A little about me

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Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Deadbeat Dads/Moms

The world is filled with them.

These people some of these people were not happy about getting divorced. Or they just don't care. The great nation of the US of A, allows so many of these people to slip through the cracks to work for cash, not work at all, which leaves so many struggling parents to continue to provide and pick up the slack for the children that two people brought into this world.

There are many websites dedicated to locating, fining, and even jailing deadbeat parents.

On the other hand I do know of some Ex's that were not happy with the separation and want to get even with the other. So they will raise support rates so high that the other is struggling to pay with little over. I feel for both sides of the fence.

You can't prove a person is working for cash. Trust me, my STBX, Robert Allen (Griffith, IN) is. He works for Pine Waterproofing in Northfield, IL. Local 11 Waterproofer. He's a Foreman for the company for years and he has been getting paid under the table for as many years as he has been working. I'm talking making over $50,000 on paper and an additional $20,000 to $30,000 off the books. This isn't uncommon though, many construction jobs work the same. Especially those in the Union that want to cut back on the dues as well as getting socked by the State and Fed government.

STBX right now owes $4,769.10. No, it's not a bunch in some cases where there are over that. But for this amount I can get them braces, much needed glasses, clothes and a school things. I am glad he is getting everything to buy our Son's love (Game system, new clothes, hair style, just recently pierced ears, cell phone and spending money). I know the big guy doesn't want to be alone and he doesn't know how to just love a person. He has to "BUY" love. No one likes him otherwise.

I'm sounding harsh because I'm tired of him getting away with everything. He's gotten away with threatening me, hiring someone to kill me, threatening to kill the kids and other things. And now I should just let him off of child support?

What do you think?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

You made me stronger!

I say these words but I'm so unclear whether it's true or not. Today's events has brought so many memories of hurt and pain.

It's amazing how just a mere word or thought can trigger such a huge wave of emotion. I still feel annoyed at myself for crying or breaking down when something like that happens.

I remembered getting pushed down stairs.
Getting my head/neck caught in the door or headlock.
Being smothered by a pillow or with his hand.
I was thrown out of a car several times (moving once) .
Kicked in the lower back/tail bone.

Just a few things I can think of off the top of my head that could have injured my back. I won't go through the other parts of my body that seem to bear unseen scars of attacks over the years.

I'm anxious to (more then slim chance) finalize in June. I am less then anxious to think that soon I more then likely be stuck battling this man and his craziness for the next 5 years or so if he is awarded unsupervised.
I pray there is some solution to this. I'm sorry for rambling!

Stay safe and have a great night.

BIG HUGS
Mel

If you can't see the scars it must not have happened...

"If there's no mark it didnt' happen!"
"You made it up to put me in a bad light!"
"For people to think I'm an *sshole!"
"I never pushed/threw/hit/smacked/kicked you!"
"LIAR!"

I did something to my back a few weeks back. The pain was so dang bad I wanted to cry. I whimpered and moaned when no one was around. Even despite my exterior when someone was around the pain got the best of me, at times the pain would suck my breath away.



I finally sucked it up and went to the Chiropractor, he took the usual required X-rays yesterday and told me to return today. With the amount of pain I was in, he explained that he was looking at a torn or ruptured disk. I hoped he was puffing it up! Ya-da, Ya-da, Ya-da...

I went back today, asking God to let it be just something small like a sore muscle. Still unsure if it's more then a herniated disk or what have you. He is holding off on a MRI until more sessions with me. He brought up my X-rays and began explaining what I was seeing.

He was rattling off a number of things wrong with my spine and he mentioned that the injuries to my back and neck were related to more blunt trauma or severe. I told him about a car accident that I had in detail. He was frowning the whole time.

My neck had been fractured at some point in time. Small but the tell tale sign of calcification.

Towards my tail bone there was more trauma.  And a few other spots towards the middle.

I felt choked up.

He asked if I was experiencing pain in these areas. I said, "The accident..."

He said, "These are not from a normal car accident".

I know what these are from. You could never see some of the marks (scars) on the outside of my body from where I had been choked, pushed, shoved and kicked repeatedly over time. You can't tell from looking at me the physical and emotional toll that had on me. Years of promises it wouldn't happen again.

I talked or babbled to Terry after I saw the Doctor. I was a mess! I had to pull over. I'm still a bit sad and with a splash of anger that surprises me. Anger for his continued denial of not hurting me "that bad". Terry was wonderful to soothe me and remind me all that was in the past. I should look forward and he loved me.

When you think that he didn't leave any marks, your guts and bones tell you another story. They leave a history of bad times which brings to mind of rings on a tree.

I have a glimmer of hope that he can't hurt me anymore. The doubt that once the upcoming trial is over, I will be on my own to sort through his madness, deprogram and worry about the girls safety if he is allowed to visit with them unsupervised.

I'm less then thrilled that the percentage of those in DV situations that are in counseling as a family rarely fixes anything and can put the victims in harms way. I'm still scratching my head at this one.

PLEASE! If you are a victim of abuse get out! Get help! Tell someone! Don't suffer in silence! Leave a paper trail! Start a blog to start to heal. Stay safe...

Blessings!
Mel

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Short version of past visitation

I'm so torn between anger, sadness and fear.

