Tips for leaving your abuser

Hello Love Bug! Let me tell you how proud of you that I am! You are taking the first step just by reading this information. At this stage, it can be scary for you! The fear of leaving, possible repercussions if he/she finds you, how are you going to live, or now what questions may be running through your mind. 

This is going to be a LONG post. I will be creating a video that you can find later this afternoon here- Hope when there was none

Before you drop the bombshell think about:
* Is this relationship worth saving? Now hear me out! Is it that your partner is violent or upsetting when he/she is drinking/using drugs? Are they a bully and don't realize it? Have you gone through counseling to resolve the issue? I hate for relationships to end of course abuse is unacceptable. These are factors to consider. My first thought is to leave but for some, they wish to see if they can make it work. Remember this, you can not make this person your project to "fix". They have free will. If you/friends/family have pointed out the negative behavior and they don't wish to change there is your answer.

* Leaving while your partner isn't home or going to be gone for a long time.

* Alerting work/school about your situation.

* Gather important papers. If you are concerned your partner will notice these are gone make copies of the original and leave the copies! 

Here are ideas:

Marriage/Birth certificates 

Social Security cards

Bills- Student loans, Credit cards, medical

Financial records

Medical records/shot records

Diplomas

Passports 

Pay stubs

Income tax records

Mortgage/Rent contract

Business contacts/info 

Have an old school paper type of phone book with contacts- Note an emergency contact!

Car registration/Insurance

Medical insurance cards

Investment info/401k

Old protective orders- this shows there were past problems

Photos

Bankruptcy discharges

Any other legal info- lawsuits, tickets, summons, immigration paperwork/green cards, custody papers

Journals

History of the violence- include pictures and note the dates

Make a plan to send these to a P.O. Box that your partner does not know about or give to a trusted friend/family member.

* Set up a new email address or make sure you change your passwords (change to an affirmation! Iamstrong, Iamenough)See my video here- Using Affirmation passwords.

* Open a bank account prior to leaving if you can. Personally, I squirreled away $25.00 over many months to open one before I left my abuser. I had the statements going to my new address at my sister's house. Now, you can have them come electronically so your abuser won't know.

* If you have a place to go, start taking things to your new digs. These are things that will go unnoticed, such as seasonal clothing, mementos, toys/games for the kids, extra food, bedding/towels, anything that you can think of that won't be missed. 

Let's say it's "Leave time", here are some things to consider, now this should not be taken lightly and I would also suggest that you reach out to law enforcement and/or a Women's shelter for tips, suggestions, and other resources. 

1) How will your partner react to the news? Will there be physical harm if you leave? Or will you be asking your partner to leave? You may consider leaving by a police escort. This means you leave ASAP! No dilly-dallying to grab a toaster, the TV, or photos. These are just things, what is important is you and your children (or furbabies).

2) This kinda goes with #1. Are there weapons in the house? VERY IMPORTANT! If your partner has a gun and you suspect he/she may use it please make sure you tell the police or hide the darn thing from him/her. Which may tick your partner off too! Or make sure you are not fighting in the area where a weapon can be easily grabbed.

3) Know your space! Don't get pushed into a corner, room with no windows, or without an exit! Curling up into a tight ball may seem like a cowards way but protecting your head with your arms/hands and other vital organs can be important if need be. Also, don't wear long necklaces or scarves this can be used to strangle you!

4) Make sure your kids are in a safe place. This may mean that you don't go where they are hiding. If you do run to them this may bring the violence to them! Teach your child 911, the address, and your names. 

5) Keep your phone on you or by you and turned on! Make sure it is charged. 

6) Know your neighbors or ask your family for help. Some folks don't want to get involved and that is okay but if you are able to ask if they hear anything, see a visual cue (maybe you can turn a certain light of), or create a safe word to use in the event of danger. 

7) Back into your parking spot. Keep it fueled. Have a set of extra keys hidden in there somewhere. There are magnetic key holders! Put in a spot that won't be obvious. 

8) Have a "Go bag" ready. This will have a 3 day supply of clothes, toiletries, extra meds, a bit of food, and cash. Read more about this here- Personal survival kit/Survival kit

9) Consider having a friend or family member stay with you while you break the news. I highly advise instead to leave when your partner is not home. This all sounds like cloak and dagger type of stuff because it is! I'm not going to lie to you! 

10) You may not want to tell the kids until the day you are leaving. I would consider the age and maturity of your child. 

This can serve 2 things: 

* They won't spill the beans beforehand. 

* They won't be upset or act awkward before you leave. 

* Are you having behavior issues with your child? They may be exhibiting habits from your abuser! It is not uncommon nor is it uncommon for a child to threaten to "tell on you! 

This is a BIG event your their life! They may feel sympathy for your abuser. If they are older you will want to give them a choice. Now, before you flip me off, listen. This child may end up being turned against you or already is. The danger may not be worth you taking him/her with. I know it sounds terrible! Trust me, I have been in your shoes! 

11) You/kids may have to talk to police, attorneys, GAL's, or social workers about your story. You may feel like a victim all over again. Your partner may spin the table and make "you" the instigator. This can be traumatic for you/kids. There could be symptoms of PTSD, Stockholm Syndrome, Learning disabilities, other health issues related to the abuse that could escalate during this time. Counseling can help! See a licensed professional. 

I know this is a LOT to digest. Planning in advance has its advantages. The disadvantage is staying longer. Waiting for the right time. You may not have a choice and have to go. In either case please be careful! You may also think that the abuse you are going through "Is not that bad". Or that it's only he/she says bad things and doesn't hit you. Perhaps it is that you have no control over your finances. Maybe they use mind games. 

This is all abuse. It doesn't matter if you have a bruise or broken bone. What matters is if you are willing to stay in this relationship for the rest of your life. Are you ready to allow your kids to keep experiencing this? Will they repeat the pattern?

Don't be surprised if friends/family you thought were on your side back off or take your partner's side or "spy" for him/her. 

Lastly and most importantly, talk to your kids during this time. Let them know they are not to blame, none of this is their fault and that what is happening with your partner is not acceptable behavior and violence is not okay.

If you have any other questions or concerns please drop me a message privately here or my page Hope when there was none. I also have a private group for victims/Survivors if you are interested to let me know and I will add you. 

Check out my video for 72 hour safety tips after leaving an abusive relationship

I'm praying for you!

God bless and stay safe!

BIG HUGS,

Mel

Saturdays visitation and court tomorrow

 

Saturday was supervised visitation with the kids Dad. From what I was told it started out well,the Uno cards were being dealt out when J. asked her Dad if they could do something else, like talk. He said that was fine. The other two kids, M. and A., really wanted to play cards. So they started dealing the cards out. J. insisted she really wanted to talk.

So, the fireworks began. There was some small talk, M.'s phone is broken so the girls can not call him and have to call STBX to reach him. J., went on to ask why STBX left her in the hospital, which he denied stating that there was some other issue and he called me to come instead.

She asked him what about when he beat M. with the belt buckle and I intervined, which he denied and M. agreed that never happened. J., was getting really upset about this at this time. The more memories she brought up, the more he denied those things happened.

She did admit to me that she threw some things at STBX. He kept telling her that she sounded like me. That my Facebook and blog were just things used to brainwash kids and tell lies. (HUH? And creepy that he still checks them out.) He complained about me to her. Telling her to "Shush!" She stood her ground and said she will not shush!

