Tips for leaving your abuser

Hello Love Bug! Let me tell you how proud of you that I am! You are taking the first step just by reading this information. At this stage, it can be scary for you! The fear of leaving, possible repercussions if he/she finds you, how are you going to live, or now what questions may be running through your mind. 

This is going to be a LONG post. I will be creating a video that you can find later this afternoon here- Hope when there was none

Before you drop the bombshell think about:
* Is this relationship worth saving? Now hear me out! Is it that your partner is violent or upsetting when he/she is drinking/using drugs? Are they a bully and don't realize it? Have you gone through counseling to resolve the issue? I hate for relationships to end of course abuse is unacceptable. These are factors to consider. My first thought is to leave but for some, they wish to see if they can make it work. Remember this, you can not make this person your project to "fix". They have free will. If you/friends/family have pointed out the negative behavior and they don't wish to change there is your answer.

* Leaving while your partner isn't home or going to be gone for a long time.

* Alerting work/school about your situation.

* Gather important papers. If you are concerned your partner will notice these are gone make copies of the original and leave the copies! 

Here are ideas:

Marriage/Birth certificates 

Social Security cards

Bills- Student loans, Credit cards, medical

Financial records

Medical records/shot records

Diplomas

Passports 

Pay stubs

Income tax records

Mortgage/Rent contract

Business contacts/info 

Have an old school paper type of phone book with contacts- Note an emergency contact!

Car registration/Insurance

Medical insurance cards

Investment info/401k

Old protective orders- this shows there were past problems

Photos

Bankruptcy discharges

Any other legal info- lawsuits, tickets, summons, immigration paperwork/green cards, custody papers

Journals

History of the violence- include pictures and note the dates

Make a plan to send these to a P.O. Box that your partner does not know about or give to a trusted friend/family member.

* Set up a new email address or make sure you change your passwords (change to an affirmation! Iamstrong, Iamenough)See my video here- Using Affirmation passwords.

* Open a bank account prior to leaving if you can. Personally, I squirreled away $25.00 over many months to open one before I left my abuser. I had the statements going to my new address at my sister's house. Now, you can have them come electronically so your abuser won't know.

* If you have a place to go, start taking things to your new digs. These are things that will go unnoticed, such as seasonal clothing, mementos, toys/games for the kids, extra food, bedding/towels, anything that you can think of that won't be missed. 

Let's say it's "Leave time", here are some things to consider, now this should not be taken lightly and I would also suggest that you reach out to law enforcement and/or a Women's shelter for tips, suggestions, and other resources. 

1) How will your partner react to the news? Will there be physical harm if you leave? Or will you be asking your partner to leave? You may consider leaving by a police escort. This means you leave ASAP! No dilly-dallying to grab a toaster, the TV, or photos. These are just things, what is important is you and your children (or furbabies).

2) This kinda goes with #1. Are there weapons in the house? VERY IMPORTANT! If your partner has a gun and you suspect he/she may use it please make sure you tell the police or hide the darn thing from him/her. Which may tick your partner off too! Or make sure you are not fighting in the area where a weapon can be easily grabbed.

3) Know your space! Don't get pushed into a corner, room with no windows, or without an exit! Curling up into a tight ball may seem like a cowards way but protecting your head with your arms/hands and other vital organs can be important if need be. Also, don't wear long necklaces or scarves this can be used to strangle you!

4) Make sure your kids are in a safe place. This may mean that you don't go where they are hiding. If you do run to them this may bring the violence to them! Teach your child 911, the address, and your names. 

5) Keep your phone on you or by you and turned on! Make sure it is charged. 

6) Know your neighbors or ask your family for help. Some folks don't want to get involved and that is okay but if you are able to ask if they hear anything, see a visual cue (maybe you can turn a certain light of), or create a safe word to use in the event of danger. 

7) Back into your parking spot. Keep it fueled. Have a set of extra keys hidden in there somewhere. There are magnetic key holders! Put in a spot that won't be obvious. 

8) Have a "Go bag" ready. This will have a 3 day supply of clothes, toiletries, extra meds, a bit of food, and cash. Read more about this here- Personal survival kit/Survival kit

9) Consider having a friend or family member stay with you while you break the news. I highly advise instead to leave when your partner is not home. This all sounds like cloak and dagger type of stuff because it is! I'm not going to lie to you! 

10) You may not want to tell the kids until the day you are leaving. I would consider the age and maturity of your child. 

This can serve 2 things: 

* They won't spill the beans beforehand. 

* They won't be upset or act awkward before you leave. 

* Are you having behavior issues with your child? They may be exhibiting habits from your abuser! It is not uncommon nor is it uncommon for a child to threaten to "tell on you! 

This is a BIG event your their life! They may feel sympathy for your abuser. If they are older you will want to give them a choice. Now, before you flip me off, listen. This child may end up being turned against you or already is. The danger may not be worth you taking him/her with. I know it sounds terrible! Trust me, I have been in your shoes! 

11) You/kids may have to talk to police, attorneys, GAL's, or social workers about your story. You may feel like a victim all over again. Your partner may spin the table and make "you" the instigator. This can be traumatic for you/kids. There could be symptoms of PTSD, Stockholm Syndrome, Learning disabilities, other health issues related to the abuse that could escalate during this time. Counseling can help! See a licensed professional. 

I know this is a LOT to digest. Planning in advance has its advantages. The disadvantage is staying longer. Waiting for the right time. You may not have a choice and have to go. In either case please be careful! You may also think that the abuse you are going through "Is not that bad". Or that it's only he/she says bad things and doesn't hit you. Perhaps it is that you have no control over your finances. Maybe they use mind games. 

This is all abuse. It doesn't matter if you have a bruise or broken bone. What matters is if you are willing to stay in this relationship for the rest of your life. Are you ready to allow your kids to keep experiencing this? Will they repeat the pattern?

Don't be surprised if friends/family you thought were on your side back off or take your partner's side or "spy" for him/her. 

Lastly and most importantly, talk to your kids during this time. Let them know they are not to blame, none of this is their fault and that what is happening with your partner is not acceptable behavior and violence is not okay.

If you have any other questions or concerns please drop me a message privately here or my page Hope when there was none. I also have a private group for victims/Survivors if you are interested to let me know and I will add you. 

Check out my video for 72 hour safety tips after leaving an abusive relationship

I'm praying for you!

God bless and stay safe!

