span></span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">There
can be times of love, tenderness, and then cruelty. The victim can
have a paralyzing fear and feel helpless. The abuser isolates the
victim slowly convincing them that they are the only one they can
trust or they are the only one they can trust. This can make “no
contact orders” hard to keep. Victims may no longer trust their
instincts. </span>
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">There
can be a “Honeymoon stage” of a happy relationship, then a build-up of things that “go wrong” which can explode into
jealousy, rage, bitterness, and then apologies from the abuser. With
the cycle starting all over again.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">You
may create coping skills to deal with your situation. Your identity,
self-worth, and your own needs may get lost during this relationship.
</span>
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">The
abuser may attempt to control or mold the</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">victim, they may showering them with gifts, a hug, promising to listen to the victims
concerns or to reward the victim because they did as they were told.</span><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">Can
use sex as a punishment, could be highly addicted to sexual or does
not respect No means no!</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">How
do you know if you are in a Trauma bonded relationship?</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">You
can feel powerless or stuck but try to make the best of your
situation.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">There
are times when you don't love/like or want to be with the abuser but
don't feel that you can leave.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">You
may feel that you don't deserve better, no one will want you, feel
inferior, you may begin self-destructive behavior, prostitution (With
the belief that's all your good for), self-harm, or that you somehow
should be punished or mistreated by a person.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">You
may promise you won't do whatever it was that set the abuser off. </span>
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">You
may rationalize that your partner isn't always this way. Or they are
only this way when they drink, use drugs, have little to no money, or
if they hang out with certain people.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">You
may feel you can change the person, or if you have a baby things will
change, if you get married things will change, or if you get a better
job you won't argue about money.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">You
overlook the bad in the person because of all the “good” they do. For example, they help or are active in church or the community. </span>
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">Your
family or friends have confided they believe you need to break it off
with this person b</span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: xx-large;">ut,
you defend the relationship.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">You
physically feel sick thinking about leaving or that you may die if
you leave. That you can't live without them. </span>
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">The
other person lets you down or doesn't support your dreams, thoughts,
or ideas. Toxic people threaten to sue or to change custody or child
support if you don't comply or listen to whatever is irking them at
that moment.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-5iEpMyxkn8t059p5_8vpO9tMWkp5gqt-a6aLQ1lDyo5bOTzlyB020c6_1QqnvDwfCfwKuel5VdJLsQi6oSjUtjODDZUQfkZoaS3C9ddjmLTiT-rx1k8U0k6KJqwUTYyj-M4Cus3h6ns/s640/83915102_3323461541002272_5610657345181843456_n.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-5iEpMyxkn8t059p5_8vpO9tMWkp5gqt-a6aLQ1lDyo5bOTzlyB020c6_1QqnvDwfCfwKuel5VdJLsQi6oSjUtjODDZUQfkZoaS3C9ddjmLTiT-rx1k8U0k6KJqwUTYyj-M4Cus3h6ns/s320/83915102_3323461541002272_5610657345181843456_n.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">Can
you heal from this toxic relationship? Yes, you can! How?<br /></span><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<ol>
<li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">Go
no contact! This may mean you have another person check messages or voice mail messages. If you have to co-parent drop off and pick-up
children in a public spot. Don't engage your abuser! If this doesn't work stick to the facts ignore heated words or exchanges. Don't
respond! Abusers don't listen to boundaries so it is up to you to make sure you protect yourself by stopping harassing or abusive messages.</span></p>
</li></ol>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></p>
<ol start="2">
<li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">Be
careful during family get-togethers, school, or holiday gatherings.
Even if your children or family want you to make an appearance
explain the best you can and try to avoid the situation if at all
possible.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Let
your boss, school, or medical staff know what is going on. Your
abuser may try to get you fired from your place of employment, paint
you as the aggressor, lie about things that happened between the two
of you or worse. </span>
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">It
can be hard not to let your mind and heart wander to the past. But,
remember a healthy relationship doesn't make you feel unworthy or belittled. Consider jotting down the reasons you left your relationship and look it over anytime you feel like going back.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">Start
trusting your instincts again! If you feel off about a person or situation trust yourself to take things cautiously. If you are starting a new romance or relationship don't leave your children or furbabies alone with this person until you can truly feel that you trust them. It may take time for this to happen and trust the instincts of your children and or if your pet doesn't like this person. Introduce this new person slowly.</span></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">Slowly
rebuild your life again. This may mean you move to an entirely new place, let go of old friends or family, find a new job. Take every day with small steps. What did you want to be when you “grew up”? What are your favorite hobbies? What have you always wanted to do? Or where did you always want to go? Join a health club, or start walking. Exercise is helpful when you are healing. It sends
good vibes to your body and can increase good endorphins to your brain and the rest of you! This is a great stress reliever! You don't have to sign up for a marathon or hot Yoga. Start slow!</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Start
journaling your thoughts and feelings, let the tears flow, cry or scream if you need to. You don't have to keep this you can tear it up or save it to use for legal purposes. When you are going through a traumatic relationship you may forget things. This is our bodies why of protecting us! It's normal and natural. Don't be hard on yourself for not remembering things. </span>
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">Talk
to a supportive friend or counselor about your past. Learn new
patterns to help you overcome any issues with trust, boundaries,
taking steps to heal, or coping skills to help with PTSD,
Depression, Anxiety, or other health issues.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">Listen
to uplifting and positive music, podcasts, reading good books, or movies. Do some soul work with digging into your Bible/Torah/etc...
Do affirmations, mirror work, grounding, or meditation.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Believe
in yourself! Don't be surprised if after time health problems lessen or go away! </span>
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p>
</li></ol>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">One
last thing how do you know what's a healthy relationship? </span>
</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: xx-large;">Someone
that says, “I understand.” or “I hear your concerns, I love
you.” (No strings attached) and the words align with actions, there
is mutual trust, has boundaries and respects yours, no hidden agenda,
open communication gives partners time to grow, heal and evolve.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5OKEsM2N64sLcqkDcT74nab1Hf22gw3JejjznEgZTSYBoTKeRV3GuqxB_8-6Au9WuJWSTlmwACYB35MzjNupHENEw7SGWVCnYB2S0AHmwhC84rJkToNWt-f_kzwDRTri9TNhH66J2q-I/s1211/168544378_10219598171567646_3391282488696574609_n+%25281%2529.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1211" data-original-width="1211" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5OKEsM2N64sLcqkDcT74nab1Hf22gw3JejjznEgZTSYBoTKeRV3GuqxB_8-6Au9WuJWSTlmwACYB35MzjNupHENEw7SGWVCnYB2S0AHmwhC84rJkToNWt-f_kzwDRTri9TNhH66J2q-I/s320/168544378_10219598171567646_3391282488696574609_n+%25281%2529.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">I hope these help! Don't hesitate to message me privately if you need to talk. </span><p></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">Stay safe and BIG HUGS!</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">Mel<br /></span></p>hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-26347177069941420612021-04-21T04:43:00.000-05:002021-04-21T04:43:01.181-05:00What Does "After Trauma" look like?<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwfo7HYXo7rc5yO0UcbNKjRaTeTu_nExipOMvb1lLmtWC9daog6b3mZ9kziJSMTnmnzTr1kzygNgStS-fLTAnyacbAnQL8mpxra-gtMqzawiSA2HbBtdWGOT_IVp6nDEUOWrUPMkEiij4/s503/10157294_616701658423576_7183323625929603119_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="503" data-original-width="398" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwfo7HYXo7rc5yO0UcbNKjRaTeTu_nExipOMvb1lLmtWC9daog6b3mZ9kziJSMTnmnzTr1kzygNgStS-fLTAnyacbAnQL8mpxra-gtMqzawiSA2HbBtdWGOT_IVp6nDEUOWrUPMkEiij4/w158-h200/10157294_616701658423576_7183323625929603119_n.jpg" width="158" /></a></div><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">After you step outside of your toxic relationship you may feel that magically you are fine and you just might. But, there are those that have symptoms as listed below. I'll admit that I was one of those people that thought I was fine and didn't realize that I was living in such a high state of alert all the time that when I finally let it sink in it seemed like my body just decided to fall apart. </span></span><p></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #050505;">I think of an air-filled balloon that hasn't been tied. Once released and you let go you float around all over the room until it's deflated. That was me! So this is w</span><span style="color: #050505;">hat
"after" trauma can look like:</span></span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">💥 You may feel tired</span></span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">💥</span><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Your brain may feel a bit scattered or foggy</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">💥</span><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">You may feel cautious when trusting people</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">💥</span><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Intense emotional times may make you feel edgy</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">💥</span><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> There is the possibility of nightmares/night terrors</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">💥</span><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">You may get caught up in a cycle of drama</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">💥</span><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> Emotions can be high</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">💥</span><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> You may feel numb</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">💥</span><span style="color: #050505; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> You may feel alone</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTKhuUZkhX1Q734OOBMSWBwVqfjKy82amlMDXomfZzzQIohh1lt1FMB6pDJo1MyRKsEkI07OjT5FuROTbTTskttOembviN8GzvpcAzyrUNQlEc5Q2gVfkgvhLnfi5litr0jfusfRB5jT4/s500/23621226_1975849282430178_2034813043753611465_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="500" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTKhuUZkhX1Q734OOBMSWBwVqfjKy82amlMDXomfZzzQIohh1lt1FMB6pDJo1MyRKsEkI07OjT5FuROTbTTskttOembviN8GzvpcAzyrUNQlEc5Q2gVfkgvhLnfi5litr0jfusfRB5jT4/w200-h200/23621226_1975849282430178_2034813043753611465_n.png" width="200" /></span></a></div><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">So, what can you do to combat these feelings? </span></span><p></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">💗Start a healing path</span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">💗Talk with a counselor/therapist or a trusted friend</span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #050505;">💗</span><span style="color: #050505;"><span> Using journaling</span></span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #050505;">💗</span><span style="color: #050505;"><span> Listening to uplifting music</span></span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #050505;">💗</span><span style="color: #050505;"><span> Exercise</span></span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #050505;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSaA9UQdwiPhySdqPb1lGihYAi0-C_aLonsQ6tz95DFwkwtHSzIAZhdlz5NeXatYh318LZJOWbRHdnH0HReoG8oBheAU6eWgriFto_1yFL2VipUqnlcCg7sJmh0NfWXzCg0NtMfE3M8Sk/s564/89658546_2769379866450945_5335877823053692928_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="564" data-original-width="564" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSaA9UQdwiPhySdqPb1lGihYAi0-C_aLonsQ6tz95DFwkwtHSzIAZhdlz5NeXatYh318LZJOWbRHdnH0HReoG8oBheAU6eWgriFto_1yFL2VipUqnlcCg7sJmh0NfWXzCg0NtMfE3M8Sk/w200-h200/89658546_2769379866450945_5335877823053692928_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">💗<span style="color: #050505;"><span> Getting outdoors</span></span></span><p></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #050505;">💗</span><span style="color: #050505;"><span> Gardening</span></span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #050505;">💗Learning</span><span style="color: #050505;"><span> a hobby</span></span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #050505;">💗</span><span style="color: #050505;"><span> Adopting a pet</span></span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #050505;">💗</span><span style="color: #050505;"><span> Finding faith </span></span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">It isn't an easy path and takes time so please be gentle with yourself. Your healing journey can look entirely different than mine or someone else you know. Try to do something daily. This may mean you make your bed, brush your teeth, or even take a shower! </span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">If you need to talk don't hesitate to message me privately. If you are in an escalated situation please reach out to your local law enforcement, or reach out to <a href="https://www.thehotline.org/" target="_blank">The Hotline</a>. If you need a safe place to stay contact <a href="https://www.domesticshelters.org/" target="_blank">Domestic Shelters</a>.</span></span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"></span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_wmL2VwWhSEskxPOObT5kAI0yy7ZosxqP2JSXu_jNVWovTUh7neuL9t7rYADO7NkX91zIXK_Ga34RyhKJSGDQh1KyM0lx2NDHWocNYsnOlV3fkBqgQm6axSLMsK4Dc3uyiwmChiJ6oko/s1599/me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1599" data-original-width="1395" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_wmL2VwWhSEskxPOObT5kAI0yy7ZosxqP2JSXu_jNVWovTUh7neuL9t7rYADO7NkX91zIXK_Ga34RyhKJSGDQh1KyM0lx2NDHWocNYsnOlV3fkBqgQm6axSLMsK4Dc3uyiwmChiJ6oko/w174-h200/me.jpg" width="174" /></a></span></span></span></div><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br />Stay safe & BIG HUGS,</span></span></span><p></p><p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Mel</span></span></span></p>Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-63978316245275726102021-04-06T10:59:00.002-05:002021-04-06T10:59:44.092-05:00Are you living in “Victim mode”? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpMGpbn-63HU_4_fm85WkSar4BGFamEFDBpIKB9BpA0-j0Tl8YWWvazKtecckaqXQYgBOry0A70Dj4aKkxRXdNBIupvzffaz0I-_1WnOYrz0wW-Al9ztR2DK1OzQm3A0H7cvCxWiLaDVA/s1600/6015eecf301cc92cef3dce86e99bcbce.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="896" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpMGpbn-63HU_4_fm85WkSar4BGFamEFDBpIKB9BpA0-j0Tl8YWWvazKtecckaqXQYgBOry0A70Dj4aKkxRXdNBIupvzffaz0I-_1WnOYrz0wW-Al9ztR2DK1OzQm3A0H7cvCxWiLaDVA/s320/6015eecf301cc92cef3dce86e99bcbce.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-size: x-large;">Victim
mode or Victim mentality can happen to anyone.</span><p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">It's
where you feel victimized by the actions of others or you may feel or
behave as if the world is against you. Perhaps things are challenging
in your life and you feel like nothing ever goes right and if you
can't prove it you may feel the circumstances are unfair. Even when
things are going right you find fault or things wrong.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Life
presents challenges in life. No one is without fault, loss, or
circumstances that they have no control over. </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">It's alright to feel sorry for what you can not control. Such as abuse,
mourning a loss, victim of a crime, losing your job, your
relationship. Start to examine if you feel that things are happening
to you. Living as a victim can stop you from moving forward.
