So what is the Grey Rock Method?
It was first mentioned by a blogger named Skylar who wrote an article on 180rule.com. In 2009 after leaving a relationship she poured out her story to a stranger. After she shared he told her that he was a malignant narcissist. He then told her what he did to his girlfriend when he experienced something similar. The idea is that your responses are as exciting as a dull rock. This doesn't attract attention and blends in with your surroundings.
With a toxic person, you are a shiny trinket to them. Like a cat playing with a Christmas, they enjoy batting around those ornaments. With the abuser, you are that ornament! They want what you have. Your tears, your reactions, screams, or when you throw things this gives your abuser fuel. Don't give them what they want that is your energy. They crave your reactions. In a sense, they are addicted to drama and you may notice it seems like an endless cycle of problems or issues with people or make otherwise simple situations escalate into something big.
With the Grey Rock method, you become that rock. You channel boring, non-nonchalant, or canned responses. Now, this may not be a long-term fix for you or your situation.
When possible go “No contact” keep a paper trail, do your correspondence in writing instead of face-to-face. Having a history or documentation of your situation is important.
It may be practical to go no contact. If you have to have contact because children together, or you have a job where there is a toxic person or holiday gatherings with toxic family members try using this method. Let's dive in!
When you do this method you are in going to use responses that are not engaging. You will keep your end of the conversation to being brief and a matter of fact, using a simple- Yes, No, Meh!, Eh?!
Use little to no emotion when responding. Maybe they ask how your weekend went, you can reply, “It was fine”, or if they ask
Don't feed their drama! This can be addictive to them but to you as well!
Don't give out personal details about your life or things going on with you.
Keep it as impersonal as possible.
Keep busy during these interactions. Don't stop what you are doing!
Step back and observe the behavior of your abuser rather than let them push your buttons.
Put emotional distance between you and this person. It can be hard especially if you have deep feelings.
Don't tell the person this is what you are doing.
You may want to pace yourself so they don't catch on Remember this is temporary.
If this is between friends, family, or workplace consider finding an exit strategy that may include physically leaving the situation, holiday gathering, or the relationship.
In a sense, you are manipulating the situation and disconnecting yourself as well as those emotions that you may need to deal with to start healing.
Focusing less on the drama from your relationship and more on yourself so you can learn your triggers and more about your wants and needs.
Avoid bringing up the past! Bringing up past wounds can spark an argument. Don't take the bait!
What is the Yellow Rock Method?
You are using the Grey Rock method but adding; Please, Thank you! Or “Hello!
This person is going to paint you in a bad light. Let it go! Shrug and walk away.
The ultimate answer for this is to leave. This may require lots of thought prayer and planning. If you need help with don't hesitate to message me privately. Know you are not alone on this journey. I'm cheering you on!
Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse. Here I will share my story and also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.
You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1
Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone
The Survivors Cafe on Facebook is a private community for women- https://www.facebook.com/groups/724081331311924
Find help and info here-
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.domesticshelters.org/
https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help
https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations
Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/
Sending you lots of love and BIG HUGS! Mel
Did I mention I started a podcast?! I did! Find this here-