BIG HUGS,

Mel

I have a secret!

I only told a handful of folks about this...

My estranged Son reached out to me. 

I'm torn about this. 

Why?! Isn't this what I one of the things I have been whining about for years?

Well yeah! 

Can I trust him?

Can I trust it's not some big sinister plot? I had a loved one mention that I could get shot up close if we were to meet. 

I'd be lying if the thought didn't cross my mind among other scary prospects.  

He contacted me out of the blue. He asked to see his brother. 

We have been corresponding back and forth. Small talk to build trust.  

Most of the family are not ready to have a reunion anytime soon. They had some sort of correspondence with him that left a bitter taste. 

There was a deep possibility it wasn't my Son they were speaking to but my ex. 

So could this be a good thing? I am optimistic. 

I am going slow.  

Now if you are new to my blog and don't understand what is the big deal is I'll give a brief summary of why my loved ones are concerned about my Son.

He attempted to start a fire in my apartment and advised if that didn't work he would stab me to death while I slept. 

I returned him to his father. That same day.

Later the same year he attacked Terry in the courthouse.

There were various death threats and hate emails. Some of which we were unsure if they were wrote by my ex.

These are some of the reasons for concern. 

Right now he wants answers for why I put him in the mental facility, why I wanted to keep him from going to Scotland for a church trip and why I wrote a letter to put him in jail after the incident with Terry.

I advised him to go to the elementary school where a serious matter was brought to my attention. As well as to contact someone to discuss his Juvenile detention file. He claims he has and that I am not telling the truth about these serious incidents. 

FYI- You can't just put someone in a mental facility. There has to be an evaluation first. He was evaluated at the request of his elementary school for drawing threatening pictures (he's 21 years old now and graduated from HS) at the time he was about 13 years old or so. He was admitted by his father. I was not the insurance holder so he had to admit him to evaluated for 72 hours.

As for the Juvenile detention situation was due to the attack at the courthouse. It was witnessed by the Sheriff and on video. Terry never filed charges but due to the circumstances and witnesses he was held and later had to appear in court. I had discussed with family this situation and the response about what to do about this was to see if he can be held for a bit or perhaps a family member on my ex's side could become guardian in order to stop the damage being done due to brainwashing. 

Both sides of the family were involved in all of these incidents. We knew something needed to be done yet I could find no one that would actually stand up and say "I'll help for sure!" 

So he stayed with his dad. 

I had no legal control over any of these matters. I didn't go to court under the advisement of my attorney, family and friends that were concerned over my physical well being. 

As for Scotland I wanted him to go. What a cool thing to do! I had no funds to help. He did go but apparently there was trouble due to the Juvenile incident.

I'm afraid he wants !e to admit to things I am not guilty of doing.

The whole thing left a sour taste that I couldn't get rid of. I felt so helpless, confused and sad. This young man that I raised basically on my own turned against me. My eldest Daughter still is just as befuddled as I about why my Son performed these actions that brought me to leave him with my ex. 

In a nutshell that's it. I don't know why I went into this long explanation. I was asked to stop talking about his dad and his step-mom. I didn't know I was?

I have no plans on keeping quiet about my past. Long ago I decided not to keep secrets anymore. 

On one hand what kind of Mom am I? I still have a longing to bring back the time before we left. Before I lost my Son. I miss him deeply unable to just put the past to bed. Wishing to trust him and hoping he would understand and remember the events that unfolded that led to those situations.

In a separate side line. Mr. Awesome printed my story. I have been editing it in hopes it will be published as a 3 part ebook or 1 big ebook. I'm not sure. Getting through this is rough. I just finished a blog post on the family blog Our homesteading happenings
I noted how as I reread through the pages I have a yearning to hug that woman in those pages. To let her know she will be okay, to keep strong and to know there will be safety. 

I cried. I needed a hug. Thankfully I got one! There was no doubt about that. 

Despite this time that has gone by, my past is still ever present. Make sense?

Whatever your challenges you are having may you find the solution you seek. 

I hope your day is as wonderful as you are. 

BIG HUGS!
Mel

Yea, that's me the single gal YIPPEE!

Now, I got to tell you that it is so weird to say that I'm divorced. Oh, technically the paperwork is not done in court yet, but boy does it feel GOOD!

Did I gush before that a major weight feels as though it is gone?! While the threat of our personal safety is still a high priority, I am savoring this feeling. I relish the thoughts of being unattached. While Terry is so trusting and kind there is no worries that I won't just start bar hopping or sporting a sleeve of tats (mind you if that's your lifestyle I am not bashing it, that is just not me).

My sister, Amanda, made a comment to me while over a few days back, "Doesn't it feel good to take your time and not have to worry about coming home fast?". It did! I can browse at a store for hours if I want. Terry doesn't mind. He TRUSTS me. In a "normal" relationship you "CAN" have that! Honest!

Now the good, the bad and the ugly part of this whole big circus is:
The Good- It's over! And though it took so dang long. God had a plan to keep us safe. Heaven's to Betsy (Yes I really do talk this way, I cleaned up the potty talk many years ago, though in the passion of a nasty card game or when I'm with my sisters I have been known to toss some old habits freely about. That I'm not proud of but I'm working on it!) I moaned and whined about how long the process took. I truly believe that if it were a quick divorce court officials would not have been alerted about how unstable my Ex is (I love the sound of that "Ex"!)

The Bad- The continued abuse (physical up until the end of Aug 2009 and the mind games which was last played in June 2012 before court)

The Ugly- The kids being used (not unusual). It burns my buns that he could give a rats bum about the kids but he will not give up Parental rights just to mess with me. That's the control thing he wants to keep over me. Of course, let's not forget the dark obsession this man has for me.

I was alerted recently about my Ex asking a favor of someone. They blew him off and were kind enough to caution me to be careful. I consider this part of the bad that hangs around me from time to time like knowing you have a pimple threatening to poke out from you nose any minute. Or a cat ready to pounce on it's prey.

So Dear blog reader! I hope you have gleaned some information from me that has kept you safe or perhaps that gives you a strange bit of comfort that you are not alone! There are thousands of women, men or children out there that are currently being abused in some form. If you are one of them, please make the jump to leave. It is scary! It's hard and it is tough! But staying is tougher.

Staying in a relationship that is toxic is not healthy! It is can also be the last relationship you ever have with anyone. Want "More" from your life. Want "More" for your family! Abuse of any kind is NOT normal!