Victimhood can stop you from taking action and responsibility for
your life. You may continually feel powerless. No one chooses to be
victimized. But how you respond afterward is crucial. </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1lusY-sAoaXva6gP65GMqzFs_n8HM_qE-OIpfYiVr2I5S8Q4v3x_odEGPSojn6pv8DfGSk3KavOLSjX5EkxQx91bwhmNQhdbGPPr4MHO7qwgxKzk2ntId1-vQOBUIu12pgiFrzh-uJLM/s1080/FB_IMG_1615282827840.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1lusY-sAoaXva6gP65GMqzFs_n8HM_qE-OIpfYiVr2I5S8Q4v3x_odEGPSojn6pv8DfGSk3KavOLSjX5EkxQx91bwhmNQhdbGPPr4MHO7qwgxKzk2ntId1-vQOBUIu12pgiFrzh-uJLM/s320/FB_IMG_1615282827840.jpg" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: x-large;">If
you are living in this mode you may feel that you:</span><p></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Have
a right to complain about your situation.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Feel
that you need attention or that others should feel sorry for you.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">You
find it difficult to find happiness in life.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">No
one should criticize you or upset you because of what you
experienced. You may avoid taking a leap of faith into a new job or
relationship.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">You
can live your life on a repeat of the incident or the circumstances
that brought you to this point of victimhood. </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">You
overthink situations or over-complicate situations so they become
drama.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">People
may feel guilty for not helping you. </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">When
meeting people you may overshare your own story.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzF5KJdj5TZa7QDMDSKsOJ3rfBkKIgHGCCkCLMfzRyiQUiqRzkVMjwKBvGhT5TKfXuEcluyb9klfzk-3wsyv-ZV0-pXl8L7UQC3UvOWRp8mHg1FbIfG25X8Mbu4d4PKXNdLIYTci9VBTg/s1102/FB_IMG_1615282268813.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzF5KJdj5TZa7QDMDSKsOJ3rfBkKIgHGCCkCLMfzRyiQUiqRzkVMjwKBvGhT5TKfXuEcluyb9klfzk-3wsyv-ZV0-pXl8L7UQC3UvOWRp8mHg1FbIfG25X8Mbu4d4PKXNdLIYTci9VBTg/s320/FB_IMG_1615282268813.jpg" /></a></span></div><p></p><p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">You
keep yourself so busy that you don't have time to deal with your past
in order to heal.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">People
close to you may unknowingly be creating a situation of
co-dependency. The victim may lash out at anyone trying to help the
victim and the victim defends their behavior. </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Much
of this is unintentional. </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Victimhood
can also be handed down from generation to generation. Perhaps you
saw this behavior from a family member or you had a codependent
relationship with someone. Victim mode could have been a way to
survive for you. </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">So
what can you do? </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">The first step is to recognize that this can be an issue. </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO3PufiAyaHY5epHBkie2MtYp4zYkXWnMstk8y0jpW3KON1_zXiXIqjMMcbzjBlGAvm8gd4Qfwq8sZGj40lHy8DFnzb_0nLCJJMDJ4xssicP2TH8LNaDJUOKee1VyHk6c0RG5fJTwUSW4/s1080/FB_IMG_1616409315634.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO3PufiAyaHY5epHBkie2MtYp4zYkXWnMstk8y0jpW3KON1_zXiXIqjMMcbzjBlGAvm8gd4Qfwq8sZGj40lHy8DFnzb_0nLCJJMDJ4xssicP2TH8LNaDJUOKee1VyHk6c0RG5fJTwUSW4/s320/FB_IMG_1616409315634.jpg" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: x-large;">Stop
blaming others and accept responsibility to create your own
happiness.</span><p></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Start
taking note of negative thoughts or behaviors throughout your day.
This includes where you feel jealous about others, complain or
judge others.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Journal
your actions and thoughts as you begin to recognize negative
patterns. </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Use
gratitude to remind yourself of the blessings you do have in your
life.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Start
to create positive routines and habits.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Find
forgiveness for yourself and others. Let go of the past. You can't
change it! Learn the lesson even if it was heartbreaking and take
baby steps to heal from that wound. </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Let
go of the anger you have towards yourself or others.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Where
are you dependent on others? Can you pay it forward or start taking
steps to lessen that dependency. That may look like looking for a
job, learning to budget, finding counseling, or learning how to
drive.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Try
affirmations and mirror work- make this a habit you can do as you are
getting ready for your day. Building your confidence to believe in
yourself is beneficial towards healing! </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Remember
you are the Captain of the ship of your life. You have the power to
steer clear of obstacles or to get to your destination. </span>
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">If
you fall back into victim mode, recognize it, get back up, and dust
yourself off.</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Remember
tomorrow is another day.</span></p><p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjchfdoilJnbW7cQUoMLXzgje1b32vzBbA3ukcgMup66f77sqFzJY3YIZsQDXwFjJJ7bjmNBNL3XoCKPGtirXcsBkXcY2vpWXLRjW4wS9op9kAcknF2nEf7SXDYVdfHXetRUTfsELbXo9w/s1211/168544378_10219598171567646_3391282488696574609_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1211" data-original-width="1211" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjchfdoilJnbW7cQUoMLXzgje1b32vzBbA3ukcgMup66f77sqFzJY3YIZsQDXwFjJJ7bjmNBNL3XoCKPGtirXcsBkXcY2vpWXLRjW4wS9op9kAcknF2nEf7SXDYVdfHXetRUTfsELbXo9w/s320/168544378_10219598171567646_3391282488696574609_n.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-size: x-large;">BIG HUGS,<br /></span><p></p><p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Mel</span></p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</p>Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-28502627893206933032021-03-24T10:44:00.000-05:002021-03-24T10:44:01.135-05:00Financial abuse- Abuser asserts control over your finances<p> </p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPm4zkqqdGXDX25hZyztp3Qyt2EagO8sbPRJRcYFDQuWsZvKuLn7BY8wAZfcoty1hlQ8nhlhKs9ozTxGYRKm2WQdtfrE3xEa12YwKLsVwhsOqwZtIJqnyYC29-eXOH_sBN-wS9WgKgQWc/s960/960x0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPm4zkqqdGXDX25hZyztp3Qyt2EagO8sbPRJRcYFDQuWsZvKuLn7BY8wAZfcoty1hlQ8nhlhKs9ozTxGYRKm2WQdtfrE3xEa12YwKLsVwhsOqwZtIJqnyYC29-eXOH_sBN-wS9WgKgQWc/s320/960x0.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;">Financial abuse is one of the abuses I didn't realize was so harmful! I had no idea that was a "thing" when I was with my abuser. The control he had over our finances and shifting the blame to me when money was low was eye-opening! </span><p></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Honestly, I hated when we balanced the checkbook! It could possibly take hours to do because I was off by as little as a penny. Or perhaps I didn't have the right answer to a receipt purchase. (It was usually followed by intense scrutiny and accusations that I was cheating.) Here are forms of financial abuse and below is the video for this post. You can find more videos on my FB page (Click here) </span><span style="font-size: 21.3333px;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone" target="_blank">Hope when there was none</a></span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Ruin
Credit- not paying bills or opening accts without approval
fraudulently</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Overdrawing
bank accounts</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Files
for bankruptcy without your knowledge</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Giving
an allowance and every cent is tracked</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">You
have to turn over any money you have</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Bumming
money off you- slowly gives you a sob story</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Refuse
to work or stop working</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Refuse/Inconsistent
to pay support/alimony or lies about income so they pay lower support</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Deny
they are the biological parent</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Don't
supply health insurance if ordered or promised to do so</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Stop
paying housing so you are evicted </span>
</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVdKVcRff7_j8aOfpyCy1kEfvyPIEK2MWTPuS4V3jsqxUBj9ttFE4hRVH45_nLNSQ1pElOS2EjD0ur9reDpUeZW1_FvP1Ptl7NNW3Aubpgskq9aDoI8tJqHc7RxSAxx1i1c7042qb3DWE/s750/58549693_1387862448012089_2068414180548935680_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="734" data-original-width="750" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVdKVcRff7_j8aOfpyCy1kEfvyPIEK2MWTPuS4V3jsqxUBj9ttFE4hRVH45_nLNSQ1pElOS2EjD0ur9reDpUeZW1_FvP1Ptl7NNW3Aubpgskq9aDoI8tJqHc7RxSAxx1i1c7042qb3DWE/s320/58549693_1387862448012089_2068414180548935680_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Stop
paying on utilities so they are turned off</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Steal
your welfare checks/card</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Someone
is taking interest in your finances- say they have an investment
opportunity</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Steal
money from you or family</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Never
seem to have money of their own</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">They
misuse funds- frivolously, you are always behind in bills</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">They
destroy property you own or that you own together </span>
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Taking
a life insurance policy for you</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Force
you to have access to your finances, Will, business, or Power of
Attorney</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">You
are not allowed to have a loan, bank account, car, house or job or
make it impossible to access</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Demand
their name is on your account</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Keep
a paper trail of these things- have a private ledger </span>
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Try
to get you fired from your job, may harass you at your job, make you
late or miss work</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">If
you are going back to school they may also harass you, make you late,
miss school</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Smear
campaign at your workplace or school</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Limit
your hours that you work</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Not
help with childcare </span>
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Demand
access to your accounts/passwords</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Doesn't
consult you in private or business decisions</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Forces
you to go into a career or start a business you are not interested in</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Forces
you to make fraudulent medical/tax claims or documents for
business/personal</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Reports
“You” for fraud</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Refuses
to finalize your divorce</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">May
take out a protective order or tie you up in court fraudulently in
retaliation </span>
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Refuse
to give you funds for necessities- food, money, medication, bills,
transportation</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">What can you do? Leave, file a police report, keep a paper trail, contact
an attorney to find out if you are liable for fraud. Contact credit
reporting companies about possible fraud, ask for an alert to be put
on for large purchases. They will decline any big-ticket items and
you will need to call and verify that you are purchasing. </span>
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Change
your password/pins- To something affirming- I am loved, I am a
survivor, No more</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Squirrel
money away!</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Open
a bank account</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Make
copies of important papers, loans, bills, check stubs, documentation
of payments under the table</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3JJ3UggDO-bsIh6bqdpIng9KFzHqD538EIKhm0zFaOhGlnN5O2bPZzH9UfoLpta_JKabD9OUB6o2W9r-v_LL_dKQnLQLJj172kiQ6vFrDYJwH_JKgx9Z7v_5OcaekfCXpJAeLHu_Qd7k/s1080/3f4a437d8d1829be9c6f2f1c3f8fc955.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3JJ3UggDO-bsIh6bqdpIng9KFzHqD538EIKhm0zFaOhGlnN5O2bPZzH9UfoLpta_JKabD9OUB6o2W9r-v_LL_dKQnLQLJj172kiQ6vFrDYJwH_JKgx9Z7v_5OcaekfCXpJAeLHu_Qd7k/s320/3f4a437d8d1829be9c6f2f1c3f8fc955.png" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Contact
your employer about what is going on- Your focus may be off and it
may be noticed</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">This is a lot to process! But, learning how you can begin to protect yourself is so empowering! You are not alone! If you need to talk with someone or resources I am happy to help. I'm not an attorney or counselor but I am someone that understands. I've been where you are! </span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Stay safe!</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 21.3333px;">BIG HUGS!</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 21.3333px;">Mel</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;">Here is a link to the <a href="https://fb.watch/4r1ACiZ5cK/" target="_blank">Financial Abuse video</a></span><br /></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-92080052247893632312021-02-27T19:15:00.000-06:002021-02-27T19:15:50.997-06:00What Does Cyber Abuse Look Like?<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCrn3NXe5QX4aqCY8RmMm_TusjkHM30xHdtUoyDNfAsjMY7a5C7zZ7NdDptFwmHJy0O0aeGeeA6P5xC4FrvtfpcrVUfFkOba8fp3xi9qAbu6EEkpnm7sO9osb7iF1QfTRsCKbcH1mi_kY/s1200/Photo-for-Rife-Mag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCrn3NXe5QX4aqCY8RmMm_TusjkHM30xHdtUoyDNfAsjMY7a5C7zZ7NdDptFwmHJy0O0aeGeeA6P5xC4FrvtfpcrVUfFkOba8fp3xi9qAbu6EEkpnm7sO9osb7iF1QfTRsCKbcH1mi_kY/s320/Photo-for-Rife-Mag.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 28pt;"> There are steps you can take to prevent and educate yourself on how to keep yourself safe. Any type of abuse is not necessarily between yourself and your intimate partner. Abuse can happen between family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers. </span><span style="font-size: 37.3333px;">So, what does Cyber Abuse look like? It can take many forms and you may have experienced one or more of these.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 28pt;">You may have someone sending
threats or hurtful messages on email, text messages, on websites and
social media.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">Posting
secrets, recordings, private/personal videos, and pictures.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">Hacking
into the victims account to find out personal information
whereabouts, financial info.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">Steal
identity.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">Create
a fake ad of the victim.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">Sexting.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">Starting
rumors.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">Stalking
you online or having others spy on you.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">You
may have the feeling that you are being watched! Planting spyware on
your computer, tracking your whereabouts via GPS, installing cameras
