Violence and addictive disorders coexist.
Domestic violence and family violence are associated with substance-related disorders. Alcohol sharply diminished impulse control; drugs of greatest concern are stimulants, as they can increase paranoia and lead to preemptive violence. In a survey of 12,360 children from single-family households where at least one parent filled out an alcohol use questionnaire, children of women classified as problem drinkers had more than twice the risk of serious injury as matched controls. There was a statistically significant relationship between the number of alcohol-related problems the women had and the risk of injury to their children (Bijur et al, 1992). Nearly 75% of all wives of alcoholics have been threatened, and 45% have been assaulted by their addicted partners (AMA, 1992).
In a recent study of 62 episodes of domestic assault in which police were summoned, 92% of the assailants reportedly used alcohol or other drugs on the day of the assault, and 72% had a prior arrest for substance abuse (Brookoff et al., 1997).In a study of 400 women, 67% of their batterers frequently abused alcohol. However, not all batterers drink. To assume that alcohol causes battering is to relieve the batterer of responsibility and to deduce that violence will cease with abstinence. In actuality, while substance abuse and violent behavior frequently coexist, the violent behavior will not end unless interventions address the violence as well as the addiction (AMA, 1992.)
Not only is domestic violence perpetrated by the alcoholic spouse on the sober spouse, it is also inflicted on the alcoholic spouse by the sober spouse. This is particularly true when it is the woman who is drinking. Several studies have found an association between female drinking and increased victimization in marital violence (Miller and Downs, 1993; Kaufman-Kantor and Straus, 1989). According to a 1992 U.S. survey of alcohol and family violence, a wife¹s drinking, whether alone or with her husband, led to more severe violence both by and toward the wife (Wisnack et al., 1994). In a study of 100 alcoholic women physicians (Bissell & Skorina, 1987), 22 women had been beaten and 21 had beaten spouses or lovers themselves.
"Date rape" is also facilitated by substance abuse. Two studies show that up to 50% of sexual assaults by acquaintances involve alcohol consumption by the victim or the assailant (Koss et al, 1987; Muehlenhard and Linton, 1987). In an acquaintance rape situation, both men and women who learn about it consider the incident less likely to be a rape if the victim and assailant had been drinking together (Norris & Cubbins, 1992). Both men and women attributed more responsibility for the assault to an intoxicated rape victim than to a sober one; at the same time, the offender was blamed less when he was drunk than sober. This attitude makes women who have been sexually assaulted while drinking, more reluctant to report it.
Domestic violence in lesbian relationships occurs at about the same rate as in heterosexual relationships, and as in heterosexual relationships, alcohol may play a large role. Several studies report that almost one-third of all women who identify themselves as lesbians drink excessively or experience alcohol-related problems (Norris, 1994). In a mail survey of members of a lesbian organization, 37% reported being in a past or present abusive relationship. 64% reported that alcohol or drugs were involved prior to or during incidents of battering. Drinking was significantly correlated both with being the victim of abuse and with being the perpetrator (Schilit et al., 1990).
Addictive sexual disorders (Irons & Schneider, 1997) are frequently associated with domestic violence, although no statistical studies on this association are yet available. Many of the same factors that predispose an individual to the development of an addictive or compulsive sexual disorder can also predispose one to being a participant in a violent relationship.
I personally, can not relate to this because my Abuser did not use drugs or drank. I was still a Co-dependant, fueling his need for his desires that were sexually related. My Abuser used used many of these things. After a time the desire to be loved was so great for me that I became a participant in many of his devious fantasies. The need to inflict pain did not stop with a few slaps. I saw him lost in a world all his own.
Addictive sexual disordersWhen a person evidences a pervasive pattern of sexual behavior over which there is loss of control, continuation despite adverse consequences, and which includes preoccupation or obsession, that person has an addictive sexual disorder. The range of fantasies, urges, and behaviors that can be considered addictive sexual disorders may be appreciated by reviewing the ten categories developed by Carnes (1991):
Table 4: Categories of Addictive Sexual Disorders
1. Fantasy sex: Sexual fantasy life and consequences due to obsession.
2. Seductive-role sex: Seductive behavior for conquest. Multiple relationships, affairs, and unsuccessful serial relationships.
3. Anonymous sex: Engaging in sex with anonymous partners, having one-night stands.
4. Paying for sex: Paying prostitutes for sex, paying for sexually explicit phone calls.
5. Trading sex: Receiving money or drugs for sex or using sex as a business. Highly correlated with swapping partners and using nudist clubs to find sex partners.
6. Voyeuristic sex: Forms of visual sex, including pornography, window peeping, and secret observation. Highly correlated with excessive masturbation, even to the point of injury.
7. Exhibitionist sex: Exposing oneself in public places or from the home or car, wearing clothes designed to expose.
8. Intrusive sex: Touching without permission, using position or power (e.g. professional, religious) to sexually exploit another person, rape.
9. Pain exchange: Causing or receiving pain to enhance sexual pleasure. Use of dramatic roles, sexual aids, and animals are common themes.
10. Exploitative sex: Use or force or partner vulnerability to gain sexual access. Examples include sexual assault and professional sexual misconduct.
Schneider & Irons (1996) placed addictive sexual disorders within the context of the DSMIV (1994). Addictive sexual disorders, although not a separate disorder within this manual, are subsumed within several diagnostic categories in the DSMIV: paraphilia, impulse control disorder, or sexual disorder not otherwise specified.
Five of Carnes¹ categories can be readily identified in the DSM-IV as specific paraphilias. Paraphilias are defined as recurrent, intense sexual urges, fantasies, or behaviors that involve unusual objects, activities, or situations that occur over a period of at least six months and cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. The five categories that constitute paraphilias include voyeuristic sex, exhibitionistic sex, pain exchange (sexual sadism, sexual masochism), some types of intrusive sex (frotteurism, or inappropriate touch), and exploitative sex (pedophilia). Four of the remaining categories may be correlated with paraphilias: fantasy sex may be associated with paraphilic urges not acted upon, anonymous sex may be used to express paraphilic behavior with decreased risk of consequences, and paying for sex and trading sex are means by which a partner who may permit paraphilic activity may be purchased. A few cases of sexual excess represent an impulse-control disorder; most cases can best be viewed as an addiction.
In an intimate relationship in which at least one of the partners has an addictive sexual disorder, domestic sexual violence may be part of the addictive pattern. Fearful of abandonment or rejection, the partner is often vulnerable to coercion into participating in unwanted sexual activities. In a study of 100 couples recovering from sexual addiction, 50% of the non-addicted partners reported having engaged in sexual activities with which they were uncomfortable. In some cases these activities included sex in public places or with additional sexual partners (Schneider, & Schneider, 1990).
Many victims do pick up addictions of they're own, from drinking, or drug use, sex addictions or BD/SM involvement, gambling or many others. Losing yourself, if only for a moment into a reality that is not they're own but gives a alternative lifestyle that can give what the victims lack. A experience of bliss, even if it is to relax and let you forget your problems at home.
Your not alone!
You can leave! If you have children with your Abuser the chances that they will become an Abuser of physical, emotional, sexual or addicted is high, due to what they witnessed. Break the chain! It's ok to be alone while you heal. There are places that will take you in while you get on your feet. De-program yourself to know you are worthy of so much more and you can do it!
Please get yourself help before it's too late!