I read the short narrative about the Childrens Treehouse events from the previous weekend, that it hit me like a cold splash of water.

As a Mother and Wife I tried to use whatever judgement to keep my family together. I'm not proud of many of my decisions I made. I put my children at risk both before we left and after we left. I feel as though I failed in some ways to protect the little ones' I was blessed to have. I know I can not beat my spirit up about this and through the years some of the intense feelings has simmered. Reading and hearing about the events that unfolded a few weeks ago reminds me of the reasons I left that man. It reminds me that there is still things I can show my kids (girls and someday my son).

Love, trust, faith and friendship.

In some ways I am bewildered by the lack of seriousness our legal land associates know. Imagine my chagrin to have to fill out Parenting time scheduling. I have to consider how to do the Therapeutic Counseling with a man that is stalking us, hired someone to kill me, and is unstable mentally. How does one shield themselves from a mad man? By the same token I am thankful we have not had to give our physical address out. I pray that continues! And I do appreciate all the help and understanding my atty has given. For that I am eternally grateful!

I'd like to think I'm doing all the right things.I have been following all the rules set before me by the court. I have played nice. I have not been a thorn in anyone's side.

How do I continue to keep my kids safe?
How do I save my son from his Dad and himself?
How do I make sure Terry and Mini man stay safe?
How do I break free from someone that wants to keep it alive?

I was given Parenting Time Guidelines to fill out for the next court date. HUH?! I can not trust this man to harm the kids. I can not trust him not to harm me in a visitation exchange process and now I have to work on Week, Weekend and Holiday scheduling?! Seriously? The man has hired someone to kill me, stalked me (still looking for me in old places I frequented) and is still obsessed with getting back together.

My son is possibly to be taken away to a mental (behavioral) facility and the one that really needs a Psych evaluation or to be admitted to a mental facility is STBX! That poor kid is going to dislike me more then he does now and it's not in my hands to make a choice one way or another! My sister has offered to take him but it sounds like the court won't allow for that. I do understand that he needs help but while he is with his dad he won't be able to progress but on the other hand I don't want him in a facility. I don't know how to fix this! 

Normally, when a relationship breaks up, there is crying, some begging and after a time you move on. To deal with someone that is Psychopathic, a NARC, Gaslighter or whatever you want me to call him, is beyond my realm of expertise. I only know that I'm free, happy and loved. I want to keep this feeling. Please keep all of us in your prayers.

*The following is a brief summary of the events that transpired during the girls supervised visit on March 24, 2012. This is not the full transcription of the events but it is detailed enough to get the effect of how intense the visit was.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visit ended early by Jessica as she and Dad argue. Jessica has a panic attack after leaving visit. Dad complains throughout visit about Mother and their family issues.
Dad "no one in this county is ready for Melinda". Jessica leaves in ambulance as she to experiencing a panic attack and hyper-ventilating.

Supplement Report
  • Jessica & Dad argue
  • Jessica "You told me for 2 years- that if the divorce happened it would be all my fault. you put me in that hospital".
  • Dad "That's a lie".
  • Jessica "No it's not. You sent us both. me & Matthew. He needed to be there".
  • Dad "No he didn't. I didn't want you there".
  • Jessica "You need to be there. You need a psych eval".
  • Dad "I don't know what your game is- what your mothers game is".
  • Jessica "My life would be great if you weren't in it".
  • Dad "You're repeating exactly what your mother says".
  • Jessica "No. She would tell me to be respectful".
  • Dad "You don't hurt me".
  • Jessica "So now you're a counselor & a psycho".
  • Dad "I did nothing to you".
  • Jessica "You choked me. That's bullshit".
  • Dad "I didn't choke you. I slapped you".
  • Jessica "Lie".
  • Dad "You went crazy and started attacking Matthew".
  • Jessica "All you did what sit on the couch & watch TV all day".
  • Jessica "You whipped Matthew with your belt so many times. Mom tried to protect him".
  • Dad "All I see is your mother. So it's ok for you to disrespect me".
  • Jessica "I'd rather be like her than you".
  • Dad "Mom is hurting you by keeping the negativity going".
  • Dad "I always tell Matthew to not talk badly about"
  • Jessica "Why do you or Matt keep texting Mom in the middle of the night?"
  • Jessica "You ruined the first 10 years of my life".
  • Dad "Your Mom keeps your away from me. You can argue all you want. It doesn't hurt me".
  • Jessica "I hate you with a deep passion. I want to stab you right now- but I won't because I will not stoop to your level. I wish you would leave me alone. I hate you! I don't want to see you!"
  • Dad "I'm fighting for custody of you".
  • Jessica "I hate you. I thought you changed- but you didn't Stop this visitation shit. I hate you. Get out of my life".
  • Alex "Guys your kinda talking loud".
  • Dad "You shush!"
  • Jessica "NO!" and slams her hands on the table
  • Jessica throws her cards at dads face.
  • CTH security enters visit
  • Dad laughs when Jessica leaves
  • Dad "Alex I didn't hurt you. You're my baby".
  • Alex cries- Alex asks to leave
  • Matt cries. *Mom called to pick up girls 11:23 am