in your home or elsewhere to spy on you.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">Tracking
your email/internet use.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">Constantly
emailing, messaging, or texting you to intimidate or frighten you.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">Harass
you on social media, dating sites, chat, and gaming sites.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Harassing you by calling or emailing your workplace to cause trouble or get you fired. </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">What can you do? There are laws to protect you. First, start by contacting your local law
enforcement. </span><span style="font-size: 37.3333px;">Make sure to keep screenshots, any type of paper trail with any emails/text messages, voicemails, and so on. If you keep receiving these keep alerting the police. </span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 37.3333px;">You may need to share issues with your workplace about your situation. </span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 37.3333px;">If you can afford it consider investing in new electronics- Laptop, computer, or phone. Have your vehicle and home swept for tracking or surveillance equipment. </span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 37.3333px;">If those seem a bit out of your price range right now, consider checking out how to find these things yourself. </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 28pt;">Like
the other forms of abuse an abuser wants the victim to feel
powerless and that they have control.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Don't lose hope! </span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Stay Safe!</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Mel</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /></p>Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-49970668997993665562020-07-14T21:13:00.001-05:002020-07-14T21:13:31.626-05:00Tips on sharing your trauma story<font size="5"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtpiU1KbQLF9YgoIoZFwR5bw4Z1kshniv-eU4bkKgmgqRh6TCmK0_T5VxiP2pNNg6TS0aLL9DCbQC29LWJjKVGEyM46I3IntNw41L9-jBi_7T9UWQoaIMecIb8ah6Wxd3kPt_mURZVlvw/s720/11060991_10203952524596250_34555677200616881_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtpiU1KbQLF9YgoIoZFwR5bw4Z1kshniv-eU4bkKgmgqRh6TCmK0_T5VxiP2pNNg6TS0aLL9DCbQC29LWJjKVGEyM46I3IntNw41L9-jBi_7T9UWQoaIMecIb8ah6Wxd3kPt_mURZVlvw/s320/11060991_10203952524596250_34555677200616881_n.jpg" /></a></div>If you are thinking of sharing your story publically, let me tell you that I'm proud of you! It's brave to step out of your comfort zone by sharing. This is a time of allowing your vulnerability to come out for one or more persons to hear and that's AWESOME! So how can you get started?</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;" /><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br />I started by blogging. I shared posts on social media on my page and soon after I received messages from friends that were supportive and much to my surprise a handful admitted they were or had been in an abusive relationship. There were also those that shared someone close to them who was going through a tough time and would I talk with them?<br /><br />I admit to being a wee bit nervous about talking with others. It's one thing to give advice in the beginning. I argued with God, "How can I talk to others when I'm falling apart?!" I didn't feel like I had it all together or all the answers to help someone else. I considered waiting to talk with people until I was healed or maybe even licensed as something. I didn't feel qualified there is a saying that God doesn't call the qualified He qualifies the called. I needed to get over myself and my ego to realize that this was BIGGER than me.<br /><br />After I published my story I started to do the leg work of marketing myself, reaching out to local libraries, coffee shops, podcasts, and newspapers to share my story. I was blessed to have several organizations and personalities to reach out to me. I encourage you to decide how big you want to go when you share.</span></font><div><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br />*Do you wish to tell a few trusted friends or get on TV or radio?</span></font></div><div><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br />*What places that are local can you share?</span></font></div><div><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br />*Are there organizations that you can speak to?</span></font></div><div><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br />*What podcasts or blogs do you like to ask if you can be interviewed as a guest?</span></font></div><div><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br />*Look for FB groups that specialize in your area and ask the page owner/admin if you can share by a post, video, or interview.</span></font></div><div><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br />*Or maybe you wish to share with loved ones close to you that had no idea about your secret, or what you experienced. Don't be surprised if those close to you don't support or believe you. This happens! Prepare yourself for questions or even a backlash. Some people aren't ready to hear the truth.</span></font></div><div><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br />*If you are sharing as an interview or speaker ask how much time do you have to speak?</span></font></div><div><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br />*If this is as a podcast or "Live" video interview ask what platform are they using and will there be a dry run prior to the meeting so you can make sure there are no technical difficulties or maybe they are using something that you don't have downloaded and you don't want to keep a host waiting while you do so!</span></font></div><div><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br />*Will there be questions or a script the host will ask you if so can you know what they will be asking in advance? This can help you prepare and give you an idea of how deep they wish to go. You may not feel comfortable in the direction the interview is heading.</span></font></div><div><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></font></div><div><div class="separator"><div style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">*Give yourself a break! Do something for you to relax afterward no matter how you choose to share. This can bring out a range of emotions that you thought you had healed or it may trigger a panic attack. Go for a walk, meditate, talk to a friend, ground yourself, watch or read something funny, cry/scream/yell if you need to.<br /><br />Remember this, be gentle with yourself. Schedule your storytelling a week or two apart sharing can be taxing on you. Afterward, you could feel on top of the world or like you have been hit by a truck. No matter how you choose to share this is a beautiful gift you are giving someone and yourself.</span></font></div><div style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">If you have any questions about this or anything else don't hesitate to message me privately. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQlI3dlwS2DkSoxxqcVMQVJgWtjIoKmeu9DEEmoHSyF_A9iH7isg92KxUaNSUTJLmF9G8VM153CWyXAzpGZbz4ETiUYlq6cnTx3gJ1qI0M9s2p3Kw6EABhcylNc7YmYzWplPc6G8oNMRc/s600/93707367_3055745457795326_8643115834836779008_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQlI3dlwS2DkSoxxqcVMQVJgWtjIoKmeu9DEEmoHSyF_A9iH7isg92KxUaNSUTJLmF9G8VM153CWyXAzpGZbz4ETiUYlq6cnTx3gJ1qI0M9s2p3Kw6EABhcylNc7YmYzWplPc6G8oNMRc/s320/93707367_3055745457795326_8643115834836779008_n.jpg" /></a></div><br /></span></font><font size="5"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><br />Stay safe!<br />Mel</span></font></div></div><font size="5"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></span></font></div>hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-25909832407832441442020-06-30T17:54:00.000-05:002020-06-30T17:55:06.591-05:00Nightmares & Narcissists<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="565" data-original-width="849" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkT2Jwycp5x_jonpvzuY_gMNFWxLZBgbQ1L57jZbe4VA_sI5exM_vAwvMTT9FY9bn8lfVJRkt57MfK5L2BEcnZD0QWY7FHk2iVjOYmLhOurfWlq3f-qzDbukbVkH7ZgEELVA0dg6vFAAE/s320/iStock_000041836126Small.jpg" width="320" /></div><font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">Will
the dreams and nightmares about my ex stop?!</font></font></font><p></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">You
left your abuser and now your dreaming about him/her. It may feel
like you are still being held captive. When do they stop? Why does it
feel like I'm obsessed or have separation anxiety from this person?</font></font></font></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">The duration of dreaming about your ex can depend on how long you are
away from this person. Take the amount of time you were with this
person and divide it in half. This will be the “magic” number
that will be the amount of time you notice you have made progress on
your healing journey.</font></font></font></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">You
are probably frustrated by this. I know I was! How can you break free
from these? It can be challenging to start reprogramming your mind to
see your bad dreams as a tool to heal and change this into a good
thing instead. You can do it!</font></font></font></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">Know
that you are safe! This person can't hurt you anymore. You may feel
victimized all over again subconsciously. Stop giving this person
space in your mind. The feelings of being unworthy, that your
useless, everything is your fault, etc... You may go through
nightmare spurts. One day you have them and then the next day you
don't!<br />Dreaming allows us to face our abusers head-on. We can
safely explore situations we went through as scary as they may have
been for you.</font></font></font></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">If
you sit down and think about why you are having these dreams you may
be surprised. It could be you were randomly talking about this toxic
person earlier in the day with someone. You could have heard a song,
saw an item, went past their house, had a message from them, are you
up against a deadline, or something else that reminded you
subconsciously.</font></font></font></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">While
you are sleeping your brain may be trying to help you or tell you
something by replaying a memory or situation.</font></font></font></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">How
can you start to flip the switch?</font></font></font></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">1)
What unresolved hurts do you have? Those bottled up memories can
trigger a bad dream. Getting things down on paper or sharing these
with a counselor/therapist/friend can be very helpful!</font></font></font></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">2)
Change the voice of your abuser. Replaying these experiences can be
terrifying for you but let's pretend you're watching a movie of a
memory between you and that person who hurt you. Change the voice to
that person. Make it a cartoon voice or really high and squeaky. Kind
of like a chipmunk. Does it make you giggle a little? Going forward
every time you think of this person I want you to remember this
cartoon voice even in real life. This can help you start to see this
person in a different perspective. Most of the talk coming from their
mouths is ridiculous. Even if they are trying to bring you down I
want you to remember this voice.</font></font></font></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">3)
Before you go to bed begin a practice of watching or reading
something positive. Don't binge The Walking Dead, watch the news, or
consider putting down your phone. Feed your mind something good. If
you have to watch a show make it light-hearted. America's funniest
home videos, funny animal videos, listen to the Bible on YouTube,
find positive affirmations or Bible verses, or record your own to
play as you fall asleep. Color, go for a walk or listen to soothing
music. Find a hobby that you enjoy to get this person out of your
head. Fill your mind with positives and things that make you happy
and if you don't know what makes you happy now is a great time to
learn.</font></font></font></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">All
of this does take time. I encourage you to give yourself this time to
get to know you. To better understand your reactions to a certain
situation and how you can reprogram yourself to react in a way that
shows you aren't going to be a victim any longer.</font></font></font></p>
<p style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<font color="#666666"><font face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><font size="4" style="font-size: 16pt;">Stay
safe!<br />BIG HUGS,<br />Mel</font></font></font></p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxoPinT12GzRAPki4WX46OnbN9DWyvGuNo3CeboXE0z3U0oCyw5mSIU5UGPiZC10zVCuW59_Dm8s0F8EtH9kw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</p><br />Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-8012546959983185142020-06-27T17:31:00.000-05:002020-06-27T17:31:22.329-05:00Using Mirrorwork to help on your healing journey<p style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px 0px 6px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisw8SiE6IuFGuk1mE9kwLQMagHdIrd4qS75FAy0-AsnlGV-iPy7K3D1F3YOMbXnkQixagKnvfrAqexUoQ-90UhfKhzqe-OWZtPLH_8S11rzl4yPo6ElVJP5UnD8zOTFC7sRMPHCt0TZAw/s1200/379825.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="857" data-original-width="1200" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisw8SiE6IuFGuk1mE9kwLQMagHdIrd4qS75FAy0-AsnlGV-iPy7K3D1F3YOMbXnkQixagKnvfrAqexUoQ-90UhfKhzqe-OWZtPLH_8S11rzl4yPo6ElVJP5UnD8zOTFC7sRMPHCt0TZAw/w204-h146/379825.jpg" width="204" /></a></div>This was from a challenge I put out here a few months back and it seems timely!<p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 6px 0px;">Have you tried "Mirror work?".</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 6px 0px;">At the beginning of my journey, I whined, hesitated, and angrily did my soul work. <span class="_5mfr" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px 1px;"><span class="_6qdm" style="background-image: url("https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/ta1/1/16/1f61d.png"); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: contain; color: transparent; display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; height: 16px; text-shadow: none; vertical-align: text-bottom; width: 16px;">😝</span></span>I couldn't help but think what was the point?!</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 6px 0px;">My world was crumbling around me and I felt like crap and way too woo-woo for me. There were plenty of eye rolls, sighs, and muttering some not so nice words <span class="_5mfr" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px 1px;"><span class="_6qdm" style="background-image: url("https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/t82/1/16/1f92c.png"); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: contain; color: transparent; display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; height: 16px; text-shadow: none; vertical-align: text-bottom; width: 16px;">🤬</span></span>. Once I began my practice I felt much better! I began to feel lighter and actually started to look forward to doing it. I kid you not it was a slow practice- Baby steps!</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 6px 0px;">I know you are knee-deep in <span class="_5mfr" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px 1px;"><span class="_6qdm" style="background-image: url("https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/t44/1/16/1f4a9.png"); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: contain; color: transparent; display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; height: 16px; text-shadow: none; vertical-align: text-bottom; width: 16px;">💩</span></span> right now but finding that thing that helps you begin to find yourself again is so helpful not just at this moment but as you start re-establishing old relationships with family and friends and forging new relationships with others.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 6px 0px;">Loving that person staring back in the mirror can help you recognize that you are worth being loved, respected, and cherished. <span class="_5mfr" style="font-family: inherit; margin: 0px 1px;"><span class="_6qdm" style="background-image: url("https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v9/tea/1/16/1f970.png"); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: contain; color: transparent; display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; height: 16px; text-shadow: none; vertical-align: text-bottom; width: 16px;">🥰</span></span>If you need help with taking steps to rebuild "you" message me privately or if you are feeling brave ask the group here what they do!</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 6px 0px;">Stay safe!</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 6px 0px;">BIG HUGS!</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 6px 0px 0px;">Mel</p><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxTg1HIzo3w6mBg59EXuIpwLuwy5xLm-Ld5LojEKbpEM7As7cRSKrQNgJEluBdrJ8xCgYCvU_S0rGtD_k2p7A' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><p style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 6px 0px 0px;"><br /></p></div>hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-17387240968025710022020-06-22T17:56:00.001-05:002020-06-22T17:56:14.607-05:00Green flags to be thankful for in a relationship<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8Z2o_xPFRWx0Vfn8I5gw9ViOtN60AQHkc9_R2RUg0359O9AWwC4Z4KXCnLwJRP-Zj6tH3SJVLfvtdMElTkMpv3PX5-dtQnTM1E_QFqUhydpE9_N9uxr01DaJe7H01WM_6KlTVjZ5Hanw/s960/69664917_113390120039629_3086365788123168768_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="624" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8Z2o_xPFRWx0Vfn8I5gw9ViOtN60AQHkc9_R2RUg0359O9AWwC4Z4KXCnLwJRP-Zj6tH3SJVLfvtdMElTkMpv3PX5-dtQnTM1E_QFqUhydpE9_N9uxr01DaJe7H01WM_6KlTVjZ5Hanw/w206-h318/69664917_113390120039629_3086365788123168768_o.jpg" width="206" /></a></div><p></p></blockquote><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">No relationship is perfect