She told him that Kalven was her brother (the baby), A. was her sister, M. was her brother, Terry was her Father and he (STBX) was dirt! He mentioned that I probably put her up to it. She retorted that "If Mom knew I was doing this I would have apologized in advance to her about it." She told A. that she was going to go and for A. to come with. As A. got up J. grabbed her arm and STBX grabbed the other, which started a tug-o-war with A.. Both M. and A. were quiet. STBX told her he was fighting for "Full custody" of both of the girls. J. threw a deck of cards and birthday cards at STBX, and at that time a Security Officer came in and removed the girls from the room. I was told afterwards M. cried. (That breaks my heart.)

The girls were into the waiting room and I was called to return to pick them up. I was at the local fruit market and hurried to pick them up. I was told there was a arguement and I needed to get them now! I was almost there when they called again that J. was hyperventilating. I was boxed in the turn lane with 4 cars in front of me and a few in back of me, so I had no wiggle room to get around any of the cars.

By the time I ran into the building, J. was totally out of it. She was writhing on the couch, her hands and legs were like stiff boards, her eyes were in back of her head, she was screaming "NO!" and "Don't touch me!". I gave the baby to A. and tried to calm J. down but she wouldn't come back. The Officer asked if I wanted an ambulance, but I asked if I could try to calm her down. After several minutes the Officer stated he was going to call an ambulance and I nodded in agreement.

It seemed like forever before the ambulance arrived and even after that J. had fought the ambulance workers, she was moaning "No!", crying and "Don't!". The baby was getting teary eyed for his sister. A. looked like a frightened kitten but she was in control.

I was able to get a little bit about what happened when they were loading her on the ambulance. SIGH!
At the hospital she calmed down after about 15 mins or so. A woman from Behavior services came down to talk with J. and myself. After about 3 hours we were referred to a Psychartrist and counselor. I have called to get an appointment for both girls. A. needs to see the counselor for sure.

I was told to let J., she didn't need to worry about custody. Also future supervised visits would be cancelled and Theraputic Therapy is in order (I'm not thrilled with them seeing him at all but as the Father I would hope one day they would have some sort of positive relationship, STBX does need to get help, first and to stick with it). J. is sad that she did not get a chance to tell M. thank you for the card and she loved him. (That made me sad)

So we have our Status hearing tomorrow. I'm still nervous. It is only 15 mins or so long but it will seem like an eternity before and during. My stomach is already in knots! I plan on heading to Bible study in the morning for about a hour and then stopping to get the sitter for Mini Man. I won't sleep at all! I'm thinking of putting a Positive affirmation CD on tonight. Terry has calmed me down quite a bit. We had movie day/night. I pulled my back and need to take it easy. I don't think I could get much done with so much on my mind.

I don't believe he will be allowed our physical address. I pray the judge will see to it that it is kept confidential. I would hope to get divorced too! Oh my gosh! I really hope the judge would just finalize the darn thing by now. Please pray for the girls (Jess, Alex and Matt) and brother, also for STBX (Rob).

Thanks for listening. It is always something around here...

I ask that if you know someone that is in a DV situation please lend an ear or shoulder. Help them get to a shelter or a safe way out. Of course you can not force a person to leave they're abusive relationship but you can listen. Don't stay silent anymore! Many blessings to you!

HUGS!

Mel

Met with his atty today!

I was worried that it was a trap and STBX would be there. The meeting went well, he had four things to go over with me:
1) Custody
2) Child Support
3) Parenting Time
4) Property division

So, apparently, STBX wants to keep custody as is.

Child support is to stay as it is, though he mentioned the court may add $290 a week to my income, even though I am still out of work. HUH?! I figure "he" must be wigging out he pays too much. I did say that I WISH I had a 40 hour a week job that pays that much a week! I do have a student loan and stuck with those stinky taxes from the business recently! Oh, the atty did not even know we had businesses together...

Parenting time is still up for discussion. In order to have Parenting time the Order of Protection would need to be dropped! YIKES! I know he plans to ask for that to be dismissed. I told him the girls are terrified of STBX. He said Parenting time at Children's Treehouse one hour is supervised and safe. Any funny business and visits will be off. So if the Order is dropped not only do I have to worry about the girls safety but the rest of us too!

Property division, apparently I am entitled to his Pension and Savings through the Union. The Savings through the Union was a surprise to the Atty! STBX did not disclose this to him! He said he was going to ask the Union about that!

I mentioned the threats of violence and that STBX does not forget, he holds grudges and will get even or kill the girls. I mentioned the Murder for Hire, I mentioned the times that the police were called to visitation, I mentioned that his parents were in bad health, because he asked if that was a place we could continue to hold visits! HA! Apparently his client is not forecoming about things, SURPRISE!

He asked if there was anything else and I told him that I was going to ask for a formal psych eval. He shook his head and said this was a waste of time, and will prolong the divorce! I could do what I want but that's not what they want and he will argue that.

He was unaware we have a GAL on the case! I was informed on Monday. I plan on calling her in a few to let her know we have court. He did ask about others on the case and I did tell him that STBX threatened and scared the counselor and GAL away. No response but posture change.

Anyway he wants to get it closed, over and done with. Heck with details of the girls safety apparently!

Off topic~ I had a health scare, TMI! My results from my pap came out and I needed to phone the Dr's to get them. Great! I knew that couldn't be good! So I am already wound pretty tight! I called and finally got the results. I am HPV positive but nothing active! Yea! I probably got the virus around the time I got HSV2. Wonderful! But all my other labs for STD's came out negative! YEAH ME! I retest yearly and should be OK. WHEW! I had all these nasty thoughts run through my head... You know, you think the worst. I prayed and prayed. Thank goodness God isn't done with me yet!

Now to work on my Bible study, I missed last week in town because I was so tired and not feeling well. Yes, SuperMom is not invincible! BIG CHEESY GRIN! I may break out my glue gun or some flowers for something imaginative. Glitter always makes me happy! Sorry to ramble!

Monday is court, I wrote down a bunch of points I hope to talk about. Wish me luck! I am still nervous! Thinking positive thoughts! Until next the soap opera episode after Monday!

Court today...

Since he has a new atty the PO and our Final pre-trial hearing is set for Oct 3rd. AGH! We didn't get anything done, except to bring his atty up to speed on what was going on. The judge stated our case seen as an Urban legend!
I wish I was able to speak. I had bitten my tongue on several occassions because I was unsure whether the judge would let me talk or not. He raised his voice in the beginning to a tone that alerted me, as a child that had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

He paid me a compliment about being cooperative during the whole process toward the court and with atty's and I do as the court has asked. BIG CHEESY GRIN! His atty was told that he needs to keep his client client in check. I did call STBX's atty earlier this week to introduce myself and to provide my contact information if he needed it. He mentioned that in court and told the judge that he thought it was a pleasant thing to do. He did not feel he should take my call until he weeded through our file and after we had court.

We were not able to say anything pertaining the PO but the atty did say he is going to ask the court to dismiss and STBX wants custody of our girls! He did also mention that they can not find a GAL to take our case and even if we paid for one he does not believe there would be a remedy or that it would not lead to thousands of dollars in bills.

I AM TERRIFIED! I'm super worn out right now, but wanted to put something down to update. Thanks for the prayers and keep praying if you would be so kind.

