Clarissa
I first met this beautiful warrior socially. We had
children close in age. She is a bit older than I, married to a man that was
very involved in the church. She was wise, sagey, and led a very public and
influential life.
From the outside, looking in they had it all. The big
house, clothes, gadgets, whatnot’s, vacations, cars, Brad Sr., her husband had
a terrific job, and money was no object. For years, I envied and loved the life
she and her family led. Oh, I know it’s not good to covet but they had what I
had wanted during a dark period. They had it all.
Years later that she confessed that the life they were,
living was a lie. Her husband was abusing the children physically. He was
especially harsh on his eldest son, Brad Jr. She had no idea why.
Her son had become distant and finally opened up to her
about the physical abuse.
Confronting Brad Sr. about the situation, he promised he
wouldn’t do it again. He explained to her that he was under pressure at work
and took it out on Brad Jr. Not wanting to make excuses for this behavior, he
offered to try harder, to walk away if he was having a difficult time
controlling his temper. His final promise was that there were isolated
incidents.
Over the course of the following weeks, he indeed held to
his promise. Clarissa was thrilled to have healing for the relationship between
father and son.
A month later, she found she had grabbed her husband’s
phone instead of her own.
No big deal right?
She climbed in her van to rush to an appointment she was
running late. The phone buzzed. A text message came on the screen. It was from
a teen girl they knew from church. Not thinking anything of it, she opened the
message. To her anger and sadness, it contained suggestive comments for her
husband!
She was still reeling from the news between her Son and
husband now this?! Slamming on the brakes she couldn’t think straight so she
high tailed it home. Further searching on his phone and home computer showed
inappropriate photos with this young lady. There were also pornography sites in
his viewing history.
Feeling repulsed Clarissa was trying to figure out whom
this man that she was married to for over twenty years was. She felt that she
didn’t even know him anymore.
She felt as though the world was ending. Sure, they had
issues off and on but nothing to this magnitude had prepared her for what was
coming next. Clarissa shared that she didn’t leave her husband. She felt
confident enough they could get through this with counseling from church and a
therapist.
In a short time following the turn of events, she realized
how much damage had happened prior to all of this coming to light. The amount
of verbal and mental abuse she and the children had been experiencing had been
high.
Through counseling, she learned the signs of abuse and
Brad Sr. found coping skills to help him deal with high stress. Clarissa now
had tools to use to boost her self-esteem that had taken a beating. They began
to have date nights. They listened to one another when times were tough and how
to communicate again.
At this time, they are still married. It hasn’t been easy.
Clarissa still had lingering trust issues of course but they moved past this
event to grow and found love for one another that was lost.
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