Me, myself and my abuser

It's going on 2 1/2 years now since I have been gone. Today actually makes a pivitol time for me as this marks the first time I left my abuser in 2007. I was working at the "shop" (antique shop) with my sister in law and mom in law. I had all three kids with me, M, J and A, so they could celebrate a small gathering we planned for the Dealers we had there. STBX was not happy that I was not rushing home after the shop closed and he was very vocal over the phone about it.

He knew we had planned this for over a month. We tried to do things regularly to socialize and keep morale high with our Dealers and customers. Not even a half hour into the gathering, he called, threatening that if I didn't get my "ass" home within a half hour later he was going to kick my ass. I choose not to go home. My inlaws knew I was upset so they immediately started to pelt me with questions and concerns. I called a women's shelter that was near by to see if they had room for us. We had just the clothes on our backs, nothing else. My inlaws gave us some money, about $100, gave us kisses and hugs and we left right away.

STBX was calling all over for us and he was searching all night. He did figure out where we were eventually. Long story short, he ended up at St. Margaret Hospital psych ward for a suicide attempt. I took him back after he pleaded and promised to be better. That was short lived, each time he promised he would be better he would find other ways to harm me and the kids, either by verbal abuse or some sort of physical threat to harm me or the kids or head games (mental).

He would ask me which kid I wanted dead. Because if I left him he would kill one of them. If I left him he would kill the kids during any kind of overnight they would have with him down the road. It would look like an accident. No one would be the wiser. He would take everything he could away from me...That threat still pretty fresh in my mind.

In the fall of 2008 it was time to go, I wasn't sure when and I prayed to God to know when the right time was. Looking back there was no "Right time", anytime is the right time to go. But I waited until Feb 2009 to leave. It seemed right, R was back to work and that was kind of what I was waiting for. I would do it over again. There are a few things I would have been different, a few things I would have taken with me and I would have called the police more often. I wouldn't have took any of his calls or listened to his rantings. He will never change.

This morning I'm being bombarded by text messages from my son. He talks about how he wishes I would die a horrible death. That I destroyed the relationship between him and I. That his sisters are disrespectful. Apparently he has his Dad's phone and he is texting me through that... It is going on and on. Of course I have the belief that it is STBX and not M. But I'm not sure now.

Yestreday Terry had court for the false Order of Protection. He was stunned that the court ruled that the OP stands and will now be placed with our divorce. WOW! I'm not sure how they could do that, but seeing that custody or removal of the girls from my custody is a possibility it sounds like this is why. GRRFACE! Terry just wanted it dismissed and he was also in disbelief that under oath STBX and M lied about the incident. I nodded my head that I was not surprised. Both of them believe the stories they have woven together as one. Both see only what they want to see and no one is the wiser. No one can tell them different.

I'm still getting text messages, 18 in all so far... All nasty and blaming me for the demise of the marriage. The only truth being that I wished I left the marriage earlier. To the police station I go to file yet another report against these 2. It's both frustrating and sad. I want us to be left alone. My son is a Gaslighter in training...