Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Mediation revisited 2
Got the call last week about the date for Mediation. I am going with a bit of worry for a few reasons:
1) I am apprehensive to be in such close quarters with this man. The idea that only 2 other women will be in the room with me is little comfort. I had mentioned before chance he had at putting his hands on me he has. What about after I leave the building?
The thought repulses me! The idea of going back to crazy is not on my list of things to do with the reminder of my life. Picking up what is left of any dignity I have is a big part of moving on and beginning anew.
I don't have many reminders about the apartment of our marriage. And a small handful of things I have given away. They hurt too much to keep staring at. They are a reminder of too many years of turmoil. Never knowing if I was going insane, questioning to the Lord and a few close friends/family if what we have is "normal" and trying to survive.
People do the darnedest things to survive. You will say what you have to in a nasty situation. You beg, you cry, you will do anything just to stop the madness. Even if it is so low or shameful you live with regrets down the road.
So with mediation coming up on the 9th. I'm not looking forward to facing my Gaslighter. He stole so many years from me and the kids. So much happiness and what could have been's. And all for what? For control. For fear. For his view of love. For nothing.