5 messages from my Gaslighter

Not surprised he has left messages and one email. All stating that it must be "me" causing J to act out. And shame on me for not getting the psych/counseling. (Actually the court appointed counselor said the girls didn't need it)

He is allowing me to have physical custody of the girls~ Oh what a nice guy, that is sarcasm
And he goes on and on... I will post later.

My intention today is to get the police report if it's ready and to see if my sister in law told the police about the comment he made. I hope she did! I have to try to figure out how to word the motions I want to file.

Later!

I picked up the police report! God love my sister in law! She told the police about the threat, which of course he denied. I went up to the court house and filed for a Order of Protection for the girls and it was granted! We go to court for this on the 15th of Sept. I feel relief that we don't have to see him or talk to him for a bit! I hope they don't have to see him supervised or unsupervised. Please keep us in your prayers! Gosh my head hurts!

Order of Protection expires soon!

I leave a picture of me from time to time, to remind people I'm like anyone else's Mother, Sister, Daughter, Friend or Wife.

I leave a picture so that everyone will remember what I look like and about my story if something should happen to me.

I leave a picture that someday the court system and legal land will have a record of the craziness my STBX has put me through and continues to do.

I leave my picture so I won't be forgotten...


I talked to a friend and I was informed that STBX had rode a bike around our apartment 4 times last Thursday. She went to get a camera and he didn't show up. He actually paused and stared at our building. Then she heard sounds coming out of our place. Needless to say that I am going to make sure the police escort me in when we return. So he's still stalking me! It's been almost 3 freakin years!

I'm worried that my Order of Protection runs out at the end of this month. Leaving me fair game and open for both my STBX and my son. My son will only do what his Dad tells him to. Case and point when M attacked Terry at Lake County Court house in the fall of 2009. Telling the officers that he was going to kill him but decided to beat him up instead.

A string of emails after the event about killing Terry and me had followed for months after. I have gone to the police repeatedly and nothing seems to happen at all! The only ONE thing that stuck was the phone messages he left on my answering machine. They were demanding and also numerous enough for the Prescutor to file charges. Which lead him to pay court costs and he was ordered to take Anger management classes. He still claims innocent from this even though it was his number and his voice on the machine, which a policer officer heard.

The investigation the local police did on the murder for hire has gone nowhere. My STBX is smug and says all I have is 2 losers that do drugs and since they have a record they aren't credible. I have to wonder if he's right. To bring you to speed again, he offered my nephew and another gentleman $5,000 and a camera to video tape my death/grave after the deed was done.

I am still at a loss.

I received an email that states he and Terry will still have a "meeting". He also is planning on getting custody of my girls since Terry is "dangerous". (HA! I thought that was calling the Kettle black"). In addition to that he is going to sue Terry for having his child and for pain and suffering. He is looking to sue for $25,0000,000. On one hand I laugh at the stupidity of that threat. Where does he have the money to hire so many attorney's? He claims he can't afford the child support he is now paying.

We filed bankruptcy, he lost the house, he had no bills. (I have medical bills of my own and a student loan that has not seen payment due to no job on my part. Not any fault of STBX at all and I'm not saying he has to pay any of that.) He works for cash.

He works for Pine Waterproofing in Northfield, IL as a Union Roofer (Local #11). He has been getting paid cash for years now. He makes what he needs in hours to keep a certain level for health insurance and the rest of the hours he takes for cash. He has seen over $20,000+ in just getting money under the table alone for years. But I can't prove it. Though I witnessed it for the number of years we were together. His boss keeps a stash of cash in his office. It's off the books and for emergencies and so on. Sadly battling the Union to prove the allegations when so many other companies do this would be hard to say the least.

Anyway, I'm nervous to say the least. STBX's Mom is not a safe place to hold our "Supervised visitation". I thought one of my Sister in law's would be there to help but apparently she was at off at a pool because she had a rough work week. I have no issue with that. She works hard. My problem comes when there is a fight, voices where raised.

Neither of my girls want to see STBX again. BUT the court is not going to allow that to happen apparently. They asked the last GAL how come they have to see Dad but he had no answer for them. He noted everything, gave his findings (The girls were to stay with me and STBX was to have charge of our son).Since he relieved himself as GAL, we are at a stalemate. No new GAL's want our case. They review, contact old GAL and find that STBX is a wack job and we can't get a new person. Which again postpones the divorce since STBX wants the girls.

I can't afford another attorney, I have been searching for a Motion for Bifurcation but have not found one I can submit to the court.

I get emails/text messages from STBX that he is "My loving husband". He sent me a couple's horoscope last night.

Daily Flirt:

Something weird is going on with your health -- most likely it's nothing serious, just irritating -- but you can make a simple change that will clear it up much sooner than you think.

Daily Couples:

Are the two of you ready to learn from the past? The stars say making a full and sincere effort to absorb these lessons results in a time of unprecedented sweetness and harmony in your relationship.

What the HECK! Totally creeped out and just want this man to move on. But as I read about this Gaslighter, Psychopath, Narcisiss, Abuser or whatever you want to call him, he won't let go easy. He is dating other women but yet he won't leave me alone. I want to move so badly, but every stinking time the place falls through or they aren't renting now or so other reason. I'm sad and admit to be stressed out. I'm dizzy again and I've gotten belly aches and twitches again on my face from time to time. Nightmares are back as well.

I may ask my sister to stay with me or something. I'm not sure. Living life as usual but looking over my shoulder.

Keep us in your prayers...

Message from my son...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From:  <melnrob5@yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, Jul 19, 2011 at 10:39 PM
Subject: Re: Fwd: No more text messages and settlement discussion
To: Melinda My Love <blessmeplz@gmail.com>

   Hey melinda this is matt. And I was sitting right there. And jessica knew exacrly what was in those envelopes and she knew the details. And once more you had Jessica and grandma negotiating for you. And I got news for you. You will never know me as your son until you get back with robert as your husband and terry is ni longer in the picture. Idk if you rlly believe him or you rlly r that stupid but he threatened my life on more than one occasion and none of roberts children should be around him. And I find it weird how you keep saying you want a divorce from robert but you do everything in your power to slow it down. You are mentally not right melinda there really is seriously something wrong with you melinda. And I also find it interesting that you like to share everything about this divorce with everyone except the truth. I have yet to hear the truth come out of you. And I have news for you I was on the other side of the door thr one day erics friend came by and I heard him tell dad you dealing drugs. I hope its true. I think you belong behind bars for at least20 years. You don't know the kinda man you wanna divorce. Now that he doesn't have you screwin up his head he is a gr8 dad and nothing like you say he is. But I have to say you did screw him up to the point to where he is no longer a push over at first he was soft but now he doesn't put up with crap. if anything u made him partly into the man your telling everybody he is. Dad used to be a real softy. I've met terry and that Is one serious control freak but then so are you. I've seen who yu are and I ha e to say you are a terrible person after what dad has done for you and the way you've repaid him I mean honestly I know my dads not perfect and u guys had problems but I know he was trying to save the marriage and from the things I've seen and read yo didn't care about us kids or dad all u cared about was satisfying yourself. And you didn't try and giv any effort to try and save ur marriage. Ill say this melinda you still have a chance to fix it. But you will have to tell everybody what you've done to me. And I was at court the day you lied to the judge and said the reason y we don't c each other is becuz of me being violent to yu. What a great mom you r. You have to be sitting their wondering what its gunna take to fix this. My suggestion to you is to pray to the lord to help you fix the marriage and ask the lord to change you. Cuz u r definitely the problem. There!!I think I did a good job of getting my point across without swaring but ill bet u won't send this mssg down the line at least until you edit it. Just so you knw some of the ladies at church find yu obnoxious and think that wat ur doing is disgusting and they pray for you to wake up u r a laughing stock there what they mite be saying to u face to face is not what their kids are telling me. Ill leave it up to you melinda if you ever want to call me son again you knw what you need to do.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Matt emailing me. I am still amazed that Matt is allowed access to Rob's phone. Jess again had no idea but what I told her that was in the envelope. I did not have anyone negotiating for me.

