A little about me

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Court today! My brain hurts!

I feel as though there is a lead weight stuffed on my head. I know I'm super tense, even though it is hours ago that we were dismissed from court.

M and my mom in law were in the hall. He is getting so big! I said Hi to my mom in law who said Hello back and told me that my father in law is in the hospital for a fall. She said they would love to hear from the girls and they would like to see them. I told them no problem I'll let them know. (Though I am thinking my phones aren't broken! No one has called to ask to see the girls since last month.) J had called them a few times but only left a message once. I said Hi to my son, who just rolled his eyes, looked away from me. Not sure what I expected but I guess some other positive response would have been nice.

The new judge is a "Take no prisoners" kind of guy. He reemed us out for not being divorced. He yelled at us for not having an Atty. I managed to squeek out that I lost my job and subsequently lost my Atty. I am not sure he heard me at all.

The Order of Protection that R filed for our son against Terry was brought up and after he said his peace about it, I interjected that I had a witness that saw the situation. I was told sternly there would be no witnesses in this case brought in.

R got spanked by the judge for his effort in losing our GAL. He had told us that it is darn near impossible to have a GAL withdraw from a case. As he fingered through a novel sized amount of emails that apparently were from R. He was appalled and told R if he finds out he even types one word to the next GAL he will throw him in Lake County Jail!

R tried to interject several times about worries about the kids welfare, while the judge shot back if R was really that concerned about the kids that he would have made sure we were finalized with our divorce.

Long story cut short,  we have to start all over again. Financials, Discovery, Parenting Time meeting. And court scheduled on Oct 19th at 9.

And with that we were dismissed, he did not want to hear anything else about anything. R got spanked verbally again for not shuting up. The young lady from the Domestic Bureau was called in ASAP! I talked to her briefly and was free to go.

D was waiting for me (she is the witness that saw the situation between M and Terry) She was surprised at how ballsy R was! She could not believe that he bugged her for her contact information. He would let up! He told her that she was protecting "him". Meaning Terry. She told him to leave her alone and that she wasn't scared of him! :) I couldn't help but grin!

So I did mention that Terry is deployed right now to the judge. As the words left my mouth I knew STBX's ear's picked up. I get in the car and there is a text message already on my phone from STBX! He ranted and raved. Blah! Blah! Blah! I had went to block his number several times over the past few weeks and the dang website was having issues. So after about 10 text messages or so and me finally getting home to block him, no more from him this evening! YEA!

But in my in-box there are about 3 or 4. Not sure if I will post them here. He is so nuts. Saying I'm abusing the kids, I abused the kids, Terry is abusing the kids, I'm doing drugs and selling them. All of which are super silly! Laughable! I have no issues with taking a drug test. If I were selling drugs I would buy a car and I would not stay in the apartment we are at! LOL!

J talked to my mom in law for a bit and they will see them (R too) for visitation on Sunday. After we are done with church. As humorous as much of this is, I'm a bit blue.

Monday is my 19th year wedding anniversary. I'm still married to him. I have been balling for awhile now. Feeling lost about what to do. I want to finalize and to find closure, but find us lost in legal land.  I am happy the court left custody as it stands! I am tickled about that!

I am sad that all he did was smirk at me. My Gaslighter stared at me. He still loves me, according to an email. And he does not want the divorce, of course I'm going against God and he won't. He will let the judge sign the divorce papers as he does not want it.

I feel so crappy right now. My head hurts! He is aware that Terry is not here. (He is deployed in another state for an unknown period of time) I was so nervous on the way to court. I felt as though I would throw up. Memories just flood my mind.

And he says so many lies! I don't understand how he gets away with them! I keep telling myself in the end he will get his. I can not judge as he will stand before the Lord.

I had a acquaintance come by and while she was here, her Nextel walkie went off. Her BF was asking where she was and who she was with. When she told him, his next question is how long are you going to be there? She just said she didn't know. Didn't reply.

A half hour later it goes off again. He says, "You still there? If you aren't going to talk to me I'm turning my phone off". She was red in the face each time he walkied her. She was embarassed.

I remember that! I remember having to explain myself to my husband. Telling him that and more. Feeling like a 5 year old. Feeling ashamed because whoever was around me would look at me with a puzzled long on they're face... Didn't he talk to you like 15 mins or a half hour ago?

Court time or visitation time always does this to me. It makes me sick. It makes me nervous. it makes me jumpy. Even right now. It brings me back to a time when I worried so much about making him happy and content I was terrified about what would happen if I failed.

I was hoping I would hear that we could move to finalize at least the marriage soon. Please forgive me that I'm just alittle blue...

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