Can I totally melt down yet?
After my previous post I received my Western blot testing...
I'm positive for Lyme Disease. I had the results last Saturday and I have to say I felt elated and even gave a pretty excited posting on FB. Not that I am happy with the thought of how devastating this diagnosis can be, but because I narrowed down the root cause of my health issues after many years.
I would like to say that it's still my ex's fault but it's not. More than likely it was a tick, spider, mite or mosquito with Lyme. I can recall 3 instances when I received something funky. I never found a tick on my person. They appeared as a mosquito bite and the next subsequent days they looked like a nasty bug bite. I did go to the ER for the first one but was told it was more than likely a spider bite and if I worsened to have me return to the ER. Well, it itched and looked nasty for about a week and went away.
Not thinking anything of it, fast forward to the last few years and lots of aches and pains later, here I am.
Now what? I'm reading all I can on Lyme's and have a few dear Friends that are Lyme Warriors that have given me some great info for this journey. Terry and I went to the office that provided the test results for protocol. I will be on antibiotics for 6 months. WHEW!
Lesson learned to be persistent with medical professionals if something is not right. I did also return for a more through test on my Thyroid and will complete my Adrenal testing as well and should have the results next month on that.
I ended up going back to work on the 9th of this month. I felt terrible on Monday, excellent on Tuesday and Wednesday was a horrible day! I could barely walk into the building, I shuffled in, kind of like Tim Conway does as the Old Man, except not as funny. I couldn't open up the door to the office and started crying while waiting for co-worker that took pity on my I believe to open the door.
I walked to my desk just crying, I couldn't take off my coat, I couldn't take my Quart jar (holds my water) out of my bag, my Supervisor helped me sit down. I didn't have the strength to pull and push my chair to sit down. It took me 20 mins to log into my computer. I couldn't get my fingers to work! I was so flustered and upset.
Part of me was upset because Terry didn't think I could make 3 days and here I was on the third day sitting at my desk blubbering like a baby. Terry had been staying in the area so I texted him to pick me up. I was hoping I could start again on Thursday but there was no change. Thursday night I chatted with Terry and a few good friends that encouraged me to do what felt right, my health comes first!
I felt like a failure. I was disappointed at myself. My Warrior spirit felt like it's weaning. I still believe God is with me, just like so many other low or concerning times in my life.I'm not throwing in the towel, just venting.
Of course, I also do not have the Lyme Disease that makes you lose weight. SIGH! Just making light of this, no seriousness intended. It has messed with my Thyroid so I have the reverse. Though with watching what I eat, see my previous post-Tired of being tired Pt 1.
I think about so many others that are struggling with worse health issues and count my blessings. Since I'm not working I have to figure out how to creatively make ends meet.
Anyone interested in a Survivor of abuse, turned health activist, Antique/vintage dealer, Doula, Reflexologist, herbalist and hobby farmer? Happy to telecommute!
This journey has taught me to appreciate everyday! My past and where I am now is so much better. I have a sense of peace, the normalcy I yearned for, though there is still some sort of drama here and there that is unrelated. And on a positive note I now have a growing collection of walking sticks and canes to help me with my balance issues on rough days!
Please see my previous post labels: Safety plan, Leaving your abuser, Positive Affirmations, Gaslighter or maybe you want to know more about my journey, see About me. My journey started the moment I left my ex.
I know God is in control! Even when everything seems like it is spinning out of hand. The Lord knows every hair on your head, where you have been and where you are going. If you need to talk, need to pray or want to find out more about the Lord, please feel free to email me, leave me a comment or find me as "Melinda Campos Kunst" on FB.
On side note, I found the nerve to color my hair PINK!
I had received more then a handful of comments of "Why did you do that?!" and raised more than a few eyebrows at church. Two things:
1) I always wanted pink hair, even before it was popular to do funky colors with your hair.
2) It felt empowering to cut and color my hair how "I" wanted it to be. Terry was fine with the color as long as I was happy with it, he would be happy.With my ex even my hair had to be looking perfect. He hated short hair! It's so super easy to deal with especially right now, when I am lucky if I feel like getting dressed everyday.Strange enough, I felt very empowered by my rockin spunky new look! I'll be growing out my lovely locks so I can actually do some neato hair styles I found on Pinterest. YES, you will find me on there! One of my vices to get lost on!
I pray that your path finds you with much joy, happiness, safety and love. The path is slow, rocky and sometimes seems like too much, but it's worth it in the end. Don't give up! I'm rooting for you! I'll follow up with more info on my health journey as it comes!
God bless and BIG hugs!