So now the kids have an appointment earlier this week and come to find out that J has entertained killing herself again. I question the way the counselor aimed the question and plan to ask next time we go to a session. She was diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety and something else. The doctor prescribed Prozac. I'm less then tickled about this choice but due to her swinging moods that sometime mirror her father when he was younger, I'm unclear what is just plain teen moods or something more.
J, is happy to be home and she feels as though she was kind of tricked with the questioning. I wasn't in the room and don't know for sure. We talked about her feelings, why she felt that way and boy does she has some deep concerns about her father. Both my girls are struggling with anger, sadness and fear. I don't know how to help them. I've asked them to share what they have experienced, begged them to write down anything they remember, but they choose to bottle the memories until they have a emotional roller coaster. Both girls say they are really happy to be where we are now. R doesn't know where we live and they feel safe for the first time in a long time.
I am apprehensive to take them back. It's court ordered and neither want to go again. We haven't even began to discuss meeting with R and the girls or M with me. I dreaded the possibility that R may follow me home.
As we get closer to our Final court date I still feel nervous. I wish the judge would just say we are done rather then having a Hearing. I actually did start to mention that we are planning on having a BBQ to celebrate. But I know due to R's fixation he won't be out of our hair. I keep getting reminders from others not to forget that.
Thank the Lord for the strength He has given us to keep going... I still question my parenting skills and whether I'm a good Mom. I question everything. I also still struggle with breaking free of unnecessary habits, such as doing the dishes (Ok I slack at drying them)