Looking back about leaving my abuser

10 years ago I was working in the antique shop that I ran with my then husband- Will. I loved being around the vendors, the antiques, and the customers! It was an amazing experience that had its up's and downs. I have always felt that working for someone else is just not for me, so this was a blessing.

People made comments about Will. He was seen as a bully, rude, and that he never left me alone. Some saw him as cunning, smart, and giving. 

I hated the end of the day. The end of the day signaled the time when I had to go home to be with him. Will had a job in construction so his moments with me at the shop were thankfully limited. The glimmering patch in that madness was my children being there.

At this time I was teetering back and forth about leaving him for the third time. We have been in this continuous cycle of me saying, "Let me go" and he would react with, "Oh no you won't!". There were threats of harm, threats of violence, threats of everything you can imagine just so I wouldn't leave. 

While leaving was scary to me. I would be without money, a home, and health insurance. That was terrifying! Even more so than staying, though I knew in my heart that things were coming to a head. If I stayed longer I would not live to see the end of the following year. 

After leaving those worries didn't go away. There was still danger after leaving him. It didn't make sense to me. I felt that leaving would make the crazy go away but it seemed to escalate, but not being in that situation allowed me to become stronger. It allowed me to open my heart to love someone again, where I told myself I would never let anyone in again. 

Fast forward to the present, I am a different person at that time. The person I am now is continually growing, learning, and healing. It has taken time to work through all of these. 

If you have just left your abuser please know you did the right thing! You will survive without him and he will go on without you. Working on yourself right now for your best. It is hard. There will be days where you will feel that it is just easier to go back. Staying out of this relationship is for your best. You can do this!


If you need to talk message me privately I'm happy to talk to you. 

Whatever your journey, I hope you stay safe. Have I told you lately that I love you?

BIG HUGS,
Mel