but there are some things to keep an eye out for when starting or
thinking about a current relationship you are in this could be with
an intimate partner, family member, friend, or co-worker.</span></p>
<ol><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">This person takes
responsibility for their own actions.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Support things you
want to do or pursue.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Practice self-care.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Are reflective on
their life or situations.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">They have
long-standing healthy friendships.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Empathy towards
others.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">You can be vulnerable
around this person or they are vulnerable.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">They are spiritual
and don't mock your spirituality.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Self-sufficient- They
can take care of themselves, appointments, and needs.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Communicate openly
with no judgment.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Has hobbies and is
encouraging for you to pursue your own or to join in with their
interests.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Respects and honors
your boundaries.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Are affectionate with
you.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Takes interests in the thing you like to do.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Supportive and
positive about you even when you aren't feeling that way.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Has a great sense of humor and can laugh at themselves. They don't put you down.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Can help out
financially if they need to with no strings or without being asked.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">A good listener and
communicator.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Has fun!</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Accepts your past
without being critical.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Doesn't compare you
to others.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Respects your need
for alone time.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Allows and encourages
you to have a career.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Respects your
children.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Knows they aren't the
center of the universe.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">They are mature.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">They have confidence
in themselves without being cocky.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Fits in no matter
what the situation or environment they are in.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Admit when they make
mistakes.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Shares in chores or
tasks around the house.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Enjoys quiet time and
encourages you to do the same.</font></p>
</li><li><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="4">Willing to deal with the ups and downs in a relationship.</font></p></li></ol><div><font size="4">I hope these help you evaluate a questionable relationship you have or maybe even to evaluate "YOUR" behavior in relationships. If you or someone you know is in a toxic relationship there is hope and help. Message me privately for info on services in your area. I have a private FB group for women only that are victims/Survivors of abuse and it can be found here- <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/hopewhentherewasnone/">Hope when there was none group</a>.</font></div><div><br /></div><div><font size="4">Stay safe!</font></div><div><font size="4">BIG HUGS!</font></div><div><font size="4">Mel<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwEYJPQ4inladvaTjqk5akcsL2DptmyFG2PWMsrS8Zg8fuXsL7SU1RJcmyM-fE776Xc7x7Mlc4Wa82L6HTuxw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div></font></div>hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-76911229030843909602020-06-18T19:03:00.001-05:002020-06-18T19:07:21.145-05:00Red flags you should look for in any relationship<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg40FxuxFlh7VAGMvnm9K6miMkfzmQa7uhY0970E1Plx0EfDVSXXtGkYtBo7wuGT3tB7BGT-maukdJbQgtywXuv6cNFbCej6pCgPXt8VFi6xU_tpWMvZO88h3hwdURqvDSv-TtFp9N-6fc/s600/small_Warning_Signs_-_Shareable_Image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="600" height="163" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg40FxuxFlh7VAGMvnm9K6miMkfzmQa7uhY0970E1Plx0EfDVSXXtGkYtBo7wuGT3tB7BGT-maukdJbQgtywXuv6cNFbCej6pCgPXt8VFi6xU_tpWMvZO88h3hwdURqvDSv-TtFp9N-6fc/w163-h163/small_Warning_Signs_-_Shareable_Image.jpg" width="163" /></a></div><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 1em 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">Are there warning signs you should be on the lookout for in a relationship? You betcha! Here are a few to keep watch for! This applies to any type of relationship! Not just with an intimate partner. Honestly, I wish I would have known these were a thing. What I know now... I'm sure you feel the same way! So here are some things to look out for. </font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">1) Is there a history of violence?</font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5"><br />2) May have a mysterious reason why they don't like people.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">3) Wants to get serious real quick.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">4) Is this person overly possessive and jealous?<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">5) Begins isolating you from family and friends.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">6) Doesn't listen to you or your opinions.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">7) Bossy and inconsiderate.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">8) Dictates where you go, what you wear, and what you enjoy.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">9) Monitors your calls, texts, and/or social media.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">10) Blames you for all their issues even if you had no part in whatever the situation.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">11) Puts on a display of affection and caring for others but behind closed doors talks poorly about them behind their back.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">12) Makes fun of you.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">13) Manipulative.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">14) Ignores your boundaries.<br /><br /></font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">15) Doesn't include you with friends or family outings or gatherings.</font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">Of course, the HUGE red flag is if the person uses intimidation, threats, demeans you, or violence against you.</font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">These are just some of the red flags that are out there. I've included the video that you can also listen to. If you need to talk don't hesitate to message me or find me on FB at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/melinda.kunst.58">https://www.facebook.com/melinda.kunst.58</a>. Stay safe! </font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">BIG HUGS!</font></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; margin: 1em 0px;"><font size="5">Mel</font><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxhoaurzfusab_fvYXtlVesPmrQ-BPgSZjsCS25bpj0XR32VpQHQNuNXUzVGuuGz5hfoBnVNUtd8NA19WIk1g' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><p></p>hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-82594484493736875532020-06-12T08:30:00.002-05:002020-06-12T19:10:05.136-05:00Part 2 Tips for coping with loneliness after a toxic relationship<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6"><font></font></font></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><font size="6"><font><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ3CK12xQkHuMWCjRRwvJEDNEWPcU-8JABGgl1VKxaiZhDrK5A6q_z3D-wDalAWjk_b-j7OnEekQnqRpsRE80bCZdptCa8m6FLddrt4VSd8bdOM3GB4bG7q8SQcnP3A6cst-B7hvxzJ3s/s480/12800392_1698234237124725_660691029973681915_n.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="443" data-original-width="480" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ3CK12xQkHuMWCjRRwvJEDNEWPcU-8JABGgl1VKxaiZhDrK5A6q_z3D-wDalAWjk_b-j7OnEekQnqRpsRE80bCZdptCa8m6FLddrt4VSd8bdOM3GB4bG7q8SQcnP3A6cst-B7hvxzJ3s/w200-h184/12800392_1698234237124725_660691029973681915_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></font></font></div><font size="6"><font>I'm back to share some other ideas for beating loneliness. </font></font><p></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6"><font>Reach
out to support groups in your local area- shelters or church groups.
These don't necessarily need to be related to abuse recovery. If you
can't get out to do so find a group virtually!</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6">What
are hobbies that you enjoyed in the past? What are things you like to
do or have always wanted to do? What were you not allowed to do in
the past?</font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6">Can
you have a pet at your new residence? Pets can give you unconditional
love, fill a void when you feel lonely, and be a good companion!</font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6"><font>Have
you thought about writing your story? Now is a good time to write
that story, write a letter to that toxic person, or at least get past
experiences on paper for legal purposes but also to help you heal.
What have you been holding onto? What are your fears? List the good,
the bad, and ugly. Don't judge yourself. Just write! If you are typing
this out I know it's tempting to hit the delete button but don't! I
encourage you to handwrite your thoughts</font></font><span style="font-size: xx-large;">. </span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6"><font>If
you don't wish to keep these writings down burn them! Burning these
can be very therapeutic. Burn this letter in a fire-safe vessel or in
a safe place.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6"></font></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><font size="6"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm_ALLWHwFxL0hHN3snbHJk8pc0OW891ixe80PeAX0_isAPmU-2gzVX7Tu_W014udEuIolwMMvEZ2OnDdJtAkGOO_2L8NTG92a_HpVTBBgyIWEZaYE618-ZLImW72HnDsHtNQldfIc0_o/s736/75560b507ca954815bab86eef2cf9077--girl-friendship-setting-boundaries.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="552" data-original-width="736" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm_ALLWHwFxL0hHN3snbHJk8pc0OW891ixe80PeAX0_isAPmU-2gzVX7Tu_W014udEuIolwMMvEZ2OnDdJtAkGOO_2L8NTG92a_HpVTBBgyIWEZaYE618-ZLImW72HnDsHtNQldfIc0_o/s320/75560b507ca954815bab86eef2cf9077--girl-friendship-setting-boundaries.jpg" width="320" /></a></font></div><font size="6">Remember
your past, those negative emotions/thoughts of sadness, bitterness,
anger, fear no longer serve you. Whatever is deep within you let it
come out. Any feelings that bubble up during this time allow them to
come. Acknowledge them and let them go. You can read this letter
aloud or say a prayer releasing the past, the energy, or the
situation. Don't keep the ashes allow them to go into the garden or
the garbage (after they have cooled down!). Ask God to heal this
situation and to bring light out of the darkness. You can repeat this
whenever you feel the need.</font><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6"><font>Anytime
you feel stressed out or panicky bring yourself to the present. This
is your new beginning. </font>
</font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6"><font>When
things are going wrong- Shift! Trade those </font></font><font size="6">negative vibe thoughts with </font><span style="font-size: xx-large;">positive thoughts. Easier said than it's done but taking your power
back can make you feel wonderful. Ditching the past is setting you
free. It's freeing to cut that experience or person away from you.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: xx-large;">Put
the brakes on the news (even social media), negative or sad
movies/songs. Watch or listen to positive and empowering things.</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: xx-large;">Will
everything is rainbows and glitter? No, it may be a challenge but
keep going up that hill. I know you can do it!</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwjDJT_Ye3lv4FqcoapKATozl1K7NxmULzOrurKxhhrWLJr9KHvkBa8t51mvfOrrzsEVCZh7dHoCk4U-2ax5Q' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><font size="6"><br />
</font><p></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6"><br />
</font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6"><br />
</font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><font size="6"><br />
</font></p><br />hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-8792598975270857762020-06-11T08:01:00.002-05:002020-06-11T08:54:00.938-05:00Part 1 Tips to cope with being alone after a toxic relationship<span style="font-size: large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV1GQoj-f4pU0ghNJPnpfvpzq34AsJzEEFx-xZi1-Q1f6K3KRmWJSTqWZ788tjmeT1yTfR8S7xuW4X7Dcdan5eCc012iiePBMiFhjPS6gPrAyF1OvGQPyHSsnZsCeL4KqigkRRIWsrgTk/s640/16410_1539898936253530_2011460103723362701_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV1GQoj-f4pU0ghNJPnpfvpzq34AsJzEEFx-xZi1-Q1f6K3KRmWJSTqWZ788tjmeT1yTfR8S7xuW4X7Dcdan5eCc012iiePBMiFhjPS6gPrAyF1OvGQPyHSsnZsCeL4KqigkRRIWsrgTk/w200-h200/16410_1539898936253530_2011460103723362701_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>It has been ages since I've posted! I'm sorry! I haven't forgotten about you! I have jumped into vlogging and haven't come by here in a while. I have a bunch of things that I will be sharing over the next few weeks or so to catch up! You can find the video here- facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">A tough topic for many victims and Survivors is loneliness. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">First
off, it is very brave of you to stay alone right now! I'm proud of
you! This is a time of being on an emotional roller coaster filled
with drama. You may feel like tapping out or giving up. Please don't!
