A little about me

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Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Monday, October 15, 2012

Got bruises?

I'm not making light of any type of abuse by that title. I'm in awe at how many various ways people, whether they are of DV or Child Abuse or any type of violence, can hurt another.

I'm in awe that I have well over 16,000 people that have viewed this blog since 2009. No it's not the millions other blogs or websites have. In a strange way I'm tickled but yet horrified and sadden that so many have viewed it due to the content.

A few brave people have sent in comments. Many have been erased before they ever hit my blog post, but I have the email.

I don't have many followers and that's ok. If my story or other survivor stories can help someone get help or realize they aren't alone then I think that's wonderful! I didn't do this for glory and in some small way in the beginning I wanted to "out" my ex. I wanted everyone to know that he did these things to us. I wanted everyone to know so the next woman he dates has some clue what she is walking into.

After time went by and healed my bruises inward and outwardly, I allowed my emotions raise to the surface to find out how I can best deal with the vicious and yet constant reminder of where I was. I mentioned it many times about how surreal life is now.

I'm not afraid to pick up the phone, that someone may yell at me for whatever the reason.
I'm not afraid to come home or run late.
I'm not afraid of totally giving myself to love and intimacy.
I'm not afraid to share my feelings.

I have many bumps in the road. I have times where I just crumble either in private or in a public setting. I'm learning to be me. Learning to find my self. Though I still say somethings that I shouldn't. I do things I shouldn't. I leap before I think first. I feel like a toddler at times. Fumbling to love the life I'm in.

Thank you Lydia for letting me ramble on from time to time. I'm so proud of this woman! She left her abuser recently and has stayed gone. She is recognizing patterns of abuse and how to cope with the after with herself and kids. She has shared wisdom with me that sometimes feels like a soft lump to my hard headed noggin. And for this I thank her!

She is just one of the amazing women I have met that have left a relationship or been a victim or stalking (Thank you Dana for your kindness and strength!) or bullies. And I am proud to know these women! Thank you Dear Blog reader! I pray that you have left your abuser. I pray if you haven't you find the encouragement and faith to do so. Know that you are worthy of so much more!

BIG HUGS!

Mel

Monday, October 1, 2012

Beating your children...

First thing first, October is Domestic Abuse Awareness month! No one is immune to the effects of this devastating time.

Abuse does not discriminate. It can strike Men, Women, Old, Young, Black, White, Catholic, Baptist, Wealthy... you get the picture.

Whatever the excuse is that the victims use to rationalize or minimize the abuse, no one deserves it! There is nothing "You did" to "Make" the person do it to you! Despite, the constant reminders you may get from your abuser. It's not you! Triggers to cause your abuser to flip his/her lid can be substance related, money, mental/emotional or maybe there is no reason.


Of course these are excuses used to harm you! So, he/she only does this to you, right?

What about your child(ren) or pet? Do you believe they are immune? Guess what! In many cases your abuser doesn't care. They may abuse your child privately or just be bold enough to do it in front of you. Perhaps making you participate! Headlines splashed across the world tells of horrific and tragic abuse of all sorts happening to children and animals by the hundreds.

In many cases both parents (Boy/Girl friend or Step parent) are charged with heinous crimes against the smallest victims that can't defend themselves. I've read many stories that point the finger at the other person that was abusive and they "Made them" act against the child or pet. Or there is some fear that they would be harmed so they let it happen.

I sit in awe, tears and a deep sadness that anyone would want to harm these little ones. That persons given a gift of life can take it savagely slowly over years or in a blink of an eye. For what?! The child won't stop crying? The bed is wet? The child is interrupting they're game or fun?

Countless couple's are wishing for a child of their own. And yet, we have dumpster babies and abused children that would flourish in a loving household.

There was a time when my Dad worked in a E. R. and he would tell me of stories about children brought in with cigarette burns, 2nd or 3rd degree burns on various parts of the body due to his/her parent and or molested. He was deeply effected by these children. And he didn't understand how someone could do something so heinous to a child.

I was abused as a young child by my Stepfather, Mark. He would beat on my Mom but as soon as she fought back he stopped. But he needed to redirect his anger somewhere else. So, while Mom was at work he turned to me... I didn't understand how in a split second we could be having a fun time and the next he was beating the crap out of me for no reason or for spilling milk.

Fast forward, I'm in an abusive situation with my ex-husband. I knew something was wrong each time I came in the house after I had been gone for awhile. The kids and my ex looked staged, stiff and tense. He had no qualms about going after the kids while I was home, which many times I would jump in or fight him to stop doing so.


The children would say there was no problems.
Dad was fine.
He was cool.

I knew in my heart it wasn't right. I know I can't take back that time. I know I am responsible in some part for staying. For believing my ex when he said I wouldn't be able to live without him. That I was worthless. That I would end up as a whore because no one would want me.  And no one would take care of me the way he did. (How warped is that?!) I'm slowly finding out how mean he was to the kids while I was out of the house or even in another room! I feel horrible about this!

I could tell you I slipped back into another bad abusive relationship. I could tell you I took up partying, drinking and a string of boyfriends. But I didn't. I was lucky! There are many women that get caught up in never changing they're circumstances. They are forever on a Merry-go-round of useless or abusive men that end up beating their kids.

I've already told my husband, Terry, that if he lays a hand on the kids we are over. Trust me, my 14 year old is a lot like her Dad, Rob and she can really push Terry's buttons!

Learning my new husband is not my ex is another experience. I have learn not to compare the two of them. They aren't anything alike! We are not without issues but there is no fear of him coming home. He doesn't stalk me. He doesn't call me dozens of time in the day. He doesn't accuse me of fooling around. He doesn't time me when I'm on errands. The list goes on and on...

If you know someone in an abusive situation or that might be, please support them, listen to them and get them help if they are ready.

If you can't leave for you please do it for your children! 

Let your child know about Teen stalking and abuse.

Educate!
Break the Silence!
Listen to your gut about a situation or person.

Stay safe!

BIG HUGS!
Mel