Staying with your abuser because of the house (buying or renting) is not an excuse. Staying with the person abusing your child(ren) is only giving your abuser someone else to control and harm.

Check out my past entries on Safety planning or Safety! Tell someone about the abuse! Press charges! Leave a paper trail! Keep a journal or log of the events. Remember a small percentage of people that leave they're abusers end up in abusive relationships again. So please listen to your gut! Pay attention to the warning signs! Don't end up with another loser!

I'm sure you know by now if you have followed this blog, that I am a Christian. God has kept the kids and I safe through some nasty things. I won't preach to you, but remember that God loves you. Pray for answers or for God to give you the knowledge of when the right time to leave is if you are having trouble. Pray for him to allow people that can help you enter your life. Of course God isn't a Waiter taking your order but He is there for you.

Stay safe! Stay strong! Remember you are worthy of so much! Don't give up or give in! Your abuser will get away with abusing you as long as you let him/her. Break the silence.

BIG HUGS and PRAYERS!

Mel

It's FINALIZED!

I was so nervous! It's a long story about the hours we were in discussion about several issues that we were not in agreement on:

Who should pay for the uncovered payment of Therapeutic Counseling- I did not think I should since he is the one that brought us to that point.

AND

If he should gain access to the girls school records, school events (Parent/Teacher conference) I believe that he would track us to our home if he knew this information. Either by attending a meeting when we are there or following the kids bus. Contact if an extreme emergency is fine (Life or death situation).

So I have to pay $80 for the counseling. I'll stop whining about this, but still disagree.

And our address and the girls records are PRIVATE! YEA!

When I was asked questions about the counseling and seeing my Son, I tried to make it clear that I want to have a relationship with my Son down the road but believe as long as he is in his fathers care that will not be possible. Also, counseling won't work with us. R will say anything he has to lie.

He lied on the stand that every Protective Order was a lie. He has never harmed us or tried to.

Well the judge didn't buy anything R was saying, due to our last Court appointed counselor  feeling threatened and the GAL was threatened too. Both withdrew from our case.  He was questioned about the Children's Treehouse incident he says Jess lost her cool and it was her fault.

He lied so many times about other issues. I was surprised lightening didn't strike him down!

In the end, he was spanked about contacting me recently with over 120 text messages. He was told that I was done. Our marriage was over and I was not returning. He needed to move on and leave me alone. The judge did say this was one of the worst divorces and rulings he has ever had to make!

He has never had to take parent privilege of knowing where their child goes to school, grades or extra circular activities. He has never had to appoint a Parent Monitor for a family (This person can make decisions for the children if the parents can not get along for whatever reason~ Even decide something as silly as when the child goes to bed!)

We do still have Therapeutic Counseling. The girls with him and my Son with me but that is when the counselor deems it safe to do so. 

The judge did not play favorites when he was stern he did not fail to disclude me in the scolding. I admit I feel that the whole thing is ridiculous that we can NOT Co-Parent as a normal couple. I feel for anyone that has a person in they're life that is unstable physically or mentally. The judge  give me a compliment that he could understand that I was perhaps tired of the situation and the legal system. That he hoped I would get relief as soon as I was able to realize we were finalized. I felt light headed and felt as though I would faint while waiting to hear him make his ruling. I don't think I breathed!

There is more but in a nutshell we are safe... It feels bittersweet.

Of course it's not over between he and I. We have 3 wonderful kids and until they are all of age we will have some kind of connection. Granted it will be guarded and I will always feel cautious! But for the most part it's over! YEA! Scars, bad dreams, panic attacks, anxieties are still here but we are free...

Thank you for sharing my journey. Listening to me ramble, moan and groan.Thank you for lifting me up, praying for us and sharing my story with others....

I pray Dear Reader, if you are in a Abusive relationship that you get out! Before it's too late! Leave a paper trail of the abuse, do NOT let him/her get away with it one more minute! Prepare now! Check out my previous posts on Safety or Leaving your abuser. Tell someone you can trust about the abuse. You are not alone! Thousands of women/men and children are in an abusive situation. You are worthy of so much happiness and joy.

Final hearing!

WOW! I'm speechless.

Court was interesting. I, of course still had knocking knees and my stomach was tied in knots. Our 15 minute Status Hearing went well over an hour. Not too much sorted out. Small talk. The GAL made a brief summary of her findings. And it was decided that we are to do Therapeutic Counseling. The girls with Rob and a Psychologist, also my son and I have our own session.

If our son does not show improvement he may be removed from STBX's custody. Placement could be in a group home or my Sister has offered to take him in. I would rather he grow from the therapy and the above options be mute. We talked about Discovery and assets briefly. And the judge set us for trial on June 26th.

It sounds like the attorneys would like to get things squared away before that time. I can only hope someone presses a Psych. Evaluation for STBX. The whole thing makes no sense to me... STBX will not be cured in a few sessions. I am happy to know that there will be no more court after June. But upset that it does not seem that we are anyway out of the woods regarding our safety and what happens when the court officials go away.

There was also some talk about pulling STBX's parental rights to see the girls at all. I am would rather them not see him. He is not going to get better. In over 19 years of marriage you can not fix the mental stability of this man.

I am happy that the topic of our address never came up! WAHOO! But weary because I found a fishy looking website looking at my blog (mspy.com) not sure if STBX is trying to figure out where we are going this route. There was more banter and comments back and forth. But we are safe for now. Please pray for our son. I pray for his well being and safety.

I feel worn out and tired. My sister is over now and I'm thinking of hitting the sack for a few right now. Thanks for listening and the prayers, as well as the warm wishes.

BIG HUGS!

Mel

 (Pick of the Magnolia tree in bloom! Love it!)

I hate the feeling of fear

I am getting better.

I see the effects of the past abuse with the girls. The behavior and how they perceive the world around them is so different between the two of them and just makes me feel mad as well as happy with the choice I made to leave the madness.

I have a confession. I have been feeling so nervous and worried. Oh, I know what is unusual about that? Or what else is new?

I pee'd my pants during a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from. It was about STBX and so real that I pee'd my pants in my dream and in real life. I woke up in a panic, my heart racing, sweaty and embarassed that I had to wake up Terry to announce my accident.

When does it end? When can I look at some random item and not STILL break into tears or stepback in victim mode? Breaking free of the years of programming to find myself. To be someone the girls can look back to and not remember a quivering mess of snot or panic when "he" is around or called?

