Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Searching for the light- Stories from victims of abuse- Amy

Amy

Amy is an adorable pixie-like lady approached me after seeing our group in Psychology class reenact a bit of my story of domestic violence.

She comforted me that I made a good decision about leaving. Quietly she whispered that many years ago she too had suffered by the hands of her then-boyfriend, Martin.

Their relationship began well enough. Amy explained that she had a string of relationships that seemed to go nowhere those past partners had no job or was into the drug culture. She didn’t want to be lonely so whatever person came her way was fine to her. It beat being alone.

Martin was a little different. He had previously been in a serious relationship but he said his ex-was psycho complaining that she never let him see his kid and just kept taking his money weekly.

She never felt any type of hostility. He gave her flowers, took her out, had a good job as a construction worker, and seemed like a good guy. After a month, she felt good enough to let him meet her family. Amy thought the visit was going well and pulled her Mom aside to ask what she thought. Her Mom and sisters confided that something was off about him. They weren’t certain what it was but it was unsettling.

Amy felt hurt. She thought this time would be different and wanted to share her excitement with the ones close to her. The rest of the visit was strained. Martin had appeared uncomfortable the entire time. They bid goodnight and left.

In the car, Martin was perturbed about the incident and said they won’t do that again. She agreed that the visit was different but softened that next time they would visit with just her parents. Martin brought the car to a halt telling her there was to be no further contact with “those people”.

Confused she asked what he meant. He yelled obscenities at her and roughly pushed her door open. Unbuckling her from the seat, he shoved her out while yelling to walk home.

This was the beginning of many such situations. He had attacked her on more than one occasion. She said he promised he wouldn’t do it again but after he would drink, they would argue. One thing would lead to another and he would violently assault her physically or sexually.

Each time the situation worsened. She was unsure if she would make it through another beating. Amy shared that she had since left this situation and felt that she needed to share her story with me. She describes how alone and isolated she felt during this time. Though time has passed, the emotional wounds are sore.

She went on to say that, Martin had come home one evening after hanging out with friends at a bar until late after she had gone to bed hours before. As the relationship went on, she learned he was a functioning alcoholic.

Hearing him shuffle in the door, she curled into a protective ball and awaited him coming to bed. She remembers he stank like stale cigarettes and beer. The smell was so strong that it nauseated her. She held her breath as he came into the room out of fear.

He grumbled under his breath and finally sank down beside her. She hoped he would just pass out.
Out of nowhere, he was on top of her. She thrashed and said to get off but he didn’t. He kept mumbling for her to shush and let him have what is his.

Scrambling from out under him, she managed to force him off of her and sprinted out of the bedroom. He caught her in the hall, grabbing her foot, causing Amy to fall into a side table.

She says the rest is fuzzy. She later learned he had sexually assaulted her while she was unconscious. This is a good thing because he then proceeds to drag Amy out of the house by her feet. She wakes up briefly notices a cool breeze and sees the night sky suddenly the feeling of intense pain throughout her body! She sees him wielding a tire iron. He is hitting her repeatedly.

Amy loses consciousness and awakens to the sound of sirens and flashing lights. She doesn’t know the person she sees kneeling over her. He is talking to her can't understand him because her ears are ringing loudly. Her mouth feels funny. Her head hurts. She tries to get up but she feels hands on her weighing her down. This panics her and she fights with all her might but a shot of pain sends her back into deep slumber.

The next time she wakes up, she finds herself in the hospital. She can only see through one eye. She reaches up to find the other bandaged. One arm is in a cast, her body hurts, and there are tubes, wires, bandages, and another cast on her right leg.

A nurse walked in and excitedly begins to fill Amy in the blank spaces from the day prior to the assault, a neighbor heard a woman screaming. After looking out the window, the neighbor sees Amy on the ground trying to protect her from Martin who is raining blows on her with that tire iron. The neighbor saw Amy trying to crawl away but Martin kept grabbing her legs to pull her back.

What the neighbor didn’t see was Martin twisting her leg so hard that something snapped at the knee. She didn’t see Martin kicking Amy in the head with such force that she would have issues with her right eye in the future.

This kind soul was on the phone with the police the moment she heard the scream that is forever be imprinted on her mind.

It had been over 10 years since that vicious beating, she underwent physical therapy and has had many other health issues related to past event. The police visited Amy in the hospital a day the event to advise her that Martin was picked up on the scene. He claimed he didn’t know what happened and that he blacked out not remembering any of the brutal acts. Martin sentenced to five years in jail but gets out after two for good behavior.

Amy moved away, changed her phone number, her looks, and has a new vehicle.

She adds that she has trust issues and even though time has passed since that night, she much happier alone. Amy sees a counselor, went back to school, and is now an advocate for victims of abuse. Amy also reconciled with her family and they are closer than before.

Part of healing for her was to thank the neighbor for saving her life and to reach out to Martin’s ex-wife, Lisa. Amy found out that Lisa was not this horrible person Martin described her as but rather Lisa was abused by Martin as well!

The courts had granted Lisa sole custody of their child and Martin hadn’t been paying any child support. Martin spent a few days in jail for assaulting Lisa but the charges were dropped for some unknown reason. She hadn’t seen or heard from him in years. She isn’t sure if he is alive.

Both Amy and Lisa endured something horrifying that bound them together in friendship. Neither woman never saw Martin again. Amy adds that she still has bad dreams and worries if he is doing this to another woman.

*I am not an Attorney or Counselor, please seek out a licensed individual for more information and help. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination, given with permission, or used in a fictitious manner. And any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental .*

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BIG HUGS,
Mel

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