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Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Settlement land in my never-ending divorce

As usual nothing is uneventful.

I sent a settlement packet along with my financials to the last visitation. According to the Domestic Bureau in Lake County I needed to pass my Financials to him but since he has a past history of not getting the mail for some reason I decided to send it with J on the visit. I told her that it contained a settlement and financial paperwork. Tell him to sign and give it back so I could make copies. She had no other knowledge of what was in the envelope since I sealed it. Anyway...
We have a new GAL on the case, we actually had 2 up until today. Turns out Terry knows one of them and she had to pull herself off.

Going back and forth with text messages with Crazy man does not make for a happy camper. He still wants to reconcile.
I don't know why this amazes me. He is supposedly engaged again. Why can't he just move on? He is hell bent on destroying Terry, as if he were the problem. He fails continually to address the "REAL REASON" I left him.

He was abusive! He is in a constant state of denial and he is rambling off things that are so far out. Anyone that knows me these things are not true. SIGH! This whole thing gets me so flustered. I just want a divorce...
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to melnrob5@yahoo.com
from blessmeplz@gmail.com
date 7/19/2011
I will only refer to text messages in times of trouble. I believe for both of our benefits that we keep this to writing in email or old fashioned ink. 
I dropped the girls off for visitation at 12:30 pm on Sunday. If you only had 2 hours to visit with them then perhaps you need to arrange your schedule to accommadate. This does not create a emergency on my part.
My settlement like yours was an offer.
I ask for physical custody and legal custody of the girls. 
There is not enough time in the reminder of this year for you to claim the girls. There is a certain amount of time/overnights that you need to have in order to do so. Again contact your Accountant about this. I will claim them for this year and next year you can claim them. I have no need to claim Matt until we have had a LOT of counseling to heal our relationship. 
I left my name mistake on there on purpose, just to see if you were actually going to read the offer. 
You have mentioned your atty several times and I would prefer to speak to him or her. 
I do not feel safe enough not to meet in a public place for drop off or pick up's. Again if you would like the girls one day during the week that is fine. But you need to pick them up from school and also I will pick them up from a police station in the evenings. They have a bedtime of 9 o'clock so I need them home by 7:30 so they can do shower time and they can have a cool down time, clothes out for the night before and so on. 
The weekend drop off will also be public. I will drop them off  at the police station by 6 pm on Friday and I will pick them up by 6pm in Sunday. 
Of course none of this starts until the court says so. 
As for phone calls 2 or 3 times a week. I will not make them call you if they do not want to. Heck I can't get them to call me if I ask them to! My previous atty talked about this and the other matters I am talking to you about now so I am not just pulling things out of the air. Indiana Parenting guidelines permit weekend visits and weekday visits as well. I do ask to speak to them while they are in your care. No speaker phone as you did in the past. 
The income is none. I do not go to school and have a sizeable bill from that. I have no vehicle any longer. I have a friend allowing me to borrow a car from time to time. As stated on my financials I have no car.Terry's income is not your concern. As I stated in my message, if we were "DIVORCED" then his income would be relevant. 
I mentioned many times I would pay the deductibles on the kids medical bills. That was stated at our court hearing last year. 
I have better things to do, as I stated in my text message to you then to sit in front of your house.Seriously?! I wouldn't trust anyone to sit at the curb on a busy street like that. 
You will receive the rest of my items when I receive your financials as well. I left you a message concerning the tax returns. I did not feel we needed to exchange them if there has not been a big change. But since you are adamant about doing so, please include your returns in your financials. I will be sending mine to your Mom's house since in the past I have heard there are problems receiving mail about the divorce or from me. 
As for your threat about telling the court about using the children for the divorce. I again mentioned in a text message back to you that I recall yourself, your Mom and Jess talking about custody and such in the laundry room so Pearl would not hear about the agreement. Sounds like you have once again not been forth coming and told her that you are not divorced. Anyway, at that time I was informed during pick up that you all came to an arrangement that the girls would stay with me. Of course once you and I conversed you quickly changed your tune since I told you I would not start this agreement that week.  I handed Jess a SEALED DOCUMENT. All she was aware was that it contained my financials and a settlement agreement. She knows none of the details. She does not need to know them. 
I would have thought you would refrain from calling me names. Asking if "R u that stupid" is same old Rob behavior. Jess has her own mind and is allowed to have her own thoughts on the matter. We do not tell her everything about what is going on because I would rather her worry about friends, school work and just being a kid. 
I made you this way? Really? Don't get mad at you for what I did and caused? That is what is stated in your text message. I don't understand what control you state I have over you. If I had control over you, I would have put an end to any verbal, emotional and physical abuse right away. But I didn't.
I do agree with your statement that if they are trying to get out a punishment then they don't run back and forth between homes. I believe we agreed to that long ago.
Since you are serious about going for custody of the girls I feel that is your right. 
No the divorce is your doing. You had many chances to make a change but you did not. I feel like a broken record describing why and I won't do it again. And I will not "come back" as you state in your text message. If this makes me uncooperative then so be it. I do want the divorce to answer your text about this. That I "just want to hurt me (you)" is not not my intention. Of all the years of hurt that you caused me. Sounds funny from a man that has been engaged what 2 or 3 times in the past 2 and a half years. I am not engaged, I have no wedding plans planned. I am not in any hurry to jump on that saddle anytime soon. So if you are choosing to keep the divorce going in hope of reconciling that is to your discretion. But again I say to you that I am happy now. I have moved on and would like an end to this divorce sooner then later. Unless you have an endless supply of funds to keep this going.
I would like the company the lie detector test was through. I mentioned this to you before our last court date. I am again asking for the information again. Terry has offered to take the test as well if need be. 
I submit myself for a mental evaluation and any drug (hair follicle) testing since this appears to be a allegation that you have.
Also if the girls are in such danger allegedly then why have you not called Child services? 
Oh and thanks for not being more serious about the mediation. I suppose you got a good laugh out of me paying $120 to get it going and then you decided not to at least try to work on a settlement.
My settlement offer was generous, I never asked you for the house or pension or your savings. I just want the divorce. I'm not interested in hearing how terrible I was or "controlling" or whatever. If you will not give full custody legal or physical then I would like physical custody. Again with alternating tax years starting next year.  I would be responsible for any deductibles for them. I don't think I am being unreasonable. 
I don't trust you. I will never trust you and I choose not to be alone with you or to place myself in a situation where I would be in danger. 
Terry is not dangerous. I am thinking that your hiring someone to stalk me, take pictures of me, and then kill me (taking a picture of my dead body) is alot more dangerous then anything you have made up in your mind that he has allegedly done. Shame on you! I would like a peaceable, amicable divorce. I don't want to point fingers. I just want to be done. I refuse to fling any more mud. I only speak highly of you in front of the kids. You are they're Dad and will always be. You are to be respected as such. I do not allow them to talk badly of you.
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from melnrob5@yahoo.com
to Melinda My Love blessmeplz@gmail.com
Tue, Jul 19, 2011 at 5:09 PM