Oh and it does make me giggle that Rob isn't a push over anymore. I don't believe he was ever a push over for anyone.Also that he is a real softie?! Rob threatened the life of everyone in his life at one point and time. Whether it was to beat the crap out of them or to burn down their home or to get them fired or to kill them.

Not even thinking about going back to that man.

Matt was not in the court room. I have emails and can go by the fire and knives he brought into the apartment to kill me if I did not take him to his Dad's house in 2009. Also the emails stated that he wanted to slit my throat. Excuse me if I am concerned with acts of violence.

Mel

Settlement land in my never-ending divorce

As usual nothing is uneventful.

I sent a settlement packet along with my financials to the last visitation. According to the Domestic Bureau in Lake County I needed to pass my Financials to him but since he has a past history of not getting the mail for some reason I decided to send it with J on the visit. I told her that it contained a settlement and financial paperwork. Tell him to sign and give it back so I could make copies. She had no other knowledge of what was in the envelope since I sealed it. Anyway...
We have a new GAL on the case, we actually had 2 up until today. Turns out Terry knows one of them and she had to pull herself off.

Going back and forth with text messages with Crazy man does not make for a happy camper. He still wants to reconcile.
I don't know why this amazes me. He is supposedly engaged again. Why can't he just move on? He is hell bent on destroying Terry, as if he were the problem. He fails continually to address the "REAL REASON" I left him.

He was abusive! He is in a constant state of denial and he is rambling off things that are so far out. Anyone that knows me these things are not true. SIGH! This whole thing gets me so flustered. I just want a divorce...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
to melnrob5@yahoo.com
from blessmeplz@gmail.com
date 7/19/2011

I will only refer to text messages in times of trouble. I believe for both of our benefits that we keep this to writing in email or old fashioned ink. 

I dropped the girls off for visitation at 12:30 pm on Sunday. If you only had 2 hours to visit with them then perhaps you need to arrange your schedule to accommadate. This does not create a emergency on my part.

My settlement like yours was an offer.

I ask for physical custody and legal custody of the girls. 

There is not enough time in the reminder of this year for you to claim the girls. There is a certain amount of time/overnights that you need to have in order to do so. Again contact your Accountant about this. I will claim them for this year and next year you can claim them. I have no need to claim Matt until we have had a LOT of counseling to heal our relationship. 

I left my name mistake on there on purpose, just to see if you were actually going to read the offer. 

You have mentioned your atty several times and I would prefer to speak to him or her. 

I do not feel safe enough not to meet in a public place for drop off or pick up's. Again if you would like the girls one day during the week that is fine. But you need to pick them up from school and also I will pick them up from a police station in the evenings. They have a bedtime of 9 o'clock so I need them home by 7:30 so they can do shower time and they can have a cool down time, clothes out for the night before and so on. 

The weekend drop off will also be public. I will drop them off  at the police station by 6 pm on Friday and I will pick them up by 6pm in Sunday. 

Of course none of this starts until the court says so. 

As for phone calls 2 or 3 times a week. I will not make them call you if they do not want to. Heck I can't get them to call me if I ask them to! My previous atty talked about this and the other matters I am talking to you about now so I am not just pulling things out of the air. Indiana Parenting guidelines permit weekend visits and weekday visits as well. I do ask to speak to them while they are in your care. No speaker phone as you did in the past. 

The income is none. I do not go to school and have a sizeable bill from that. I have no vehicle any longer. I have a friend allowing me to borrow a car from time to time. As stated on my financials I have no car.Terry's income is not your concern. As I stated in my message, if we were "DIVORCED" then his income would be relevant. 

I mentioned many times I would pay the deductibles on the kids medical bills. That was stated at our court hearing last year. 

I have better things to do, as I stated in my text message to you then to sit in front of your house.Seriously?! I wouldn't trust anyone to sit at the curb on a busy street like that. 

You will receive the rest of my items when I receive your financials as well. I left you a message concerning the tax returns. I did not feel we needed to exchange them if there has not been a big change. But since you are adamant about doing so, please include your returns in your financials. I will be sending mine to your Mom's house since in the past I have heard there are problems receiving mail about the divorce or from me. 

As for your threat about telling the court about using the children for the divorce. I again mentioned in a text message back to you that I recall yourself, your Mom and Jess talking about custody and such in the laundry room so Pearl would not hear about the agreement. Sounds like you have once again not been forth coming and told her that you are not divorced. Anyway, at that time I was informed during pick up that you all came to an arrangement that the girls would stay with me. Of course once you and I conversed you quickly changed your tune since I told you I would not start this agreement that week.  I handed Jess a SEALED DOCUMENT. All she was aware was that it contained my financials and a settlement agreement. She knows none of the details. She does not need to know them. 

I would have thought you would refrain from calling me names. Asking if "R u that stupid" is same old Rob behavior. Jess has her own mind and is allowed to have her own thoughts on the matter. We do not tell her everything about what is going on because I would rather her worry about friends, school work and just being a kid. 

I made you this way? Really? Don't get mad at you for what I did and caused? That is what is stated in your text message. I don't understand what control you state I have over you. If I had control over you, I would have put an end to any verbal, emotional and physical abuse right away. But I didn't.

I do agree with your statement that if they are trying to get out a punishment then they don't run back and forth between homes. I believe we agreed to that long ago.

Since you are serious about going for custody of the girls I feel that is your right. 

No the divorce is your doing. You had many chances to make a change but you did not. I feel like a broken record describing why and I won't do it again. And I will not "come back" as you state in your text message. If this makes me uncooperative then so be it. I do want the divorce to answer your text about this. That I "just want to hurt me (you)" is not not my intention. Of all the years of hurt that you caused me. Sounds funny from a man that has been engaged what 2 or 3 times in the past 2 and a half years. I am not engaged, I have no wedding plans planned. I am not in any hurry to jump on that saddle anytime soon. So if you are choosing to keep the divorce going in hope of reconciling that is to your discretion. But again I say to you that I am happy now. I have moved on and would like an end to this divorce sooner then later. Unless you have an endless supply of funds to keep this going.

I would like the company the lie detector test was through. I mentioned this to you before our last court date. I am again asking for the information again. Terry has offered to take the test as well if need be. 

I submit myself for a mental evaluation and any drug (hair follicle) testing since this appears to be a allegation that you have.

Also if the girls are in such danger allegedly then why have you not called Child services? 

Oh and thanks for not being more serious about the mediation. I suppose you got a good laugh out of me paying $120 to get it going and then you decided not to at least try to work on a settlement.

