A little about me

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Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Walking away

I walked away over 8 years ago...

Well, that's wrong! I ran!

Literally!

Funny thing is I keep trying to run away from this blog. Not to forget it or the past that sometimes still creeps up on me but because why bother with it? This blog has helped me grow, breakdown, rant, cry and heal.

This blog has also brought awareness to others by sharing my story as well as new friendships.

The past few weeks have been a reminder to blow the dust off of this blog, visit it more often, keep sharing and inspire.

So how has the past few weeks been?

I have been put in touch with several victims of DV, in addition at my workplace we were all thrust into a situation where a guest (I work at a hotel) was a victim experiencing abuse.

I offered her my calling card, which has this blog on it, my email address and phone number should she need a ear. I give her an option of just visiting our YouTube channel to hear my story.

There were a dozen or so of amazing Momma Hens that came to her rescue. They offered advice of leaving the *sshole and running him over (we witnessed him hopping on the hood of her car, egging her on and yelling at her through the windshield).

She remained swollen eyed. Stating he only gets this way when he drinks. Funny, he seemed to be a douche bag without the drink.

It reminded me of the lies we tell ourselves as victims.

He/She is only this way when they drink or use drugs.

There are promises never to do it again.

That it's our fault. If I hadn't done, blah, blah, blah to make him/her angry everything would be fine.

If I can hold out until the kids are older...

If our finances improve everything will be O.K.

If I can save money to leave...

If I can find a place that can take us/me/furbabies...

If, if, if...

No one can tell you when to leave. They can encourage and build you up. You are already in a volatile situation so getting into a argument with a supporter is something you don't need.

I've said it before. You will know instinctively when to leave. I call it hitting "Rock Bottom". Something jars you and rocks your world to the point you realize "It's now or never".

Now for everyone it's something different. Perhaps someone beats the tar out of you, your child or furbabies. Perhaps you are raped. Tired or living in constant fear. There are countless situations.

Sometimes you just can't plan to leave it just happens so fast you almost feel as though you are holding your breath and when you finally breathe it's surprising you still are.

On the flipside it's frustrating for your support team. They are sad to see you go through this! They may be tired of hearing how you plan on leaving but haven't or if you have you've gone back. (Maybe again and again)

Walking away is a lonely time. It's a lot different then leaving a "normal relationship". How so?


With a normal breakup there is still loneliness, tears and venting.

When you leave a DV relationship there is fear, potentially: Death threats/promises, stalking, damage to property or even physical attacks.  There is a thin line between life and death when you are attempting to get out.

Dare I remind you of those that get out and either go back or jump into another relationship with a different abuser. Many times because of not wanting to be alone. Just wanting to feel safe. Loved and wanted.

I can say leave the Toaster, screw the house, other belongings, leave the revenge and just leave.

Get out with your dignity, for safety, your pride and your life.

You Dearest Blog reader are worth MORE then physical THINGS. Those can be replaced and YOU CAN NOT!

Is there a Happily ever after? Sort of.

This life I am living now is so darned surreal that it feels as though if someone pinches me I'll wake up back at the hands of my abuser. Seriously!

Mr. Awesome and I still have issues but it's nothing like my first marriage.

I still haven't forgiven myself for screwing up my kids. And dare I say if you have children leave as soon as you can before it gets too late! Don't wait until they are older or stay because you don't believe in divorce (if you are married) or staying because you don't want the hassle of telling your child why Mom and Dad aren't together anymore.

That can be handled gently. Counseling if needed.

While walking away can be scary. It can also be a whole new life for you! One that you never dreamed.

Walking away may mean you totally start over in a new area (check legally about how far you can take your child before taking them too far in our area of Northern IN you are allowed to take child within 130 mile radius).

Walking away means you can reinvent yourself!

Walking away means you can be free and safe. By taking precautions first! Such as ditching your cell phone (request a new number) or block your abuser. I like the idea of getting a new cell instead so you can pick and choose those you trust to have the number.

Go dark during this time. What do I mean? Hop off social media, dating sites, or party scene. Learn to love "You"! See this My Bucket List and this Positive Mantras.

Why hop off social media and such? After you leave you "May" feel like a kid in the candy store when no one is around. You may do things you later regret. It could turn into a party time for you where you should be healing you and your wee ones. Mr. Awesome calls that period of 2 years or so the 2 year crazies. In his experience he saw friends go off the deep end to catch up on the fun they think they missed out on.


As a victim turned Survivor, getting healthy inside and out is a MUST! You don't realize how hurt you are until you are away from that situation. I'm talking months to years later do you realize. You may be thinking you weren't that effected. Give me the benefit of the doubt please.

Take time to heal yourself. 

Surround yourself with a tribe of support and loving people. This may mean ditching old friends or changing your lifestyle to a more positive one.

The point of this is to just take time for you.

I sound redundant I know!

I also know these things from experience. Not to nag but to hopefully give advise on what worked for me. 

Don't give up on your dreams. Don't give up on yourself. Your not a failure or useless.

You are:

Beautiful
Worthy of happiness
Wonderful
Deserving of a safe environment

Plan if you need to but don't give up! I believe in you!

I hope your day is as wonderful as you are Dear Blog reader!

BIG HUGS!
~Mel

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