*older post I forgot about on FB blogs*
Sweet escape leaving an abuser
by Melinda Kunst on Tuesday, July 27, 2010 at 4:47pm ·
Reaching down and digging deep has been a constant struggle. After speaking with many people and hearing that you are suffering from abuse was shocking in some sense. I knew I was but to hear it from others was an eye opener. Over a year later the after effects of the abuse linger, almost like a sore spot that has never really healed. The kids seem to be breaking out of their shells and speaking up about experiences that bother them. When they speak of these things it's so matter of fact and getting to be so casual in conversation.
We have never really spoke of the day we left. I remember being a mess in admist garbage bags upon garbage bags filled with what was left of our life. After the excitement and getting everyone in bed. I broke down again. Both in relief as well as fear. I didn't sleep well for a long time, especially since he was on our doorstep a few hours before. He just showed up. He was crying and begging, my sister and her hubby were watching. My sister had called the police. He was begging me to come home. Promising me he would change. A sentiment I heard on a pretty regular basis.
He sent flowers, made constant calls and then threats. I ended up filing a Order of Protection and then later speaking to the Prosecutor about jail time. There was never enough to put him in prison. She spoke bluntly to me and off the record, stating that for anything to be done I needed to be hurt badly or killed. I left enraged and hurt. Feeling helpless. A feeling that does sometimes still get to me as last summer it was found out he had offered to pay someone to kill me. $5,000. The local authorities said there was not enough evidence. He is a sly one. Most abusers are, they cover their tracks well.
Over a year he has not changed, just sneakier. His rants may be matched to my own but I do this for therapy as well as to get our story out. If heaven forbid anything happens there is a trail that would lead back. Not that I have a wish for anything of the sort. I want to live out the remaining days of my life with Terry on a porch in some rockers or at a campsite over looking a river or lake. Enjoying our children and one another.
I look forward to the day when I won't have to look over my shoulder with concern that my STBX or my son is not out to get one of us. I do not look forward to the day that comes when he will be allowed to see the girls without visitation. Though he threatens he will gain custody of the girls soon. I honestly do not see how. My worry level is so peaked right now. I know I need to set my thoughts on positive and happiness for this Little One that we have been blessed with needs to cook a little longer!
I relish every moment of this pregnancy for many reasons! I'm with a man that, besides my children, has become my joy, my best friend, I have am learning to put any fear aside about things on my mind or concerns I have. I have been blessed to find the man I wanted to be a partner with. He makes me laugh and my heart grows warm even now when I think of him. He has taken such a shine to the girls and they love him to pieces! He knows he will never take the place in their hearts of their bio Dad, nor is that something he is intending! He is a positive male figure in their life and I am just amazed at how he can make them giggle and they go so many places with him. They have learned so much in such a short time!
Our escape was not meant as a sweet thing. It was meant as the best means and way possible for our new life. It didn't turn out exactly the way I planned, life never does. God has been good to us and has shown me that in every facet! I'm in a work place I am not thrilled with but at this time when so many are unemployed it pays the rent! Not much more but it works! Terry is still looking but right now, with the Little One coming it is wonderful to have him home with us. I'll be done with school soon, I can work on my Doula business a bit after the baby comes and find a better job.
Keeping my faith and my wits about me is something Terry has been helping me through. I really do count my blessings God gave me you!
More pearls of wisdom and rantings at www.myspace.com/hopewhentherewasnone
We have never really spoke of the day we left. I remember being a mess in admist garbage bags upon garbage bags filled with what was left of our life. After the excitement and getting everyone in bed. I broke down again. Both in relief as well as fear. I didn't sleep well for a long time, especially since he was on our doorstep a few hours before. He just showed up. He was crying and begging, my sister and her hubby were watching. My sister had called the police. He was begging me to come home. Promising me he would change. A sentiment I heard on a pretty regular basis.
He sent flowers, made constant calls and then threats. I ended up filing a Order of Protection and then later speaking to the Prosecutor about jail time. There was never enough to put him in prison. She spoke bluntly to me and off the record, stating that for anything to be done I needed to be hurt badly or killed. I left enraged and hurt. Feeling helpless. A feeling that does sometimes still get to me as last summer it was found out he had offered to pay someone to kill me. $5,000. The local authorities said there was not enough evidence. He is a sly one. Most abusers are, they cover their tracks well.
Over a year he has not changed, just sneakier. His rants may be matched to my own but I do this for therapy as well as to get our story out. If heaven forbid anything happens there is a trail that would lead back. Not that I have a wish for anything of the sort. I want to live out the remaining days of my life with Terry on a porch in some rockers or at a campsite over looking a river or lake. Enjoying our children and one another.
I look forward to the day when I won't have to look over my shoulder with concern that my STBX or my son is not out to get one of us. I do not look forward to the day that comes when he will be allowed to see the girls without visitation. Though he threatens he will gain custody of the girls soon. I honestly do not see how. My worry level is so peaked right now. I know I need to set my thoughts on positive and happiness for this Little One that we have been blessed with needs to cook a little longer!
I relish every moment of this pregnancy for many reasons! I'm with a man that, besides my children, has become my joy, my best friend, I have am learning to put any fear aside about things on my mind or concerns I have. I have been blessed to find the man I wanted to be a partner with. He makes me laugh and my heart grows warm even now when I think of him. He has taken such a shine to the girls and they love him to pieces! He knows he will never take the place in their hearts of their bio Dad, nor is that something he is intending! He is a positive male figure in their life and I am just amazed at how he can make them giggle and they go so many places with him. They have learned so much in such a short time!
Our escape was not meant as a sweet thing. It was meant as the best means and way possible for our new life. It didn't turn out exactly the way I planned, life never does. God has been good to us and has shown me that in every facet! I'm in a work place I am not thrilled with but at this time when so many are unemployed it pays the rent! Not much more but it works! Terry is still looking but right now, with the Little One coming it is wonderful to have him home with us. I'll be done with school soon, I can work on my Doula business a bit after the baby comes and find a better job.
Keeping my faith and my wits about me is something Terry has been helping me through. I really do count my blessings God gave me you!
More pearls of wisdom and rantings at www.myspace.com/hopewhentherewasnone
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