Since the Protective Order has been lifted the neighbor says she see's "him" around more often. I got a call from "him" on Saturday while I was out with girls. I know it was him. No one spoke on the other line they just listened. The call came from his Mom's house and he is working on the basement. (Yes, he has been "working" on it for more then several months). He is a terrible procrastinator and in usual fashion he is taking his time. Hell's bell's if anyone ticks him off during this time because he will walk off, leaving it undone. Example is his older sister's basement in which he almost completed after too many months and then something set him off and he left them high and dry, not returning to finish.

GOSH! I'm super happy we are not living there anymore! BIG CHEESY SMILE!

I received the paperwork for the Supervised visit info and intake forms. The cost is $45.00 per hour! It can be on a sliding scale if need be and since magically his income went down over $20,000.00 in less then a year. I am sure he will be able to work out something. The visits are set up for 5 hours. The next court date is quickly approaching, no word from the GAL and of course no visitation set up yet. So I'm guessing yet another set back in the seemingly never ending divorce.

I'm so frustrated and want to throw the covers over my head, staying in bed and not leaving the house. Getting going seems to take me awhile, I'm more forgetful then ever, oh, it's little things! Forgetting things for groceries, sadly I forgot to wish my Dad Happy Birthday months ago! I forget conversations that happened 10 mins after I have had them! Age? I'm not sure but frustrated. Feeling terribly whiny and unable to just function. My exercise is on the back burner. No job prospects. Hoping to find something I can do out of the house. Maybe clean houses? Something I can do and take Mini Man with me or something I can take him with that has childcare not far away or expensive.

My Student loan is mocking me, growing in interest monthly and no nibbles. I went to an interview at a Chiropractor's office and felt really good about it. I can do the job! I swear it had my name on it! But apparently so did over 15 or 20 other people. SIGH! Hoping the Doula services would come into play soon. I have a ache and itch in my heart, knowing that something is around the corner, that I am meant to do something helpful. Even this blog has been a great thing for me, to know that other's know they are not alone in the fight to keep surviving, not only in day to day but in legal land as well.

I'm not perfect
I'm learning new things daily
I stumble often
I question myself way too much and fail to keep leaning on the Lord
I question Him (God) about my path
I don't open up enough to my loved ones
I hate confrontation
I hate fighting
I hate swearing (A nasty habit that I try not to use. I end up saying "Oh Sugar!" or "Son of a Building Block" it's all the same, still swearing! LOL!)
I am human
Many times I force a smile when I don't really want to smile at all
I try to treat others as I like to be treated
The girls and I do not have a perfect relationship (J and the rest of us frequently butt heads. She is need of definate counseling and I can't put it off anymore. She is also 13 and knows it all! I was never 13 and can't know anything of being that age and she is 13 going on 30)

I can see why many victims and survivors turn to drugs and alcohol! I don't drink often and usually split a bottle of wine with Terry during our dinner meal. More then 3 glasses and I'm giggling like crazy! I don't do more then 4 or 5 otherwise I get a "hot" feeling and I don't like that. So I have never gotten throw up drunk. YUCK! I have gotten a headache after but nothing more. OOOPPPSSS! Sorry rambling!

I was asked the question "Are you happy?" (Terry)
I have didn't know how to answer that! In the past the question was turned into:
"I hope your happy now!"
"See what you did! I hope your happy!"
"Whatever do what makes you happy"
"Does making me hit you or yell at you make you happy?"

All filled with rage. Not sincere. Not genuinely interested if I'm happy or creating happiness.
I didn't know how to really answer that at first. Took me awhile to process. I am happier. I struggle daily but yes, I am happy!

Thanks for listening!

God bless!

Met with his atty today!

I was worried that it was a trap and STBX would be there. The meeting went well, he had four things to go over with me:
1) Custody
2) Child Support
3) Parenting Time
4) Property division

So, apparently, STBX wants to keep custody as is.

Child support is to stay as it is, though he mentioned the court may add $290 a week to my income, even though I am still out of work. HUH?! I figure "he" must be wigging out he pays too much. I did say that I WISH I had a 40 hour a week job that pays that much a week! I do have a student loan and stuck with those stinky taxes from the business recently! Oh, the atty did not even know we had businesses together...

Parenting time is still up for discussion. In order to have Parenting time the Order of Protection would need to be dropped! YIKES! I know he plans to ask for that to be dismissed. I told him the girls are terrified of STBX. He said Parenting time at Children's Treehouse one hour is supervised and safe. Any funny business and visits will be off. So if the Order is dropped not only do I have to worry about the girls safety but the rest of us too!

Property division, apparently I am entitled to his Pension and Savings through the Union. The Savings through the Union was a surprise to the Atty! STBX did not disclose this to him! He said he was going to ask the Union about that!

I mentioned the threats of violence and that STBX does not forget, he holds grudges and will get even or kill the girls. I mentioned the Murder for Hire, I mentioned the times that the police were called to visitation, I mentioned that his parents were in bad health, because he asked if that was a place we could continue to hold visits! HA! Apparently his client is not forecoming about things, SURPRISE!

He asked if there was anything else and I told him that I was going to ask for a formal psych eval. He shook his head and said this was a waste of time, and will prolong the divorce! I could do what I want but that's not what they want and he will argue that.

He was unaware we have a GAL on the case! I was informed on Monday. I plan on calling her in a few to let her know we have court. He did ask about others on the case and I did tell him that STBX threatened and scared the counselor and GAL away. No response but posture change.

Anyway he wants to get it closed, over and done with. Heck with details of the girls safety apparently!

Off topic~ I had a health scare, TMI! My results from my pap came out and I needed to phone the Dr's to get them. Great! I knew that couldn't be good! So I am already wound pretty tight! I called and finally got the results. I am HPV positive but nothing active! Yea! I probably got the virus around the time I got HSV2. Wonderful! But all my other labs for STD's came out negative! YEAH ME! I retest yearly and should be OK. WHEW! I had all these nasty thoughts run through my head... You know, you think the worst. I prayed and prayed. Thank goodness God isn't done with me yet!

Now to work on my Bible study, I missed last week in town because I was so tired and not feeling well. Yes, SuperMom is not invincible! BIG CHEESY GRIN! I may break out my glue gun or some flowers for something imaginative. Glitter always makes me happy! Sorry to ramble!

