It has been 8 YEARS today that I broke free from my abuser! HALLELUJAH! Where did the time go? There was a time when it seemed like days wouldn't go by fast enough and here I am today 8 years later!
I will be hosting a FB Live at 4:00 pm CST sharing things I have gleaned along the way, a little of our escape story and other ramblings. Feel free to join in- Melinda Kunst. I have a picture of myself and Mr. Awesome with a surprised look on our faces plugging our YouTube channel.
This year actually feels like I should be celebrating. I'm not exactly sure why. I had a suggestion that perhaps I should do something like burn or destroy something that we shared- shirt or electronic... Now if you recall some of my other posts I had donated and threw out a LOT of things we had that reminded me of him. On one hand that sounds like a marvelous idea! On the other hand, I really like the griddle I kept. Silly right?!
Or maybe I should have had a pinata with his face on it and the family should have taken turns hitting the heck out of it. But does this feed any resentment or negativity that is still found in any of us?
So I decided to nix the idea for now. Not to say in the future we may consider this but for right now I'll pass.
If you are just starting on my blog let me start by saying I'm sorry you are here (Unless you are one of my AWESOME Friends or Family then thank you for stopping by!).
I apologize because it gives me a heavy heart that most of my traffic is due to abuse not because you want to hear my latest rant about chickens or how wonderful my garden looks. More then likely you are here trying to sort out your feelings or how to leave your abuser.
Checklist for leaving your abuser
Either way my Dearest Blog reader I can honestly say I know what you are mentally going thru. I understand the anguish of "Should I or shouldn't I?" or "Is it really that bad?"
Been there done that, got the T-shirt and the postcard! Once you decide to make that leap of faith can you find the strength to stay gone?
Perhaps you have a situation where if he/she stops drugs or drinking or maybe they get help things will get better? You have to decide that and it may just take leaving 1 time for a serious change. I have a friend that had this situation and I hear her partner is a changed person since under going some counseling. That's awesome!
In my situation I still am pretty adamant that he won't change nor will countless other abusers. They have to "WANT" to change. Many decide they like the intimidation or power it seems to give them.
Let's say you are leaving for real this time, after of course you have exhausted all your resources, please do me a favor and make sure you have a family member or friend (If not the police) know your plans. Also this time maybe very confusing and hectic! Please review the resources here for taking steps for leaving, or check with a shelter and of course law enforcement. Safety plan
I am not an expert, attorney or counselor so please always seek assistance from these folks during this time! I'm praying for you! I promise you after time has passed things will get better. But you also need to have that positive mindset that this experience will pass, you will find joy and happiness again. You may need to learn how to love "You" in order to heal. That phrase "Time heals all" is for real even if your not feeling it now.
If you are a believer in the Lord lean on Him! If your not and want to learn how to have a relationship with the Lord drop me a line privately. I'd love to share the joys I have found!
Whatever your journey I BELIEVE in YOU beautiful Soul. Stay strong and keep the faith!
A little about me
- Brook, IN, United States
- Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/
Saturday, February 25, 2017
Thursday, February 9, 2017
If you read one of my earlier posts I mentioned it had been a year since I had a episode! I got to be honest I was a little stunned. I did note in my journal when I had a panic attack/pain/headache just for my own information.
So what did I do? What magic spell worked?
That's part of it. If you have followed me a bit you know I am not into doing the Counseling/Prescription writer type thing. But it's no big secret, no gimmicks, no fancy tools or pricey doctor visits.
When I had those moments when I felt an attack coming on and I was alone, I would have to give some serious thought to my breathing slowly, in my nose and out my mouth. I would then try to think of a "Happy thought". What is a happy thought? It's not just a Peter Pan sounding thing but it is a memory and or person that just gives you a feel good thought. Or maybe for you it maybe a smell or song.
So focusing on my breath, thinking of my "Happy thought" would eventually calm me down. This could take anywhere from a minute or as long as a half hour.
I would later give myself some time to recount what events caused it. Was it a word? Song? Someone's tone? Hormones? Full moon? (Don't laugh at the last 2! There have been studies on this)
Then give yourself time to cry if you need to, journal, talk to a loved one and share what happened. Sometime talking it out does wonders for me! Grab a hot bath/shower and imagine the details of the episode going down the drain leaving you. Think of yourself in a white light (protective), sea salt is great to get rid of negativity so sprinkle some in the tub! Smudge yourself and my favorite Ground yourself. (Earthing)
In a pinch if my other options listed above just weren't working then I would form my hand into a fist or find a paper bag to breathe in.
These can be scary and nothing to play with! I had came close to passing out on several occasions. And at a time my eldest Daughter hadn't been able to control hers and she would totally pass out.
Afterwards you feel like you have been run over by a truck! And there was a tiny bit of me that was really ticked off that my abuser was still getting to me. It felt like he was still winning because of them.
Now that really made me mad enough to say no more. I focused more on getting rid of the fear and what remaining control I was still giving into even after all these years.
No more wetting the bed! Nightmares featuring my abuser are far and few between.
I feel free! I feel like the chains have fallen off. And it's an amazing feeling! Granted this took years to get to the place where I was and years to get where I am but it's so worth it.
Now I am not a physician so if you are under care talk to your practitioner before trying this. You can do this! I believe in you Beautiful Blog reader!
If you have any questions feel free to drop me a line here. I do have snail mail option available too-
Melinda Kunst PO Box 202 Brook, IN 47922