Looking back about leaving my abuser

10 years ago I was working in the antique shop that I ran with my then husband- Will. I loved being around the vendors, the antiques, and the customers! It was an amazing experience that had its up's and downs. I have always felt that working for someone else is just not for me, so this was a blessing.

People made comments about Will. He was seen as a bully, rude, and that he never left me alone. Some saw him as cunning, smart, and giving. 

I hated the end of the day. The end of the day signaled the time when I had to go home to be with him. Will had a job in construction so his moments with me at the shop were thankfully limited. The glimmering patch in that madness was my children being there.

At this time I was teetering back and forth about leaving him for the third time. We have been in this continuous cycle of me saying, "Let me go" and he would react with, "Oh no you won't!". There were threats of harm, threats of violence, threats of everything you can imagine just so I wouldn't leave. 

While leaving was scary to me. I would be without money, a home, and health insurance. That was terrifying! Even more so than staying, though I knew in my heart that things were coming to a head. If I stayed longer I would not live to see the end of the following year. 

After leaving those worries didn't go away. There was still danger after leaving him. It didn't make sense to me. I felt that leaving would make the crazy go away but it seemed to escalate, but not being in that situation allowed me to become stronger. It allowed me to open my heart to love someone again, where I told myself I would never let anyone in again. 

Fast forward to the present, I am a different person at that time. The person I am now is continually growing, learning, and healing. It has taken time to work through all of these. 

If you have just left your abuser please know you did the right thing! You will survive without him and he will go on without you. Working on yourself right now for your best. It is hard. There will be days where you will feel that it is just easier to go back. Staying out of this relationship is for your best. You can do this!


If you need to talk message me privately I'm happy to talk to you. 

Whatever your journey, I hope you stay safe. Have I told you lately that I love you?

BIG HUGS,
Mel

My knees were shaking and my voice shook!

I admit that I was super nervous as I spoke at the St. Jude House Candlelight Vigil recently. I said a prayer before going on but I was still terribly nervous. My inner chatter was going crazy. Before we arrived I almost told Mr. Awesome that I changed my mind. 

I was letting fear creep into my head. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. I gave a presentation last night and the same voice came into my mind. Telling me that I was stupid. That people would laugh and that I should just leave. 

I punched fear in the face last night. I know in my heart this isn't about my ego or about me. It's about a calling that God placed in my heart to help reach out to others by sharing my story. 

God has put so many AMAZING people and events in my path in such a short period of time. I have been overwhelmed with thankfulness and gratitude. Sharing has been able to help heal me further and to kick that nasty voice in my head. 

My family and friends have been so supportive and loving. I find victims and survivors from all the corners of the earth. The thing is, there are so many similarities in our stories that it is eerie and sad. 

I hope to continue with my book tour and sharing this year and hope to keep going for the future. Plans for a healing sanctuary in the near future are in the works. Whether this would be a not-for-profit or a foundation type of thing is what I am

thinking. Though I admit to being in the dark about planning this. 

Can I also confess that this journey isn't anything that I thought it would be. It is so much more! I thank God every day for His grace and helping me through dark times in my life when all I wanted to do was give up. He didn't give up on me or let me to just throw in the towel. 

In other news, I did make it to the Gypsy Soul Retreats and presented "Vision Boards" to a fabulous group of Women. It was something I crossed off my Bucket List and I was pretty darned proud of myself for going! 

I have been trying to create more videos to add to our YouTube channel. A recent video that was supposed to be serious was a bit loud in the background... Well, you can view it on here! 

I mention on my other blog about how surreal my life is. And I know I have said it over and over, but it is! My worries at this point in my life (besides the usual bills and money is), "Do I grow my hair out because it's bugging me now?" Isn't that awesome!? Seriously, it seems dumb but that is my concern. I am loving this life of mine. :) 

There are little happenings that went on around the farm, please check them out here- My obsession: Glitter, Antiques and Homesteading

So, Dear One, whatever your journey, please know you are not alone! You are loved. You are amazing! You are worthy of joy and happiness. If you need to talk please message me privately. 

If I hadn't told you lately... I love you too!

BIG HUGS,

Mel 

P.S.- Have you heard about this campaign? 💜 Painting your ring finger #purple to show the world your vow to help spread #awareness about #domesticviolence 😍. You are also showing support for #safehorizon which says it is the country's largest organization that helps victims. Whether you are wearing purple ribbons, coloring your hair purple or #putthenailinit #speakup against #abuse 💜. Sharing your story may help change the course of lives!

P.P.S.- Have you had a chance to pick up a copy of my books? Find them here- Call me Master and Rising from the Ashes. Don't forget to look at my facebook page- Hope when there was none. 

If you know of a church or group that would like to have me speak at please drop me a message to blessmeplz@gmail.com.

**UPDATE**

Mr. Awesome and I headed out Friday. I met with a cool Lady about speaking to her group in November at Suzie's Cafe in Valpo. One of the waitresses there had amazing hair! That afternoon, guess who ended the debate on her haircut? YEP! This Lady!