A little about me

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Checklist for leaving an abuser

The following steps represent a plan for increasing safety and preparing in advance for the possibility of further violence. Although I do not have control over my partner's violence, I do have a choice about how to respond to him/her and how to best get myself and my children to safety.

Step 1-
A. If we are going to have an argument, I can try to have us discuss it in_________ (try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, kitchens, near weapons or in rooms without access to the front door).
B. If it is not safe to stay, I can ______________________(Practice how to get safely out. What doors, windows, elevators or stairwells would you use?)
C. I can keep my bag and car keys ready and keep them __________ in order to leave quickly.
D. I can tell ______________ about the violence and request they call police if they hear suspicious noises coming from my house.
E. I can use____________ as a code word with my children or friends so they can call for help.
F. I can teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the police and the fire department.
G. If I have to leave my home I can go to__________________(Decide this even if you don't think there will be a next time.)
*Use your own judgement. If the situation is very serious, give what he/she wants to calm him/her down. You have to protect yourself and your children until you are out of danger.
* Always remember- You deserve better then this!!!*
There's more but you get the jist. Think about hiding a spare set of keys , important documents, and extra clothes in the car if you need to leave quickly.
Get help from support groups or a counselor.
Rehearse your safety plan and practice it with your kids!
Consider getting window locks to secure your windows.
Purchase rope ladders for 2nd floor windows.
Install motion detectors!
Make sure your kids know how to call 911.
Inform schools about your situation.
Make copies of your protective order and keep your protective order in your purse, car, at school. Always keep it on your person!
If you are leaving work leave with a buddy, use the buddy system whenever possible.
If you ride on public transportation sit by the bus driver, check with conductor, exit with groups of people. Keep your cell phone out!
If you feel down talk to someone, a friend, counselor, or contact a women's shelter near you.
If you must contact your ex-partner do this through your atty or family.
Remember to use positive affirmations when you feel others are trying to control you! You deserve better, you are worthy of being loved, you are strong!
Read self help books and call your therapist or counselor if you need more resources.
Keep in mind alcohol and drugs can alter your partner. You may need to make specific plans for escape. Don't consume drugs or alcohol and if you decide to make sure you are in a safe place when you do so.
Also think about having a designated driver and always stay close to friends.
If your partner is consuming you can refuse contact with your partner.
Think about the potential cost of the use of illegal drugs, the legal outcomes can be very hard and hurt the relationship with children and also put your in a disadvantage with legal action.
What do you need to take when you leave?
Drivers license
Birth certificates
Pink slip if you have a car
Lease or rental agreement of house, deed or mortgage book
Banking information
Check books
Credit cards
Insurance papers
Medical papers/Medical records
Medications you may need for yourself and kids
Small sale-able items
Address book
Welfare information
School records
Work permits
Green card
Divorce papers
Children's favorite toys or blankets
2 or 3 years of Tax returns
Computer passwords for online banking and for bills
*Keep this information in one location. If you need to leave in a hurry you can grab these quickly.
Police Dept_______________
Review your plan once a week or monthly! Change if need be!
Good luck! And blessings!

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