Monday is court, I wrote down a bunch of points I hope to talk about. Wish me luck! I am still nervous! Thinking positive thoughts! Until next the soap opera episode after Monday!

Writing to judge

I have been debating about this one. I guess I am unsure how to proceed. I am not an attorney. STBX's attorney seemed to get more table time when we had our last hearing. I don't feel as though they take the situation seriously! I can not get feedback or calls from the Griffith Police department regarding the Murder for Hire case, not even to say it's been closed. He has scared the Court appointed counselor, so much that she will not come to court for us. I guess many legal and court appointed officials would rather live with the guilt of not helping if we are killed.

I wrote down some key points to hit during the next hearing and pray for strength! I read back what I wrote during my blogging or from memories and I can not help but feel a sense of relief, sadness and frustration at the lack of support that our dear legal land gives to those in this situation.

I almost feel sick to my stomach again and I'm nervous. I admit anytime the weather is bad I get nervous. Why?
STBX is a construction worker and he does not usually work if the weather is bad or nasty. I continually look over my shoulder even when it's sunny but when it's bad I look more.
I live paranoid and fearful.
I heard from his Mom the other day, she wanted to know about what happened at the court hearing, he won't call her back. She went on the tell me about how he is still not really working on her basement. (Funny, she told me she was done with him back in August!) She complained about how he stopped by here or there and only did a few things, then he left after maybe an hour. She went on to add that she was sorry she missed A's birthday the weekend before and could she talk to her. My thought was she just wanted to find out what she needed and talking about missing A's birthday was a ploy to get information.
Not my problem anymore! Isn't that wonderful! And I don't care! He is not my worry! I don't have to worry about stepping on eggshells!


The kids and I went to Turkey Run last weekend.We had a blast! I hadn't been there since I was the girls ages. J commented that "Dad wouldn't have let us do this or that. And he would have complained about how you are diving Mom." Ah! The infamous complaining about my driving!

I wrote about that in a previous post. I am so loving driving around now! It is so freeing to just get up and go! Terry is a lot like me with that regard. No plans, no agenda, no time constraints just go. No yelling at me about my driving too fast, too slow, not braking soon enough, braking too soon, not making it through before the light changes to red and yelling at me or hitting me when I miss the green.

I don't miss having my head bounced off the window or getting pushed out of the car while he is driving. I don't miss hearing about what a terrible driver I am. Sorry went off on a tangent! It really is a relief and such a great feeling of independence right now! If I didn't have to worry about STBX acting on his threats~ which I totally believe he is capable of! He never forgets! Even years later he has gotten even with people that he feels have wronged him.
Day to day and one step at a time. Keep us in your prayers!

Court today...

Since he has a new atty the PO and our Final pre-trial hearing is set for Oct 3rd. AGH! We didn't get anything done, except to bring his atty up to speed on what was going on. The judge stated our case seen as an Urban legend!
I wish I was able to speak. I had bitten my tongue on several occassions because I was unsure whether the judge would let me talk or not. He raised his voice in the beginning to a tone that alerted me, as a child that had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

He paid me a compliment about being cooperative during the whole process toward the court and with atty's and I do as the court has asked. BIG CHEESY GRIN! His atty was told that he needs to keep his client client in check. I did call STBX's atty earlier this week to introduce myself and to provide my contact information if he needed it. He mentioned that in court and told the judge that he thought it was a pleasant thing to do. He did not feel he should take my call until he weeded through our file and after we had court.

We were not able to say anything pertaining the PO but the atty did say he is going to ask the court to dismiss and STBX wants custody of our girls! He did also mention that they can not find a GAL to take our case and even if we paid for one he does not believe there would be a remedy or that it would not lead to thousands of dollars in bills.

I AM TERRIFIED! I'm super worn out right now, but wanted to put something down to update. Thanks for the prayers and keep praying if you would be so kind.

Tomorrow is Protective Order hearing!

I'm scared about tomorrow! J had a meltdown at school today because of the thought having to see STBX again if the judge drops the case or orders supervised visits. I have to tell you I'm worried! I know he has the Atty for tomorrow but I have not gotten any paper work about him appearing for the divorce hearing.

My stomach is in knots! When will this end? When will I get to the point when I can not get all twitterpatted when I know I'm going to see him or when I randomly see him on the street.

I had gotten a call from the Domestic Relations office and they said we "Have to pay" for a GAL. We don't qualify, now excuse me if I'm not a bit confused. Last year there was nothing said about paying and now all of a sudden there is a problem. I can not afford an atty and if I could I would be paying for an atty for the divorce.

Say a prayer for us!

Early warning signs of an abusive personality

From: http://www.facebook.com/groups/MelanieToniaEvans

Early Warning Signs of an abusive personality

(Although emotional abuse is most difficult to detect, physical and sexual abuse is often well disguised and also difficult to detect. Abuse is secretive, furtive, stealthy, hidden, explainable, covert, subtle, crafty, well orchestrated, strategic)

You don't need to be black and blue to be abused. Emotional abuse is stealthy. Often times the abuser will never directly abuse you, they will abuse your children, animals or friends. When they do turn their bullying on you they will pick on something small, something petty. This will all be hidden and explained away, there is always an explanation for their endless pettiness. And you will always be "overreacting" or "sensitive". Discounting your feelings and minimizing their behavior keeps you off balance.

When you are finally able to leave your bully, please be prepared. They will not let you go without a fight for your sanity or even your life. During the relationship, the abuser will try to hook you by making you dependent on him.

Verbal abuse doesn't have to be "bad". Many abusers extol their mates often disguising anger as concern and praise as love.
Remember you only ever need to know one fact, if you are SCARED you are being ABUSED.

**Many of the early warning signs listed on most websites are actually late stage warning signs.
If you have an inexplicable feeling of danger, run fast, fear does not need evidence. The list below goes over some of the early warning signs of abuse. However, most of the early warning signs are very difficult to detect. Abusers and bullies have developed their tactics over years and have honed their craft.**

(Abusers do not have to exhibit all of these signs but if they exhibit more than one of these, they are abusers. Although domestic abuse often escalates, it does not have to follow what many consider to be a typical progression. They can go from “minor verbal assault” to full out physical abuse within a short period of time or even pause for years without resorting to physical abuse. Sometimes physical abuse or any other abuse doesn’t start until you’ve been trapped by marriage or children. Often times violence begins when they feel they are losing control.)

