It’s hard to imagine starting a new life once you have left your abuser. Your heart is shattered.
Your dreams of a long relationship lay scattered on the ground and you feel that your whole life is just a shambles! Mr/Ms Wonderful made promises of change. Or promises of a long life together.
What do you do now?
I’ve blogged about this in the past. Picking yourself up once you have left is a tough thing to do!
Honey! You’re preaching to the choir!
Look around you, over-looking the wet and dried tissues that are are all over the place. Wipe those eyes. Throw some water on your face and make a list.
Where do you want to go?
What do you want to do with your life?
How can you move on?
What will I do for money or a job?
What are your dreams?
Finding yourself again after a break-up is a tricky thing and toss in the fact that you left an abusive situation the mix may still seem like a scene taken from The Springer show. A “normal” separation is one that you divide up the kids, stuff and move on. With an abusive relationship the other partner may NOT want to let go.
He/she may continue to stalk you. He/she may continue to harass you by texting/emails. He/she may still try to hurt you by intimidation or further abuse (Verbal/Physical). It can be very hard to think of moving on with the continued drama.
You ask, “Seriously?! Woman what are you smoking!?”
You can do it! You can live a “NORMAL” life again.
You may have to break some habits created by the relationship(s) you were just in. Starting over is just that! Beginning again! Clean slate!
Re-invent who and what you want to be! Take those questions from above and start planning your new life! What do you want out of life? Are you living your life or just going through the motions? What can you do now to make what you want with your life?
After you have answered those questions above, call it homework, then start purging everything!
Whether it be the relationships with others that maybe toxic in your life (Your Ex’s friends or family)
Clean up your home.
Memories are attached to many things around you.
Starting new (If you can afford it) can help. From the bed you and your partner slept in together to the digs you stay in.
What about the food you eat? Do eat things that are good for you? Is the food you’re eating something you really enjoy or something you just adapted?
Are there things you use to clean you only used because he/she wanted you to? Personally, after I left I realized how much I hated the smell of Febreze. And I wouldn’t use it again!
Or what about the TV shows you watch. It has been almost 4 years since I have watched “The Simpsons”. It is something I watched because of my ex.
What about your clothes? Do they make you feel good? Are they you or what your ex liked to see you in?
What bad habits do you have? Party too much? Drinking? Drugs? Food? Sex?
What have you become addicted to doing because of your ex?
Your make up? Your Hair?
The list can go on and on! It is quite amazing when you reflect back at the things you have or do because it became routine with your ex.Take a serious look at your life then and now. Pick up the pieces of your life. Your worthy! You’re a Survivor!
Take baby steps! You can do it!