A little about me

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

I have a secret!

I only told a handful of folks about this...

My estranged Son reached out to me. 

I'm torn about this. 

Why?! Isn't this what I one of the things I have been whining about for years?

Well yeah! 

Can I trust him?

Can I trust it's not some big sinister plot? I had a loved one mention that I could get shot up close if we were to meet. 

I'd be lying if the thought didn't cross my mind among other scary prospects.  

He contacted me out of the blue. He asked to see his brother. 

We have been corresponding back and forth. Small talk to build trust.  

Most of the family are not ready to have a reunion anytime soon. They had some sort of correspondence with him that left a bitter taste. 

There was a deep possibility it wasn't my Son they were speaking to but my ex. 

So could this be a good thing? I am optimistic. 

I am going slow.  

Now if you are new to my blog and don't understand what is the big deal is I'll give a brief summary of why my loved ones are concerned about my Son.

He attempted to start a fire in my apartment and advised if that didn't work he would stab me to death while I slept. 

I returned him to his father. That same day.

Later the same year he attacked Terry in the courthouse.

There were various death threats and hate emails. Some of which we were unsure if they were wrote by my ex.

These are some of the reasons for concern. 

Right now he wants answers for why I put him in the mental facility, why I wanted to keep him from going to Scotland for a church trip and why I wrote a letter to put him in jail after the incident with Terry.

I advised him to go to the elementary school where a serious matter was brought to my attention. As well as to contact someone to discuss his Juvenile detention file. He claims he has and that I am not telling the truth about these serious incidents. 

FYI- You can't just put someone in a mental facility. There has to be an evaluation first. He was evaluated at the request of his elementary school for drawing threatening pictures (he's 21 years old now and graduated from HS) at the time he was about 13 years old or so. He was admitted by his father. I was not the insurance holder so he had to admit him to evaluated for 72 hours.

As for the Juvenile detention situation was due to the attack at the courthouse. It was witnessed by the Sheriff and on video. Terry never filed charges but due to the circumstances and witnesses he was held and later had to appear in court. I had discussed with family this situation and the response about what to do about this was to see if he can be held for a bit or perhaps a family member on my ex's side could become guardian in order to stop the damage being done due to brainwashing. 

Both sides of the family were involved in all of these incidents. We knew something needed to be done yet I could find no one that would actually stand up and say "I'll help for sure!" 

So he stayed with his dad. 

I had no legal control over any of these matters. I didn't go to court under the advisement of my attorney, family and friends that were concerned over my physical well being. 

As for Scotland I wanted him to go. What a cool thing to do! I had no funds to help. He did go but apparently there was trouble due to the Juvenile incident.

I'm afraid he wants !e to admit to things I am not guilty of doing.

The whole thing left a sour taste that I couldn't get rid of. I felt so helpless, confused and sad. This young man that I raised basically on my own turned against me. My eldest Daughter still is just as befuddled as I about why my Son performed these actions that brought me to leave him with my ex. 

In a nutshell that's it. I don't know why I went into this long explanation. I was asked to stop talking about his dad and his step-mom. I didn't know I was?

I have no plans on keeping quiet about my past. Long ago I decided not to keep secrets anymore. 

On one hand what kind of Mom am I? I still have a longing to bring back the time before we left. Before I lost my Son. I miss him deeply unable to just put the past to bed. Wishing to trust him and hoping he would understand and remember the events that unfolded that led to those situations.

In a separate side line. Mr. Awesome printed my story. I have been editing it in hopes it will be published as a 3 part ebook or 1 big ebook. I'm not sure. Getting through this is rough. I just finished a blog post on the family blog Our homesteading happenings
I noted how as I reread through the pages I have a yearning to hug that woman in those pages. To let her know she will be okay, to keep strong and to know there will be safety. 

I cried. I needed a hug. Thankfully I got one! There was no doubt about that. 

Despite this time that has gone by, my past is still ever present. Make sense?

Whatever your challenges you are having may you find the solution you seek. 

I hope your day is as wonderful as you are.