Here are some of the early warning signs of a stealth bully:

1.They usually make the rules in the relationship, where you go, who spends money.
2.They push boundaries little by little. You have less privacy or free will as time goes on.
3.They’re always right and you’re always wrong; their sense of entitlement means that you’re too sensitive. If they tell you that you overreact or you blow things out of proportion, you are being abused.
4.They control you with their disapproval, name-calling, putdowns, blame and guilt. Even minor name calling such as goofy or stubborn are big red flags.
5.You’re afraid you’ll trigger a mood. Mood swings that go from angry, rageful, affectionate, to apologetic.
6.You’re told you would be alone without them or that they are the only person in the world that cares as much as they do. This is the beginning stage of isolation.
7.Social isolation. They will slowly cut you off from friends and family. They will always have something bad to say about your friends and they will not allow you to do nice things for them.
8. Pettiness. This is a form of disguised brow beating. Subtly criticize minor things like leaving a light on.
9. Superiority. He indicates that he is smarter, in general better than other people. He may even believe his possessions such as his woman, pets and material belongings are better than everyone.
10. Jealousy. He may stand and stare at any man that looks or talks to you.
11. He suggests: setting up a bank account in his name, getting married and having children within six months of dating. Everything is in his name.
12.Treating you like a sexual object, constantly touching you during inappropriate times even while sleeping.
13.Degrading views on women. They make negative comments about women, their mother and previous girlfriends. Always blames past girlfriends. They tend to be dumped by girlfriends first.
14. Possessive. They may make a surprise visit to your home or work. Check up on you even if you live together. Call, email, text frequently.
15. Infrequent anger or rage. They are often calm after an episode.
16. Asks a lot of questions. Relentless questioning. Interrogative.
17. You are always on their dime and their schedule. They are always acting in "your best interest". They claim any harm they do is to "protect you".
18. They may never hit you directly, they may throw objects at you, hit walls, grab things away from you, stomp, intimidating body language, break things, keep you from leaving, grab you, etc.
19. Gas lighting. Behaves or acts like they did nothing. Claims to not have said or did something, even immediately after saying or doing something. May hide or move objects then blame you.
20. They often fail to follow through on promises. They always have a "surprise" in store for you such as a gift or vacation.
21. They are demanding, you have to accommodate their every whim. They take up all of your time and energy. You feel tired all the time.
22. They remind you of their sacrifices.
23. He will often need "help" when doing an undesirable task. Generally, you are left to do these tasks by yourself.
24. Their actions and words don't add up. They will push you off a cliff and then run to catch you.
25. Crazy-making. They manipulate you, keep you on edge to the point where you feel like you are going crazy. You start exhibiting depression, unusual behavior, etc. This is all the proof your monster needs to blame you for his abuse.
26. Some abusers are unable to laugh at themselves or see humor in frustrating circumstances. Rigid, inflexible.
27. Guilt trip. They will refuse to go anywhere without you, even if it is an extreme burden to you.
28. Animal cruelty, call animals names, neglects them, scares them.
29. They will tell you that you are using them or you’re taking advantage of them.
30. You feel like you can't trust them, you are scared for no reason.
31. Your children or animals begin to behave differently.
32. Grandiosity. They buy things they can't afford. They always have the latest gadget. They may claim to know people in high places.
33. They may get into physical fights or relish violence.
34. They get frustrated very easily and have trouble coping with normal daily stresses.
35. Often times they enjoy chaotic circumstances. They may even seem to enjoy it when people cry. Seems to lack empathy.
36. They will talk about themselves often. If you have a story, they have a better one.
37. They rarely seem to take responsibility for their actions or mistakes, it is always someone else fault.
38. They might hint that they have been in fights before or their ex girlfriend enjoyed rough sex.
39. You may notice a strange family dynamic; there is almost always a family history of mental problems.
40. You may notice that he always wants to talk while you are trying to sleep or wakes you up at night for to say I love you or any “innocent” reason. This is a form of denial of basic physical needs.
41. He comes on to you after you say no to sex or is "playful" during sex. He may not wait for you to be fully ready resulting in painful intercourse. Does not engage in foreplay. Is often too “passionate”.
42. Bottles up emotions. Unable to identify emotions. Claims he is concerned when he is angry.
43. You feel irritated or bugged by his presence for no reason. Even when he is apparently being “kind”.
44. You feel off balance, like the wind has been knocked out of you, the rug pulled from under your feet.
45. Your dreams and expectations go unfulfilled.
46. You want to run as fast as you can but you feel paralyzed.
47. You are bewildered all the time but you don’t know what the problem is.
48. Feeling like something is wrong, the little things that are odd, but they are easily forgotten and not a big deal.
49. You feel like you’re being pushed around, they’re bossy.
50. You’re always caught off guard; they surprise you or shock you.
51. He sends you mixed messages. His words and emotions don’t seem to correspond with each other. When you question that, he tells you that you have no faith in him or he makes you take some or all of the responsibility.
52. They pretend to be hurt when you express your feelings. Even telling you that hey are hurt that you would be upset at them for something they did that was not intentional.
53. They play with or collect weapons.
55.They are "very generous" beware their generosity is very expensive.
56. Intimidating body language.
57. They are easily hurt. You feel guilty if you express disappointment. So you begin to comply with them to avoid tension.
58.They are very generous, beware they’re generosity is expensive. This is called loan sharking.
59. They disclose intimate details of their life or their past, quickly in the relationship in order to create closer bonds or “test the waters’. Shares inappropriate information.
60. He pressure’s you to go to couples counseling. Because “we share the responsibility”.
61. He calls you a victim.
62. Makes statements like, you’re too good for me, you can do better. This is an attempt to garner sympathy.
63. The way they treat service personnel or those in lower social standing.
64. Sulks often especially when they do not get their way. A form of passive aggressive behavior.
65. Very serious, aggressive, arrogant or threatening body language, poise, afect, facial expressions, eyes, mannerisms, conduct.
66. May not appreciate your opinions, emotions or thoughts.
67. His control may at first appear to be impassioned and loving but transforms into needy and clingy. May not go places without you, claims to love being with you all the time.
68. May suggest you are interested in other men, accuses you of cheating.
69. Abuse by proxy, tells your friends and family that you are unstable. Challenges you in court, uses the law.
70. You notice small changes in yourself. You lose interest in things that mattered, you may get sick, weight changes, health problems, mental health problems, etc.
71. Never accepts responsibility for anything, ever. The world always owes them.

