My "new" life is a whirlwind of new experiences, joys and friendships! After over 3 years my "old" life is so surreal, like watching/reading about a made for TV movie about a heroine surviving a disturbing domestic relationship.That was ME!
The kids and I survived hopefully the most traumatic part of our lives, thus far, with some dinks, slight damage to our spirit, but we are still living!
The amazing part is the newness of daily things. Even something as small as doing dishes or cleaning or heck my checkbook!
I haven't balanced my checkbook since leaving R. LOL! I don't fret about it and keep a track of this in my head. I don't spend willy nilly or buy random things compulsively. I get what we need, when we need them. Oh, sure there are times when I say, "ICECREAM" or "PIZZA" but then we get back on track. Right now we are hurting due to no child support. My attorney did file a contempt charge and I'm thinking this charge and a few others will not be handed down to R until our court date. I believe if he knew about them now he would cause a huge stink.
As it is, I had gotten several text messages and voicemails about the theraputic counselor we are seeing. He left me several messages that he won't pay for it (Mind you the GAL recommended this lady). He says we will see one of "HIS" choosing. And what did I tell them? He complained that I must have said something to them and that is why they are not returning his calls for an appointment. BOLOGNA! He says in a previous text (5 mins before) he didn't try to call them yet. HUH?! Usual rantings and more. Then my son, M, starts texting me. Terry was nice enough to check the messages. I was already a hot mess due to a nasty panic attack earlier.
All morning I was dreading going to counseling. I had remembered when R would pee on me. My clothes off and in the shower. He would laugh. I was humiliated. And as with any episode was done he would just turn around as if nothing happened and ask a random question, such as, "What's for dinner?" or "Why are you standing/laying there?". I didn't want to talk about R. I hate talking out loud about him. For some reason blogging about him and experiences seem less painful, though I do have a good cry from time to time after blogging.
I hyperventilated pretty badly. Thank goodness Terry had the wheel! I have had some bad ones while driving and it's not good. My head hurt and I was exhausted the reminder of the day. So, hearing from Crazy man did not put my mood into any better place. So now, as of this morning, R is refusing to go to counseling. You know what? GOOD! Let him be in contempt for something else!
33 days until we go to court. This is to be our final court date! I don't know whether to do cartwheels or throw a party! TEEHEE! There is a ray of sunshine in the darkness of that past life. My kids, though I miss my son, I pray he is well and surviving. My new family brings me joy and happiness! Something I would never guess over three years ago was possible...Now? I have baby chicks! J, has rabbits. I'm gardening, loving the country life and the joy of a baby all over again. I feel blessed! New friends that have blossomed and a sense of peace that seems to settle in over me.
If you are in a abusive situation please know there is hope, there is a new life waiting for you and there is happiness! It's not perfect but it's darned close!
BIG HUGS!
Mel
