A little about me

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

WINNER!

Seriously? Why are so many Abusers put up in high regards? Charlie Sheen is now added to the growing list of celebs that are abusive in some form to they're mates. I admit I saw some of Sheen's ramblings, not surprising to me they sound like many things my STBX believed. It boggles the mind at how many people are allowing this man to gain wealth from this! I refused to become one of his Twitter followers. I joked with my sister briefly "WINNER!" for some reason but looking back why give Sheen anymore power or give any of those men any high fives at all?

No one wins when there are children involved. Divorce is ugly (of course even if there are no kids it is still nasty)! I firmly believe in staying with your mate, BUT not at the expense of losing your self esteem, your mental or physical state, your children's emotional or physical welfare or your life or their's!

The I'm sorry's and Honeymoon stage was too much for me and after the upteenth time it was time to break free. I didn't like who I was or what I had become. I didn't like my children to have to experience things they heard or felt. I didn't like my kids to see me in a puddle on the floor with blows from my STBX. I was reminded of how much they did see by J last night. Her brother, M, had been kind of looking for her on her way home from school on several occassions. She was worried that he may harm her. She called me and told me the situation, long story short, once she arrived home and calmed down alittle she asked if she could call her brother. I was surprised but I said sure.

After 2 very heated calls between the two of them guess who called her back? You got it STBX gave her a tongue lashing about how it was inappropiate the way she talked to her brother and so on. She gave her Dad an earful too! You can't help but hear conversations since our apartment is so small. The conversation ended with STBX threatening to have her taken away from me. Same old R! Anyway keeps us in your prayers while we still deal with this madman.

I really pray for help for my son and my STBX. Believe it or not I do wish him well. I also want to be left alone, it irks me that I feel like a prisoner here. Having to watch over my shoulder. With comments from him and a member of his family stating that "If I/he has't hurt you by now..." GRRFACE! Everytime I saw STBX in 2009 he physically placed his hands on me EVERY chance he had gotten. He won't change. 

I am placing the Power wheel in this blog as a reminder not only for myself but to others that the cycles of abuse are like a rollercoaster. Only you can decide when to get off.

I myself been there done that, got the T-shirt and postcard. I'm never revisiting crazy again...
Power of Control Wheel

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