Crazy times with my STBX...

I don't know why that man (Gaslighter, Narcissis, Abuser, Psychopath, STBX)ceases never to surprise me. After all the emails the other day, he sends me a email from Nestles.com. It has some recipes in it that honestly are nummy looking but seriously? I can not fathom why after almost 3 years this man has not gotten it that I am do not want to be with him anymore. I don't want a relationship with him at all! I'm counting the years until the kids are 18 so then I don't ever have to talk to him again, of course unless they go to college... I'm wishing it will be more like my Mom's Ex, we didn't ever see him. My sister choose to see him later in life but that was her decision.

I'm hoping he will fade into the woodwork after we finally get divorced. I have a call into the GAL and haven't heard back so I plan on giving another jingle. I never found a document I could use to make the Motion for Bifurcation to end the marriage. So court is coming up again in Oct.

I never got his financials and yet he is complaining he did not get my tax returns or Terry's financial information. The last is not going to happen. I told STBX that if Terry and I were married that would be a different matter but since I am still married no dice.

It feels like a rash you just can't quite get rid of. My STBX reminds me sort of like HSV2, occassional flareups/outbreaks, pain, uncomfortable and itchy. At least you can take meds for that, there is nothing to take for STBX.

I pray for an end to this mess!

Settlement land in my never-ending divorce

As usual nothing is uneventful.

I sent a settlement packet along with my financials to the last visitation. According to the Domestic Bureau in Lake County I needed to pass my Financials to him but since he has a past history of not getting the mail for some reason I decided to send it with J on the visit. I told her that it contained a settlement and financial paperwork. Tell him to sign and give it back so I could make copies. She had no other knowledge of what was in the envelope since I sealed it. Anyway...
We have a new GAL on the case, we actually had 2 up until today. Turns out Terry knows one of them and she had to pull herself off.

Going back and forth with text messages with Crazy man does not make for a happy camper. He still wants to reconcile.
I don't know why this amazes me. He is supposedly engaged again. Why can't he just move on? He is hell bent on destroying Terry, as if he were the problem. He fails continually to address the "REAL REASON" I left him.

He was abusive! He is in a constant state of denial and he is rambling off things that are so far out. Anyone that knows me these things are not true. SIGH! This whole thing gets me so flustered. I just want a divorce...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
to melnrob5@yahoo.com
from blessmeplz@gmail.com
date 7/19/2011

I will only refer to text messages in times of trouble. I believe for both of our benefits that we keep this to writing in email or old fashioned ink. 

I dropped the girls off for visitation at 12:30 pm on Sunday. If you only had 2 hours to visit with them then perhaps you need to arrange your schedule to accommadate. This does not create a emergency on my part.

My settlement like yours was an offer.

I ask for physical custody and legal custody of the girls. 

There is not enough time in the reminder of this year for you to claim the girls. There is a certain amount of time/overnights that you need to have in order to do so. Again contact your Accountant about this. I will claim them for this year and next year you can claim them. I have no need to claim Matt until we have had a LOT of counseling to heal our relationship. 

I left my name mistake on there on purpose, just to see if you were actually going to read the offer. 

You have mentioned your atty several times and I would prefer to speak to him or her. 

I do not feel safe enough not to meet in a public place for drop off or pick up's. Again if you would like the girls one day during the week that is fine. But you need to pick them up from school and also I will pick them up from a police station in the evenings. They have a bedtime of 9 o'clock so I need them home by 7:30 so they can do shower time and they can have a cool down time, clothes out for the night before and so on. 

The weekend drop off will also be public. I will drop them off  at the police station by 6 pm on Friday and I will pick them up by 6pm in Sunday. 

Of course none of this starts until the court says so. 

As for phone calls 2 or 3 times a week. I will not make them call you if they do not want to. Heck I can't get them to call me if I ask them to! My previous atty talked about this and the other matters I am talking to you about now so I am not just pulling things out of the air. Indiana Parenting guidelines permit weekend visits and weekday visits as well. I do ask to speak to them while they are in your care. No speaker phone as you did in the past. 

The income is none. I do not go to school and have a sizeable bill from that. I have no vehicle any longer. I have a friend allowing me to borrow a car from time to time. As stated on my financials I have no car.Terry's income is not your concern. As I stated in my message, if we were "DIVORCED" then his income would be relevant. 

I mentioned many times I would pay the deductibles on the kids medical bills. That was stated at our court hearing last year. 

I have better things to do, as I stated in my text message to you then to sit in front of your house.Seriously?! I wouldn't trust anyone to sit at the curb on a busy street like that. 

You will receive the rest of my items when I receive your financials as well. I left you a message concerning the tax returns. I did not feel we needed to exchange them if there has not been a big change. But since you are adamant about doing so, please include your returns in your financials. I will be sending mine to your Mom's house since in the past I have heard there are problems receiving mail about the divorce or from me. 

As for your threat about telling the court about using the children for the divorce. I again mentioned in a text message back to you that I recall yourself, your Mom and Jess talking about custody and such in the laundry room so Pearl would not hear about the agreement. Sounds like you have once again not been forth coming and told her that you are not divorced. Anyway, at that time I was informed during pick up that you all came to an arrangement that the girls would stay with me. Of course once you and I conversed you quickly changed your tune since I told you I would not start this agreement that week.  I handed Jess a SEALED DOCUMENT. All she was aware was that it contained my financials and a settlement agreement. She knows none of the details. She does not need to know them. 

I would have thought you would refrain from calling me names. Asking if "R u that stupid" is same old Rob behavior. Jess has her own mind and is allowed to have her own thoughts on the matter. We do not tell her everything about what is going on because I would rather her worry about friends, school work and just being a kid. 

I made you this way? Really? Don't get mad at you for what I did and caused? That is what is stated in your text message. I don't understand what control you state I have over you. If I had control over you, I would have put an end to any verbal, emotional and physical abuse right away. But I didn't.

I do agree with your statement that if they are trying to get out a punishment then they don't run back and forth between homes. I believe we agreed to that long ago.

Since you are serious about going for custody of the girls I feel that is your right. 