My settlement offer was generous, I never asked you for the house or pension or your savings. I just want the divorce. I'm not interested in hearing how terrible I was or "controlling" or whatever. If you will not give full custody legal or physical then I would like physical custody. Again with alternating tax years starting next year.  I would be responsible for any deductibles for them. I don't think I am being unreasonable. 

I don't trust you. I will never trust you and I choose not to be alone with you or to place myself in a situation where I would be in danger. 

Terry is not dangerous. I am thinking that your hiring someone to stalk me, take pictures of me, and then kill me (taking a picture of my dead body) is alot more dangerous then anything you have made up in your mind that he has allegedly done. Shame on you! I would like a peaceable, amicable divorce. I don't want to point fingers. I just want to be done. I refuse to fling any more mud. I only speak highly of you in front of the kids. You are they're Dad and will always be. You are to be respected as such. I do not allow them to talk badly of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

from melnrob5@yahoo.com

to Melinda My Love blessmeplz@gmail.com

Tue, Jul 19, 2011 at 5:09 PM

subject Re: No more text messages and settlement discussion 

I agree with text. It was your paperwork that interfered.it was your doing and remember it will be brought up on your use of Jessica as an assistant. Sham on u.  I will be asking for extra time. It is up to u if u want to cause problems. I see u r into causing problems because I asked u not to bother me. Their is no compliance in this e mail. And the kids r fine.

I saw a phicic the other day. I am personally ready for u to drive off a cliff. But she told me that is not gods plan and we would be back together. That's why I said u r just out to hurt me. U are not stable. And to prove u r deep down not wanting the divorce you chose to keep your name as melinda allen. Lol. Please. Don't. I don't want u to have my name. U r abusive and. A disgusting example of a mother and for matts sack I rather u not keep it. I myself got sick when I thought about weather the ladie was right. I still love u but I can't figure out a way to trust u or forget the damage u have caused. But I guess God will decide.   

As for claiming them I will then claim them for two consecutive years and from their we will see. If it takes another year than so be it

As for u I have had another visit from the gentleman that swears you r selling drugs and all I need to do is have u checked. I wonder if I should. On one hand if u r clean I can tell him go away and on the other if u r not you will go to jail for a long time. It would be great for me. And I am sure Matt would enjoy it.

I have talked to a lawyer about it. I choose to think this guy is just causing trouble. But he said their is proof. I think I will wait till their is proof. Do u owe eric money or something. Because this guy is starting to b a pain. I told him if she is then report her yourself.

I guess I tell u this because I want u not to end up in trouble. If u r doing it. Nock it off and if your not. Be car full. 

As for them staying with terry if I do not have constant visual or audio contact I am not letting them stay with u. 

Drop off and pick up is not up for argument. This is your silly night mare not mine.  

And u left your name on it because u do not want this divorce.

I can take u back even with the baby. But melinda Matt is your biggest issue.

Please no more contact tonight. Unless u really want to talk.  thanks your husband. Rob

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: blessmeplz@gmail.com
To: melnrob5@yahoo.com and his Mom, as well as a few family members

I just want a divorce. I don't want to get back with Robert.Once again the envelope she gave him was sealed, she had no knowledge of what the details were at all. She knew it was about settling and my financial information and that was it. 

I am not doing or selling drugs. I sent a settlement offer to try to get him to get this divorce final. I do not want to be married to him any longer. 

I don't know why he keeps throwing Eric under the bus with drug issues or accusations. He is not doing anything of the sort. Matt getting enjoyment out of me being in jail is terrible! That is awful!

I do not trust Rob at all. I intend to have a safe drop off and pick up. As I mentioned before any time Rob has had the chance in the past to put his hands on me he took the chance. 

As much as I want a divorce I want to make sure the girls are safe. I do not believe my first choice for visits was wise. I can not get it changed from your home Judy. I asked and told the court and the place where we set up the visits if we could change due to health issues with you and Bob. I did not believe you need the added stress. Rob said you were fine with the set up. According to the paperwork, he is not to be there when I drop off or pick up the kids. This is why we had Sue pick up or drop off in the past or we were able to work out visits with no issues until the basement needed to be done. 

He mentions my "silly night mare". I have been pushed around by this man for so many years, I do not trust him. If this stalls the divorce then so be it. Him throwing a tantrum because the he has "no visual or audio contact with them" He can see the girls. I have not seen my son in over 2 years, except for a few random occassions. So before you start throwing your weight around about that how about my rights to see and visit with my child? What about being able to safely be around him. Sadly I can not do that because of nasty thoughts I am told he has for me. 

I don't understand why he keeps fighting me about these topics. I mentioned I did not go after his money, I know he works for cash. I know that because I had contact with a few of the people he worked with. I also knew that they were working like crazy for sometime. Of course there is no proof unless I push a few buttons that will involve his boss. But I do not wish to be that way. 

I want Rob to get out of his fantasy world, leave me alone. Become a great Dad to the kids. To watch his anger issues. I see no change in this man. He won't ever change. If I had control of him as he claims I would still be married to him because if I were in control I would not have put up with his attitude and nastiness for so long.

According to my Accountant the rules for claiming the children have to do with how many overnights and days they spend with him. He can not claim them in the way he is stating. 

I agree with the it needing to be done. But for him to blame me for missing out on his visit. He should not be working on the basement during this time. In actuality the 3 kids are to be visiting since he walked away from the Calendar appt. 

*Leaving the bottom of my initial note attached because I forgot to forward it to a few of you. Sorry!*

Mel

 

Visitation today

He didn't show. I got a call yestreday from his Mom. The first thing out of her mouth was to ask me "What did he do now?" I said, "What are you talking about?". She said he was causing a stink about seeing the girls on Sunday (today) and he was going to tell the court about what I did.

I'm shaking my head while I'm speaking to her on the phone as if she could see me. I really had no idea what she was talking about. I told her I hadn't spoke to him in sometime. Apparently, since he could not see the girls last week, he is boycotting this weekend and he is planning on telling the court I wouldn't let him see the girls on "his weekend".

HHHMMM! This is the same person that left the calendar appointment when we set up these dates, which has since fallen apart after about 6 months or so due to health issues of my in-laws. The girls "may" see him about once a month. They are ok with that. They don't see why they have to see him at all, especially since M doesn't have to see me.

Anyway, she then tells me that he needs to see his GF because she will be leaving, back to the Phillipines. SO! He would rather blame me for not being able to see the girls, instead of saying, "Could we postpone this week because something came up?". He chose to see his GF. Oh and he made some off hand comment that the girls should have emailed him or called him to let him know they had plans and he would have been ok with it. REALLY?! Bullcrap! Sort of like he was ok with the living arrangements until he discovered I wasn't going to give on his demands to have the girls over during the day that week, while we were told by the court to keep

J, saw right through this right away and made a comment about it.

So I dropped the girls off and they had a lovely time with their Grandparents and two Aunts! I was happy to see it wasn't some kind of set-up, especially since I forgot my stinking cell phone at home! GRRR FACE! I couldn't believe I did that!

I really can not wait for the divorce to be over. And trust me I'm not headed for the altar! I have no immediate plans to do so. That is a long story, which I am not ready to divulge. But say a prayer for us!

I need to get in my financial declaration in this week as per request to the court. I don't have a blank copy so it looks like I have to white out an old one. AHHHH!!! Why I couldn't have an easy divorce? I wanted a quick 90 day one. SIGH! Court is in October. I hope to finalize by the end of the year. But who knows...

