A little about me

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Fainting, fake heart attacks and made up health issues

It's a wonderous thing to have triggers associated with DV. I never have any idea what exactly is going to set them off. It boggles my mind, let alone with how the effects the memories have on me, both physically and emotionally.

Terry squeezed my head and he pretended to flutter, just being his usual silly self. For some reason this triggered a memory of STBX fainting after I told him I was leaving him for the 7 or 8th time in 2008. I lost count after a time.

STBX would fall to the floor, swooning as if hit by some invisible force once he heard the words come out of my mouth that I wasn't happy and I wanted a divorce. There were times I just left him on the floor. Another time I left him slouched over while he was on the toliet. Another time he "collasped" down a few stairs. Oh my gosh, take a bow and give the man an Oscar!

At first when he did this I would cry and apologize for upsetting him. Worried and trying in vain to "wake him". As years go by it gets old. Clutching his heart or claiming he couldn't breath. Oh PLEASE! Or he would say he couldn't handle the stress of my leaving, he can't live without me or how can I be so mean? Just mind games that my Gaslighter is so good at playing.

I would say I would stay. Only to have him once again apologize for hurting me and promises he wouldn't do it again. Mushy promises of love and tenderness that would end in short order with no truth to the empty words at all. Oh they may last a few days, weeks or months but it wouldn't stay longer then that.

I don't miss that! I don't miss the craziness, the name calling, accusations of cheating or the hitting.

I don't miss crazy!

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