Happily ever after...

I went through with it. I confessed to Terry some of my fears. God love him! He gave me some time to think and offered to call everything off. I felt so silly. I hyperventilated the whole week prior.  The big day came and the big day was beautiful! We couldn't have asked for better weather! We had a quick ceremony at church and then everyone piled into their cars and traveled down to the homestead, to feast on yummy food brought by my family and friends.

I got my Final Decree in the mail. It was very emotional for me. I cried for a bit. Feeling relief, overwhelmed, joy. I remain cautious while out and about as well as at home. 

Remember, yes there can be a "Happily ever ..." after a DV relationship.

It starts with -

*Leaving a paper trail. Tell anyone you can about the abuse. File police reports and Orders of Protection!

*Making a Safety plan

*Leaving your abuser

*Ditching the ties with the Abuser and possibly his/her family. There are times when some families say they are your allies but as time progresses true colors come out or fear of your abuser get to them. They may become defensive or defend the abuser. Suddenly, your support from his/her side wavers and poof! You could become the bad guy! Leaving you to scratch your head...

*Learning to live again without CHAOS! My daughter was on the phone with a friend and she could hear the dad yelling at the mom. My daughter J, was sad for her friend. But happy that's not a part of our lives anymore!

*LOVING YOURSELF! That's a hard one, at least it was/is for me.

* Stop blaming YOURSELF! It's hard not silence the nagging little voice of your abuser that can pop up randomly.

*BREAK the PATTERN of the same type of love relationships. You meet Mr./Mrs. Wonderful at a bar and they seem to always be losers. HELLO! Or you seem to keep attracting the same type of bad personality? It happens to many women/men. Your not alone! I was asked to date on various occassions but something seemed off and not right. Glad I listened to my inner guts, because lo and behold BINGO Dr. Hyde comes out.

*Don't bed the first person that sweeps you off your feet. Take time to get to know the person. Don't be afraid to ask his/her friends and family about this person. Google them!

Now don't email me about the laws on this stuff, I'm no attorney. I found out one gentleman was deep into BD/SM (Not that I am knocking that, it's just not a thing I want to jump back into. Not my cup of tea) and he was asked to retire from the Police due to ties to several unsolved murders of prisoners and has had sexual assault charges brought against him by other female officers. THANK YOU GOOGLE!

If you still feel like he or she is too good to be true, hire a detective. Ask YOUR friends and family what they see or think. It helps to have another pair of eyes to see what you may "not" want to see. You can see Mr./Mrs. Wonderful through rose colored glasses. So be open to hear what they have to say!

*Change you! You are deserving of happiness and joy! Break any kind of habits that aren't good for you. (In my own opinion) Smoking, drugs, alcohol, anything that is illegal. Maybe partying all night. Dressing provocatively. I personally want a person to be attracted to me, not the clothes I'm wearing. I want their eyes to be fixed on mine not my breasts or my behind. You attract what you put out there. I'm more modest at my old age.

*Start your change by taking up a long forgotten hobby, Vision (Wish/Prayer) board or create a Bucket list of things you want to do (See previous posts). Whether it's losing weight, breaking out your glue gun, writing, singing, dancing or what have you. The world is still your oyster! Grab it!

*Think positive! Kick old thoughts to the curb. Challenge yourself to say something positive to yourself or those around you.  Remember if you have children (pets) that have endured abuse they need a boost too! Get them involved in making a positive change for the better. Remind children that the relationship you had with your abuser is not the "Norm". That there is better times. That they can do anything they put they're minds to! Remind them that Dad (or Boy/Girlfriend) or Mom's behavior is their's. They can break and make new positive patterns. They are capable of great things too!

All of these take time. They can happen with baby steps, courage, persistance and love. Oh, there will be bumps in the road. (Terry and I have issues but they are nothing compared to the relationship I had with my EX)

Talk to someone, a counselor, friend or family member. Please remember your not alone! There are others just like you suffering in silence. Break the chain! Stand up! Don't take anymore! (I am not encouraging anyone to take another life here)

Get away safely or call the police to keep your abuser away. Tell someone! Anyone! Write a blog! Keep your face in your blog so you keep a name with your face. That you are a person that doesn't want to end up splashed on the news as a statistic.