I'm aggravated, disgusted and just sad.

Emails with my Abuser

First of all, I honestly wish I could get into this man's head just for about 5 mins. I swear I don't know where he comes up with this garbage. The last few made me chuckle, I hadn't thought about answering those. It seems that whenever I answer he needs to have the last word in the matter.

Custody and visitation was to stay as they are until Oct court pre-trial. The girls had visitation on Sunday. Drop off went well but pick up is another story. My in-laws allowed R to stay at the house, which violated the Parenting time order. So next time I just bring the police as an escort. No there was no trouble, apparently he was talking with his latest dish of the month. Fine with me, BUT, that is not how it is to go. Anyway long story but I'm publizing the emails between us. My Gaslighter, Narcissistic, Pyschopath, Borderline Personality STBX is showing all of his colors. In many ways these things irk me. It's alittle creepy that he kept our email address and he has my email address as Melinda my love...

I'll explain in another post tomorrow!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From melnrob5@yahoo.com

toMelinda Allen <blessmeplz@gmail.com>,

dateWed, Jun 15, 2011 at 4:44 PM

subjectChildren

If you blocked me you have violated the order,,their are times i cant get out with my phone

and need to text ,,If anything bad happens I may need you to run over to see if matt is alright ,Matt is still raising his medication levels ,and may have a seizure and if I can not get a hold of him I will need you to go buy eaven if you just send jess to the door.I realize now that matthews health means nouthing to you ..so childern safty is not your concern ? hummm??

 Remember to add terrys income to the decleration and financial report .He is living with you ,even if he is not at home .His income must be counted since he has made himself part of the family unit.

From Melinda Allen blessmeplz@gmail.com

toRob <melnrob5@yahoo.com>

dateFri, Jun 17, 2011 at 12:19 AM

subjectRe: Children

No the great thing is I have not violated the order. We have a home phone and an email address for you to use. Me run over to check on Matt? If he is doing that bad, then I suggest a live in nurse or some kind of care that would have someone there in case of something happening. I didn't realize it was that bad! Why are you not having someone with him? That sounds neglectful.

I did care about the safety of the children and that is why I left you!

As for the Financial information from Terry. NO! Prior to me losing my Atty I brought that question up. Nope it is not relevant. He and I are not married. We do not have joint accounts and my name is on all the bills here. We do not keep anything jointly. Nice try. Leave him out of this.

I was told buy a Friend of Eric's ,that you are dealing drugs ,,this i do not know..I hope not . You don't look like you are on drugs ,but I guess it would be a bad thing if you did them and sold them .I truly don't know .You have been away from me ,and I don't know what you do anymore..

If you are !!!stop!!!you know better ,I don't know who this guy was he just said he was Eric's Friend ,although he looked like he crawled out from under a dirty car ,and knew Eric's full name ,and yours . I do not trust the whole thing ..

Hun I will never let our kids near you alone if this is true...as I would think I would be right to do so..Hun Please ,,me to you  <<<<<If you are doing this ??? get out of it ..Please.  Please,,Hun this is not the first time I herd this about you ,,If its terry then get out of that situation . If its you ??I say this in a loving way ,,,ARE YOU NUTS???...

I know it would be to my benefit that you are caught dealing drugs ,,,but I don't want the kids to see that ,,so please stop it if you are..I would way more love to see you patch things up with Matt.but I don't think you love him enough to admit all you have done ...He has found a motherly connection with my fiance so he does have some help on that area .And I have been trying to smooth things out ,,but like I said you destroyed that in court today ,,I had been working on that for months ,and you wiped that out in like two seconds.

The Best advice you can get from all this ,,is this((((( You Can Not Lie To Matthew)))))

fromRob melnrob5@yahoo.com

toMelinda Allen <blessmeplz@gmail.com>,

dateWed, Jun 15, 2011 at 5:35 PM

subjectTalked

I will tell you melinda I talked to this gentleman a few days before my birthday. I have been thinking about this and I did not say anything because I did not believe him . I tried to find out if he hung around Eric ,and if it helps I did not see him near Eric. I still Feel it is nonsense ,,at least I do hope so ..I have not been following you because I just think someone is trying to cause trouble .

If It matters I am praying that you are not doing this .

I would love to help with Matt but when you said you don't see him because he is violent to you ,,,you screwed that up ..I don't know where to start anymore ,I don't know how to help you with Matt..I know its hard but as I have admitted that I was abusive to you before the first time you left me ,,,you are going to have to admit what you have done..I do hope god finds you and gives you the strength to confess..the devil is helping you lie Hun ,,,only god can give you the strength to confess..I pray for that to happen all the time ..I know what you have done ,and I know the lies,,and I know if you confessed you would see it was the lies you where running from and not me ,,and I know you would feel the love you know you have for me ,,and I know that scares you .it scared me ..

I would not care ,,and I could still find the love for you ,but it is blinded now for the actions that you have done to our kids ,,and you are running away like you did at 15,,but like then you are mistaken on why .I pray one day you see. I hope its not to late .

From Melinda Allen blessmeplz@gmail.com

toRob <melnrob5@yahoo.com>

dateFri, Jun 17, 2011 at 12:16 AM

subjectRe: Talked

HMMM! Really? Let's see if I were dealing drugs I would have an Atty so I can get this divorce past me! I would live in a better place FAR enough away from Griffith. The only one trying to cause trouble and prolong this divorce is YOU! Pray?! What God do you pray to?! You call yourself a Christian but all you do is spout lies.  

I'm abusive?! Funny that is really funny! That has to be one of the best one's you have came up with yet.  

Please do not email me with stupid nonsense. We have a home phone, if something pertaining Matt comes up please use it.

frommelnrob5@yahoo.com

toMelinda My Love <blessmeplz@gmail.com>

dateFri, Jun 17, 2011 at 9:27 AM

subjectRe: Truth is truth ,,But I expect that you are lieing about yoursister ,,lies are all you are capapbal of . You can not lie to matt!!!!!

Hi

I have found out you are playing games. Visitation is this week end Sunday. If u have a wedding then you go. This is mine and matts time. U can not interfere. If u have the wedding I am sure mom can hold on to the girls till u come back. This is fathers day and missing this visitation is not exceptibal. The girls already told Matt they would see him Sunday. If you miss this visitation. I will file contempt on Monday. This I promise. U have mad me really good in filing papers. In a way I really hope you miss it.

I am sure the judge will understand. But I bet the next time we all meet he sees who you really are

From Melinda Allen blessmeplz@gmail.com

tomelnrob5@yahoo.com

dateMon, Jun 20, 2011 at 10:39 AM

subjectRe: Truth is truth ,,But I expect that you are lieing about yoursister ,,lies are all you are capapbal of . You can not lie to matt!!!!!

Rob,

As for game playing you mention, I love to play card games, an occasional board game and heck you can even find me in a rousing game of Red Rover on a rare occasion.  

Perhaps you and your Mom need to read the Guidelines established, read line #5-  You are NOT to be there when I drop off or pick up the girls! I let it go this time. I won't do it next time. I will come with an police escort from now on since you and your Mom can not be trusted to follow the procedure we have had in place with no issues prior to the last few months and I don't understand why all of a sudden you both are having issue with this.  

Also please refrain from sending any future emails that are nasty or threatening in tone. This to me does not seem like a changed person nor someone that will work together for the kids in a positive manner.

