A little about me

My photo
Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Got lists?

 
 
The first few days after leaving my abuser, I was so distraught and unsure how to proceed. I had no money, my family was kind to offer refuge. But I had no job. No plans and not a clue where to proceed further.
 
Though I had planned my escape, but neglected to think further about my future. I only focused on breaking free. When I finally settled down after a few weeks I knew I needed to start again and reinvent myself for a new beginning.

I pulled out a notebook and started writing lists! Lists of things to do in the present, things to do in the future and things that needed to be done immediately.

I also made a list of goals, dreams and things I wanted to achieve. I know I have my Bucket List on here and that was right around the time I started my other lists.  All of these lists are different for everyone. As no one has the same path, goal or dreams.

I knew I needed to work on important situations; eg., the safety of my children and me! So a Order of Protection was #1 on that list! I had information about local law enforcement, shelter information, began to research how to represent myself legally and what firm grounds did I have to keep my kids. I needed to look for a job in order to have some sort of income and listed friends and family that may or did know someone hiring.

I had a list of things I needed to supply our new apartment that my sister kindly helped decorate and fill a bit. I didn't have dishes, or a coffee pot or groceries. The kids needed supplies for school since I abruptly pulled them out of school.

I moved on to future needful things that were not necessary but a bit of a pipe dream. A new home, car, safety and even for the possibility to live off the grid someone in the woods, as I didn't want another relationship for a long time (Boy! God has a great sense of humor, as my current husband and I began to dating, I was blindsided by that!)

I created my Bucket List with Terry's urging, and I listed things I always wanted to do, see and learn. My lists changed as I grew and became more confident. I felt progress as I scratched off things and sometimes those lists felt very overwhelming!

I created a vision board to reflect wishes for a new life. And over viewing that board 5 years later, much of those things did happen!

Start off small! As this can be too overwhelming, especially if you are already stressed out due to leaving your ex.

Write 5 goals or things to do in immediately, present and future. If you don't get everything done on your list, don't stress out about it, move onto something else. Make a list of silly things that you have always wanted to do, you don't have to call it a Bucket list. Or make a Vision board! Cut out magazines with pictures or positive words that speak to you!

Give yourself a realistic time limit to get these done and again don't stress if they aren't done or you only check off a few things from your list. These things take time. Don't give up and stay strong!

God bless and BIG HUGS!
Mel


No comments:

Post a Comment