God bless and keep you Dear Blog reader!

Stay safe!

BIG HUGS!

Mel

Guess what! I'm getting married...

Tick! Tick! Tick! Tick!

Over the weekend I will be married to someone that has become a big part of my life. I posted on FB about how much I appreciate him. He's handled everything that has came his (our) way with strength, calm and positive thoughts about each situation. It's sort of a dream right now. I've wrote before about how surreal everything is. Even talking or writing about my past seems like it was someone else.

Not that I'm not happy about this. I'm thrilled! But, I have had some random tears, fear and apprehension creep in on my happiness. Terry has been away for work and I can't wait to have him come back to share as well as get some insight on the little dark cloud that feels as though it's looming.

I'm fearful of being "someone's property". Oh, he's not like that, though I have a concern.
I fear faithfulness. My Ex's track record wasn't the greatest. I have big time trust issues both in my worry about fidelity with my future Mr. Melinda as well as a few needless worries. Heck! They are all needless!
 
I should be thrilled! I should be anxious! And I am, though in some ways I'm still allowing my fears to get the best of me. I have had my glue gun out, glitter, pearls, lace and what's not to love right now? I'm getting remarried!

I was so relieved to chat with a good friend that is also a recent Survivor of abuse. I can learn so much from talking with others about they're experiences,  just gab about how they are surviving or words of wisdom/strength. During the chat I was reminded of despite how different we are in our experiences that we are SO similar! She really lifted me up! Thank ya Darlin!

There has been only a few small issues that have come up (besides what seems like a daily breakdown in my mental state) regarding getting the wedding together. I know this has caused me some distress deeply and some sadness. I'm hoping that it will end up going well. I'm terrible at confrontations. I tend to cry at the drop of a hat when confronted or I just avoid the subject of whatever it is all together as if the "white elephant" isn't in the room. SIGH! But these issues are totally normal in planning a wedding! LOL! So there is some normalcy! I just need to put on those "Big Girl panties" and open my mouth.

Let's see... Unrelated gossip! Well, it's not really gossip if it really happened...

I ended up hearing from, (by accident) a woman that has held a torch for Terry for YEARS (She is a family friend)!

Background: They dated briefly while she was considering separating from her hubby, they have a sexless marriage and he's never home, that was many moons ago. After a few months of her not leaving her hubs, Terry told her that he couldn't do the back and forth anymore and they could remain friends. This was over 10 years ago... Fast forward to 3 years ago, I met her, confronted her (At her house! Ok I do get some balls every once in a while) long story short. She said there was nothing going on. She was babysitting him for years... Blah, blah, blah!

For over 3 years, every great once in awhile she would "drunk" text Terry, crying about how she missed him. Wanting to meet up with him for dinner, happy hour, she is still crazy about him, and more Blah! Blah! Blah! So, when someone texted about fun they were having on a weekend trip in a group text.( There were several replies back and forth between others- still with me on this long tale?)   I find out "she" is one of the person's texting. I couldn't help myself!

I replied back!

I apologized for the house incident long ago. I also said that I would like to get together sometime. I invited her to the wedding! She was watching her child at a sporting event so she couldn't chat, (I was grinning the whole time during this) but she missed us the best. She said there was no reason to worry she had no issues with at all and there were never any. Of course it doesn't explain why she glares and ignores me when she see's me (even before me going to confront her at her house) or why she has never taken Terry up on meeting for lunch or dinner with me included. The next day she replied again that she is having some crazy weekends, but going out of town for a wedding and again wishes us happiness. That was a interesting distraction for a change and it gave me a belly laugh at how silly and normal that incident seemed. I hope to someday forge a peaceful relationship with her. She was very good friends with Terry for a long time. I have no issues with men having friends that are women. She helped him through a dark period of sadness in his life (past marriage) and that's wonderful!