Thank you!

Melinda

frommelnrob5@yahoo.com

toMelinda My Love <blessmeplz@gmail.com>

dateMon, Jun 20, 2011 at 10:43 AM

subjectRe: Truth is truth ,,But I expect that you are lieing aboutyoursister ,,lies are all you are capapbal of . You can not lie to matt!!!!!

Sorry. Did not read and am not. I have moved on from your abuse. The girls wanted to come over. If u stop it. Its your decision. If u want to talk about them coming over text me.

Thanks. Rob

fromMelinda Allen blessmeplz@gmail.com

toRob <melnrob5@yahoo.com>

dateMon, Jun 20, 2011 at 12:06 PM

subjectFinalizing divorce

I was told that you are ready to move on and put this behind us. If this is so, we still need to provide the Financials for the court. If we have settled on th issues of custody, of which Jess and your Mom stated that you said it is fine that they live with me. Then there is a matter of contacting the court to let them know we are ready to finalize.

Visitation stays the same for the time being. At your Mom's until we finalize or the court says otherwise. Drop off and pick up are not to be with you there during this time. As I stated in my previous email that you say you did not read.  If you plan on seeing the girls 2 times a month that is fine, when you would like to say that this past weekend marked the begininng of that fine. 

If you have any other questions or concerns email me. Your number is blocked on my phone and I will not text you. I have the home phone and 3 other emails you can reach me at if there is a problem. If there is an emergency I would expect that you would phone the house rather then send an email.  

Melinda

frommelnrob5@yahoo.com

toMelinda My Love blessmeplz@gmail.com

dateMon, Jun 20, 2011 at 12:21 PM

subjectRe: Finalizing divorce

Jess asked that of me as long as they come over. Unsupervised. In that way I was in agreance. Because I would be able to make shure my girls where ok in his presence. My day off at night is tues. So as long as you are willing to let them come over on tues and every outher week. Then yes. We are. And I feel that as long as I can make shure my girls r ok. Then I will allow them to live with him in your presence. If you go out of town. Even over night. They come to me. And if they want to go somewhere on my nite or weekend. It is up to me to arange or allow. As before. I said. I know things come up. So if I have them and we are just watching tv. And u guys are invited to a barbaque. And u want to see if the girls want to go. And they do. U should be able to come get them. And visa versa. Within reason of course. But then they should come over atleast one extra day.

This is not that hard. But that was the deal. And don't give me the judge said no. He only said they stay where they r. And don't give me its not the orders. Because u violated those the first two months.

As for old debt. I have the papers of discharge from the lawyer. To give to you.

You have the ball now mel. The kids are looking at u. The courts. And my whole family. Its up to you Oh. And I expect that jess alex and matt. Can meet and play if they want. And since matt will not come buy u. They can meet at the parks or here.

Well that's it. Prity simple

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

From Melinda Allen blessmeplz@gmail.com

tomelnrob5@yahoo.com

dateMon, Jun 20, 2011 at 12:40 PM

subjectRe: Finalizing divorce

The visitation stays as court ordered unless I am given permission to do otherwise.  It sounded like you were a changed person and wanted to move forward but you do not.  

The girls are fine in Terry's presence. And I'm sorry you being super Dad and never harming them in the past? Not pulling they're hair, calling them names, or slapping them because one of them isn't wearing a bra. Or telling them not to tell Mom things because you know whatever reason.  

Move on Robert. I thought you had someone new you wanted to start  a life with. Dragging out custody because you can' get your way? It is in the hands of the court not mine. If I had "control" of the divorce at 90 days we would have been done with this!  

As for my relationship with the kids any issues or harm is at your doing.  

Really put on your grown up hat and move on. This is between you and I, unless you were married to Terry at one time. If you want to seriously finalize then you and I can continue this othrwise no more emails.

frommelnrob5@yahoo.com

toMelinda My Love <blessmeplz@gmail.com>dateMon, Jun 20, 2011 at 12:53 PM

subjectRe: Finalizing divorce

Melinda. I am moving forward. And I will not come back to you or take you back. Do I still love u. Yes. And u cause me pain. But that has nothing to do with the kids. Although I will admit the pain is almost completely gone. Mostly I see you for who u really are. And I know you are not a good person. And not with god. I do pray for you and my family all the time.

Like I said. You did what u wanted last time. And the courts where ok with it. Its always a good thing when the control freak in the divorce realizes its only hurting the kids. I do hope u see that u r.

Everyone can read these. Its up to you. Like I said love u or not. I am moving on.

Yes. I am trying to control u. I am trying to get you to see the damage u r doing to the kids. What this is all about is still you isent mel. If you can't see Matt then to hell with all of them. The damage their is your doing. Not mine. Well and terry s advice on how to handle things I am sure.

Time is good to me. All your lies and controlling and pain you caused will be out in the open. So although I miss my girls. And want to see them come over. Go ahead play your games. But the deal jess helped you come up with is no good.

I have to go. You have taken me from my studies long enough.

Frommelnr5@...com

toMelinda My Love <blessmeplz@gmail.com>

dateMon, Jun 20, 2011 at 1:09 PM

subjectRe: Finalizing divorce

As for abuse. How about when you used to smack the girls around and Matt as well. How about when you used to take away their food. Or break their favorite toy. Or tell them not to trust daddy. Or ever tell them the truth. Or throw Matt into the dryer. I always ed wonder where that dent came from.

Or when you hurt yourself helping me load my truck and then told Susan I hit you. Or the 2 years you came to me every other day switching back and forth between. Let me go and I love u I want us to work. You are mentally ill. And your bra marks are from when we where all playing and where having the big water gun. Hose fight. But its easy for you to use things for other purposes. You need attention. U thrive on it. We don't have time to talk about how you destroyed your son. But know worries their is plenty of documentation. And let's not forget you using the kids to get into the house and steel everything you could. I am still missing thousands in Terry. Well their is more. But you are not worth it. Oh yea. Let's not forget the years of you kicking me in the back while I slept. You know its funny. But since you left. I only needed my hip worked on once. And I never wake up with my back out ,when the nite before I was fine. But I kept trying.

Your a joke.

I think you are mentally messed up and you put yourself their. For the most part you took me along.

Don't tell me I haven't changed I refuse to be classified in your insanity any longer. And so u know the standard move to apply for a order of protection to keep the husband away so you could play. Is but one of the things that slowed this divorce.

I need to get to work. I allowed your abusive ways to take enough of my time.

Get help. Not your bs help. Real help. Ill talk to your physicians

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

frommelnr5@...com

toMelinda My Love <blessmeplz@gmail.com

dateMon, Jun 20, 2011 at 1:41 PM

subjectRe: Finalizing divorce

You know dad still has to take a shower once in a while. And I can still read his phone. Jessica madethe agreement with dad I know because I listened by the door. And I will be around to tell who needs to know tat you droppd us off in summer and said we will be fine. You destroyed me and my character melinda. Unless you call dad your husban you and I will never anything else together again. As far as I'm concerned I hope pearl becomes my new mom. I know the trut about dad sice I started living with him. And I'm very sure that you know that the girls will know the truth too and that Your afraid they'll want to come home.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

From Melinda Allen blessmeplz@gmail.com

dateMon, Jun 20, 2011 at 2:08 PM

subjectFwd: Finalizing divorce

Again I am not answering this email either. He has to have the last word.  

