You can google or bing or whatever until your hearts content about so many different topics my head spins and there are times I have to pry myself away from the computer to actually get thing around the house done. I have found countless blogs on DV or some form of abuse. The thing that amazes me (and shouldn't) is how similar the Survivors stories are. Oh no matter if he/she pulled a trigger or pulled a knife. The steps that lead up to the violence is almost so similiar it's spooky.
Many Abusers were victims once themselves and some have other addictions that have led them to abusing others (for a small percentage this is totally out of the blue). Whether it is a mental condition, drug induced, alcohol, past experience or whatever the excuse. The behavior is not excusable! The abuser knows this is unacceptable. Placing blame on victims in order to make themselves feel better for the beatings, the put downs or for harming the kids. Blaming any abuse on a bad day or if the victim had done something to please him/her they wouldn't have had to lose control.
Control? Funny little word when you think of it. Control starts slowly, subtly at first and you almost do not realize that he/she has got it until your too late. You lost your sense of worth, you lost your sense of being, you may hate yourself, have a terrible self esteem, feel you can not do anything right, you look in the mirror and belittle your appearance. You may start to berate your children or others around you. You find you are spiraling down a circle into not only feelings of lost hope but of never being able to break free.
So you stay.
Your abuser may tell you that you are nothing without them
You will never amount to anything
You won't survive without them
You will never find anyone to love you like they do (now wouldn't that be lovely!)
They will kill your children or you if you try to leave
They will do or say whatever they have to in order to maintain control. When that control begins to unravel, hold onto your butt! He/she can go extreme! Be prepared and don't give in! "YOU" take back the control! "YOU" are worth it! "YOU can do it!"
I've said it time and time again, if you can't leave for you. Leave for your children! Leave before you end up on the evening news or splashed on the front headlines on the web! Stepping out that door and leaving may be one of the hardest things you have to do. But aren't your children and you worth it? Get back the control! Get back your life! You can do it! No matter how young or old! Don't wait for the kids to all get out of high school or give the excuse about uprooting the family. YOU are important! YOU matter! YOU can be strong!
Visit http://www.dealingwithviolence.com/ for a Survivor's inspiring story! She is a AWESOME lady that still deals with the past abuse, but she is a wonderful strong lady that can inspire YOU to get the control back!