While I don't believe we will be breaking bread anytime soon and future outings that involve her will continue to be uncomfortable.  It's ok, that is normal reality that brings a giggle to me for a change. It's nice that it's not just the madness about my ex or my issues with trying to break free of the memories of my past.

Speaking of madness. I heard the ex went to Crown Point to look for me, tell anyone that will listen we are divorced and how "Happy" he is... "Has anyone saw me?" Days prior to this incident the girls and I were in CP looking for wedding ideas, dresses for the girls and something special for me. (I am a terrible procrastinator! LOL!) A shop owner I'm knew asked me how we were, gushed over the baby and told me how happy she was that I was away from that man. She thought he treated us terribly! She went to discuss some of his family members but I'm not going there. I just smiled politely, thanked her and wished her well. She wished us happier times and good to see us.

So now you know the scoop! I will post pictures of the upcoming nuptials!

Please remember that everyone's situation is different. The levels of abuse as well as the types of abuse. Many times you don't realize how "bad" it was until you are free from it. Know you are not alone. Get help! Talk to someone! Confide in a friend or family member.  Love doesn't hurt! Physically, mentally or emotionally.

BIG HUGS!
Mel

Your not worthless!

During the dark times of some altercations with your abuser, it can be quite drag your spirit down, creating a tangled web of sadness, depression and in some cases a feeling of being worthy of anything good. 

You may not feel desirable.
You may not feel worthy
You may feel like the stupidest or laziest or ugliest or fattest person around
You may feel like a terrible Wife/Partner or Mother

Tuning our or forgetting out those mean words or actions of your Gaslighter can be one of the hardest things to do. As a sufferer of PTSD, it can be quite hard to let go of the past. I don't want to glorify or have a pity party for me or what I went through, and my memories are my worst enemy! Sometimes the triggers or flashbacks are so intense, breath-taking that I can actually hear the nasty words and see the actions of my abuser. I get so angry at myself for getting worked up! I get angry that it seems as though he still has control of my mind to cause distress or anxiety now over 3 years later. I am frustrated with myself for feeling gripped by fear when I see a car that looks like his or someone that looks like him.

I am frustrated with still feeling unworthy of happiness and of better life for me (for us). I usually throw up my face to the Lord and pray or read my Bible to ease my heart and mind. Of course Terry has been great for me to calm me down and remind me I'm none of those things, that I am safe, that I am out of that situation and that my ex is an *sshol*!

Lately, my girls have been telling or reminding me of different situations they remember their dad and I having some confrontation. They are remembering him hitting me, screaming at me and putting me down. I feel so embarrassed for various reasons. First, that they had to witness those times and secondly, that I let him do that to me. Your abuser will only do what you allow them to do to you. I realize this now. I know! I know! Quit harping on this sadness already! I got to tell you that this is one chapter of my life I wish was closed, but in doing so I can't heal. I desperately want to forget and want it to go away. 

After I left my abuser I found many quotes from various places to lift my spirits and some are to use when speaking to my abuser (many did not give him the same feelings I had from them :)  ) Of course many are from my Bible! But I'll share some of the many others that make me smile or remind me that I am strong, safe, and worthy of happiness!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Knowledge is power. Know your opponent. Act, do not react. Take the offensive, not the defensive. Realize your strength and trust yourself!

I am doing something that I believe in, and it doesn't exactly match your plan. Call me later when you want to discuss the issues. It's your job to fix your life.

When I am treated with dignity and respect, then I will make a choice to have him in my life. Until he does, he is completely out!

Do what is right not necessarily what is easy...

Don't second guess yourself

Know that the destination is always easier then the journey

Trust your intution!

Just take yourself out of the relationship in one piece if you can. All that other stuff can be replaced!

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.

There's always a time for what God asks us to do
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Dear reader! You are worthy! Just like me! Our circumstances for however we got to this place doesn't mean anything. Your here right now. If you are still kicking around if you should go, ask yourself, if you have children or a close friend/relative, would you want them in the situation you are in?

