Now, I got to tell you that it is so weird to say that I'm divorced. Oh, technically the paperwork is not done in court yet, but boy does it feel GOOD!
Did I gush before that a major weight feels as though it is gone?! While the threat of our personal safety is still a high priority, I am savoring this feeling. I relish the thoughts of being unattached. While Terry is so trusting and kind there is no worries that I won't just start bar hopping or sporting a sleeve of tats (mind you if that's your lifestyle I am not bashing it, that is just not me).
My sister, Amanda, made a comment to me while over a few days back, "Doesn't it feel good to take your time and not have to worry about coming home fast?". It did! I can browse at a store for hours if I want. Terry doesn't mind. He TRUSTS me. In a "normal" relationship you "CAN" have that! Honest!
Now the good, the bad and the ugly part of this whole big circus is:
The Good- It's over! And though it took so dang long. God had a plan to keep us safe. Heaven's to Betsy (Yes I really do talk this way, I cleaned up the potty talk many years ago, though in the passion of a nasty card game or when I'm with my sisters I have been known to toss some old habits freely about. That I'm not proud of but I'm working on it!) I moaned and whined about how long the process took. I truly believe that if it were a quick divorce court officials would not have been alerted about how unstable my Ex is (I love the sound of that "Ex"!)
The Bad- The continued abuse (physical up until the end of Aug 2009 and the mind games which was last played in June 2012 before court)
The Ugly- The kids being used (not unusual). It burns my buns that he could give a rats bum about the kids but he will not give up Parental rights just to mess with me. That's the control thing he wants to keep over me. Of course, let's not forget the dark obsession this man has for me.
I was alerted recently about my Ex asking a favor of someone. They blew him off and were kind enough to caution me to be careful. I consider this part of the bad that hangs around me from time to time like knowing you have a pimple threatening to poke out from you nose any minute. Or a cat ready to pounce on it's prey.
So Dear blog reader! I hope you have gleaned some information from me that has kept you safe or perhaps that gives you a strange bit of comfort that you are not alone! There are thousands of women, men or children out there that are currently being abused in some form. If you are one of them, please make the jump to leave. It is scary! It's hard and it is tough! But staying is tougher.
Staying in a relationship that is toxic is not healthy! It is can also be the last relationship you ever have with anyone. Want "More" from your life. Want "More" for your family! Abuse of any kind is NOT normal!
Staying with your abuser because of the house (buying or renting) is not an excuse. Staying with the person abusing your child(ren) is only giving your abuser someone else to control and harm.
Check out my past entries on Safety planning or Safety! Tell someone about the abuse! Press charges! Leave a paper trail! Keep a journal or log of the events. Remember a small percentage of people that leave they're abusers end up in abusive relationships again. So please listen to your gut! Pay attention to the warning signs! Don't end up with another loser!
I'm sure you know by now if you have followed this blog, that I am a Christian. God has kept the kids and I safe through some nasty things. I won't preach to you, but remember that God loves you. Pray for answers or for God to give you the knowledge of when the right time to leave is if you are having trouble. Pray for him to allow people that can help you enter your life. Of course God isn't a Waiter taking your order but He is there for you.
Stay safe! Stay strong! Remember you are worthy of so much! Don't give up or give in! Your abuser will get away with abusing you as long as you let him/her. Break the silence.
BIG HUGS and PRAYERS!