A little about me

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Absolving Abuse- Life after the Darkness of DV

Jun 23, 2010

Absolving Abuse: Life after the Darkness of DV

I read alot of the articles I post here of course, the hard hitting fact (no pun) is that the effects of DV or any other type of abuse has long and devasting effects! I myself have many times where I just cry, out of the blue just cry. This week has been particularly hard for me where I have had a few panic attacks.

I am blessed to have Terry but on the flipside I do not want to burden him with anymore drama. Which is not the right thing to do. I am free enough to share my inner most thoughts with him but yet I hesitate, I stop myself from doing so. On one hand I do not want to be hurt either physically or emotionally or mentally, so I keep a shield up. I know I do this and feel terrible for doing so. My self esteem is in the toliet, feeling unworthy of anyone to love me, feeling undeserving of happiness and feeling guilt for staying as long as I did and seeing the effects it has had on my children and family.

My self image is not the best. Years of hearing how fat I was or what a terrible person I was keeps creeping out from the corners of my mind. I know it's not true but yet conditioning for years has pushed these things to the forefront of my mind.

I recalled a time when I desparately wanted to be a "Good Girl" and not do any wrong. It does not matter the circumstances of the incident the fact of it is that I was fine. He sadly has a condition that needs strict therapy. I do not ever see him changing. The chances of that are so rare. I pray that my son will not keep going on the path he is.
My son called last nite at 10 pm, Terry answered the phone and my son asked to talk to his sisters. Terry informed him that they were in bed. My son argued with Terry and cursed at him. Terry hung up, and my son called the house 2 more times, each time with nasty words.

That is not my son! I feel as though I have lost him but I do pray that he will see the truth and remember why we left his Dad. Not for the reasons his Dad has conjured up in his mind, but for the real reasons.

Absolving Abuse:

Life After The Darkness Of Domestic Violence
Being a victim of domestic violence can make you feel so isolated. What do you do the morning after you've left him? How do you handle the nightmares that continue months after it's over? Will you ever be yourself again?

Some people will blame you. Others will pity you. There will be support and interrogations and everyone who knows will have an opinion. But, at the end of the day, when you lay down, it will just be you. And how you feel and what you think about yourself is what matters.

Don't Turn Away!
You have been beaten. The bruises will fade and time will pass but that does not mean that this terrible thing that has happened to you will disappear. If you shut the door on this pain today, it will be waiting in the dark later. You are injured. Domestic violence damages both internally and externally. You need to aim for a healing process that incorporates your whole person.

Begin with the internal struggle. This may be a lonely time no matter how many friends and family and supportive measures there are around you. Go inside of yourself and find out what you need to do to heal your heart. What hurts the most? How can you start to rebuild your wounded soul? Where can you get help and what type of help will be best for you?

Often, victims of domestic violence bandage their cuts and fractures and try to forget that they have been beaten. Once they are out of the protective shelter or the abusive person is out of their lives they turn their backs on what has occurred.
You are at a crossroads. This is where important life affirming changes can be made. This is a place where you can learn to value yourself again.

Know Your Options
Domestic violence is a crime that affects a complete person. Your body and soul have been wounded. There are a number of traditional and non-traditional ways to help yourself. Group therapy is a great way to get in touch with others who have had similar experiences. Others that understand the pain of being battered are less likely to judge you. This could be a forum for the release of the ugliest moments.

Individual counseling can be equally helpful. Some people are more comfortable in a one on one setting. A personal counselor can provide more specialized therapy because they are focused on you. Maybe there are some issues besides the domestic violence you want to work on.

If you don't feel comfortable at one group therapy session or with one therapist, try another one. So many people give up on therapy because they don't like their initial experience. Be willing to try out several counselors if necessary. Therapy can be extremely beneficial for domestic violence victims.

Practicing yoga can help you get in touch with you inner and outer strength. Yoga works to center the mind and body. Powerful breathing techniques and relaxing poses can have a calming effect. You can join a class or practice in the privacy of your own home.

Take a self defense class. Domestic violence can make you feel powerless. Self defense techniques can help you feel more in control and powerful. As well as increase your feeling of safety.

Do something that you love. Do you love to paint? Work with children? Cook? Domestic violence victims need to be reminded of their beauty. Remember what you love and do it. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Work at a day care center.

Domestic violence is an isolating crime. The less alone you feel the more hopeful your outlook will be. Do not be afraid to socialize. Everyone is not out to hurt you. Some people are nice, decent human beings. Don't let the monster that hurt you ruin the rest of your life.

You can survive domestic violence. It won't be easy but there are steps you can take to heal the inner hurt.

Remember that you are the one who counts. You are the one who has to be able to look in the mirror and smile.


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