No the divorce is your doing. You had many chances to make a change but you did not. I feel like a broken record describing why and I won't do it again. And I will not "come back" as you state in your text message. If this makes me uncooperative then so be it. I do want the divorce to answer your text about this. That I "just want to hurt me (you)" is not not my intention. Of all the years of hurt that you caused me. Sounds funny from a man that has been engaged what 2 or 3 times in the past 2 and a half years. I am not engaged, I have no wedding plans planned. I am not in any hurry to jump on that saddle anytime soon. So if you are choosing to keep the divorce going in hope of reconciling that is to your discretion. But again I say to you that I am happy now. I have moved on and would like an end to this divorce sooner then later. Unless you have an endless supply of funds to keep this going.

I would like the company the lie detector test was through. I mentioned this to you before our last court date. I am again asking for the information again. Terry has offered to take the test as well if need be. 

I submit myself for a mental evaluation and any drug (hair follicle) testing since this appears to be a allegation that you have.

Also if the girls are in such danger allegedly then why have you not called Child services? 

Oh and thanks for not being more serious about the mediation. I suppose you got a good laugh out of me paying $120 to get it going and then you decided not to at least try to work on a settlement.

My settlement offer was generous, I never asked you for the house or pension or your savings. I just want the divorce. I'm not interested in hearing how terrible I was or "controlling" or whatever. If you will not give full custody legal or physical then I would like physical custody. Again with alternating tax years starting next year.  I would be responsible for any deductibles for them. I don't think I am being unreasonable. 

I don't trust you. I will never trust you and I choose not to be alone with you or to place myself in a situation where I would be in danger. 

Terry is not dangerous. I am thinking that your hiring someone to stalk me, take pictures of me, and then kill me (taking a picture of my dead body) is alot more dangerous then anything you have made up in your mind that he has allegedly done. Shame on you! I would like a peaceable, amicable divorce. I don't want to point fingers. I just want to be done. I refuse to fling any more mud. I only speak highly of you in front of the kids. You are they're Dad and will always be. You are to be respected as such. I do not allow them to talk badly of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from melnrob5@yahoo.com

to Melinda My Love blessmeplz@gmail.com

Tue, Jul 19, 2011 at 5:09 PM

subject Re: No more text messages and settlement discussion 

I agree with text. It was your paperwork that interfered.it was your doing and remember it will be brought up on your use of Jessica as an assistant. Sham on u.  I will be asking for extra time. It is up to u if u want to cause problems. I see u r into causing problems because I asked u not to bother me. Their is no compliance in this e mail. And the kids r fine.

I saw a phicic the other day. I am personally ready for u to drive off a cliff. But she told me that is not gods plan and we would be back together. That's why I said u r just out to hurt me. U are not stable. And to prove u r deep down not wanting the divorce you chose to keep your name as melinda allen. Lol. Please. Don't. I don't want u to have my name. U r abusive and. A disgusting example of a mother and for matts sack I rather u not keep it. I myself got sick when I thought about weather the ladie was right. I still love u but I can't figure out a way to trust u or forget the damage u have caused. But I guess God will decide.   

As for claiming them I will then claim them for two consecutive years and from their we will see. If it takes another year than so be it

As for u I have had another visit from the gentleman that swears you r selling drugs and all I need to do is have u checked. I wonder if I should. On one hand if u r clean I can tell him go away and on the other if u r not you will go to jail for a long time. It would be great for me. And I am sure Matt would enjoy it.

I have talked to a lawyer about it. I choose to think this guy is just causing trouble. But he said their is proof. I think I will wait till their is proof. Do u owe eric money or something. Because this guy is starting to b a pain. I told him if she is then report her yourself.

I guess I tell u this because I want u not to end up in trouble. If u r doing it. Nock it off and if your not. Be car full. 

As for them staying with terry if I do not have constant visual or audio contact I am not letting them stay with u. 

Drop off and pick up is not up for argument. This is your silly night mare not mine.  

And u left your name on it because u do not want this divorce.

I can take u back even with the baby. But melinda Matt is your biggest issue.

Please no more contact tonight. Unless u really want to talk.  thanks your husband. Rob

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: blessmeplz@gmail.com
To: melnrob5@yahoo.com and his Mom, as well as a few family members

I just want a divorce. I don't want to get back with Robert.Once again the envelope she gave him was sealed, she had no knowledge of what the details were at all. She knew it was about settling and my financial information and that was it. 

I am not doing or selling drugs. I sent a settlement offer to try to get him to get this divorce final. I do not want to be married to him any longer. 

I don't know why he keeps throwing Eric under the bus with drug issues or accusations. He is not doing anything of the sort. Matt getting enjoyment out of me being in jail is terrible! That is awful!

I do not trust Rob at all. I intend to have a safe drop off and pick up. As I mentioned before any time Rob has had the chance in the past to put his hands on me he took the chance. 

As much as I want a divorce I want to make sure the girls are safe. I do not believe my first choice for visits was wise. I can not get it changed from your home Judy. I asked and told the court and the place where we set up the visits if we could change due to health issues with you and Bob. I did not believe you need the added stress. Rob said you were fine with the set up. According to the paperwork, he is not to be there when I drop off or pick up the kids. This is why we had Sue pick up or drop off in the past or we were able to work out visits with no issues until the basement needed to be done. 

He mentions my "silly night mare". I have been pushed around by this man for so many years, I do not trust him. If this stalls the divorce then so be it. Him throwing a tantrum because the he has "no visual or audio contact with them" He can see the girls. I have not seen my son in over 2 years, except for a few random occassions. So before you start throwing your weight around about that how about my rights to see and visit with my child? What about being able to safely be around him. Sadly I can not do that because of nasty thoughts I am told he has for me. 

I don't understand why he keeps fighting me about these topics. I mentioned I did not go after his money, I know he works for cash. I know that because I had contact with a few of the people he worked with. I also knew that they were working like crazy for sometime. Of course there is no proof unless I push a few buttons that will involve his boss. But I do not wish to be that way. 

I want Rob to get out of his fantasy world, leave me alone. Become a great Dad to the kids. To watch his anger issues. I see no change in this man. He won't ever change. If I had control of him as he claims I would still be married to him because if I were in control I would not have put up with his attitude and nastiness for so long.

According to my Accountant the rules for claiming the children have to do with how many overnights and days they spend with him. He can not claim them in the way he is stating. 

I agree with the it needing to be done. But for him to blame me for missing out on his visit. He should not be working on the basement during this time. In actuality the 3 kids are to be visiting since he walked away from the Calendar appt. 

*Leaving the bottom of my initial note attached because I forgot to forward it to a few of you. Sorry!*

Mel