Consider talking to a counselor or therapist. This can be a dark time
and talking with a professional or trusted 3<sup>rd</sup> party can
help.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">One
of the most common experience among victims and Survivors of a toxic
relationship is feeling lonely. Personally, I can totally understand!
This is a critical time when many jump back into the relationship or
start a new relationship before addressing the junk from the past.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">It
isn't uncommon for this new super loving person to end up being
abusive as well leaving you feeling like you are a failure in love or
all you attract are losers, no one will ever want me or you may wonder
what's wrong with, “ME?!”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">If
you miss your abuser you are not a weirdo. Even if this person caused
you physical pain you loved this person. There were some good times
and comfort. You may have been with this person for months, years, or
decades, and know that it's okay to grieve. There is no shame in
longing for this person back. You knew what to expect, it's familiar
and in some ways not as scary as starting over.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlqezj5h5Qo1S59t1HJ0Iv-epFHr6AqdOEQ-gx71rnwijQSmmN2u7Y74NWWbD24JR4aYNfXP1VetcRhYhMhRe8wKSz9jpsJg4J3xk5Fg3JRM9umnH_oaJZz4gNpthMJWitHK-atRo_8TU/s960/99140953_10217320399544769_6622687996741156864_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="682" data-original-width="960" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlqezj5h5Qo1S59t1HJ0Iv-epFHr6AqdOEQ-gx71rnwijQSmmN2u7Y74NWWbD24JR4aYNfXP1VetcRhYhMhRe8wKSz9jpsJg4J3xk5Fg3JRM9umnH_oaJZz4gNpthMJWitHK-atRo_8TU/w200-h141/99140953_10217320399544769_6622687996741156864_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">After
you leave you may notice different physical symptoms- Anxiety,
depression, mood swings, nightmares, bedwetting, panic attacks,
insomnia, and more. These are probably not “new” symptoms you may
have not given these things much thought before. You may not have had
a chance to really “feel” your own emotions. You may have had to
hide these or brushed them off. Now they seem like flashing lights
going haywire. Signs PTSD after a toxic relationship happens often!
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Remember,
we are no longer living in the past. The past now part of our
memories and you are safe. That trauma is no longer happening to
you. You are free even if you don't feel like you are.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Right
now is the time for growth!
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Being
alone gives you space and time to rediscover or get to know yourself. </span><span style="font-size: large;">Learning
to reprogram your mindset, past hurts, figuring out likes, dislikes,
dreams, and goals.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I
know you may not feel like doing this and honestly, I have no clue about what you
experienced. I can tell you that giving yourself the gift of time to begin
a new journey will be healing for you.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Start
creating boundaries, journaling, create a ritual for you such as
rising early to read your Bible, pray, exercise, or creating a
positive routine. Do something that gives you a positive feeling. This can be for 5 minutes, a half-hour, or longer! Don't hesitate to find time throughout the day to do something to recharge your spirit. </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">What is something that you have done to help you on your healing journey? I'll be back tomorrow with more suggestions. Stay safe!</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">BIG HUGS!</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Mel</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxeSpFq62OkSqa2a-dL-KmCAGkx_-WqmpknaL0HOGbdlxtLL5QMmAMShvkOqpWcHo8S9RXcasrpnGmFnCcI4Q' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<br />hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-24247200449635328832020-02-19T19:41:00.000-06:002020-02-19T19:41:41.003-06:00What is abuse? Read more to find out!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8zn-t7OeLGIwIb2odQ_6qVNvFAkGF8OQx09iEs2erRPlo0-8t-x52mD0gnkyj7P8cPF58tniChjW2TzYTTDINX-WJ_tcPHNr3nHwWumUeUhQ-YENVY-oEZF7VoUs2NkO1FUqJeB1y9LA/s1600/59706003_2685677224781252_2134176370438176768_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="624" data-original-width="690" height="289" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8zn-t7OeLGIwIb2odQ_6qVNvFAkGF8OQx09iEs2erRPlo0-8t-x52mD0gnkyj7P8cPF58tniChjW2TzYTTDINX-WJ_tcPHNr3nHwWumUeUhQ-YENVY-oEZF7VoUs2NkO1FUqJeB1y9LA/s320/59706003_2685677224781252_2134176370438176768_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Abuse defined can mean many things, e.g.:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">1) Abuse of power</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">2) Substance abuse</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">3) Physical</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">4) Mental</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">5) Verbal</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">6) Sexual</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">7) Religion</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">8) Financial</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">9) Cyber</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If you talk to or listen to experts on the subject, you will find there is an escalation of these. People from every gender, age, and ethnic background are affected. There are states and countries with various organizations or out-reach campaigns promoting awareness and services.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">However, many thousands remain silently victimized ashamed, afraid, and unwilling to come forward to share their story due to fear of retaliation, disbelief, or support of the legal system, family and friends.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Making a radical change is a start but how does one begin? How does one make that leap to talk?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Perhaps you have not been directly affected by abuse have you ever wondered how you can help?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Supporting all involved is an excellent start. Writing to your local government officials to begin to make a change with legislature to help victims, start programs to educate those that are abusers, or revamping the current programs.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">See what support your local community does to promote activities for those in need, such as fundraisers or events.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Share stories from victims and Survivors. Donate your time and talents to your local shelter. Consider donating items that are desperately needed for both the guests and shelter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLqYZAKOdbAs0ufFBtxy-4L_m38yS3t44PN-oATJW_FARAX619J-LMiAARz8v-2oBlmnFB62Gupj-R2BXhF5jt48qRdBnzxFDkcmYwv894t8PgdCAuXWNtqsVVQvvnIPMewPXt1jRX6LE/s1600/65469832_1600234806773810_7609565481569091584_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLqYZAKOdbAs0ufFBtxy-4L_m38yS3t44PN-oATJW_FARAX619J-LMiAARz8v-2oBlmnFB62Gupj-R2BXhF5jt48qRdBnzxFDkcmYwv894t8PgdCAuXWNtqsVVQvvnIPMewPXt1jRX6LE/s1600/65469832_1600234806773810_7609565481569091584_n.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Pray and listen to victims, Survivors, and even the abusers. Empathy for the abuser sounds odd I’m sure. There is a cycle of abuse that began at some point in that person’s life, triggered by substance abuse, a medical condition, or being victimized. This doesn’t give an excuse for the behavior or justify it. It can help find help and break the chain of abuse.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Finding an end to abuse is the goal of ending many senseless murders, assaults, and injuries. We are still a long way from meeting this goal but it starts with each one of us to make change.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">To watch the video that started out the series about abuse here- <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/videos/419242255632574/" target="_blank">What are the types of abuse?</a></span>hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-42788226707093304022019-12-18T18:45:00.000-06:002019-12-18T18:45:02.800-06:00What is abuse?<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8T0AXkHzda8rczXSmTEiQN6gdAbwGusYaFn329fwCrCE9tOmZgTZcSeIyW9c-kTJfd1eVmWdnweEtm0-QVYxB01122qRTAEfSrqu5xmgQARnCjIzzqKK6o8Y6vVnKWX4RVsi-5zrIB8Q/s1600/1491654_10203492787939873_7728208480188576721_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="511" data-original-width="554" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8T0AXkHzda8rczXSmTEiQN6gdAbwGusYaFn329fwCrCE9tOmZgTZcSeIyW9c-kTJfd1eVmWdnweEtm0-QVYxB01122qRTAEfSrqu5xmgQARnCjIzzqKK6o8Y6vVnKWX4RVsi-5zrIB8Q/s320/1491654_10203492787939873_7728208480188576721_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What
is abuse?<br /><br />Abuse defined can mean many things, e.g.:<br /><br />1)
Abuse of power<br />2) Substance abuse<br />3) Physical<br />4) Mental<br />5)
Verbal<br />6) Sexual<br />7) Religion<br />8) Financial</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">9)
Cyber<br /><br />If you talk to or listen to experts on the subject, you
will find there is an escalation of these. People from every gender,
age, and ethnic background are affected. There are states and
countries with various organizations or out-reach campaigns promoting
awareness and services.<br /><br />However, many thousands remain
silently victimized ashamed, afraid, and unwilling to come forward to
share their story due to fear of retaliation, disbelief, or support
of the legal system, family and friends.<br /><br />Making a radical
change is a start but how does one begin? How does one make that leap
to talk?<br /><br />Perhaps you have not been directly affected by abuse
have you ever wondered how you can help?<br /><br />Supporting all
involved is an excellent start. Writing to your local government
officials to begin to make change with legislature to help victims,
start programs to educate those that are abusers, or revamping the
current programs.<br /><br />See what support your local community does
to promote activities for those in need, such as fundraisers or
events.<br /><br />Share stories from victims and Survivors. Donate your
time and talents to your local shelter. Consider donating items that
are desperately needed for both the guests and shelter.<br /><br />Pray
and listen to victims, Survivors, and even the abusers. Empathy for
the abuser sounds odd I’m sure. There is a cycle of abuse that
began at some point in that person’s life, triggered by substance
abuse, a medical condition, or from being victimized. This doesn’t
give an excuse for the behavior or justify it. It can help find a
help and break the chain of abuse.<br /><br />Finding an end to abuse is
the goal to ending many senseless murders, assaults, and injuries. We
are still a long way from meeting this goal but it starts with each
one of us to make change.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPGJYI2ioBBQMYezNerF3XtutrYVAKaPpaTDcECsMBvXIHxT91h15WV1cziQFik9H2c2oR4yGY3PUq64G4ufNqZB0MC1KlhWd2UnxURab4KOhTtonm1ONagqBHMeHl1IzJzAFgRG0JuTk/s1600/77156468_10215789800800757_1848842266827816960_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="696" data-original-width="696" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPGJYI2ioBBQMYezNerF3XtutrYVAKaPpaTDcECsMBvXIHxT91h15WV1cziQFik9H2c2oR4yGY3PUq64G4ufNqZB0MC1KlhWd2UnxURab4KOhTtonm1ONagqBHMeHl1IzJzAFgRG0JuTk/s200/77156468_10215789800800757_1848842266827816960_n.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Learn more about this topic or many others at <a href="https://facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone" target="_blank">https://facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone</a></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Stay safe!</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">BIG HUGS!</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mel</span></div>
<br />hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-1832930422792475142019-09-14T12:11:00.002-05:002019-09-14T12:12:54.792-05:00Anxiety attacks and Panic attacks- Do you know the difference?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm_hsBvTllKw_P_1d4CBWQmWJ-I9a2N8LghyivIi8FYaZdT0NLgIIjJs0eenBVjuU8oZXN30FNGp7FxPkxUK5lPzr79yIwVdcb6v-VYoIQZR06yrXmN9M0g8sOK0ISLZ_KIc9_dNsdYJg/s1600/panic-attack-300x207.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="207" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm_hsBvTllKw_P_1d4CBWQmWJ-I9a2N8LghyivIi8FYaZdT0NLgIIjJs0eenBVjuU8oZXN30FNGp7FxPkxUK5lPzr79yIwVdcb6v-VYoIQZR06yrXmN9M0g8sOK0ISLZ_KIc9_dNsdYJg/s1600/panic-attack-300x207.png" /></a></div>
I can't rightfully say my healing journey is over. I haven't had a Panic attack in several years now. I've kicked the nightmares to the curb. Not having these were a BIG deal for me. It meant no longer feeling as though my ex had power over me. It meant being able to not worry about being triggered by songs, smells, holidays, and more. You can find the video of this post here-<br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/videos/493470358113958/" target="_blank">Panic/Anxiety attacks. Differences and what you can do about them.</a><br />
<br />
It is said that half of the time you were in that toxic relationship is how long you need to heal. Example: If you were in a 20-year relationship with someone then 10 of those years will be healing.<br />
<br />
<b>Anxiety attacks</b>, happen over a longer period of time. Some of the symptoms are:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9wY3uBjS5n_wb7jc44CYMk9DXCyl1nKCYmVbS61elSogAfWG6oYsfU0TQNIe6pCC90Ba1io50BtyBPZtbDxTU33WYx04NQ2WKZlLPK2FfzcVHxJRsKdhee7OFBlIoAeKtPyXNn0k0zUI/s1600/anxiety.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="153" data-original-width="329" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9wY3uBjS5n_wb7jc44CYMk9DXCyl1nKCYmVbS61elSogAfWG6oYsfU0TQNIe6pCC90Ba1io50BtyBPZtbDxTU33WYx04NQ2WKZlLPK2FfzcVHxJRsKdhee7OFBlIoAeKtPyXNn0k0zUI/s320/anxiety.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Tense muscles<br />
Hard time sleeping<br />
Finding it hard to concentrate<br />
Feeling rage at times<br />
Self-harm<br />
Hallucinations<br />
Substance abuse<br />
Dissociation<br />
Feeling suicidal<br />
Exhaustion<br />
<br />
<b>Panic attacks</b>, usually come on fast and can be intense. Symptoms may include:<br />
<br />
You may feel as though you are having a heart attack with chest pain or discomfort<br />
Heart palpitations<br />
Feeling as though you are losing control<br />
Feeling as if you are dying<br />
Hyperventilating<br />
Lightheaded<br />
Nausea<br />
<br />
There are many more symptoms for both and each person experiences something entirely different than another person. I had no idea I was having a Panic attack until I was taken to the hospital. At the time I was still living with my ex back in 2006. I thought I was having a heart attack. It was so scary!<br />
<br />
So what can you do?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVP9UHL_059O-QDy3W19Fojt97q0pBiD7fbWlLxR6aVXWKKRhhEYhbyMKS_0LrpqI-nYPjRGKC6iKoA0OL5Ew9zeUebQd9g5hj0vYsiNss68qv8ayuK1LOjEulZFpTCuu5o4dAXXOyW3g/s1600/IMG_1370.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="940" data-original-width="940" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVP9UHL_059O-QDy3W19Fojt97q0pBiD7fbWlLxR6aVXWKKRhhEYhbyMKS_0LrpqI-nYPjRGKC6iKoA0OL5Ew9zeUebQd9g5hj0vYsiNss68qv8ayuK1LOjEulZFpTCuu5o4dAXXOyW3g/s320/IMG_1370.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<b>Here are some tips to help heal from an attack-</b><br />
