October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.
This is my 9th October since I left my abuser.
It is bittersweet. It still hurts, though; less intense as
it had when I first left.
The deep impact of the intense feeling of loss, hurt and
fear have ebbed greatly. The phrase, “Time heals all.” has profound meaning to
me.
I’m not who I was when I first left. I consider myself stronger.
I feel I have grown into a woman. Does that make sense?
I feel as though I am actually living my life rather than
going through the motions. Life has it’s complexities of normal up’s and down’s
and that’s ok! I’ll take it!
I moan and groan now on my social media about how I’m under
attack from battling Lyme Disease. There
are no longer posts about my “Never ending divorce”.
My feeds are filled with happiness. Beauty. Love. Bliss.
I feel true to my feelings. I’m unafraid to show the real
me. The good, the bad and ugly.
Does this mean I don’t still deal with my ex? Heavens! I
still do, but not as much or barely than I did before. Now, I hear bits and
pieces from friends and family that state him and his partner have taken to
cyber stalk me. He is potentially taking me to court because I told him that I did
not allow him to file tax exemption for our girls in 2015.
Prior to this we had an agreement, yes, believe it not we
did speak civilly on a few occasions. Our agreement was since he was behind in
taxes that I would just claim the girls. According to our agreement if he was
in arrears he wouldn’t be able to claim them. He is in arrears A LOT.
I know this annoys me. But what really frosted my cake was
the HIGH probability that he now knows our physical address that was supposed
to be hidden from him. How was it found out? His attorney sent a letter to
discuss the matter and our address was listed. I was livid! I am saddened that
my ex’s partner is insisting for visits from the girls. Technically, both girls
are adults. She is not aware or does not want to know our past.
I am dynamite to my ex. If his new wife is privy to how
explosive our relationship was and the castle of lies he has built to destroy me
and glorify himself, which would be dangerous to that relationship.
At the same time, I am dumbfounded that this man makes
$60,000.00+ and a majority of that is under the table and he may take me to
court?! I made $8,000.00 last year. GRRFACE! Did I mention I stopped working?
Mr. Awesome wants me to heal at home. I really need this.
My relationship with my eldest Son is coming along wonderful
and it feels like a HUGE blessing! Besides this new development, my life is
amazing.
No, I am still unsure what way my business is going to go,
or
I got to tell you it’s still sweet. Despite the hardships
that went on.
It was worth it.
So, Dear Blog reader,
If you are reading this, please take heart that it will get
better. It takes a long time to get there, be patient. You’ll get there.
Much love and safety to you. Not sure where to begin to plan to leave? Check out this for Safety planning- Survival-or-Personal-Go-Bag
If you are in an abusive situation contact
your local shelter or www.thehotline.org
or call 1−800−799−7233. If you are a loved one
that knows a person in an abusive situation, please be patient. Listen, respect
and be a shoulder to this person. They are on a roller coaster of fear. They
may not know which way is up right now. Just being there is so helpful!
As always …
BIG HUGS!
Mel