subject Re: No more text messages and settlement discussion 
I agree with text. It was your paperwork that interfered.it was your doing and remember it will be brought up on your use of Jessica as an assistant. Sham on u.  I will be asking for extra time. It is up to u if u want to cause problems. I see u r into causing problems because I asked u not to bother me. Their is no compliance in this e mail. And the kids r fine.
I saw a phicic the other day. I am personally ready for u to drive off a cliff. But she told me that is not gods plan and we would be back together. That's why I said u r just out to hurt me. U are not stable. And to prove u r deep down not wanting the divorce you chose to keep your name as melinda allen. Lol. Please. Don't. I don't want u to have my name. U r abusive and. A disgusting example of a mother and for matts sack I rather u not keep it. I myself got sick when I thought about weather the ladie was right. I still love u but I can't figure out a way to trust u or forget the damage u have caused. But I guess God will decide.   
As for claiming them I will then claim them for two consecutive years and from their we will see. If it takes another year than so be it
As for u I have had another visit from the gentleman that swears you r selling drugs and all I need to do is have u checked. I wonder if I should. On one hand if u r clean I can tell him go away and on the other if u r not you will go to jail for a long time. It would be great for me. And I am sure Matt would enjoy it.
I have talked to a lawyer about it. I choose to think this guy is just causing trouble. But he said their is proof. I think I will wait till their is proof. Do u owe eric money or something. Because this guy is starting to b a pain. I told him if she is then report her yourself.
I guess I tell u this because I want u not to end up in trouble. If u r doing it. Nock it off and if your not. Be car full. 
As for them staying with terry if I do not have constant visual or audio contact I am not letting them stay with u. 
Drop off and pick up is not up for argument. This is your silly night mare not mine.  
And u left your name on it because u do not want this divorce.
I can take u back even with the baby. But melinda Matt is your biggest issue.
Please no more contact tonight. Unless u really want to talk.  thanks your husband. Rob
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
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From: blessmeplz@gmail.com
To: melnrob5@yahoo.com and his Mom, as well as a few family members

I just want a divorce. I don't want to get back with Robert.Once again the envelope she gave him was sealed, she had no knowledge of what the details were at all. She knew it was about settling and my financial information and that was it. 
I am not doing or selling drugs. I sent a settlement offer to try to get him to get this divorce final. I do not want to be married to him any longer. 
I don't know why he keeps throwing Eric under the bus with drug issues or accusations. He is not doing anything of the sort. Matt getting enjoyment out of me being in jail is terrible! That is awful!
I do not trust Rob at all. I intend to have a safe drop off and pick up. As I mentioned before any time Rob has had the chance in the past to put his hands on me he took the chance. 
As much as I want a divorce I want to make sure the girls are safe. I do not believe my first choice for visits was wise. I can not get it changed from your home Judy. I asked and told the court and the place where we set up the visits if we could change due to health issues with you and Bob. I did not believe you need the added stress. Rob said you were fine with the set up. According to the paperwork, he is not to be there when I drop off or pick up the kids. This is why we had Sue pick up or drop off in the past or we were able to work out visits with no issues until the basement needed to be done. 
He mentions my "silly night mare". I have been pushed around by this man for so many years, I do not trust him. If this stalls the divorce then so be it. Him throwing a tantrum because the he has "no visual or audio contact with them" He can see the girls. I have not seen my son in over 2 years, except for a few random occassions. So before you start throwing your weight around about that how about my rights to see and visit with my child? What about being able to safely be around him. Sadly I can not do that because of nasty thoughts I am told he has for me. 
I don't understand why he keeps fighting me about these topics. I mentioned I did not go after his money, I know he works for cash. I know that because I had contact with a few of the people he worked with. I also knew that they were working like crazy for sometime. Of course there is no proof unless I push a few buttons that will involve his boss. But I do not wish to be that way. 
I want Rob to get out of his fantasy world, leave me alone. Become a great Dad to the kids. To watch his anger issues. I see no change in this man. He won't ever change. If I had control of him as he claims I would still be married to him because if I were in control I would not have put up with his attitude and nastiness for so long.
According to my Accountant the rules for claiming the children have to do with how many overnights and days they spend with him. He can not claim them in the way he is stating. 
I agree with the it needing to be done. But for him to blame me for missing out on his visit. He should not be working on the basement during this time. In actuality the 3 kids are to be visiting since he walked away from the Calendar appt. 
*Leaving the bottom of my initial note attached because I forgot to forward it to a few of you. Sorry!*
Mel



 

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