<br />
Tell someone! It can be a trusted friend or relative but do tell someone. It is especially important to share with your co-workers/boss so they are aware of your situation.<br />
<br />
Practice deep breathing. It is important to remember to breathe or even to start humming/singing during this time. It's hard to do but using distractions is important.<br />
<br />
Start a meditation practice<br />
<br />
Find a "Happy place". This could be a warm and fuzzy memory, something funny or something that makes you feel good.<br />
<br />
Journal or write down your thoughts<br />
<br />
Take care of your body by eating things that are good for you. Cut down on caffeine, sugar and processed foods. Look for herbal teas that can help relax you, such as Chamomile or drink flavored water.<br />
<br />
Find a mantra that can help you change your focus during an attack.<br />
<br />
Pop in a funny movie or find a stream/video that makes you laugh.<br />
<br />
<b>What can you do when you feel an attack coming on?</b><br />
<br />
A popular thing to do is the 54321 techniques:<br />
<br />
Name-<br />
5 things you can see in the room with you.<br />
4 things you can feel (The chair on your back or your feet on the floor).<br />
3 things you can hear at that moment (Fingers tapping on a keyboard or TV).<br />
2 things you can smell or 2 things you can think of.<br />
1 good thing about yourself<br />
<br />
Afterward, focus on what caused your panic attack. These are also referred to as "Triggers". It is something that sets you off emotionally which activates your memory. Ask yourself these questions:<br />
<br />
Was it a smell?<br />
Sound?<br />
Song?<br />
Movie?<br />
Memory?<br />
Are you feeling stressed or anxious?<br />
Try to recognize how your body feels before and during the attack.<br />
<br />
Use essential oils to help!<br />
<br />
Back to deep breathing. Keep a paper lunch bag with you to slowly breathe in during an attack. If no bag is available you can use your hand.<br />
<br />
<b>What can you do if a loved one is experiencing from these?</b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLi5notsVGgk7tv0BNARVmMyq4ITpch2eZyR8NpE7faAGWC9zC8JHJvxkQppPjxI-dbsi5BrEKpGtaoXEqT-RKql3pFgQCJyg3P8RzD-0Zoc3-J94Pit_zLefwUXBUT0-uP-dXRg5ZYec/s1600/I+have+survived+things+that+have+broken+others.+I+share+my+story+to+inspire+hope..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLi5notsVGgk7tv0BNARVmMyq4ITpch2eZyR8NpE7faAGWC9zC8JHJvxkQppPjxI-dbsi5BrEKpGtaoXEqT-RKql3pFgQCJyg3P8RzD-0Zoc3-J94Pit_zLefwUXBUT0-uP-dXRg5ZYec/s320/I+have+survived+things+that+have+broken+others.+I+share+my+story+to+inspire+hope..jpg" width="320" /></a>It can be scary to experience these and even scarier to watch. Your loved one may be having trouble breathing or become unresponsive, you may notice shaking, crying, or they may feel sick.<br />
<br />
Be patient! These can last minutes or longer.<br />
<br />
Sit them down if they are standing.<br />
<br />
If you are in a crowd find a quiet spot and wait for them to calm down. This may mean you just sit and watch them. Knowing what your person likes is important. Meaning do they like to be hugged? For some hugging is reassuring and for another person, this could be a trigger depending on the trauma they experienced.<br />
<br />
Gently tell them to breathe slowly and breathe with them so remind them they will be okay.<br />
<br />
Use humor, sing something softly or find some essential oils to help calm them.<br />
<br />
Talk in short sentences during this time. Don't expect a long conversation.<br />
<br />
<b>What you shouldn't say:</b><br />
<br />
Just calm down!<br />
Stop panicking!<br />
Stop being a drama king/queen.<br />
Just think positive.<br />
Get over it already!<br />
Don't make fun or light of them.<br />
<br />
Call for medical attention if unresponsive!<br />
<br />
I hope these tips and suggestions help you. There are other healing techniques you can find.<br />
<br />
Counseling<br />
Theta healing<br />
Crystals and many more!<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnpOoS3ib_sogy47yA22YNnvnYuzRQ1i11wYNcp5fowfJRkN1qJCMrfZy8FN4mqIw_RNr3-HXQkc7zVMrEYm-kNV0Z_rWu9UbchXg9rK34MiVRJzlNXrg16xTtJa8Y_7VPZtcbBwm9hhU/s1600/58737431_2376026912464556_1176316054029205504_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="638" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnpOoS3ib_sogy47yA22YNnvnYuzRQ1i11wYNcp5fowfJRkN1qJCMrfZy8FN4mqIw_RNr3-HXQkc7zVMrEYm-kNV0Z_rWu9UbchXg9rK34MiVRJzlNXrg16xTtJa8Y_7VPZtcbBwm9hhU/s320/58737431_2376026912464556_1176316054029205504_n.jpg" width="212" /></a>Find what works for you. Remember you are not alone. If you need to talk there is help.<br />
<br />
Stay safe!<br />
BIG HUGS!<br />
Mel<br />
<br />hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-41434212305918839202019-07-09T21:54:00.000-05:002019-09-14T12:13:24.662-05:00Small steps to healing after an abusive relationship<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5TgHUial01GzEDfRm2qDA0cesh_BFmniLm8YsgKpOfTaPNz4PJSQHEy5lW_vBkbsDSztAdrIkUoB0ntIsZ6AEE002OA48QH_QF3PpcONcvbKvrrGna0pAURv_LDy6KnyIBLUvQkOfKtY/s1600/164445_10200632155395973_1243442353_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="159" data-original-width="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5TgHUial01GzEDfRm2qDA0cesh_BFmniLm8YsgKpOfTaPNz4PJSQHEy5lW_vBkbsDSztAdrIkUoB0ntIsZ6AEE002OA48QH_QF3PpcONcvbKvrrGna0pAURv_LDy6KnyIBLUvQkOfKtY/s1600/164445_10200632155395973_1243442353_n.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">After you leave an abuser there is a time of growth if you put in the work. You will see signs of abuse from others around you. Toxic people will seem to come out of the walls. What is happening is an awakening in you! This is a good thing! Now it won't happen overnight. Part of figuring it all out is digging deep within and learning how to fight fair, how to handle difficult people, healing yourself and children. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now there are some victims/Survivors that never seem to break free of the cycle and they end up repeating the mistakes they made in previous relationships. This can get passed down to the next generation. Or there can be bitterness and brokeness that never heals causing the victim/Survivor to have an attitude of "Nothing ever goes right or I always choose losers or even that they will never find anyone that will treat them right."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">The wonderful news is that it doesn't have to be that way! Making tiny changes in your life daily can make a HUGE impact going forward. You can do this without breaking the bank! I promise! How?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Search out podcasts, blogs, online groups, books (visit your local library to take out books or request books! Visit second-hand stores, or yard sales for discounted books), and videos (Hit YouTube Baby!)that deal with abuse but don't stop there! Sometimes these can get pretty heavy so take a break from those. There could be triggers in various posts or what you see or hear just may continue to open your wounded heart. So, step back and listen/read motivational posts or memoirs. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Shake it up with watching something funny. I love watching older comedies that I don't have to worry about the content being too edgy (bad words or sexual scenes). You can find me catching I love Lucy, The Carol Burnette Show, Golden Girls, Fresh Prince, Friends, and there are more. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Turn on the radio and dance! If you have littles, have them busta move with you!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZBcS47YKaaNE6BXfa7Vkyx1L8pwBuizqJxR6qHK4O8qN7TvrM-6aQS9RND8jX10H9fuobsxBqvDOKUL9xCCCqmqiY8Lf7zsBxu1MbjVAzTb7mMQ-GCYB7kbqb6SY4kb6INvsLRt8pw6U/s1600/64419411_1194275897413550_4801312157440409600_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="640" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZBcS47YKaaNE6BXfa7Vkyx1L8pwBuizqJxR6qHK4O8qN7TvrM-6aQS9RND8jX10H9fuobsxBqvDOKUL9xCCCqmqiY8Lf7zsBxu1MbjVAzTb7mMQ-GCYB7kbqb6SY4kb6INvsLRt8pw6U/s200/64419411_1194275897413550_4801312157440409600_n.jpg" width="133" /></a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Grab some paper and pen and start journaling. A recent guest on my podcast, Dyanne Kelley shared that setting the timer for as little as 5 minutes can help you learn much about yourself. Find that here-<a href="https://www.facebook.com/melindakunstauthor/videos/1971020943003351/?modal=admin_todo_tour" target="_blank">Dyanne Kelley of Soulfire Woman</a>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Get outside kick off your shoes and ground yourself! As little as 15 minutes a day you can recharge your body! This can help with anxiety, health challenges, and can be a mood booster. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Find your tribe! Kick those naysayers to the curb. This may mean you disconnect with long-time "friends" or family members. Connect with local support groups or online groups to make positive connections. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Pick up a new hobby or dust off an old one!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Get out and travel! Just grab the kids/furbaby, and hit the road. Even if it's just an hour away. Sometimes a change of scenery can work wonders. Hitting the beach or lake can be rejuvenating as well. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">These are all simple steps you can take back your life. As time goes on (finances too!)consider going to counseling, volunteering at a shelter to share your story, joining motivational/empowerment workshops or retreats.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">In other news, I have been busy with bringing experts and Survivors of abuse to you! You can find these on my <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/blessmeplease09" target="_blank">YouTube channel</a>, or the video section of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/" target="_blank">Hope when there was none</a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/melindakunstauthor" target="_blank">Melinda Kunst</a>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">There is a mighty group of Survivors that I started a bit ago. It is closed and for women only to help with building up your spirit. Many are from various stages of recovery some are still trapped but planning on leaving others have made leaps and bounds with their healing journey. I invite you to join us here- <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/hopewhentherewasnone/" target="_blank">Hope when there was none group</a></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIW-831gUcqs13Pv1daGUxweLANv7n7Ze8t-tRg9x06pzCPhTGyW0KrbHOGHGy1oMpLnq_9564wpbcPui94TCm9EBfLWfbmi3YIQc2NOHnO6lS7NGUTOt0HUKuc4U16fKUMUmG_jCrAT8/s1600/66452113_10214754399996384_404898494118100992_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="480" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIW-831gUcqs13Pv1daGUxweLANv7n7Ze8t-tRg9x06pzCPhTGyW0KrbHOGHGy1oMpLnq_9564wpbcPui94TCm9EBfLWfbmi3YIQc2NOHnO6lS7NGUTOt0HUKuc4U16fKUMUmG_jCrAT8/s200/66452113_10214754399996384_404898494118100992_n.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Whatever your journey, know that I am cheering you on! Stay safe and stay strong!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Love ya,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mel</span></div>
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hopewhentherewasnonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16110207906168478387noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-29515489845776865632019-03-09T01:15:00.003-06:002019-03-09T01:43:46.241-06:00I will not be silenced<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhae1RgjEO81IKZXkvXuaNqDsqszSImCxA9DZopLWB4WdPXJwHBQxZsNP6i7AMzvico31A4Gn3Ew7SooKqltRlcwxfQVvvApPVRMpPGjxwHaAaX_mChKbqrCyyPbAyJWy6XeFuyeoZTCp8/s1600/10years.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="300" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhae1RgjEO81IKZXkvXuaNqDsqszSImCxA9DZopLWB4WdPXJwHBQxZsNP6i7AMzvico31A4Gn3Ew7SooKqltRlcwxfQVvvApPVRMpPGjxwHaAaX_mChKbqrCyyPbAyJWy6XeFuyeoZTCp8/s200/10years.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Over 10 years ago there was a "me" that many of you would not recognize if you saw her. That lady was unsure of herself, felt depressed, suicidal and losing hope. Celebrating my recent "Survivalversary" was a HUGE milestone for me and my girls! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Catch the video here-<a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/videos/2548586238578476/">10-year Survivalversary!</a> To step out of my comfort zone a little more, I have been reaching out to Podcasters, Bloggers, and other social media news outlets to share my story. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I was honored by a local Facebook group to be interviewed. When it posted I received more "Shares" than any of my other posts! I was humbled by the victims, Survivors, and several parents of victims that reached out to me after reading that article. Not only that but a person from my past began to post some nasty and opposite comments. I never saw them but the kind fellow that ran the page did. He was threatened with legal action and took the post down. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, what's a Survivor to do? She remembers that she copied and pasted most of the article to her Instagram account! Here is a bit of what caused the ruckus:</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRvPVWIy3vqo9UfNUbiVIeB60bVFAZXslzD7sgHj6HQHMEgMlk0J_6V4nA3P7y-l2m8QSYEOkHyL7MLVKDaj6pmlQAX7Kp7CAcu1SYYzt5-tZ_BilfyahkZMBTkUGIQ6N5MN7hp7cGC-0/s1600/mendan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="799" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRvPVWIy3vqo9UfNUbiVIeB60bVFAZXslzD7sgHj6HQHMEgMlk0J_6V4nA3P7y-l2m8QSYEOkHyL7MLVKDaj6pmlQAX7Kp7CAcu1SYYzt5-tZ_BilfyahkZMBTkUGIQ6N5MN7hp7cGC-0/s320/mendan.