It's kind of surreal! After several years of remembering, scouring through old legal records, my journals, emails and other notes, it's out! WAHOO! The paperback version will be out soon. I am thinking to give copies to shelters and to churches. Find more about my book here:
Author Central- Melinda Kunst
At the same time, it's bittersweet. The road that led to the book was paved with tears, pain and guilt. There I said it. I still have that Mommy guilt of staying so long. I suppose that is something that just won't go away. But, I do know that my children don't have to be a product of their past. They can fight past it and move on.
I can only do so much to facilitate any help for them. It's not like they are wee ones clinging around my legs, they are all technically adults. Right now, I feel relieved. Like a load is off my shoulders.
I'm marking this day that is also the Anniversary of Mr. Awesome and I with eating anything I feel like today. I started a 28 day cleanse but today feels like it is a good day to cheat. Pizza is coming later! I haven't heard anything from the attorney representing my ex. I'm taking that as a good sign. We are still watching the homestead just in case. Back to watching our surroundings as we go out. Something we did before but are more diligent.
I do have to say that over the past 6 months he has been paying child support. He is behind about $1, 300.00 or so, nothing near what he was in the past. But here is the caveat, 95% of child support needs to be up-to-date for any claims for taxes. I already spoke to his attorney and advised him that Will can claim our Daughter. My only concern is that my previous tax person said that he can only claim her if he had overnights and that was never granted by the courts (THANK GOODNESS!). Thus, he shouldn't be able to claim her for taxes. No worries, though. This is small potatoes compared to past concerns.
I fill my days with living in the moment. I get to stay home while Mr. Awesome goes to work that he
enjoys. We are thrilled he is not Mr. Crankypants anymore. He needed that adult interaction. He has become a weekend Warrior.
We homeschool Mini Man. Take care of our flock of Chickens, Ducks and now the Honey Bees are tucked in the for winter. I'm doing a self inflicted 28 day cleanse to help with my cooties, Lyme Disease and just because. And, I write. I'm about halfway through with book 2, "Rising from the Ashes". It's about what I did to help heal myself from PTSD and anxieties after leaving.
I cover a bit in my current book but this goes through a lot more other things that helped me on the road to healing.
I am also working on a 3rd book about our ride down the rabbit hole with Lyme Disease. I also dusted off my Vision Boards and have decided to show others what worked for me. I have a upcoming workshop in a local town and I'm pretty excited. I hope to do more of these, they are fun to do.
I sound busier than I really am. I tend to nap a lot. Just because I'm tired. But I have to tell you this life I have now is such a blessing! I still feel it is a dream.
I'm happy! I also had a wild hair to travel again, this time across the US by bicycle before or around the time I'm 50 (in a few years!). I thought about doing it as a Lyme ride but I think it's just going to be a happy I'm alive ride. My behind is hurting and it's only been a week since I started. We found a stationary bike on an ad that is a vintage Schwinn. I love it. Needs a better seat though. My behind is hurting a bit.
I free...
I love you Dear One, you have stuck with me through this amazing and at times terrifying ride. Thank you! And if you are still in an abusive relationship please know you are never alone in that loneliness. I have been there. It is not living. The tough part is making the decision to go. It's not easy. I promise you that. I also can say that your life will be so much better once your gone. You may not notice this until years later after the crazy of leaving your abuser. But, it does...
I love you! Stay safe!
BIG HUGS,
Mel
PS: We also celebrated 3 birthdays! My eldest Son, Nathan! I missed so many birthdays and though we weren't there physically, we did celebrate it with cake and sent pictures to him via FB.
Mr. Awesome celebrated the BIG 60! A week and a half later and then...
I was the Birthday Girl! I asked everyone to wear party hats, why not? I turned... GULP! 47! I'm can't tell you how wonderful it is that I am able to celebrate my birthday. There was a time I didn't think I would be able to.
Lots of love...
Mel
I mentioned in previous blog posts that I wasn't really digging the holidays. In the past, holidays were not fun for us. Over the past few years they have been wonderful!
I found out I have some tears in my knee. I don't have the results to know where or if surgery is in the future for me. I spoke with a nurse that couldn't tell me more then my next appointment will be on Feb 2nd!
