A little about me

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Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Children of abuse

Dearest Blog reader,

I thank you for riding with me on this amazing, terrifying, sad and incredible journey of rebuilding my wits from abuse. I can ramble on from time to time about my dreams, wishes and hopes. Children of abuse can have a hard time coping with these things. I have wrote about them from time to time and it is so near and dear to my heart that I can not stress how important it is to get help or have patience with children in a abusive situation.

I myself have had so many experiences through the healing of my girls that has been a scary roller coaster at time. I want to tell you that everything has been easy.

That's a fib. We have had tantrums, crying fits, fear, nightmares, mouthy times, running away (not far), suicide attempts, thoughts of harming someone else (My ex), disrespect towards me and depression. It is easy to say that these things happened right after we left my ex. But, these things continue to rear it's ugly head, like a pimple that won't go away.

In all honesty, I have cleansed our home, pleaded the Blood of Christ and prayed insistently for my children. We have dealt with sullen children and I swear there were times either girl was possessed by some dark forces! OK, OK! I didn't break out Holy Water, but there is something to be said for the power of prayer. I know I have made it clear throughout my blog that I have a strong faith and truly believe God has been always by my side.

I do hope my girls do heal well. They don't like the counselor that was appointed by the court. The counselor they did like ended up excusing herself due to fear of my ex. I have asked them to blog or write a story or just share with one another or us what they do remember. Sadly, they don't do this often or hardly at all. I can see where this is a problem for them. My youngest is skittish, afraid of everything or if someone raises their voice (even if it is not directed at her), she does have a tendency to show signs of a nasty temper, in which she can snap if pushed too far. She doesn't have many if any friends, her appearance seems to suffer. She could care less if she bathes or even brushes her hair. She would live in the same clothes for weeks if she could get away with it! She gets picked on (bullied) at school.

My older daughter has a nasty mean streak, in which she reminds me so much of her Dad from time to time it is really scary. She likes to cause pain in others, verbal, emotional or physical. She is also a big drama queen (much like her Dad). She wants to hurt her father or at least get back with him. She is a handful. But, she is a rising star at school, with gobs of friends and big plans for the future.

Both are A and B students, of which I am very pleased! They are excelling at school very well. My younger daughter does have a issue with biting off more then she can chew with projects and also waiting to the last minute to do a project.

My prayers for them is to find normalcy. To find inner peace. To find a partner when they are older that cherishes them. To find true friends. To love themselves. To become wonderful parents, leaving the abusive past in the past. Moving toward a future of joy and happiness. And to mend a relationship with their brother down the road.

I miss my older Son terribly. My heart aches for a him and I worry that I will never be able to repair that relationship. I pray for him all the time. My prayer for him is mirrored as my prayers for his Sisters.

Raising children is not easy. Raising children that are survivors or victims of any type of abuse is super challenging. I pray often for my new Husband that seems to have taken my "Baggage" with the amazing patience that I never knew. Oh, I'm not saying he has not been challenged or not frustrated. The relationship that has blossomed between all of them is really good. Despite stepping into the shoes of a Stepfather of two, then Preteens, there is a respect that has grown into something I had never thought would be. The understanding that we have together is that he is the Man of the house. He is firm, but not abusive and there is no give in his parenting. The girls talk to him, lean on him and come to him for problems. I'm not jealous but do envy to some degree the relationship. He has a rock for us when we have some PTSD issue. I thank God for placing him in our lives.

I challenge you to listen to your kids. Play with them. Enjoy them. Help them in whatever way you can to build character for them. Show them by example of normalcy.

Keep your hands off of them. Talk to your kids. Hug them often. Love them and enjoy this time. I have been going on a web time out for myself. I noticed I was on the web more then I needed to be and not enjoying the time with my family as I should.

Unplug! Leave the phone at home or at least don't check it that often. Turn the TV off or the computer.

Leave your Mom/Dad hat off and zip your lips- Very hard to do but it can be done
Pray together
Talk about dreams for the future or even the upcoming weekend
Do something fun
Try not to bash your ex
Encourage them to write or create a song or poem about the past experiences
Check out past blogs on Vision Boards- The girls enjoyed that and the plan is to look at them in a few more months to see if anything has happened or if they have a change.
Watch a movie together

Learn to love yourself and don't be afraid to let them see you cry.  We don't share everything legally and we do remember good times that we shared in the past. I love my kids deeply and am not giving up on someday healing for them.

Prayers for you my Friend! Wherever you may be in your journey in healing of. . .