Don't doubt yourself! If a person doesn't hit you, or break your bones that doesn't mean they aren't breaking your heart, spirit and joy from words or mind games! If you think it's not normal behavior then it's probably not! Trust your guts! Listen to your friends/child(ren)/ loved ones about your partner. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see the "full picture" and there is a small or large amount of fear that you will be alone if you leave or tell him/her to leave. Being alone is nothing compared to being killed physically, mentally or emotionally from your abuser!

Staying because you have "Stuff?" or a "House" or "Bills" or contract binding the 2 of your together legally for some reason? EXCUSES! When will you leave? Wait until your dead/hurt? Or your child(ren) is hurt or killed?

WAKE UP! Read the paper! Watch the news! Everyday there is a horrible story of neglect, murder, rape or assault on a victim of abuse! Will you be one of them someday? Leave! Make a paper trail of the abuse with police! Don't let your abuser get away with it!

You are WORTHY!
You can SURVIVE!
You can  find HAPPINESS!

WITHOUT the abuse!

You will not dry up and die without your abuser in your life (despite what your abuser says!) "You'll never make it without me/my money!" OR "No one will want you!" OR "You aren't taking the house/apartment! You live with what you have on!"

GO! Start planning NOW! I DARE YOU!
Remember you are not worthless...

Be safe! Blessings and prayers!
Mel







*If you know someone that is being abused, please be a shoulder, lend an ear, and remind them they are not alone! Please forward this blog to them! Find local shelters for them or go with them to the Police. Do not feel bad if they go back to they're abuser. I met many women that go back 2, 3, 5, 10 times or more! (Me personally went back too many times) Have them check out the Safety plan and Safety labels here. Stay safe!*

Flashbacks, nightmares and panic attacks

This title sounds terrible! I don't know what else to call it.

The chapter on my marriage to my abuser I consider closed. In reality, my thoughts, dreams and sometimes paranoia run away with me. I foolishly had a thought that with the end of the marriage my bad dreams and other things would vanish. Like Houdini, waving a magic wand... **POOF!** All the feelings of sadness, grief, pain and panic would be gone!

In the real world, these feelings linger for time. How much time is depending on each person and how ever long you were in a relationship with the person that tormented you. No matter, if it was verbal, mental, emotional, physical or sexual, it all takes time to heal.

I'm terribly impatient, I want it over now! Even when I'm in the foggy feeling of losing it due to a panic attack, do I get super frustrated and angry with myself for getting so worked up. And in my head I'm mad that my abuser still has some sort of lasting control that I break down to a breathless, teary-eyed, puddle of goo.

More so lately, I seemed to lose myself in a moment of memories. I seemed to get catapulted to a time when I was still with my ex (gosh I like that!). For some reason, whatever the trigger, I get lost in a blink of an eye. I can smell, hear and feel the raw emotion of past times. There are times when I look over at Terry laying in bed and for a brief moment I feel a panicky feeling that if I look too long he turns into my ex.

If I hear someone with a Nextel or a certain chirp on their phone I look around and feel twitterpatted that it's my ex calling or near me. I see a car that looks like his or a person that from afar looks like him and I feel like my body can't move. Like a deer in headlights.

I don't know when these feelings will leave me. I know my children experience some of similar things. Loud noises and yelling (very rare around here) cause us all to jump out of our skin. I know there are things counselors use. But to tell the truth, I get all panicky about having to go and relive all the memories again. I feel I can do that on my own with no problem! I can take myself back and recall some pretty nasty times.

4 years ago if you would have asked me where I would be today, I would have responded, "In a hole somewhere, in the middle of some lonely spot." I know in my heart, as do many of my family and friends that I would not have survived that marriage longer. Terry and I talked about that the other night. He told me to stop talking about that, he doesn't like that picture. I agree, but the truth of the matter is I would not have survived.

But I did! I got my kids out of there. Though I am sadden by my son's decision to go back to his dad. I almost feel haunted by the decisions I made. I don't question the choice to leave! Oh, Heaven's NO!
I also know that if I didn't decide to do things the way I did, there would be an alternate story to the one I'm in now. I, in some ways, feel as though I'm living a fairy tale. My past is so surreal that it's hard to believe we lived how we did. Survival mode always turned on. Even in the good times!

