I poked the bear!

I did it!
I couldn't help myself!
I thought deeply and searched my heart before doing so. . .

I reached out to my eldest son. I was nervous as I waited for him to pick up. I fumbled for words and managed to spew out, "Howdy, Matt, it's Mom, er, Melinda, I just wanted to say I hope your doing well."

AGH!

There was a pause, than he began to say I wasn't supposed to have his number. There is nothing legally stating I could not call him. He kept on for another minute, telling me "Melinda, you can't contact me." and more. I could feel a lump forming in my throat and tears stinging my eyes, I ended quickly with a warm message to say I was thinking about him and hope he has a great day.

About a half hour later, my cell phone was blasted with 16 text messages. None of them friendly.

Who was I kidding? I guess part of me hoped and wished he would have said something like, "Mom? I missed you!" or "I have been thinking about you too!"

My co-workers are so caring to support and lift me up. I was laughing after a bit which helped lift my spirits.

I didn't get any of that. I had Terry check the messages when I got home. I was a blubbery mess at work, half due to the conversation and half because the hopeful bubble I created prior to making the call was popped.

The messages hit about 10 points. None of which have a shred of truth or sanity to them, my guess they are at the hand of my ex.

They range from me saying:

Rob killed animals, belonging to family members and that has proof, as he works with his dad alot and know he knows where he is. (I have no idea what that or who that is about. And that Rob doesn't know where we live.

The stuff in those papers are lies and he always sees the mail first.( I think he means the Protective Order I just filed).

There is more. Honestly I don't understand most of it and I guess I never will. I blame myself for this one, but I deeply wanted to hear my son's voice.  I haven't see him in over 5 years. I keep praying that someday there will be an understanding and healing.

So Dear blog readers, today's lesson. . . Don't poke the bear if you don't need to.

I tell you, I am not a professional and I do flub up along the way.

I keep you in prayer for strength and reassurance for guidance for your situation! And please do the same for me, I need all the help I can get!

God bless!

Mel