A little about me

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Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

New campaigns and leaving your abuser

Have you heard of some great programs recently to help Victims?

Service that will move Victims, see story here: 

http://www.people.com/article/california-moving-company-moves-domestic-violence-victism-free

Also "The Black Dot campaign" When someone shared this on FB I was very excited to hear about it. I did check the internet to find our more info on this organization and found Snopes states it is a false system as many hospital workers and law enforcement are not trained to look for a black dot on a victims hand. Check out the group on FB-https://www.facebook.com/Black-Dot-Campaign-Supporters-838246062962711

I am hope to hear of more activism or info on training our health care workers or law enforcement to recognize this. I reached out to the group Admin to inquire how I could help but received info on purchasing T-shirts. While I am definitely super happy to find out how to bring attention and help others silently get help and I'm not sure I feel comfortable yet supporting this group. I think the vision is awesome! I'll keep watch on this organization. 

So what do you do when you find yourself in this situation of wanting help but not sure where to go?

Or perhaps you have a friend or relative that needs help and you are unsure how to help. Here is a few bits of info!

The National Domestic Violence Hotline-1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) http://www.thehotline.org/

Check with your local shelters in your area. If you are unsure or just feel you can not locate this info safely on your home computer find a friend or relative to help you. I am always happy to help so don't hesitate to email me privately-melindaallen1970@gmail.com.

Check out my other posts on Safety and Checklist for leaving your abuser for information for steps. Document everything that you can, emails, text message, voice mails and keep a journal of these things or to help you cope with your current situation and past. Sometimes when you are going through a dangerous situation you may not be able to see the trees through the forest. The time of separation is "Survival mode", you may be hyper sensitive right now. You may cry, scream, feel elated one minute and the next feel utter despair.

You are in a different situation in comparison to those that are not a victim of abuse. Don't feel defeated if you still consider going back to your partner. Don't feel terrible if you let your partner get to you or hold financial or health issues and he/she will take care of you if you come back. Or state that are will not be able to make it on your own with no money or home to call your own.

You are not a terrible person if you go back. You do have to hit rock bottom before you finally leave for good. "You" are the one that will know when it is time to leave. It may take a week, months or years. I beg you if your children or pets are being hurt to get help ASAP! If you can't leave for you please think of your children or furbabies. 

It was the first hard thing I had to do, the second hardest was to stay away from him. That meant blocking his number, not letting him know where I was, making sure I kept contact when I had to talk with him to a minimum. I didn't get back to him right away,when he called and you know what? It felt pretty dang good I didn't have to jump when he said jump! 

Of course if it's an emergency please make sure you keep record of what the urgency is. Now if someone is in the hospital THAT is an emergency. If your abuser doesn't remember passwords, financial info or how to wipe his/her butt, too bad! Your not responsible. Your job is to stay safe, get help and find sanity during this rough time. 

I'm not going to lie, the next few years are going to be rough. Get counseling if you need to! What worked for me may not work for you. You have to find what makes you comfortable to help heal and get through this roller coaster. 

Being free may mean you get a little wild or want to show up your abuser, staying out partying. Please don't! I'm not saying you can't have fun, but please do so responsibly! Don't advertise your outings so you don't bump into your abuser. Remember safety in numbers. Make sure you always go out with someone trusted or call someone to let them know of your day in case something happens to you.

This is information overload! Take your time and go through my blog and glean what you can. Remember this is not your fault. You will get through it, this takes work and it helps to have a trusted supportive person to bounce situations and information off of. Try not to take offense to the suggestions or advice this person gives you. You are right in the mix of a potentially dangerous situation and you may not be thinking clearly. Step back, breathe, find a safe way to decompress. 

*Pray/Read the Bible- If you have any questions about the Lord or don't have a Bible drop me a line, I would be happy to discuss this with you privately about how good God has been even when I was pushed over the edge.

*Spend time with your kids/furbabies or loved ones.

*Exercise

*Meditate

*Find a hobby that you enjoy

*Get out and hug a tree or ground yourself for at least 20 minutes a day.

*Talk to a friend or professional

*Plan for your future

*Journal

*Take a hot bath for at least 20 minutes or as long as you can with Epsom salts, essential oils, or herbs, soft music and candles. Don't be afraid to cry during this time. When you pull the drain envision all of your worries and negative emotions going down the drain.

*Try alternative healing- Reiki, Vision Boards, Yoga, Reflexology (Hey I know a great Reflexologist if you are in the NW Indiana area- Me!) 

*Create a Bucket list or think of things you always wanted to do and DO THEM!

*Read a good book

These are just a few things you can do to help you heal and find some normalcy. I hope it helps! 

Stay safe!
God bless,
Mel