A little about me

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Life after abuse

From time to time I view other blogs and websites about abuse. I find it hard not to feel sucked into darkness of my life about my past.

The past does not define you. Your past makes who you are now. Getting wrapped up in writing my book brings back to what was a surreal life there once was. The craziness of living with someone that is abusive.

I could ramble on a list of mental illness labels to call him, Narcissist, Gaslighter, Borderline, blah, blah, blah. . .

He was abusive. That's it. No special label needed.

God has this wonderful choice of Freewill. He knows between good and bad. He chose his moods and his actions most times before he walked in the door from a day at work. The experiences one goes through is amazingly similar. That's what gets me. No matter whose story or book about they're experiences with an abuser, the story is almost the same.

Paste your face here.

It's almost annoying and scary at how similar in the situations we are. I have discussed this with others that are victims or survivors about the "Playbook" that all abusers seem to use.

No matter what point in your journey you are in, please know you are walking a path from many other survivors and victims have walked before you. There are those that wish to keep silent and stay in the relationship of abuse and they feel as though there is no hope. Then there are those such as  very strong people- Leslie, Kristy, and Joanie. You may not know who they are, but they have made profound impact on me. They have reached out for friendship, sharing they're stories privately about what they endured in past relationship. I am in awe of the strength, the grace and brushing off the shadows of abuse and they are each putting a face on abuse.

Kristy is a well renown Author, life coach and Medium- www.tangledwishes.com .

Leslie and Joanie are two women that have left very abusive relationships after years of suffering in silence from abuse. There are several more that have contacted me over the years, looking for advice for son's, daughters, in-laws, parents or even co-workers.

Dear Blog reader, your not alone! Your experiences whether they are verbal, sexual, mental or physical are real!

I can't tell you how or when to leave. You will just know. There will come a time when enough is enough. No amount of pleading from others involved will get a victim to leave the abuse. Sad to say something may have to happen to the victim or someone close to her or him, in order for that person to leave.

A wake up call.

Where your abuser has a choice to victimize, you also have a choice to stay a victim.

You can have a really good life, but you need to have faith and believe. Does it take time to heal? Yes! Even after 5 years there are still bumps and little glitches that I need to contend with, whether it is a nightmare, anxiety attack or just a reaction that is programmed from my past.

April is Child Abuse awareness month. If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse please get help! Or listen, be a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen.

Stay safe Dear Reader!


Monday, March 3, 2014

Writing, memories and used tissues

When I started this journey I had friends, family and kind blog readers suggest to write a book about my story. Flattered and slightly hesitant to do so in the beginning, despite urging from a great number of loved ones, I waited, waited and waited.

Each time I opened a Word doc or even just with pen in hand, I couldn't seem to get the words down. For some big reason, blogging about the experiences to some extent had been much easier to do and I am not even entirely sure why, though I'm sure there is a cosmic or psychological reason. For me to relive by digging deep, memories from childhood to present has proved to be very intense.

A great sense of relief comes from finally getting these experiences out. I am able to brush off the gathered dust from my past has opened up a deeper sense of understanding how I am the way I am.
Waiting to write my story has given me clarity, focus, confidence and drive to keep finding joy in little things is greater that I never felt before.

There are still moments of crying spells, dried tissue that seem to fill my pockets or the work area around me, as I pound out several pages, I notice that my spirit is feeling more uplifted and free!

I sometimes am amazed at the words appearing from my eyes, telling the story about my memories I believed that I had buried so deep down long ago or lost.

Telling my story and blogging gives me hope that if I can reach one person that they are worthy of living a life that can be normal, then it's all worth it. I wish to inspire others, with faith, hope and a strong resolve, many can leave the bondage of a violent relationship. It is not easy and can be dangerous, but Dear Blog reader, you have to begin to realize that you are a beautiful person deserving of normalcy and love!

If you know someone that is in a broken relationship, please help them find help, a shoulder and ear to listen to. Remind them they are not alone.

God bless! I will keep you posted on more info on my upcoming book! Thank you for all the kind words and prayers since my journey began, I appreciate it.

Much love and happiness,