I want nothing for good things to come from all of this:
1) My son to come to realize that I miss the heck out of him and long to give him a hug again.
2) The girls get some big brother time again. I know they miss him!
3) My ex gets some sort of treatment and help. I pray for the woman that he ends up with!
4) The kids and me finally find an end to feeling scared, panicky and worried about my ex.
5) Someday my ex will have a good, safe relationship with the girls.

I haven't been alone with my ex since Sept 2009. Prior to that, he put his hands on me anytime he could. I don't trust him. I don't feel we can have him over or a bbq anytime soon. Not that we would! The address here is private. That does give me some comfort. In a old voice mail from June, my ex rattle on that I shouldn't blab about our relationship to everyone if I don't want it to get back to him. Funny thing is I haven't. I found out a few people from my old shop (antique store) still read this blog and they were able to make they're own decision about him based on what truth they read. As well as the personal experiences each of them had with my ex.

I'm sitting here shaking my head. Happy to be out and sad to think I am still hiding in some ways. Afraid to go out or announce things about me personally because he may find out where we are or where we live. I don't think I can ever let my guard down. So why I should be happily making wedding plans I have been getting lost in the past more frequently of the late. Not sure why. I needed this! Thank you Dear reader for listening to me rant and rave! All in all I'm forever grateful we are safe, we are loved and we are not alone...

I implore you to leave if you are in a difficult situation that is life threatening or harmful to your well being! Please don't worry about the house or the things in it. Leave with your life! Screw the possessions you can get new things. They are just things! You are not replaceable! Tell someone, call the police, find a shelter if need be, but get to safety!

Many prayers for you with whatever decision you choose to make with your life or the lives of your children/pets. No man/woman is worth risking your life or sanity with the promises that they will change. Please check out my other posts on Safety or Leaving your abuser!

FINALLY, remember you are not alone! God bless!

BIG HUGS!
Mel

Yea, that's me the single gal YIPPEE!

Now, I got to tell you that it is so weird to say that I'm divorced. Oh, technically the paperwork is not done in court yet, but boy does it feel GOOD!

Did I gush before that a major weight feels as though it is gone?! While the threat of our personal safety is still a high priority, I am savoring this feeling. I relish the thoughts of being unattached. While Terry is so trusting and kind there is no worries that I won't just start bar hopping or sporting a sleeve of tats (mind you if that's your lifestyle I am not bashing it, that is just not me).

My sister, Amanda, made a comment to me while over a few days back, "Doesn't it feel good to take your time and not have to worry about coming home fast?". It did! I can browse at a store for hours if I want. Terry doesn't mind. He TRUSTS me. In a "normal" relationship you "CAN" have that! Honest!

Now the good, the bad and the ugly part of this whole big circus is:
The Good- It's over! And though it took so dang long. God had a plan to keep us safe. Heaven's to Betsy (Yes I really do talk this way, I cleaned up the potty talk many years ago, though in the passion of a nasty card game or when I'm with my sisters I have been known to toss some old habits freely about. That I'm not proud of but I'm working on it!) I moaned and whined about how long the process took. I truly believe that if it were a quick divorce court officials would not have been alerted about how unstable my Ex is (I love the sound of that "Ex"!)

The Bad- The continued abuse (physical up until the end of Aug 2009 and the mind games which was last played in June 2012 before court)

The Ugly- The kids being used (not unusual). It burns my buns that he could give a rats bum about the kids but he will not give up Parental rights just to mess with me. That's the control thing he wants to keep over me. Of course, let's not forget the dark obsession this man has for me.

I was alerted recently about my Ex asking a favor of someone. They blew him off and were kind enough to caution me to be careful. I consider this part of the bad that hangs around me from time to time like knowing you have a pimple threatening to poke out from you nose any minute. Or a cat ready to pounce on it's prey.