I know I was not abusive, I don't even need to defend myself against this crap.  

But I will say shame on anyone that allows him to continue his anger. Not to rock the boat or have a nice time so it doesn't make him angry. To the Hell with him. He has pushed people around for so many years with threats or bullying.

Judy, getting your basement done is great.  Allowing him to keep having tantrums when he can't get his way is not helping. I'm disgusted that the girls have to lie to another person in order to let him have his way. I am trying to teach them not to lie and here they are not telling or saying anything about him not being divorced from me. What does it matte he is out of my hair right?  It is my problem until the children are told to lie about it or if they are told not to tell Mom about this that or the other.

I'm trying to break any bad habits instilled by Rob through the years.  

It's not ok to lie

It's not ok to throw a fit when things don't go they're way

It's not ok to threaten or bully people

I never did any of those things he is stating. I loved my kids with all my heart and you all know that! He is a sick and twisted man.

He made it clear by telling me for years he was going to kill them while they slept if I ever left him.

I don't have to make up anything about my marriage, enough people witnessed it. And enough people dealt with him and know that he is unbalanced. He is not a changed man, and he has delusions of why I left him. He has created some fantasy that we had the perfect marriage. Now he claims I was abusive. If that were the case why did he beg me back each time I left him and every time I told him I was unhappy in 2008?

I told him I was done with our marriage every month, sometimes as much as 2 or 3 times a month in 2008. I had to slept with one eye open at night. He had nightmares where he would thrash, kick or choke me and claim he didn't remember it. Yeah right!

He held a knife to my throat on many occasions and said he would kill me and the kids if I left. If I even told anyone what was going on he would kill us. No he hasn't hurt us. YET!  

He got caught before his plan was over. He is all about revenge. That's how he is and that is how he will always be.  

He would call the kids names. (Stupid, dumbass, filthy pigs, fat)

He would tell them if they didn't do this or that he would kill me.

He would tell the kids if I ever left him that it was they're fault.

He would pull they're hair.

He would chase them around telling them he would kill them or beat the shit out of them.

He threatened them if they called me at the shop or wherever because he wanted them to call him.

I had been raped by him on repeated ocassions. He would sometimes use things around the house because he thought it was fun. It didn't matter if I was in pain.  

I was spanked, yes spanked both with the kids present and without them present. There were several times he told the kids to spank me and they cried while they did it but they did want him to get mad at them. I was humilated and ashamed. I was horrified that this was my life.  

I was tied up a few times and left in the bedroom to be used when he wanted me.

He threw me out of the house more then I can count. I fought tooth and nail to get back in.  

He made me lay naked on the floor without pillows or blankets because I would say no to sex. He would allow the dog to be in bed but not me, until I would take care of my duties and stop being stupid.

I have been kicked, pushed,choked, shoved down stairs and spit on by that man.

He pushed me out a car countless times for stupid crap.

He threaten to hire a group of men to kidnap me and gang rape me if I left him.

I have been called names and put down's so many times.

Holidays?! Remember those? There was always some sort of commotion to get the holidays together which usually ended in some sort of physical or threat of physical violence after everyone was gone.

He threatened to kill my parents, my sisters growing up if I broke up with him.

He has stalked me, paid someone to stalk and kill me!  

He continually accused me of sleeping around with others. Which I never did, could have but I didn't.

He called me all the time on the Walkie Talkie, like every 15 mins. Where you at? Who you with and what are you doing?  

He has threatened to kill whoever I date or marry by cutting there penis off and shoving it in my vagina after my throat is slit and my belly cut open.  

He dropped me off in parking lots for stores so I could troll of women for him. I never actually spoke to any of the ladies he pointed out, I bs'd my way through that one.

He threatened if I ever did leave him and the kids got to sleep over his house that he would kill them while they were sleeping. Make it look a C02 accident. So now I worry about any overnights that will come up someday.

He punched me and kicked me in the stomach many times with each pregnancy, and he hoped the kids would die in my stomach or we would die together during birth. Each pregnancy he questioned if he was the Dad. He never believed me.

Oh and there is so many more I could talk about...

The final straw came because Jess called me panicked that Rob was chasing Matt around the yard saying he was going to beat the shit out of him. And he got ahold of Matt and she was crying that Rob was choking him. I came to the house in a hurry finding both quiet. Rob admitted he flew off the handle a bit. I made up my mind at that point in the fall of 2008 that we were out of there. I didn't want to find the kids dead, and I was done.  

Forgive me if I don't have any compassion or seem like I don't want to work with him. I will not go against the court's order for unsupervised visits. He has not changed. Stating if he hasn't done anything to you by now Mel he won't, is wrong. Again he loves to get even with people whatever way he can. I have seen him chase people down because they owed him money. I have heard him start rumors about someone because they crossed him. He got someone fired because Rob thought he was trying to take his job. He made something up. He used to make up things about his day so they would sound more interesting for me.  

Judy saying you don't care about if he is there while I am dropping the kids off for visits and picking them up means you don't care about my safety. Heaven forbid I make waves and tick him off! Oh no we can't do that! At what cost is this? I can't see my son! And not because I don't want to, but because he has programmed him that I cannot trust that he won't harm me or my family somehow. He had the balls to start a fire and told me he was going to kill me while I slept. He had the balls to attack Terry at court. And the incident with Jess. I miss Matt! I miss the boy I remember. The man he is now is a stranger to me and someday I hope he realizes that I loved him with all my heart. I understand him wanting Rob's love. He craved it for so many years. And I also know how Rob can make you believe you are purple with enough time. I will come to visitation with police escort from now on. I will not trust that man nor do I feel safe any longer with the visitation.  

What about the safety of your grandchildren? We have supervised visits because of the slap with one of the girls because of the bra situation. Also because he pushed Jess during one of he visits. I was not there to witness any of these things but somehow I am being told I have held up this divorce. Someone please explain that one to me.  

He is a great manipulator. He will say or do whatever he has to in order to get his way! Jess was excited that we were going to finalize the divorce. But seeing as he can't get his way again then the agreement is off. I am fine with finalizing; I am not fine with going against the courts supervised visits until I am told otherwise. Rob is a piece of work and by protecting him or glossing over his issues is never going to help.  

Mel

From: <melnr5@...com>

Date: Tue, Jun 21, 2011 at 9:26 AM

Subject: Re: Visitation

To: Melinda My Love <blessmeplz@gmail.com>

Melinda. Make no mistake. You and I fought before the first time u left. I. Admit to that. And you came back. But where I came back to really try and save are marriage. You came back to punish me. Hurt me and abuse the Family. I did not hurt u after that. Even though u begged me to. And make no mistake I ended up in the hospital from your abuse. And yes millions. I don't remember stuttering. And the papers you have show how fare you mentally abused me. Make no mistake I know now that I am the victim. And I am telling anyone who will listen. And I have joined a group for abused husbands. And I am a spokes person.

But all of this do sent matter because it has nothing to do with the kids.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

From: <melnr5@...

Date: Tue, Jun 21, 2011 at 9:32 AM

Subject: Re: Visitation

To: Melinda My Love <blessmeplz@gmail.com>

I wonder what you tell the girls about me. And so you know I have had the same gentlemen. Come buy and tell me about you transporting drugs. Last time he said u where selling them. So I don't know how much to believe. But for sure this needs to be looked at

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®