A little about me

Monday, January 31, 2011

Trust your gut!

Intution plays a vital part in our daily lives, sometimes it comes on strong, other times you just blow it off for whatever the reason. I have heard that babies and animals have a good sense of judgement when it comes to meeting a person for the first time. I try not to judge a book by it's cover but in rare times it is hard to put my finger on just what bothers me about someone.

Now why am I ranting about this? Looking back when I met my STBX there were warning signs and I did see them. He would follow me on my way home, he would sit parked at my house (I was 16 and living with my parents) and just watch the house. He called me constantly and did he put up a stink when my parents, sister and I went to a trip to TN. Oh he called me on our trip to make sure I wasn't fool around with anyone. I broke up with him more times then I could count. He was like a bad penny and he kept coming back. Each time making me feel terrible that I was breaking it off. Yet, part of me wanted him gone another part of me felt so sorry for him...

We married with those warning bells still ringing in my brain! I broke off our engagement prior to this about 6 times or so. Each time I hesitated to take him back but I did... On my wedding day I longed for someone to take me away. STBX had reminded me about how much his parents helped and it would devastate them if I cancelled the wedding. I went through with it with heavy heart. My wedding day was horrible! I pasted a smile on my face and wanted to run. He was plastered to my side the whole time, he made it pretty miserable. I couldn't dance with anyone that wasn't younger or my age. I danced with only family or older friends. That was ok but the point of the wedding was supposed to be a celebration. I felt like I was standing in line for a shot in the arm.

Years passed, my gut still heavy and pressuring me. I checked into apartments after our first year anniversary. I wanted out so badly! He was terrible, checking on me when he could at work, getting mad if I missed the train, because I must be cheating! Oh the list goes on and on.

I had a gut reaction, my heart felt sorry for him and I should have trusted myself more. I did not make this mistake again! Go with your instincts. Trust them! Listen to those warning bells that go off in your head they could save your life!

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