So Dear blog reader! I hope you have gleaned some information from me that has kept you safe or perhaps that gives you a strange bit of comfort that you are not alone! There are thousands of women, men or children out there that are currently being abused in some form. If you are one of them, please make the jump to leave. It is scary! It's hard and it is tough! But staying is tougher.

Staying in a relationship that is toxic is not healthy! It is can also be the last relationship you ever have with anyone. Want "More" from your life. Want "More" for your family! Abuse of any kind is NOT normal!



Staying with your abuser because of the house (buying or renting) is not an excuse. Staying with the person abusing your child(ren) is only giving your abuser someone else to control and harm.

Check out my past entries on Safety planning or Safety! Tell someone about the abuse! Press charges! Leave a paper trail! Keep a journal or log of the events. Remember a small percentage of people that leave they're abusers end up in abusive relationships again. So please listen to your gut! Pay attention to the warning signs! Don't end up with another loser!

I'm sure you know by now if you have followed this blog, that I am a Christian. God has kept the kids and I safe through some nasty things. I won't preach to you, but remember that God loves you. Pray for answers or for God to give you the knowledge of when the right time to leave is if you are having trouble. Pray for him to allow people that can help you enter your life. Of course God isn't a Waiter taking your order but He is there for you.

Stay safe! Stay strong! Remember you are worthy of so much! Don't give up or give in! Your abuser will get away with abusing you as long as you let him/her. Break the silence.

BIG HUGS and PRAYERS!

Mel

It's FINALIZED!

I was so nervous! It's a long story about the hours we were in discussion about several issues that we were not in agreement on:

Who should pay for the uncovered payment of Therapeutic Counseling- I did not think I should since he is the one that brought us to that point.

AND

If he should gain access to the girls school records, school events (Parent/Teacher conference) I believe that he would track us to our home if he knew this information. Either by attending a meeting when we are there or following the kids bus. Contact if an extreme emergency is fine (Life or death situation).

So I have to pay $80 for the counseling. I'll stop whining about this, but still disagree.

And our address and the girls records are PRIVATE! YEA!

When I was asked questions about the counseling and seeing my Son, I tried to make it clear that I want to have a relationship with my Son down the road but believe as long as he is in his fathers care that will not be possible. Also, counseling won't work with us. R will say anything he has to lie.

He lied on the stand that every Protective Order was a lie. He has never harmed us or tried to.

Well the judge didn't buy anything R was saying, due to our last Court appointed counselor  feeling threatened and the GAL was threatened too. Both withdrew from our case.  He was questioned about the Children's Treehouse incident he says Jess lost her cool and it was her fault.

He lied so many times about other issues. I was surprised lightening didn't strike him down!

In the end, he was spanked about contacting me recently with over 120 text messages. He was told that I was done. Our marriage was over and I was not returning. He needed to move on and leave me alone. The judge did say this was one of the worst divorces and rulings he has ever had to make!

He has never had to take parent privilege of knowing where their child goes to school, grades or extra circular activities. He has never had to appoint a Parent Monitor for a family (This person can make decisions for the children if the parents can not get along for whatever reason~ Even decide something as silly as when the child goes to bed!)

We do still have Therapeutic Counseling. The girls with him and my Son with me but that is when the counselor deems it safe to do so. 

The judge did not play favorites when he was stern he did not fail to disclude me in the scolding. I admit I feel that the whole thing is ridiculous that we can NOT Co-Parent as a normal couple. I feel for anyone that has a person in they're life that is unstable physically or mentally. The judge  give me a compliment that he could understand that I was perhaps tired of the situation and the legal system. That he hoped I would get relief as soon as I was able to realize we were finalized. I felt light headed and felt as though I would faint while waiting to hear him make his ruling. I don't think I breathed!

There is more but in a nutshell we are safe... It feels bittersweet.

Of course it's not over between he and I. We have 3 wonderful kids and until they are all of age we will have some kind of connection. Granted it will be guarded and I will always feel cautious! But for the most part it's over! YEA! Scars, bad dreams, panic attacks, anxieties are still here but we are free...

Thank you for sharing my journey. Listening to me ramble, moan and groan.Thank you for lifting me up, praying for us and sharing my story with others....

