A little about me

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Born Again...




Born Again Lyrics
Verse 1
Today I found myself,
After searching all these years,
And the man that I saw,
He wasn't at all who I'd thought He'd be,
I was lost when You found me here,
And I was broken beyond repair,
Then You came along and sang Your song over me
Chorus 1
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time,
In my life
Verse 2
Make a promise to me now,
Reassure my heart somehow,
That the love that I feel,
is so much more real than anything
I've a feeling in my soul,
And I pray that I'm not wrong,
That the life I have now,
It is only the beginning
Chorus 2
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
For the very first time
Bridge
I wasn't looking for something that was more,
Than what I had yesterday,
Then You came to me,
Then You gave to me,
Life and a love that I've never known,
That I've never felt before
Final Chorus
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time,
In my life

Hearing this song stirs up so many various emotions in my heart. I feel joy thinking of the happiness for being a Daughter of the King of Kings, feeling both undeserving and unworthy of His love. Elated in knowing that I have something in my heart that is unconditional as well as wonderful! I love to share the good news of Jesus and God’s love but I know you can only say so much at times. That’s ok, planting seeds of God’s love is just start. If it is just through a kind word or some small act of kindness. Most that I just do just because. I treat others as I want to be treated! I heard the song many times over the past year or so and each time I am moved by it.
Yesterday was different, I heard the song on the drive back from a mini vacation with the kiddos in tow, as we were trying to beat nasty storms from MO. Thinking of the storms made me think of my life, not the one I have now, but my old life.
 I thought about the old me. I thought about how who I am at this time compared to almost 3 years ago. The song came on, I started to sing along, if you drive with me I warn you I do burst out into song from time to time, I listened to the words that caused tears to stream down my face in buckets! I heard my life in that song. I was broken at several points in my married life both physically and mentally. Whether it was nursing a bloody lip, sprained ankle or wrist, or hiding bruising on my neck from where I was strangled the night/day before. I was broken, or the bald patches here or there on my head when STBX pulled around by my hair around the house.
My spirit crushed.
I cried out to God to help me.
I whispered to God to help us.
I bargained with God to fix my marriage.
I pleaded for a safe way out for the kids and I.
I was depressed.
I was scared.
I was feeling lost.
I felt worthless.
I felt hopeless.
I felt trapped.
I yearned for life without fear or waiting for a good day.
I cried, I lost my hair, my nails were brittle and breaking, I slowly developed a ulcer and felt jumpy all the time, especially when the phone chirped or rang because it was my STBX checking on me. I hated who I had become.
I leaned on God a lot. I know He was there with me. He gently reassured me that I was loved. He was there to comfort me. He brought people into my life that were supportive and loved us. People that impacted my mood and that reassured me that it would be ok. They reassured me God was working in my life for the greater good.
I am back in the car now, well not this second but for imagination sake. I’m driving along listening to the words, crying and thankful of where I am now. Terry and I are not perfect and we have an issue here or there, but nothing we can’t work on together. Knowing there is a greater love that keeps me safe and on my path. I may veer off to some unknown destination but my path usually gets right back on track.
I can do things now I never did before.
I feel free!
 I feel happiness to love and be loved!
I feel safe.
Every once in a while I go to a dark place of the past. I don’t like to go there, it scares me. I get depressed and sad. I feel in many ways I lost a lot of years and gaining them back is of course impossible. Moving on from that life has been a struggle. Thank goodness for the patience of a good man. On the road back I cried both tears of happiness and tears of contentment.
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time,
In my life

No comments:

Post a Comment