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me & Lt. Dan the Wonder Goat</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">“He likes the dark side; not the human side,” Melinda says, talking about her ex-husband. “I suffered every kind of abuse – verbal, physical, sexual.” Melinda is a survivor of domestic abuse and now shares her story, writes, and helps other victims of abuse. She is also a super cheerful, welcoming, warm person. “My husband was charming, smart and friendly, and a psychopath – like Ted Bundy. He told me that if I ever left him, he had chosen a spot to bury my body.” It took Melinda 18 years to leave him. “He didn’t just threaten me, but also the children and my family. He called me horrible names, hit me, beat me, told me I was worthless and said the world would be a better place if I walked in front of a bus… And at times I thought about doing just that.” </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Now, Melinda is happily married to Terry and lives in Newton County, Indiana. “Terry is Mr. Awesome,” she says, beaming. “Every day is great.” One of the challenges Melinda faced in deciding to leave her ex-husband were feelings of shame. “I worried what people would think, especially after staying with him for so long.” Once she did leave, she found, "Everyone was very supportive." After talking with Melinda for a while, she told me, “The abuse started before I got married, It began with my stepfather when I was four. My mother never knew... It was hard to tell her.” You can read Melinda's blog, "<a href="https://bit.ly/2EF4gk7">Hope when there was none</a>"</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Not to be deterred I am continuing to share anywhere I can so others know they are not alone and to bring light onto a dark subject. There can be healing! It takes time, patience, and a conscious choice to want to shake off the negative armor that has been holding onto you for so long. Breaking the patterns of abuse in your life from a partner, friend, parent, co-worker or family member is done in small stages. Find what healing modality works for you! What worked for me may not work for you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Consider:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxbgN0abXkzAQnm5IWVxcdIxDHZHJqADmzdti0J7KP-5EO_jmJnG93V2vRMk0tgkLxuY23tn2Xryjb9KjmJsrM4eZ3nJXpuFun5buGFPjz6_8iLwc_SSvxWH1mJtdpka_p4wCP7hwOBEA/s1600/51346389_10216404438397837_6176283685998821376_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="956" data-original-width="960" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxbgN0abXkzAQnm5IWVxcdIxDHZHJqADmzdti0J7KP-5EO_jmJnG93V2vRMk0tgkLxuY23tn2Xryjb9KjmJsrM4eZ3nJXpuFun5buGFPjz6_8iLwc_SSvxWH1mJtdpka_p4wCP7hwOBEA/s320/51346389_10216404438397837_6176283685998821376_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Journal- I can't tell you how eye-opening and wonderful this healing tool was for me. There were many tear soaked pages but this was my favorite and most effective healer for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Counseling/Therapy/Holistic healing</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Medication- If you have medical issues or mental health challenges</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Grounding- Or just getting outside for 5 minutes or more a day</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Music- Put on some positive tunes and dance/sing</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Buy yourself some flowers/something special</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Learn a new hobby/career</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Create a Bucket List- see mine here <a href="https://hopewhentherewasnone.blogspot.com/2012/06/my-bucket-list.html">My Bucket List</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Make a Vision board make a list of your dreams/goals</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Go break or throw something- Dishes/Furniture/Rocks- make sure it is in a safe place and yours! There is something freeing about thinking about a situation or your ex and doing this. A friend shared that there is a place in our area where you pay $30 to blow off steam by breaking things!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Gun range/lessons/paintball</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Self-defense/martial arts class</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Support group in your area/online- These can get pretty heavy and you may need to step away from them from time to time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Call a friend or support person</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Read a good book- Choose a self-help/inspirational book</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Play a game/watch a video/TV- Something uplifting</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Positive Affirmations</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Mirror work</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Arts n' Crafts</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Play instrument</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Meditate</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh072gIZ-_1BYmhWB5NJF03gG-L_0U3311qIIAxVoDmXdXv4oX0YqZCJp1xnNXyjyJCHBVX5O0p0dikWfghNc13659fs_hrz3Q2z08N2la-G5psKQ7aBfeg84fVlM1YQtVPtHbl9bi-Qh0/s1600/I+speak+up+now+because+he+told+me+not+to+tell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="789" data-original-width="940" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh072gIZ-_1BYmhWB5NJF03gG-L_0U3311qIIAxVoDmXdXv4oX0YqZCJp1xnNXyjyJCHBVX5O0p0dikWfghNc13659fs_hrz3Q2z08N2la-G5psKQ7aBfeg84fVlM1YQtVPtHbl9bi-Qh0/s320/I+speak+up+now+because+he+told+me+not+to+tell.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">If you have children that were exposed to abuse, even if they didn't see the abuse, kids are smart they probably heard you and could feel the tension. Get them involved in your healing! They need this too!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">These are a few things you can do for yourself/kids. There are oodles more and if you have questions or would like more ideas please drop me a line. Before I go here is a shameless plug:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Purchase "Call me Master- A memoir of escaping abuse" and "Rising from the Ashes- Awakening the beauty of life after abuse" here <a href="http://amazon.com/author/melindakunst">Amazon</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">OR</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I do offer my books free in PDF form for victims and Survivors. If you do honor me with a purchase of my books, 100% of the proceeds of "Call me Master" goes back into my local community group </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/HeartToHeartOutreach/">Heart to Heart Outreach</a> has an AMAZING team of gals that creates baskets of toiletries, kitchen and bath items for Survivors to start over. If you are interested in the PDF version please message me privately. I do also have these available for my group members- </span><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/hopewhentherewasnone/?source_id=142714656442671">Hope when there was none Group </a>which is a closed group focusing on self-love and healing. </span><span style="font-size: large;">Stay safe! Feel free to message me if you have any questions or just want to connect with me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">BIG HUGS,</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK4BtRG7X4u7E9mA7hx3Eb3_Xd4ATXzDaWjY0ucVzTWsNPRkyoQxY7Uota94845B5KZBJVieY9oVI_HsV5M9Pc72FOiKI6zBvoFSSVlO6aAj1uGk9wvcgwtMVagG-RW575_-1Rni_jcdQ/s1600/brave.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="479" data-original-width="479" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK4BtRG7X4u7E9mA7hx3Eb3_Xd4ATXzDaWjY0ucVzTWsNPRkyoQxY7Uota94845B5KZBJVieY9oVI_HsV5M9Pc72FOiKI6zBvoFSSVlO6aAj1uGk9wvcgwtMVagG-RW575_-1Rni_jcdQ/s200/brave.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Mel</span><br />
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Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-86294826749381921642019-01-14T08:16:00.002-06:002020-01-14T08:14:48.597-06:00I was married to a Psychopath and lived to tell about it<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taken March 2009</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I wandered around a small pond on a beautiful sunny afternoon. I should be soaking up the beauty that Spring day in May of 2007. Instead, I was walking back to my car after crying buckets. I was feeling sorry for myself and add in a dash of guilt for leaving my then 15-year marriage. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">I ran away from my husband, going to the nearest shelter. Now there were questions ran through my head, was I being irrational? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Maybe I imagined things were wrong in my relationship or it wasn't as bad as I thought. Perhaps the Ladies at the women's shelter didn't know what they were talking about (</span><span style="font-size: large;">Yes, I really pondered that one)</span><span style="font-size: large;">. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I questioned every memory, the fights, the promises that he would change, and where do I go from here?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">About that time my cell chirped, I about jumped to the sky. My nerves were shot, every little sound and person that came near me scared me. I wasn't expecting calls nor did I want to talk to anyone.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">I looked at the caller id and saw that it was from the hospital where "he" was. He had been admitted the day before for observation for attempting suicide after I hadn't returned home. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Despite my best judgment, I answered. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">The voice on the other line was female. She introduced herself as one of the doctors evaluating "him" and wanted to reach out to provide me with an update of current findings that she found particular. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">She went on to describe the many DSM-IV (Diagnostic and </span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq7gzEk1Nqfp4LBjMS1DWGTd3SQMOU-UNFOoyg7xG_4A789w0YwgKco47vrzGuUUPvFiq06jSDyJtyug4sLwqaclRwrc6jd3AzyD4ieUckb17T1wdT68iYxD2sHIcLD3np84VfUpmEyZs/s1600/164793de73439541f4bf81098c71bd3f--social-skills-social-work.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="400" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq7gzEk1Nqfp4LBjMS1DWGTd3SQMOU-UNFOoyg7xG_4A789w0YwgKco47vrzGuUUPvFiq06jSDyJtyug4sLwqaclRwrc6jd3AzyD4ieUckb17T1wdT68iYxD2sHIcLD3np84VfUpmEyZs/s320/164793de73439541f4bf81098c71bd3f--social-skills-social-work.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">See <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201401/how-tell-sociopath-psychopath" target="_blank">Difference between Sociopath and Psychopath</a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 4th edition). He fit in the category for Depression, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, and more. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">My mind was spinning. I had no words. I was not sure how to feel. When she asked if I was still on the line, I stuttered that I was but was digesting all of this news. With that, she asked if I was okay and advised she had even more concerns. I nodded as if she could see me. She went on to ask if I knew who Ted Bundy was. <a href="https://www.biography.com/people/ted-bundy-9231165" target="_blank">Biography- Ted Bundy</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">I didn't understand. I asked said yes but what does that have to do with anything. I was puzzled and caught off guard by her question and saying of course. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Her next comment floored me and threw me for a loop. "Melinda, this is between me and you but his obsession and fixation with you are not healthy. You need to stay away from him. What also causes my concern is his Psychopath tendencies. I compare him to Ted Bundy. He is charming, smart, and seems friendly."</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjthjY4xuGFojHHwfIvy7QHUgeu-K7TXe2-drdLktmZ6yHHFwdTzXQRWCYRU201-HnGxQsaQBrTau0IbHcpHr5WlkAocD6SV7bgyCCsesO4xtiXagi6Lo1E0Kp2A8jdsaIiPlm6hfJXmy8/s1600/fearless.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="959" data-original-width="960" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjthjY4xuGFojHHwfIvy7QHUgeu-K7TXe2-drdLktmZ6yHHFwdTzXQRWCYRU201-HnGxQsaQBrTau0IbHcpHr5WlkAocD6SV7bgyCCsesO4xtiXagi6Lo1E0Kp2A8jdsaIiPlm6hfJXmy8/s200/fearless.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">My throat felt tight. I couldn't say anything. My mind was reeling! I forgot to breathe. She was going on and on but her voice became fuzzy. I couldn't comprehend more. It seemed unbelievable the news frightened me while at the same time I felt relieved. It wasn't in my head! I was experiencing situations that were due to him. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Did I stay gone? No! I went back. I was won by pleading from his Mom. She said that he was sick and needed help to get better she had promises of change now that he was prescribed medication. </span><span style="font-size: large;">Two months later I left for a second time after he moved in a sister wife. You heard me right! And I do not blame his Mom at all, she believed his promises too. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">I know you're shaking your head. That situation was also crazy and weird. As quickly as it happened she left. I realized my mistake of coming back that second time and began planning to leave for good. Believe or not I had hit rock bottom. I was suicidal with a twisted thought I wouldn't survive another year if I stayed. I was torn do I take my own life or do I just let him?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;"> I left for good in February of 2009. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">I am ashamed to admit for well over two decades I was raped, suffered other sexual, verbal, emotional/mental, financial, and physical abuse. I allowed myself to not only be treated in such a way but to continue to stay on. Believe it or not, I felt sorry for my abuser! I believed him when I was told I would be ruined if I ever left him. That I would only be good for something if I was on my knees and I would never make it without him. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4ANaPC66RMRL3UrBLWaDiynSwPagfdfBALQHGx9h_pREoawy9VDUvqTYb2bm00GOBUwMtqFsep6uM__nsh6oXQMSDCH0-VVfR3zRf9d9ce5E9vxcCjZsRnBKh0q4AezqrQ-MkMzIK6uU/s1600/lesliesteiner.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="564" data-original-width="564" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4ANaPC66RMRL3UrBLWaDiynSwPagfdfBALQHGx9h_pREoawy9VDUvqTYb2bm00GOBUwMtqFsep6uM__nsh6oXQMSDCH0-VVfR3zRf9d9ce5E9vxcCjZsRnBKh0q4AezqrQ-MkMzIK6uU/s200/lesliesteiner.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">During the time I stayed with him I was threatened to have my life, the lives of my children and loved ones taken. This threat followed after I left. I was physically stalked and cyberstalked. I was the target of a "Hit". </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Stories he generated to new friends and anyone that would listen painted me out to be the abuser. Even turning away my eldest Son against me. He went on to say I made up stories that he molested our eldest Daughter after she shared this heartbreaking information with me many years later. He told others that</span><span style="font-size: large;"> I was loose and possibly on drugs.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Yes, I stayed and believed his promises. I made choices that I thought w</span><span style="font-size: large;">ould help our relationship. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I made choices that I thought would help me break free without guilt. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Should I have listened to my guts early on and just left? Yes. Should I have left sooner? Yes. Would I have saved myself decades of sadness? Yes. Is there still shame? Yes. Are there regrets? You betcha! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What is done is done. I can't take back any of my own actions or how I handled situations. But, when I left that last time I saved my Daughters lives by leaving. I took back my life, dignity, and respect. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is a bit of my story. Can you relate? Now don't compare your story to mine. Just because you didn't experience the range of abuse that I had, don't think that maybe your situation isn't "that bad". Love Bug, abuse is abuse no matter how you try to make excuses for it. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Dear One if any of this resonant with you and you want to talk privately, please message me here or on my Facebook page- <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/" target="_blank">Hope when there was none</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">If you are in an emergency situation contact the police! Don't hesitate or wait until it is too late!