I pray Dear Reader, if you are in a Abusive relationship that you get out! Before it's too late! Leave a paper trail of the abuse, do NOT let him/her get away with it one more minute! Prepare now! Check out my previous posts on Safety or Leaving your abuser. Tell someone you can trust about the abuse. You are not alone! Thousands of women/men and children are in an abusive situation. You are worthy of so much happiness and joy.

My Bucket List

What have you always wanted to do or see? I was encouraged when Terry and I started dating to create a list of things I want to do! This is great to do for you! Dig deep, not necessarily expensive things to do, just random things that you can take off or add to.

When you leave your abuser may have a tendency to just sit and cry. Depression can set in. Get yourself to think about something other than your abuser. Do something for you or do something enjoyable with someone care about. Love life again!


Listen to some big band music, jazz or Irish band or Celtic music or classical- DONE

I want to see a civil war re-enactment- DONE

Go to Amish country

Stay at a Bed and Breakfast for the weekend

Looking at the architecture downtown or FLW's home

Ren Fest

Charity Ball or go somewhere so I can get dressed up and go and feel like a princess

Go to worlds longest garage sale

A concert maybe outdoors (free would be great)**** Took a small trip and heard

Go to an island or on a cruise was talking about it and it sounds lovely

Take a ride on a train to nowhere and see what's there. (Yes man)

Take vocal lessons

Learn to play piano-Update-2015 I bought a keyboard. Never got around to learning to play. I sold it.

Tubing on a calm stream

Air Zoo in MI

Find a field of flowers or tall grass to walk in-DONE

Go to see weird and funky sightseeing places along the road. Like the biggest ball of twine or Toy museum

Travel around the States

Buckley Homestead- Lowell, IN-Done 2014

Jerusalem 

Ireland

Australia

Backpacking through Europe- I wanted to do that when I was a kid

See a Round Barn

Dye part or all of my hair pink! I have wanted to do that since I was a teen and for some reason, this has stayed with me for years. Yea, I'm a goober!- I did this in November of this year! 2014

Learn Reflexology- Learning more and more each year and incorporating Energy work! If you are in NW Indiana drop me a line!- DONE!

See a movie by myself

Write a book about my life- Did this but need to edit and finally edit sometime soon. DONE- 2017 more books to come!

Talk to others (Schools/Women's groups) about Domestic Abuse- I did have a blurb on the internet and in the local paper about me and my story.-DOING this 

Learn to crochet/knit/tat- learning Crocheting! I can single Crochet and Double Crochet! I only know how to make blankets and scarves but it's a start.

Mission work! Our plan is to take our bus (we are converting into an RV!) and go around the US to help others where needed. Maybe an old farm established CSA, or help with disaster relief. We are SUPER close to doing this over the upcoming SUMMER 2016! WAHOO!!- God had other plans! I got sick, we found our "Forever home" and my first Grandbaby arrived!

Take more educational classes for various energy work

Create a successful self-sustaining farmstay/Airbnb where I can host gardening/healing seminars for victims/Survivors

Go to Grant Park and just look at the fountain- DONE!

Make Youtube videos to inspire others that are trapped in DV situations to let them know they are not alone. I want to put a voice with my mug!- DONE! 2016

Camping- DONE

Fishing- DONE

Canoeing- DONE

Snorkeling

Fancy dinner with a waiter, white table cloths and so on-DONE

Learn to play chess

Go on a picnic- DONE

Enrolled in a few classes- Still learning!

To go see a play, doesn't have to be a Broadway play or musical- DONE- My Sister and the theatre group is amazing at the South Suburban College in South Holland, IL

Dunes or Turkey Run, or Mt. Baldy-DONE

Bake Christmas cookies-Do and glad we don't have to do a ton of them. Now we are going sugar-free/gluten free so our menu is changing.

Hiking- PCT/Lewis & Clark/Appalachian Trail

Bike across the US for Domestic Abuse Awareness

Be DEBT FREE

Meet Motivational Speakers/Authors that inspired me