A little about me

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Order of Protection expires soon!

I leave a picture of me from time to time, to remind people I'm like anyone else's Mother, Sister, Daughter, Friend or Wife.

I leave a picture so that everyone will remember what I look like and about my story if something should happen to me.

I leave a picture that someday the court system and legal land will have a record of the craziness my STBX has put me through and continues to do.

I leave my picture so I won't be forgotten...

I talked to a friend and I was informed that STBX had rode a bike around our apartment 4 times last Thursday. She went to get a camera and he didn't show up. He actually paused and stared at our building. Then she heard sounds coming out of our place. Needless to say that I am going to make sure the police escort me in when we return. So he's still stalking me! It's been almost 3 freakin years!

I'm worried that my Order of Protection runs out at the end of this month. Leaving me fair game and open for both my STBX and my son. My son will only do what his Dad tells him to. Case and point when M attacked Terry at Lake County Court house in the fall of 2009. Telling the officers that he was going to kill him but decided to beat him up instead.

A string of emails after the event about killing Terry and me had followed for months after. I have gone to the police repeatedly and nothing seems to happen at all! The only ONE thing that stuck was the phone messages he left on my answering machine. They were demanding and also numerous enough for the Prescutor to file charges. Which lead him to pay court costs and he was ordered to take Anger management classes. He still claims innocent from this even though it was his number and his voice on the machine, which a policer officer heard.

The investigation the local police did on the murder for hire has gone nowhere. My STBX is smug and says all I have is 2 losers that do drugs and since they have a record they aren't credible. I have to wonder if he's right. To bring you to speed again, he offered my nephew and another gentleman $5,000 and a camera to video tape my death/grave after the deed was done.

I am still at a loss.

I received an email that states he and Terry will still have a "meeting". He also is planning on getting custody of my girls since Terry is "dangerous". (HA! I thought that was calling the Kettle black"). In addition to that he is going to sue Terry for having his child and for pain and suffering. He is looking to sue for $25,0000,000. On one hand I laugh at the stupidity of that threat. Where does he have the money to hire so many attorney's? He claims he can't afford the child support he is now paying.

We filed bankruptcy, he lost the house, he had no bills. (I have medical bills of my own and a student loan that has not seen payment due to no job on my part. Not any fault of STBX at all and I'm not saying he has to pay any of that.) He works for cash.

He works for Pine Waterproofing in Northfield, IL as a Union Roofer (Local #11). He has been getting paid cash for years now. He makes what he needs in hours to keep a certain level for health insurance and the rest of the hours he takes for cash. He has seen over $20,000+ in just getting money under the table alone for years. But I can't prove it. Though I witnessed it for the number of years we were together. His boss keeps a stash of cash in his office. It's off the books and for emergencies and so on. Sadly battling the Union to prove the allegations when so many other companies do this would be hard to say the least.

Anyway, I'm nervous to say the least. STBX's Mom is not a safe place to hold our "Supervised visitation". I thought one of my Sister in law's would be there to help but apparently she was at off at a pool because she had a rough work week. I have no issue with that. She works hard. My problem comes when there is a fight, voices where raised.

Neither of my girls want to see STBX again. BUT the court is not going to allow that to happen apparently. They asked the last GAL how come they have to see Dad but he had no answer for them. He noted everything, gave his findings (The girls were to stay with me and STBX was to have charge of our son).Since he relieved himself as GAL, we are at a stalemate. No new GAL's want our case. They review, contact old GAL and find that STBX is a wack job and we can't get a new person. Which again postpones the divorce since STBX wants the girls.

I can't afford another attorney, I have been searching for a Motion for Bifurcation but have not found one I can submit to the court.

I get emails/text messages from STBX that he is "My loving husband". He sent me a couple's horoscope last night.

Daily Flirt:

Something weird is going on with your health -- most likely it's nothing serious, just irritating -- but you can make a simple change that will clear it up much sooner than you think.

Daily Couples:

Are the two of you ready to learn from the past? The stars say making a full and sincere effort to absorb these lessons results in a time of unprecedented sweetness and harmony in your relationship.

What the HECK! Totally creeped out and just want this man to move on. But as I read about this Gaslighter, Psychopath, Narcisiss, Abuser or whatever you want to call him, he won't let go easy. He is dating other women but yet he won't leave me alone. I want to move so badly, but every stinking time the place falls through or they aren't renting now or so other reason. I'm sad and admit to be stressed out. I'm dizzy again and I've gotten belly aches and twitches again on my face from time to time. Nightmares are back as well.

I may ask my sister to stay with me or something. I'm not sure. Living life as usual but looking over my shoulder.

Keep us in your prayers...


  1. This is quite scary... I'm sorry to hear that your Order of Protection is going to expire. Is there anyway to have it renewed/extended? Because the guy you are dealing with is clearly unbalanced, and at the very least you deserve to have an Order in place for your own peace of mind. I definitely think requesting someone stay with you is a good idea. The night I was most afraid of my abuser's retribution I invited over several friends and filled them in - not only did I feel safer, but I was mentally and spiritually cheered by their support and presence. Wishing you luck and safety, and will keep you in my prayers.

  2. Thank you so much for your kind words! I really appreciate it! I intend to sit down and read your story when I get back home! I chatted with my sister and she will be here for me. On a side note a family member checked out our place and it does not seem like anyone broke into it. I feel some relief for a change. I have some other information that was gleaned off an law enforcement individual to check out when I return as well.

    Thanks so much again!

  3. I am glad to offer some support! Really, that has been such an important part of my healing - support from other survivors and from close friends and family. I'm glad your sister will be there for you! Being abused is such an ultimately isolating and crazymaking experience, I've found it a struggle to break free of that, but am well on my way... We've all just got to support each other and break that barrier of isolation, shame, and fear. <3

  4. Your not kidding! Years of living with crazy can be so overwhelming and when you finally find a "Normal" relationship it is so WEIRD! It's so wonderful to not be accused, threatened, hit, called names and what have you. Please when you get a chance feel free to share your story and link it here. God bless!