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Here are some other great organizations that can help you-</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.safehorizon.org/giving-ga/?utm_campaign=SEMBrand&utm_source=ppc&utm_medium=ppc&utm_content=1811SHadgroup&gclid=Cj0KCQiAg_HhBRDNARIsAGHLV53CAlkQkbFFWDVNizUngywB7qGhKalMiyIabxIq3Z11jXDRuHNaPsEaAhNjEALw_wcB" target="_blank">Safe Horizon</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.thehotline.org/get-involved/" target="_blank">National Domestic Violence</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Visit my page <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone" target="_blank">Hope when there was none page</a> for tips and inspiration. Find my 10-year Survivalversary video here-<a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/videos/2548586238578476/" target="_blank">10-years out</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">I do have a closed support group on Facebook is for women of any age who are victims/Survivors of Abuse for healing and self-care. Please message me privately here or on the </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/" style="font-size: x-large;" target="_blank">Hope when there was none page </a><span style="font-size: large;">to join. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">Please stay safe! Know you are not alone and that you are not to blame!</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ2sCkjbYlaacvClXSd11VID4cECLrLlO3Crr6Vg_WMf9OeISLlUA0NjfDmg3fc-MthShDx2uhkmN0IcGF5uDHF_3GfZPVuLjYxw1ZWVMOM7dQ1vBYIorktrJsIwnXG9gavflGIbh-CiU/s1600/books.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="898" data-original-width="898" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ2sCkjbYlaacvClXSd11VID4cECLrLlO3Crr6Vg_WMf9OeISLlUA0NjfDmg3fc-MthShDx2uhkmN0IcGF5uDHF_3GfZPVuLjYxw1ZWVMOM7dQ1vBYIorktrJsIwnXG9gavflGIbh-CiU/s200/books.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">BIG HUGS!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Mel</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">P.S.- Can you help me by sharing this and commenting? My goal is to reach anyone that is not sure if they want to leave. I would really appreciate it!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;">*Find my books, "Call me Master" and "Rising from the Ashes" here- <a href="http://amazon.com/author/melindakunst" target="_blank">Amazon</a> and visit my Facebook Author page for upcoming book releases, events or to book a speaking engagement here-<a href="https://www.facebook.com/melindakunstauthor">Author page</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7140164004187215293.post-89462649247755899152019-01-09T09:12:00.001-06:002019-01-09T09:22:13.503-06:00Tips for leaving your abuser<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hello Love Bug! Let me tell you how proud of you that I am! You are taking the first step just by reading this information. At this stage, it can be scary for you! The fear of leaving, possible repercussions if he/she finds you, how are you going to live, or now what questions may be running through your mind. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">This is going to be a LONG post. I will be creating a video that you can find later this afternoon here- </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;" target="_blank">Hope when there was none</a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Before you drop the bombshell think about:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">* Is this relationship worth saving? Now hear me out! Is it that your partner is violent or upsetting when he/she is drinking/using drugs? Are they a bully and don't realize it? Have you gone through counseling to resolve the issue? I hate for relationships to end of course abuse is unacceptable. These are factors to consider. My first thought is to leave but for some, they wish to see if they can make it work. Remember this, you can not make this person your project to "fix". They have free will. If you/friends/family have pointed out the negative behavior and they don't wish to change there is your answer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">* Leaving while your partner isn't home or going to be gone for a long time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">* Alerting work/school about your situation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">* Gather important papers. If you are concerned your partner will notice these are gone make copies of the original and leave the copies! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here are ideas:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Marriage/Birth certificates </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Social Security cards</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Bills- Student loans, Credit cards, medical</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Financial records</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Medical records/shot records</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Diplomas</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Passports </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Pay stubs</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Income tax records</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mortgage/Rent contract</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Business contacts/info </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Have an old school paper type of phone book with contacts- Note an emergency contact!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Car registration/Insurance</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Medical insurance cards</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Investment info/401k</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Old protective orders- this shows there were past problems</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Photos</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Bankruptcy discharges</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Any other legal info- lawsuits, tickets, summons, immigration paperwork/green cards, custody papers</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Journals</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">History of the violence- include pictures and note the dates</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Make a plan to send these to a P.O. Box that your partner does not know about or give to a trusted friend/family member.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">* Set up a new email address or make sure you change your passwords (change to an affirmation! Iamstrong, Iamenough)See my video here- <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/videos/1099194920251519/" target="_blank">Using Affirmation passwords</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">* Open a bank account prior to leaving if you can. Personally, I squirreled away $25.00 over many months to open one before I left my abuser. I had the statements going to my new address at my sister's house. Now, you can have them come electronically so your abuser won't know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">* If you have a place to go, start taking things to your new digs. These are things that will go unnoticed, such as seasonal clothing, mementos, toys/games for the kids, extra food, bedding/towels, anything that you can think of that won't be missed. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht2_A1CTzTFhmx9MSQ2PAqqz61KBHvxPbMjIlqmeGBOo0iDA9SRdLR7cQb8_5ToDZ0OCmLnHe90-TCdI0QRygxuz0qm8WARfn6LnY2o6ZDW6r2lf4i9eU1DhcQWp1ZJgoysn0wJ7yUfE4/s1600/0512f61ae89fac260908b75795834f2dc78239-wm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="920" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht2_A1CTzTFhmx9MSQ2PAqqz61KBHvxPbMjIlqmeGBOo0iDA9SRdLR7cQb8_5ToDZ0OCmLnHe90-TCdI0QRygxuz0qm8WARfn6LnY2o6ZDW6r2lf4i9eU1DhcQWp1ZJgoysn0wJ7yUfE4/s320/0512f61ae89fac260908b75795834f2dc78239-wm.jpg" width="222" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Let's say it's "Leave time", here are some things to consider, now this should not be taken lightly and I would also suggest that you reach out to law enforcement and/or a Women's shelter for tips, suggestions, and other resources. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">1) How will your partner react to the news? Will there be physical harm if you leave? Or will you be asking your partner to leave? You may consider leaving by a police escort. This means you leave ASAP! No dilly-dallying to grab a toaster, the TV, or photos. These are just things, what is important is you and your children (or furbabies).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">2) This kinda goes with #1. Are there weapons in the house? VERY IMPORTANT! If your partner has a gun and you suspect he/she may use it please make sure you tell the police or hide the darn thing from him/her. Which may tick your partner off too! Or make sure you are not fighting in the area where a weapon can be easily grabbed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">3) Know your space! Don't get pushed into a corner, room with no windows, or without an exit! Curling up into a tight ball may seem like a cowards way but protecting your head with your arms/hands and other vital organs can be important if need be. Also, don't wear long necklaces or scarves this can be used to strangle you!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">4) Make sure your kids are in a safe place. This may mean that you don't go where they are hiding. If you do run to them this may bring the violence to them! Teach your child 911, the address, and your names. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">5) Keep your phone on you or by you and turned on! Make sure it is charged. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">6) Know your neighbors or ask your family for help. Some folks don't want to get involved and that is okay but if you are able to ask if they hear anything, see a visual cue (maybe you can turn a certain light of), or create a safe word to use in the event of danger. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">7) Back into your parking spot. Keep it fueled. Have a set of extra keys hidden in there somewhere. There are magnetic key holders! Put in a spot that won't be obvious. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCWGscjjFcYgN_7gC4TGFcLNuf83df6-p_AKNjfEugkq7T1dua3dIkEfc4tJ98VW8UX8mNcK2hLiVgPq2NI11qZSUF_RAhtVR2cesJKdE84LJAVLfAkfRDLGYXokmfyKX1x4AlvM2mSJY/s1600/Positive-Affirmation_10-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="619" data-original-width="620" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCWGscjjFcYgN_7gC4TGFcLNuf83df6-p_AKNjfEugkq7T1dua3dIkEfc4tJ98VW8UX8mNcK2hLiVgPq2NI11qZSUF_RAhtVR2cesJKdE84LJAVLfAkfRDLGYXokmfyKX1x4AlvM2mSJY/s200/Positive-Affirmation_10-1.png" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">8) Have a "Go bag" ready. This will have a 3 day supply of clothes, toiletries, extra meds, a bit of food, and cash. Read more about this here- <a href="https://hopewhentherewasnone.blogspot.com/2011/09/survival-or-personal-go-kit.html" target="_blank">Personal survival kit/Survival kit</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">9) Consider having a friend or family member stay with you while you break the news. I highly advise instead to leave when your partner is not home. This all sounds like cloak and dagger type of stuff because it is! I'm not going to lie to you! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">10) You may not want to tell the kids until the day you are leaving. I would consider the age and maturity of your child. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">This can serve 2 things: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">* They won't spill the beans beforehand. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">* They won't be upset or act awkward</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> before you leave. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">* Are you having behavior issues with your child? They may be exhibiting habits from your abuser! It is not uncommon nor is it uncommon for a child to threaten to "tell on you! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">T</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">his is a BIG event your their life! They may feel sympathy for</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> your abuser. If they are older you will want to give them a choice. Now, before you flip me off, listen. This child may end up being turned against you or already is. The danger may not be worth you taking him/her with. I know it sounds terrible! Trust me, I have been in your shoes! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">11) You/kids may have to talk to police, attorneys, GAL's, or social workers about your story. You may feel like a victim all over again. Your partner may spin the table and make "you" the instigator. This can be traumatic for you/kids. There could be symptoms of PTSD, Stockholm Syndrome, Learning disabilities, other health issues related to the abuse that could escalate during this time. Counseling can help! See a licensed professional. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I know this is a LOT to digest. Planning in advance has its advantages. The disadvantage is staying longer. Waiting for the right time. You may not have a choice and have to go. In either case please be careful! You may also think that the abuse you are going through "Is not that bad". Or that it's only he/she says bad things and doesn't hit you. Perhaps it is that you have no control over your finances. Maybe they use mind games. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYIVlqDmp4odaOW2LrGZuXCHTTF2kTvxOF5MRKJ-akeddPz6g7t1QlEjHyBdM1Hgm4GxjT0c6MhQBKynMuKSRGen7Xf_LmTSfn-8bQT2CsQXU3TLEc4_TJe4WnJytMdoTOs5dopRLZ9Go/s1600/tumblr_ni29yqoUKT1u1ynapo9_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1024" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYIVlqDmp4odaOW2LrGZuXCHTTF2kTvxOF5MRKJ-akeddPz6g7t1QlEjHyBdM1Hgm4GxjT0c6MhQBKynMuKSRGen7Xf_LmTSfn-8bQT2CsQXU3TLEc4_TJe4WnJytMdoTOs5dopRLZ9Go/s320/tumblr_ni29yqoUKT1u1ynapo9_1280.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">This is all abuse. It doesn't matter if you have a bruise or broken bone. What matters is if you are willing to stay in this relationship for the rest of your life. Are you ready to allow your kids to keep experiencing this? Will they repeat the pattern?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Don't be surprised if friends/family you thought were on your side back off or take your partner's side or "spy" for him/her. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Lastly and most importantly, talk to your kids during this time. Let them know they are not to blame, none of this is their fault and that what is happening with your partner is not acceptable behavior and violence is not okay.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">If you have any other questions or concerns please drop me a message privately here or my page <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/" target="_blank">Hope when there was none</a>. I also have a private group for victims/Survivors if you are interested to let me know and I will add you. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Check out my video for <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/videos/778943342486154/" target="_blank">72 hour safety tips after leaving an abusive relationship</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I'm praying for you!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">God bless and stay safe!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">BIG HUGS,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mel</span></div>
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Melinda Kunsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04804292951637969101noreply@blogger.com0